gamer laundering

super soggy bandit / sjw ape / wizard

[boyliar6669420]

tang dynasty hotdog

[boyliar6669420]

im going to touch your my vape

[inbabylontheywept]

apparently the average roma tomato contains 11 calories. im flabbergasted by this. it would be so easy to starve to death just eating tomatoes. i bought 30 tomatoes this week for my dehydrator, and my wife was giving me weird looks because that was 2 entire grocery bags of tomatoes. but that is 330 calories of tomato. i would need approximately 12 full grocery bags of tomatoes a day just to meet my basic caloric needs. thats like, 1 bag of tomatoes every hour and fifteen minutes. thats a tomato every five minutes. can you imagine how much your day would suck if there was a timer that went off every five minutes and then you had to eat a tomato or, eventually, you would die?

i used to see those old timey photos of photos of circus fat men and laugh a little because its like. really? this was the fattest guy anyone could find? this guy was so comically fat that he could go to a circus, and people would pay to gawk at him? this guy? i could walk into any bar in my town and lose an arm wrestling match to a guy fatter than this. 110 years ago guy was professionally fat, now he's losing to amateur hobbyists.

but then i think, you know, yes. i could outfat this man with the benefit of modern technology. i could eat two twinkies and smirk at this bastards two fucking grocery bags of tomatoes. i could do that.

but it is actually a hell of an accomplishment to do this with 1910s food. imagine the hell of being the 5 minute tomato man. like, your part time job is just chewing. 20% of your life is going to be chewing. its a grind. its awful. and then you look over, and theres this beautiful bastard, and the timer hasnt even gone off and hes eating another tomato. you're looking at him, and you're gonna say hey, i think you heard someone elses alarm, you dont have to do that, but then he gets another tomato. look at that defiant posture. look at his arms crossed. 12 bags of tomatoes? make it 20. im not scared of you, this posture says. im not scared of being alive. is it work? is it work to exist? of course its work to exist. so much chewing. but whats the alternative, let the fuckers grind you down? let the tomatoes win? he eats another one. you're grinning. you eat your tomato. you cant keep up with him but it feels a little better. this isnt a losing battle. youre alive. youve seen fat bastards before but they were rich. they got fat the easy way, with good food, with good drink, with honey and butter and jam. this guy has tomatoes. he eats another. he cant beat em but he can join em. he can do this. youre cheering. your friends are cheering. he does this for another six months and then he says hes got a new job. hes joining the circus. he is now, finally, professionally fat.

its like watching your friend in a small town get accepted to harvard. youre so proud of him. you wish you could join him, but at least one of you is gonna make it. and you know, youre proud that it is him. you give him a hug. your timer goes off. you eat a tomato. you wipe the tears from your eyes. you wave at him as he goes. your heart is heavy. your timer goes off. you eat. you eat. you eat.

[beau-and-arrow-99]

Op i love this post but i also am contractually obligated to ask: What the fuck?

[inbabylontheywept]

so sometimes i write with my brain and sometimes i write with my fingers and this time i started off writing with my brain. but then my brain got tired and my fingers kept going and i just kept watching the words pop up on my screen, and i just kept getting more and more confused by the Work of my Hands until eventually the only thing i could do was click post and hope someone smarter than me would know what just happened.

and now we’re here. confused. together.

tomato for your troubles?

[miseria-fortes-viros]

so on a scale of one to ten how bad is the acid reflux

[inbabylontheywept]

canticle of threnodies 5:7

[crafty-butch]

having one of those executive function days where everything is too many steps

[crafty-butch]

by which i mean, like, here's how my brain parses the steps in making coffee

good day:

make coffee

regular day:

put water in coffee maker

put coffee in coffee maker

turn on coffee maker

bad day:

take pot from coffee maker

turn on sink

fill up coffee pot

turn off sink

pour water into coffee maker

put coffee pot in coffee maker

open cupboard

get coffee filter from cupboard

get coffee beans from cupboard

put filter in coffee pot

measure coffee

pour coffee into filter

close coffee maker

turn coffee maker on

anyway this is a "14 steps to make coffee" kind of day

[kieraelieson]

This is actually a really good way of explaining this

[sailatina3]

If a suicide could've been avoided by just having more money, it was a murder.

[werewolfclaws]

i feel like this is a dying art called 'being a good human being' anybody else agree. anybody

[boyliar6669420]

okay, whatever.

[99-enpie-00]

[x] you know what kills me? not getting stronger and now i can't seem to sit still any longer

[alive-and-burning-deactivated20]

[boyliar6669420]

nothing straight about the way i edge brother

[jhellybazoingzoing]

Matching disappointed pfps for you and your loved one

[wolfboywarmachines]

headcanons about dating james wilson <3

he cheats on you with house

[12doomed]

hum hallelujah

[boyliar6669420]

i just had sixteen heartattacks and died once seeingn the light died again swallowed by flames and died a third time for dramatic effect and had five seizures at once

[mddxmri]

flirting

[twinkbutchblog]

House md is such a trip because House and Wilson are standing cock to cock, tip to tip, packer to packer, emotionally and physically. House's employees have a polyamorous codependent relationship while also being at each other's throats constantly. Foreman's so represssed they think he's gay, Chase is so sexually active that he can't possibly be straight, Taub and Kutner scissored, Cameron's probably gay but she has a job to do so she isn't going to think about it too hard, Thirteen is bisexual and went to jail once. Everyone has used drugs recreationally at least once. They break into everyone's home then insult the state of their home and then diagnose the patient based on a "That's so Raven" vision that House has. They shouldn't have been doctors, they would all thrive better as Waffle house employees that leap over the counter to fight customers.

[my-lover]

truly nothing about house md prepares you for wilson. he's fucking insane. he's been divorced three times. he's the only person who can scheme just as well as house. he gives a patient his own liver bc he felt bad for him - a patient who didn't even know wilson's name. btw. he noticed a patient had depression bc he never mentioned his grandkids. he starred in a porno. he dosed house with antidepressants for several weeks. he allowed his boybestie and his gf to share custody of him and didn't even try to stop it. house told him to buy a piece of furniture that represented who he was, and he bought a $4000+ organ for house. he was gonna torpedo his career to talk abt euthanasia bc one of his patients suffered longer than he had to. he let house move into his 1 bed apartment bc his therapist thought it'd be a good idea. this man would do anything for anybody if they let him. he'd fucking quit his job to save a snail off the sidewalk. bro is not normal in the slightest

[duraraross]

The only way a bisexual house episode would happen is house makes a weirdly specific and knowledgeable joke about gay sex and Wilson asks if that’s true/how he knows that and house goes “from fucking men”. Wilson’s initial reaction is a bit weird so he spends the rest of the episode trying to show how good of an ally he is by trying to support house’s bisexuality by “checking out” men with house like he would with women but it’s just weird. House wants to see how far Wilson will go with his allyship and it gets to the point where house brings Wilson to a gay strip club, where Wilson is extremely uncomfortable. They get back to house’s place and house finally tells Wilson he’s just fucking with him, Wilson doesn’t need to do all that weird shit, just treat him like he normally does. Wilson actually takes it to heart and asks what kind of men house is into and house answers by describing Wilson exactly. Wilson low key freaks but then he realizes house is fucking with him and he’s like “oh you’re messing with me” and house is like “fucking obviously. I like twinks with big butts, why do you think I hired Chase?” Wilson turns to his drink on the table and laughs, camera shows house looking lovingly at Wilson, end of episode

[boyliar6669420]

its coming to my attention i dont know why i hate california i just have to its like my lifelong vendetta against the straight edge scene. fuck you guys. idk why dont ask me but go to hell maybe big luci knows