The Boyz and Gers'

Some boys writing about the Rangers

[boyzandgers]

Trade Deadline Talk

Boyz 1: Let’s address some of the rumors that have been floating around out there:

Dan Girardi to Winnipeg for a bag of pucks. This is a trade that has been in the news for a while, both sides want to do it but just cannot find a common ground. The main problem is that Winnipeg is not willing to offer up any pucks that could be used in a game, with most of them not even in good enough condition to practice. Our inside source who actually got to go through the bag of pucks that was offered to the Gers is reporting that all the Winnipeg pucks that are being offered are pucks that are specifically used by Dustin Byfuglien for one-timer practice. Our source reports that all pucks were badly chipped on the edges with a few even being broken clean in half. The only puck that is perfect condition is actually lodged inside Chris Thorburn’s shinpad. While Jim Gorton expressed confidence his staff would be able to get the puck out of Thorburn’s shinpad without damaging it, there are still some problems holding up the deal. Gorton spoke to us by phone about the trade this morning, “Look both sides really want this deal, with Thorburn’s shinpad being in the mix, the shipping costs on the bag of pucks is originally more than expected. If the Jets are willing to either cover that extra shipping & handling cost, or just throw in one puck that we would be able to use, this deal will be done by the deadline.”

(Pictured: Bucket of Pucks)

Boyz 2: Love love love where your heads at. In both regards, I think the Gers would be relieved of some diminishing assets and would pick up some much needed laundry folders and pucks.

Along with Tanner Glass going to Dallas, I say  we package in Anti Raanta. Unbeknownst to the public he has a serious coke problem, which is great for the city of NYC, but not for the team. Plus, as the entire league knows of Seguin's similar issues, so this could help with the Stars. A win win. In return, the Gers would have to ask for Color Commentator Daryl Reaugh. Known for his quick quips and edgy phrases, The Rayzer is one of the best color men in the league. This brings me to my next point.

(Pictured: Daryl Reaugh

Something that hasn't been done in nearly half a century but has proven to be a worthwhile idea to consider is to go with only one Tendy. We all know that Hank is the best goalie ever, and has the dashing good looks to boot. The question lies whether or not Hank has the durability to do so. Now into his thirties, Hank is hitting his peak, both performance and conditioning wise. He is a true vet, and we are led to believe that he would be more than up to the task of handling the remaining regular season games into the playoffs. This was last done by the 1961 Stanley Cup winning Blackhawks with "Mr. Goalie" Glenn Hall, so my only remaining question is, why the fuck not?

When asked about the possibility of this trade, "In" Alain "We Trust" told the boysngers that it would be "difficult to let go of Raanta as he was his primary weed dealer", but he was "willing to take the risk" as long as Daryl Reaugh brought some of that good good from the Lonestar State.

Lets go Gers

Boyz 3: Boyz.  Wow.  You have all displayed some great options for the Gers heading into this trade deadline season of 2016.  Those deals will be hard to seal, but I think I've got a few potential leads on some serious trades based on intel from our sources.

From what I've heard and based on who I've talked to, it sounds like Tanner Glass is moving to the top six and Rick Nash is heading to the LA Kings for Dwight King and Daryl Suter's hair stylist.  Word is that the Gers want to move money out to have space during the off season to land a huge contributor (hearing Dany Heatley and/or Tommy Wingels as the likely candidates to receive at least $4 mil per year).

(Pictured: Dwight King (right) with the Stanley Cup (middle) and Daryl Suter’s Hairstylist (left)

I wouldn't mind signing Larry Brooks to a one-day contract in order to package him in the Nash-LA deal.  GM Jeff Gorton reportedly said that, "Brooksie and I are working on something.  He's been late to every meeting because of his side business of dog-walking.  But we want to move him out of here, for sure."

We'll have to see how this all plays out, but another option is always signing old man Marty for the playoff run.  Rumor has it that he has been going to CT high school hockey practices with nothing but skates on and eating shots from the point in order to stay game-ready.  Keep your ears open and your eyes wide.  This could get exciting.

[boyzandgers]

NHL Midseason Awards Pt.1 : Biggest Sellout

Kevin Fiala

Look at that absolute beauty of a TJ. Top and bottom of the blade just running wild and free. Not only is it glorious to look at but it’s so much more: innovative yet so simple and amazingly efficient. Growing up in Switzerland, he would have an average of 2 extra minutes to stickhandle before practice because of how quickly he was able to tape his stick. That led to things like this:

Translation from the Swiss commentator reads something like, “Holy shit Russia, play some defense, you jokes.” It also led to 4 goals in 6 games in the World Juniors along with 41 points in 67 games in the AHL, which led him to getting called up to the big leagues this past week.

So what does he do? Sells out faster than tickets to see John Daly speak at an AA meeting. The Real Kev hates to see what this Kev has become. 

Look at that new tape job... Not only does he cover up his blade like a catholic school beach trip, but he doesn’t even have the decency to take off the old TJ. The local community of St. Gallen, Switzerland has not heard from 19 year old Kev since his call up to the NHL. His hometown girlfriend has also not heard from him but has noticed he has been liking a lot of Nashville girls Instagram photos recently.

[boyzandgers]

Headshot of the Week - Part 2

HEAD SHOT I

I'm still not sure that this is definitely Rick and not his cousin Nick Nash. I mean this looks a lot like Nicky after years of getting picked on for his name being an alliteration and also years of getting shoved in to goal while his stud cousin Rick is picking corners on him (you can see now how Rick got his shot, with countless shooting sessions on Tubby in Uncle Howie’s basement). If it actually is a 22 year old Rick though, I could see it. After a season in which he turned 21 and led the Blue Jackets in goals,  the vets/stars on the team like Federov, Modin, Vyborny, Malholtra and Chimera (Blue Jackets went 33-42-7 that year) would still never invite the kid to come drink with the boys. So what does Rick do? Order room service all year and pack on the pounds, along with angst and anger and come in to training camp next year looking like a backup singer for Smashmouth.

C’mon boys!!!

HEAD SHOT II

As for headshot #2, you gotta absolutely love that savagery out of Nashty there on Swedish forward Mikael Backlund. Does Rick Nash care that it’s the Olympics, where the focus is on the skill of the best guys from each country? Not one bit. Does Rick Nash care that at 6’4 if he leaves is feet he is guaranteed to make direct contact to the head with everyone in the league besides that ogre Chara? Negative. (Big Z could easily be in the AHL at any moment, so he might not count) Rumors were after the game that Backlund could only speak Finnish and that the damage done to his head was so severe that it turned his luscious blonde hair brown. Backlund’s girlfriend also dumped him shortly after the game and applied for Canadian citizenship.

[boyzandgers]

Head Shots Week #1

HEAD SHOT I

Sean Avery circa 2010.  What a pest.  What a loser.  What a Ranger.  Great creativity here from the NHL’s former most hated player.  

HEAD SHOT II

Nothing says a good NYR head shot like a stick slap to the head of the biggest loser ever.  Avery vs. Timmy T is probably the best loser on loser battle we can imagine.  Can you believe Mike Milbury had the audacity to argue for Timmy T as the 3rd string goalie for the US in the 2014 Sochi Olympics?  Also, gotta love the commentary from Jack and Brick.  Those two have got to be the biggest hack-job losers in sports calling.  Nothing says Boston Bruins like blind biased opinions.  And in case you were wondering, Jack blocked us from Twitter because he can’t handle chirps.  No surprise there.  (3 Legendary Cameos to take note of: Scott Gomez, Wade Redden, and Mark Recchi)

[boyzandgers]

Boyz will be boyz

Well here we are, the Boyz have been out doing some great things to gear up for the second half of the season to bring you all the Gers stuff you can handle. To start off we would like to thank the mainstream media for making you guys think the Gers are doomed, it’s like these jokes get paid double if they write an negative article. We’re all about great vibes over here but were also about facts.

01/08/15: Rangers record: 22-11-4 Tanner Glass: 29 GP-0G-1A-27 PIM (-12)

01/08/16 Rangers record: 22-14-4 Tanner Glass: 17GP-1G-1A-27 PIM (-2)

What does that tell me? First off that Tanner Glass really took it to heart when Vigneault told him after Game 7 of the Tampa Bay loss last year (that one still hurts) that they need him to be the Dartmouth Tanner Glass who had 28 points in each of his junior and seniors seasons while also leading the team in beers drank, girls, going undefeated in beer pong. (Kevin Hayes once kicked Tanner out of his party because Glass brought his paddle to play beer pong the “Dartmouth Way”). Glass has actually looked better, and the numbers clearly don’t lie. Could it be because he has been hanging out with the Boyz in Hartford… who knows?

Secondly, it tells me all you clowns needs to relax. Nashty will start scoring, Stepan is starting to get his legs back. Brass and Zucc will continue to produce and continue to be best friends. Miller is a weapon out there. Kreider and Hayes need to do more but I am pretty confident Hayes game will pick up after Anna Kendrick was probably sliding in to his DM’s after this tweet.

Quick heads up to they other 29 GM’s… Jeff Gorton is coming for you and your family, and your families family. It is rumored he has even put “Bauer” his golden retriever of 12 years on the market for the right prospects.

We’re coming for Ovi and the “best team in the league” today... that is JOKES. Keep your glove up Hotly #neverforget

[boyzandgers]

Friday Figher 1/8/2016: Dale Purinton

“Let ‘Em Wail Dale” is what they still call this guy.  A pure bred force from Fort Wayne, Indiana, this 6’3 230 lb load used to rack up body counts and PIMs for the New York Rangers and Hartford Wolf Pack.  Since Dale left Hartford, the city has dropped over 40 spots on the “Most Dangerous US Cities” list.  In 9 years, Dale managed to get suspended 13 different times in the AHL and NHL.  His most impressive suspensions?  In September 2001, Dale was suspended for 4 games for “beating up” goaltender Garth Snow in a pre-season game.  If that wasn’t savage enough, a month later Dale got a 10 game suspension for “attempting to eye-gouge” Colton Orr in a pre-season game.  Holy shit did this guy deserve a Cup or what?  Playing the pre-season like it was Game 7 in ’94.  Gotta respect that.

Dale was known for nothing but his mean right and left hooks.  Sometimes, Dale would even throw an elbow in for good measure.  His NHL totals read like this: 181 GP, 4 goals, 16 assists, and an astonishing 578 PIMs.  However, this animal’s most impressive season came in the 1999-2000 AHL season with the Hartford Wolf Pack, when Dale amassed 4 goals, 4 assists, and 415 PIMs in 62 games played.  That’s right, four hundred and fifteen penalty minutes in 62 games.  That’s roughly 7 minutes of penalties per game.  Basically, if you went to a Wolf Pack game that season, you were getting at least one unreal Dale boxing match in which case he most likely stole away all manhood of his opponent.  And it doesn’t look like Dale is done stealing things, as he was arrested in August of 2015 for suspicion of first-degree burglary.  And in case you were wondering, Dale was miraculously +21 in that 1999-2000 season, a year referred to as “The Bloodbath in Hartford”.  What a guy.  Raise a fist for Dale.  

[boyzandgers]

Here at Boyz and Gers’ we have not really given you much information about our esteemed writers. You guys have read and loved the articles, but have not gotten to know us too well. Here is a behind the scenes look at the email thread of the Boyz just being Boyz and talking about the Gers’ and their moves at the trade deadline:

Joke 1: That was a wacky couple of days huh Boyz? I have to say I love the Gers’ roster when I look at it now, we got Yandle and somehow did it without throwing in a top-3 player on our roster (Tanner Glass). I heard that Maloney hung up on Sather about 5 times because Slats would not budge on adding Glass in to the deal. Losing Duclair is obviously tough but we already have an abundance of top-6 forwards who are going to be here for at least a few years (Nash, Zucc, Glass, Kreider, Hayes). I also heard a lot about some of the Gers’ not liking Duclair’s attitude after something happened on an early season trip to Buffalo this season (@rechanrp). Bottom line is this team is better than they were when the week started, which is always a good thing. We will see how the Duclair trade ends up in five years, but in five years the Gers’ will still be good so I don’t know how worried we will be.

Joke 2: Joke 1 I completely agree. Duclair is a tough let-go but the acquisition of Yandle could yield dividends down the home stretch into the Gers' playoff run. It's also nice to see Slats protecting his top priority (Glass). Also, @rechanrp is a huge loser. One thing I'm worried about is goaltending. I have no question that Hank is a great leader on this team, but after a month off, is he going to be game ready come the last 10-15 games? Only time will tell. That being said, Talbot has either laid a goose egg or had a shamrock up his ass most of the games he's played with Hank out of the lineup. I was genuinely shocked to see Slather not jump on the opportunity to pick and choose from a hot goalie market (Emery), if we need a suitable back up in emergency situations.

Joke 3: Nothing but agreement with you Joke 1 and you as well, Joke 2.  What the Gers' did here at the deadline is indicative of a sincere desire to hoist the Cup within the next 2 or 3 years.  That being said, the loss of Duclair means trouble for the Gers' prospect pool, but there is hope, as Boo Nieves of the University of Michigan plays a similar style and some say may be even more dynamic and more apt at crushing beers than Duclair.  Holding on to Glass was key, as sources have recently informed us that Maloney originally wanted Glass and John Moore for Yandle, but Slats couldn't see that working.  Thus, Glass was swapped with Duclair, a 1st round pick, and a 2nd round pick.  Talk about being an important piece of your team.   Key Regret:  Missing out on Dany Heatley.  We'll pay for that one.

Joke 2: Thank you Joke 3 for reminding me of 50 in '07. What a melt job by the Gers'. Not only would he have been able to replace Sean Avery's drinking and burying abilities (on and off the ice) that the Gers' have desperately been searching for for years, but he would have been able to pick up the offensive slack that it seems only the golden Glass can provide.

Joke 1: I completely forgot about Heater, only logical explanation for the Gers’ not picking him up is maybe they were asking for Tanner Glass in return? BTW have you seen Tanner Glass’ haircut? I have no clue how that guy can play 9:55 minutes per game when he’s probably up all night fending off NYC models. Joke 2 brings up a great point about our goaltending situation, missing out on Emery could come back to haunt us in a deep playoff run. I heard from sources the other day that Benoit Allaire was sniping Hank with tennis balls at the practice facility the other day. If he can’t stop tennis balls from Benny what’s going to happen in a playoff series when he has to stop actual pucks? Anyway with the addition of Keith Yandle, we have 6 solid defensemen, which brings up a bigger question. What do we do with MSL now that we can’t bump his old butt back to defense?

Joke 2: Of course, the old MSL conundrum. Well, since he hasn't been scoring as much as he needs to, it might be smart for Slats to move up Glass to his spot, then switch Glass and Stepan to put Tan Daddy Long Legs back to his natural position at center. I heard from my boy James who works at the Garden that there was an opening for Mascot position and, if Marty isnt going to do anything useful with his rubber legs on the ice, he might as well put them into action kicking up some spirit in the building. Here's what the lines would like like without senile Marty. Nash-Brassard/Glass- Zuc Kreids-Glass-Stepan Hageli-Hayes/Glass-Miller Sheppard-Moore- Fast This way the Gers' can open up space for much needed James Sheppard, as you may have heard can drink a beer in -1 second. Read that correctly- MINUS one second. Heyo!

Joke 1: Wow I definitely like how those lines are looking. I especially like how you have the option to triple shift Glass. I mean if Coach V has only been playing him around 10 minutes a night, I can only assume its to triple shift him down the stretch of the season. Great inside info on the Sheppard beer chug, that is some hard-hitting journalism and definitely what was stand for here at Boyz and Gers’. I heard Glass is mighty upset that he is no longer fastest chugger on the team, supposedly almost started a riot at a nearby Detroit casino after he was inexcusably scratched in the game last night. Not really fair of Coach V to scratch him just because he is no longer the fastest beer chugger on the team. All in all I would give the rangers 4.5 hockey sticks (on a 5 hockey stick scale, 1 is the worst - 5 is the best). I love the Yandle pickup, great player, great locker room guy and supposedly was voted by the players for having the top 5 sober wheels in the league. Also any time you can get a player like Sheppy who can crush bodies on the ice and beers of it, you have to be happy.

Final Grade: 4.5 Hockey Sticks out of 5 Hockey Sticks

Joke 2: I'm glad you brought up Glass' late night antics at the Detroit casino last night. Apparently, Glass was so infuriated by a mixture of being scratched and the fact that they Gers' were unable to acquire either Emery or Del Zotto that the power forward power bombed all of his chip winnings (approx 100K) in a dealers face, ordered seven jagerbombs, and chugged them all within 2 minutes.

In light of Glass' recent actions and Slats inaction, I award the Gers' a final grade for the trade deadline 3 out of 5 jagerbombs.

​Joke 3:  What I've heard from other teams is that the Gers' camp did the best job they've ever witnessed at the deadline.  Yandle is apparently a one-of-a-kind wingman, reportedly helping Arizona Coyotes' player Oliver Ekman-Larsson wheel 6 different broads while ripping shots of Tito's Vodka at a McDonald's in the Dallas airport during a layover flight to Washington, D.C.  This is a bit of a sixth sense pick up by Slats, knowing that Brassard and Hagelin have been snake-bitten on the female field as of late.  Yandle should not only help empower this team's defensive corps, but be on the lookout for a whole new team of absolute ripshows throughout downtown New York.  

Knowing what we know now, I've got to give the Gers' a trade deadline grade of 5 out of 5 Slat's cigars.

[boyzandgers]

Will Alain Come Out of Retirement?

According to inside sources, Alain Vigneault, noticing the blaring gap that the Gers’ have on the back end with GM Glen Sather struggling to put together a deal that would return Michael Del Zotto to the promised land, has purportedly been discussing with family and friends the prospect of letting go the title of Head Coach and making a claim in NYC as a hard-nosed stay at home defensemen.

Alain, known for tossing around his hefty 5’11” 200lbs frame and jumping up in the offensive zone play, was drafted 167th overall by the St. Louis Blues in the 1981 NHL Entry Draft following a historic five year career in the QMJHL that included 87 goals, 184 assists, and 663 PIMs (which includes a league record 73 fights and fourteen game misconducts). These stats illustrate that Alain could be a very versatile two-way defenseman, where he could run the powerplay, deliver bone crushing injuries to soft opponents, and yell at ill-mannered fans during road games. More importantly, Alain could add to the amount of penalties that the Gers’ are taking, a stat in which they sit 22th in the NHL at 3.4 per game (Fans who have heard rumors of Alain’s return have begun a movement to call the team the “Broadway Street Bullies”).

To me, one story that really hammers home the great positive impact that Viggy would bring to the Gers’ was told to me by his former teammate John Buekeboom (Brother of Gers’ legend Jeff) when he and Alain were members of the Montana Magic in the CHL. When John and Alain were in the infamous  “Iron Moose” watering hole in Billings, MT one starry night, a crazed fan who had listened to the game on a walkie talky the night before rushed at John for a turnover he had that lead to a Utah City Mormons goal. After the fan attempted to hit John over the head with his half full glass pitcher of Bud Heavy, Alain, who carried his Sherwood Featherlite with him wherever he went, reacted quickly, spearing the maniac fan in the gut, pulled his flannel jacket over his head, and suckied him so hard he sent him right through the double wooden doors of the entrance. After receiving a standing ovation, Alain bought the entire bar Molson Canadians and is said to shout “For the fuckin’ Boys!” While this story represents the true courage that Alain has in his heart, it also marks the first time that the phrase “For the Boys” was ever muttered.

As for who would replace the French-Canadian Flash, there is only one answer: Torts. In a recent article, Johnny took full blame for any mishaps he caused in Vancouver during his stint in the mild-climated Northwest city in 2013-2014. This leads us to believe that Torts has not only grown as a coach, but as a person. Not to mention that Torts has a Cup Ring on his resumé.

While Sather continues to work out the details on the Michael Del Zotto deal, it is in my humble opinion that he latches on to Alain, as a player of course, possibly long term. With the cap space that the Gers’ have, maybe at four years for 4.25 mil per.

[boyzandgers]

Friday Fighter: Ryan Hollweg

Ryan “Hollywood” Hollweg might not be a name younger Gers’ fans know too well, but to others, just hearing that name you are quickly reminded of his long locks and heavy fists. The pride of Downey, California, many consider Hollweg a pioneer of the game in The Golden State. Of all California born NHL players, Hollweg ranks 6th in penalty minutes (349), 6th in games played (228), 14th in points (14), 2nd in fights (25), and most importantly 1st in Gers' fans hearts (1). Hollweg’s NHL success wasn’t out of no where; as a youth player Hollweg was drafted 1st overall into the WHL, ahead of other NHLers like Kyle Bordziak, Jonny Boychuk and Cam Ward.

After surprisingly being passed over 237 times in the 2001 NHL Entry Draft, GM Glen Sather finally nabbed Hollweg, a player who was high on his draft board, in the 8th round. At the time, Sather, after fist pumping his way off the stage following the announcement of the pick, was quoted as saying: “We just got a steal, that’s a guy with 2nd round talent and 1st round toughness, we were looking at him in earlier rounds but we had needs to fill at other positions.” Dan Blackburn, the Gers’ 1st round pick in that same draft, who also came from the WHL, was visibly upset when the Gers’ took  Hollweg, “That guy went high glove, bar-down on me so many times, I started thinking about using two blockers just to try and stop him. I’m not looking forward to practice everyday with him.”

After a promising start to his professional career where in 73 games with the Wolfpack, Hollweg amassed 14 points and 239 penalty minutes, which of course included a league-leading 21 fights. After surprisingly being cut by the Gers’ after training camp in the following season, they quickly realized their mistake and called him up to the big leagues after 7 games. Hollweg was a mainstay on the Gers’ 4th line where he was known for his relentless forecheck and willingness to drop the gloves with anyone in the league even though he stood at a measly 5”11.

Hollweg's game was really starting to pick up towards the end of the season and he even earned himself a spot on the 1st line alongside Jaromir Jagr and William Nylander for a March 8th game against the rival Islanders (jokeasses). This was finally his chance to prove that he could be more than a 4th line fighter and turn those PIMs in to points. However that is where his career took a turn for the worse.

With 6:31 left in the 3rd period of a 1-1 game where Hollweg had already completed the Gordon Bombay Hat-Trick (hit all 3 posts in one game), he was viciously slashed in the face by notorious goon Chris Simon. Chris Simon treated Hollweg’s face like a piñata because he was upset Hollweg had just delivered a bone-crushing hit to him seconds earlier. To this day, many hockey fans consider this one of the dirtiest plays in hockey history.

People closest to Hollweg argue that that slash to the head knocked some of the hockey skills out of his brain. After recovering, Hollweg’s scoring touch could simply not be found. It was like his brain could no longer turn his hands in to silky mittens and only in to rock hard fists. To this day, people still believe Hollweg’s skill is buried somewhere underneath the Nassau Coliseum ice.

These days, Hollweg has left the NHL, as he is still very upset with the league that they did not ban Chris Simon for life. He now lives in the Czech Republic playing for the professional team Plzen HC. While he yearns for better sparring partners on the ice, as he claims “the Czech fighters are softer than their toilet paper” he vows he will not return to the NHL until they formally apologize for their handling of the Chris Simon situation.

Here’s to you Ryan Hollweg, you are our Friday Fighter of the week.

- Boyz

[boyzandgers]

2/19/15 Game 56: Gers' vs. Vancouver Canucks

In a rematch of the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals, in which the Gers’ took home the ring on perhaps the greatest game ever coached by Mike Keenan (or any coach for that matter), we hope to see a fast-paced game with lots of scoring opportunities and possibly two to three major penalties.

Canucks:

Record: 32-21-3

Leading Scorer: Henrik Sedin (10-38-48, +9)

Leading PIM Leader: Derek Dorsett (160 PIM)

Projected Starter: Ryan Miller (26-15-1, .913 Save%, 2.46 GAA)

Fight We’d Most Like to See: While we’d obviously love to see Tanner Glass mix it up with his Western Conference counterpart, Derek Dorsett, it would be more important for Glass to stay on the ice where he will be needed for a timely goal (GWG???).  Since that is off the table, we would love to see Cam Talbot challenge Ryan Miller. Even though Talbot is Canadian, us Americans are still upset with Ryan Miller after that jokeass goal he gave up to Sid the Kid in the Gold Medal game of the 2010 Olympics. I'm sure he feels bad about letting up the softest goal in USA Hockey history, but we would feel a lot better after a few knuckle sandwiches from Cam.

Matchup Most Likely to Be Exposed: Rick Nash/Tanner Glass vs. Alex Edler

Biggest Joke on the Canucks: Zack Kassian, because he looks like a caveman. Also, we know for a fact that he gets rejected by fives at the Roxy Night Club in Vancouver on a weekly basis. Jokeass.

- Boyz

[boyzandgers]

Throwback Thursday 2/19: The Real Story Behind the Bure vs. Richter Penalty Shot

It was Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals, and the speedy Vancouver Canuck, Pavel Bure, was off to the races on a breakaway.  The video doesn’t lie, as the great skating Brian Leetch was right on Bure’s tail, when Bure took what many consider to be the best dive of all time.  We’re not playing the referee game here at Boyz and Gers, but anybody with some sort of working vision knows that Bure’s fall was exaggerated.     

This comes as no surprise, as Bure was known throughout his career to be the only player of his time who actually practiced his dives during morning skates on game days.  Sean Avery would follow in Bure’s footsteps, becoming Bure’s apprentice during the summer of 1999 before his final major junior season.  Of the 215 PIMs assessed to Avery during 55 games of his 1999-2000 season with the Kingston Frontenacs of the OHL, 88 of those PIMs (44 minor penalties) were assessed for diving.    

Regardless of Bure’s dive, the penalty shot was awarded, and Pacific Coliseum erupted in excitement and anticipation.  Fortunately for the Gers, goaltender Mike Richter had Bure’s number and stoned him with the right pad.  Was this Richter’s biggest career save?  General consensus would say yes, but we would have to disagree.  What most people didn’t know at the time of the 1994 Cup Final was that Bure was playing with a torn ACL in his left knee.  This prevented Bure from being able to take backhand shots as the flexion in his left knee in the backhand motion was too much pain for the Russian road rat to handle.

Had Bure been 100%, he would have certainly faked forehand and slid a backhand five-hole, as every Gers’ fan knows Richter couldn’t stop a tow truck slipping through his gaping legs.  Most Gers’ fans consider Richter to be the fifth best goalie in franchise history, falling behind Hank, Eddie Giacomin, Mike Dunham, and Kevin Weekes.  This should be an honor for Richter, and although we appreciate Richter for his great work ethic, we think including him in the same group as those four guys is a bit generous.  

The point is, the penalty shot of 1994 was much more than a Stanley Cup series changer.  It was a battle between a perennial diver with a torn ACL against an overrated goalie who randomly made game-saving stops.  Sure, the penalty shot should have never happened, but had Bure’s ACL been intact, it is widely agreed that he would have buried it five-hole.  The bottom line, however, is that Bure did not bury, and the Gers became the 1994 Stanley Cup Champions, a season that the boys will cherish forever.  

- Boyz​

[boyzandgers]

The Martin St. Louis Conundrum

We have all been there at some point in our lives; it is something that is hard to do, but it always gets to a point where it needs to be done. Whether it is that old pair of shoes with the worn down soles or your favorite t-shirt that has developed some gnarly pit-stains, you know they have served their time and given you all they can but you just can’t get yourself to throw them away. Well for the Gers’ this year, those raggedy sneakers have come to life in the form of Marty. We cringe just writing that last sentence, as Marty has been one of our favorite players long before we gave away Captain Cally to get him. However, you and I both know that he is not about to be the first athlete in history to defeat Father Time.

We do not see this as a “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” situation. We don’t think there will be a long line of suitors lining up at the Gers’ door step come March 2nd, plus we doubt he has room for his cane in his carry-on bag. That being said, we do not look forward to watching Grandpa Marty continue to hobble his way up and down the ice for the rest of the season. As an assistant captain (with age comes wisdom, see: Yoda) and one of the highest paid players on the team, it also does not do much good to put Marty on the bench.

Here is our proposal: move Marty back to defense. Sounds crazy? Hear us out…

1. The Gers’ have been struggling to find a 6th defenseman all season, and it is clear at this point that neither Hunwick or Moore is going to be a permanent answer as that two-man carousel has been running all season. Why not give Marty a chance back there?

2. Marty is no stranger on the blue line, he has played defense on the power-play ever since his days as a Vermont Catamount. While at Vermont, Vezina and Stanley Cup winning goalie Tim Thomas, who was also with the Catamounts at the time, often begged the coaching staff to put Marty on the blue line full time as he needed more help in the defensive zone. Those dreams became a reality one game Marty’s junior year against Boston College; with 3 defensemen out with food poisoning, Marty roamed the blue line for 60 minutes. The result? Marty had a goal and three assists (4 points) in a 4-0 shutout. After the game Thomas told reporters “I would love to have the guy back there every game, he is the best forward on our team but also the best defensemen on our team. I have been snipped by that guy in practice more times than I can count, it doesn’t matter if its coming from the blue line or the top of the circles.”

3. Dan Boyle has been struggling recently, and maybe a reunion with Marty on the blue line could get him going again. They are very familiar with each other from their days of running the point on the power play in Tampa Bay. In the 4 years in Tampa Bay where they manned the blue line together on the power play, Marty and Boyle respectively had 79 and 104 power play points. That is some serious production.

4. Marty has looked a step slow throughout the season, especially in the end of games. I know he is one of the best conditioned players in the league but those tree-trunk legs have a lot of rings on them. By playing defense, he would log a few more minutes per game (Boyle averages 20:10 min/game, Marty averages 17:40/game) but he would not have to continue to skate up and down the ice as he does in his current wing position.

5. A recent study done by John Brenkus, and his fantastic team over at Sports Science, found that you only use half the energy and force you do skating backwards as you do forwards. They broke it down with a good example: at forward, Marty’s legs use the same force as carrying three Gorilla’s on his back up and down a hill. If he was on defense, he would only be carrying one and a half Gorilla’s up and down this same hill.  No pun intended, but that is bananas!

Bottom line is it takes sacrifice to win a Stanley Cup. If Marty wants a chance to hoist the cup again he has to put what is best for the team ahead of his personal preference of playing forward. Maybe then we will not only see him pass the puck but also pass the cup to his good friend and D-partner, Dan Boyle.

- Boyz

[boyzandgers]

Do the Gers Need A New Tendy?

As the Gers move into the crunch time portion of their regular season schedule and with the NHL trade deadline upcoming, the neck injury to Henrik Lundqvist could not have come at a worse time. While the Gers sit strong at fourth place in the Eastern Conference and second in the Metropolitan division, only three points separate the fourth placed Gers and seventh seeded Washington. This means that either GM Glen Sather stays complacent with the roster he currently holds, or makes strong moves to send this team back to the glory land that is the Stanley Cup Finals.

While we have recently reviewed possible dishes and pick-ups the Gers may need to make on the offensive side to fortify their current position in the East, it might be time for the team to evaluate possibly their biggest question, goaltending.

Sure, Hank’s numbers are among the best in the league (25 wins, .922 Save%, 2.25 GAA), and Cam Talbot is not far behind (.915 Save%, 2.51 GAA) as well as accumulating three goose eggs in a mere eighteen games played, but are these numbers good enough to get the boys in blue to where they need to be?

Talbot, albeit in a small sample of games, has fallen far short of expectations with Hank out of the line up. While a 4-0-1 record may state otherwise, he has attained a sub-par Save% [.903- in only one of these games has he had over a .900Save% (34/35 stops against the Arizona Roadkill)] and goals against average (3.2), which leads me to believe it is time to hand over the reigns to someone more capable.

Lundqvist has done some remarkable things for the Gers over his ten-year career in Manhattan, compiling over 330 wins and partnering that with a very solid .921 Save%, but underlying evidence states that the Swedish fish is more of a mackerel than a blue fin tuna. For example, everyone who has a working set of eyes understands Hank might be one of the top five best looking guys in the show and maybe NYC. That being said, his wife Therese Andersson is a 6.5 at best. While this metric doesn’t completely translate to any athletic ability, it tells me that Hank’s mind isn’t in the right place; why settle for a 6.5 (conference finals), when you could definitely score a 10 (A cup ring). Hey, maybe the King should take a page out of Tom Brady’s playbook.

Staying with the theme of grit (as the Blue Shirts desperately need), I would say that if I were Sather I would look no further than pipelining a deal with our rivals down south, the Philadelphia Flyers.

In this hypothetical deal, if I was a smart man, and I know Glen is, I would look to deal the aging Henrik for three players who are in their prime, namely Michael Del Zotto, Wayne Simmonds, and (most importantly) Ray Emery. With my personal tendy bias, DZ and Simmer are mostly kickers in this deal. The Gers need some strength and a better net front presence on the peeper, which Wayno will more than provide.

As for Del Zotto, it is evident that he might be the missing piece of the puzzle on the Gers’ blue line. If any fan needs convincing of the necessity of acquiring Del Zotto, one just has to look back to his days as a Markham Waxer where he had 30 goals, 90 assists, 90 PIMs, and was a plus 135. If those numbers aren’t enough for Sather to take notice of the possible Norris trophy candidate, I don’t know what is.

Now on to the most important piece: Emery. Critics may look at this possible trade as an outrage. How can you even begin to compare Lundqvist with the Razor? With a quick look at career numbers, Hank flattens Emery in nearly every relative metric. However, there is one stat that tends to be lost in all the clutter: fights. Combined, Henrik and Cam have a zero career fights. That is some sorry stuff. Comparatively, Razor Sharp Ray has fourteen fights total (5 OHL, 6 AHL, 3 NHL), and that doesn’t include the one that he and his equipment manager got into when Ray was crushing life in the KHL. Knowing that Ray is willing to drop the gloves may give the rest of the team enough confidence to run players at will, increasing the chances of a cup ring ten-fold.

Emery is just hitting his peak as a player as well. Just two seasons ago, Sugar Ray set a new NHL record during his time with the Blackhawks. In just 21 games played, he compiled a record of 17-1, including winning twelve straight to start the season, a record previously held by Ken Dryden (11).

This move may be ballsy, but I believe it must be done and will pay high dividends for the Gers in the long run. After all, as Donald Trump once said, “If you’re not willing to risk everything, then you might as well go play for Montreal.”

- Boyz

[boyzandgers]

Possible Gers' Moves at the Deadline

With the March 2nd NHL Trade Deadline rapidly approaching, GM Glen Sather and the Gers’ front office staff needs to wake up and start making some hard pushes for players.  Not just any players, however.  Anybody who has watched the Gers' night in and night out know that this team has an abundance of skill, but they’re lacking the key ingredient that wins Cups: grit.  When considering grit and the Gers', the only players that come to mind are Kev, Danny G, Dom Moore, and Tanner Glass.  As the playoffs have proven year after year, grit on at least two lines is the determining factor between a celebration parade and a round of golf.  

This is why the Gers' need to get rid of some their skilled, money-gobbling forwards in exchange for proven grinders with the ability to drop the gloves. The biggest mistake Sather has made as Gers’ GM was letting Brandon Prust slip away, especially when Prust’s asking price was cheap at under $3 million per year.  If the Gers could package a deadline deal that ships St. Louis and Zuc to Montreal in exchange for Manny “Faceoff” Malholtra and Prust, their chances of hoisting the Cup will exponentially increase.  Can you imagine a Gers’ lineup for the playoffs with this type of look?  Well, take a peek at our projected playoff lineup.

Nash - Brassard - Glass

Hayes - Stepan - Kreider

Miller - Moore - Hagelin

Prust - Malholtra - Fast

McDonagh - Kev

Staal - Girardi

Hunwick/Moore - Boyle

Talbot

Lundqvist

We’ll give you a brief lineup explanation, but expect a longer post shortly addressing our logic.  Why Glass on his off wing with Nash and Brassard? Well, ‘cause the Regina, Saskatchewan native can rip absolute laser beam snap shots top glove, short-side.  Just ask Lee Stempniak and Jarret Sampson, Glass’s linemates during the final stretch of the 2004-2005 season at Dartmouth College.  Glass scored 7 goals in 33 games that season, all of which came on his off-wing during the last 7 games of the season.  Better yet, all 7 of those goals were glove side bar down snipes off the rush.  Don’t ask us why the Dartmouth coaching staff took so long to move Glass from fourth line left wing to his off wing on the top unit,  but they did, and we’re certain that they regret it to this day.  We’re hopeful that the Gers’ coaching staff won’t make the same mistake.

It really just comes down to common sense.  When there exists a hole in a lineup, that hole must be filled, not dug deeper.  If the Gers' neglect to move St. Louis, who has proven to be just about as useless as sunscreen in the winter, then an early playoff exit is inevitable.  The removal of St. Louis and Zuc will allow Glass, a player who has proven his worth in every league he has ever touched, such as the BCHL, college hockey, the AHL, the Slovakian Professional League, and the NHL, to join Nash and Brassard on the Gers’ top unit.  Sure, Glass is goalless with only one apple in 42 games, but at -15 he’s been the Gers best minus player since Colton Orr during the 2008-2009 season.  With Prust, Malholtra, and Fast, the fourth line will win every faceoff, allowing them to forecheck relentlessly for 10-12 minutes per game. Furthermore, this provides Glass the opportunity to run any stud first line player on an opposing team knowing that Prust is willing and able to drop the mitts anytime, anywhere.  Bottom line, the Gers are soft: Chris Kreider leads the team in PIMs with 79, while Prust boasts 97 PIMs, 13 points, and an even +/- rating through 56 games with the Habs this season.

The logic is really simple.  By moving grandpa St. Louis and the ever replaceable Zuc, and adding the dominant Malholtra and balls-to-the-wall Prust, the Gers save money and increase their odds of winning the Cup.  When considering the future, this will allow Sather to wrap up Glass and Prust long-term with 4-5 year deals.  We would assume Glass would be getting at least $2.5 million per and Prust would be deserving of something in the $4-5 million per year range.  Of course, don’t forget about the Gers’ hopes of reacquiring Del Zotto at the trade deadline or during free agency, as sources have hinted that if he gets to free agency he would be willing to take a severe pay cut to rejoin the beauties of New York City.  History has proven the need of gritty grinders throughout the playoff stretch, and if the Gers' are to be serious contenders, we believe these moves must be made. 

- Boyz 

[boyzandgers]

Kevin Klein is a Legend

Growing up in Canada, Kev actually excelled in many things off the ice. An avid animal lover, Kev competed in various equestrian competitions and also successfully bred several different types of dogs. After a very fatal accident involving a German Shepherd and a Rottweiler, Kev found a liking to Guinea Pigs and whittled his first hockey stick. A lot of hard work and whittling landed Kev in the OHL where after two seasons of bone-crushing hits, bar down snipes and a league leading 89 broken sticks, the scouts came calling for Kev to make the jump to the NHL. After being projected by most scouts as the #1 overall pick, Kev was surprisingly passed over 36 times in the 2003 NHL draft.

The guy is simply one of a kind.  Everyone doubted Kev’s ability when he arrived to the capitol of the world, New York City, during the 2013-2014 season. Those doubters had a reason to be worried, as Kev was traded for arguably the best Gers’ defenseman of all time, Michael Del Zotto.  Del Zotto’s career with the Gers’ was marked by dominant offensive playmaking and stellar, shut down defense that rivaled the likes of Scott Stevens and Chris Pronger.  With Del Zotto’s +/- at -4 at the time of the trade compared to Kev’s -26, it was perceived to be a disastrous move.  This is why so many Gers’ fans had a right to be skeptical with the acquisition of Kev. However, with Del Zotto’s rumored asking price to be upwards of $7 million per year, it was logical for Sather to make a move.  

Kev has proven to be everything that Del Zotto was, except he provides one aspect that Del Zotto lacked, something we like to call “legendary-ness”. Although the Gers’ still miss Del Zotto’s presence on the blue line and leadership in the locker room (no doubt Del Zotto would be wearing the ‘C’ and McDonagh would be demoted to an ‘A’ if he was still in town), there remains hope that the summer may provide the Gers the opportunity to have a first d-pairing of Del Zotto and Kev in the 2015-2016 campaign. With Zuccarello (pretty sure those “Zuuuuuuuucs” have turned into “Booooooooos”) and St. Louis both entering free agency after this season, we can have them off the books and the cap room to bring Del Zotto back. Can you even imagine a situation where Del Zotto and Kev are roaming the blue line together in the 2015-2016 season? Because we can, and every time we think about it we start thinking about them hoisting the cup together.

- Boyz