Ough. Want 2 die
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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@bpdfox
Ough. Want 2 die
Think I might start cutting again. Ugh. I should have cut myself instead of flicking my fucking eye back in August.
Just learned that my local liquor store is closing and it's genuinely making me anxious. I've been sober 649 days
A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.
Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.
What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.
Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.
What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.
Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.
What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.
Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.
It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.
Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
-Xanthe
Oh... That's what trauma bonding is. Oh.
I *also* didn't know that trauma bonding and love-bombing were... that. added to lexicon and course correcting...
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/trauma-bonding
iâm really sorry about my behavior. you see, growing up, my family- *remembers blaming all my problems on other people is really annoying and unhealthy* i mean. i am responsible for all the evils of this world and i bear sins like the sky bears the stars
iâm undiagnosing everyoneâs everything. congratulations we are all free
Hey if you have chronic pain, you gotta remember that the cognitive load of dealing with that is exhausting. Just that alone. Never mind what else you've got going on.
You're not lazy or being dramatic; you're overloaded.
a quick âwhy is my life so badâ checklist
howâs your sleep schedule
have you eaten or drank anything besides sugar and caffeine
how long have you been sitting in one spot
have you gone out in public recently
have you taken a shower/brushed your teeth/groomed yourself properly
have you spent time doing an activity that doesnât involve a screen
etc
i myself needed to be reminded of this today. the freedom of summer also means the risk of falling back into bad habits if i'm not mindful
Brb I have stuff to add to my checklist
if I just had the presence of mind and the wherewithal and the chutzpah and the bandwidth and the executive function and the energy and the mental resources and the spoons and the right attitude and the capacity and the gumption and th
So, you know how certain Christian missionaries are trained to act in a very obnoxious way, so that most people they preach to will reject them outright, so they feel like the world hates them for being Christian and they can only be friends with fellow Christians? You know that thing?
I think as activists, we sometimes need to stop and ask ourselves whether we're acting like those missionaries. I think this type of behavior is a little more ingrained into our society than some of us realize, and some of us have internalized it without realizing what it's actually meant to do.
OP I know that this is probably a different direction than you were going, but genuinely this advice would do so so much to help people not fall into secular political cults.
A lot of high control groups use this tactic to isolate their members. Itâs absolutely not just evangelizing Christians. New age wellness cults often encourage their members to make outlandish and offensive accusations regarding the mental and physical health of other people or their children, because they know that the backlash their members receive will reinforce the idea that the âmainstreamâ simply has no room for people who like crystals and essential oils. White supremacist cults will seed the vocabulary of new recruits with Nazi dog whistles that fly over those recruits heads, specifically so that they will get clocked as possible neo-Nazis and shunned by anyone who might offer them another perspective and help them to get out before itâs too late. And a lot of left-leaning political cults strongly encourage members to share their views in the most inflammatory ways possible, and then say âyou see? everyone outside of this small circle is evil and cannot be relied onâ when, inevitably, that produces bad results.
Sometimes I think that activists fall into these patterns completely accidentally, either because they were raised in culturally Christian evangelical environments and never unpacked it, or else because they just arenât any good at approaching things in a non-inflammatory way and no oneâs shown them how.
âŚBut sometimes, these structures emerge in activist circles because those circles are legitimately becoming high control groups.
I think some things to watch out for especially in this regard are:
Are you being directed to behave in an extremely hostile and alienating way? (even if itâs by someone who you trust!)
Does the group you are in immediately shut down any conversation about the effectiveness of an antagonistic strategy? In particular, do they shut that conversation down using in-group stock phrases?
Is experiencing harsh rejection seen as something of a rite of passage?
Do you receive more validation from the group you are in after you have been rejected by someone outside the group than at any other time?
Have you ever been concerned that the antagonistic strategy you are using hurt someone you cared about, only to be quickly advised by members of the group that that person was toxic and that you should actually completely cut them out of your life?
These to me are all pretty significant red flags about the group in question, whatever the specific thing that brings people together there is. If you start noticing them in a group that you are a part of, be that an in-person activist circle or a Discord server or anything in between, take a step back and seriously consider the possibility that the good thing that you joined is turning into something different, and possibly dangerous.
In the words of Jonestown survivor Deborah Layton, âNobody joins a cult. You join a self-help group, a religious movement, a political organization. They change so gradually, by the time you realize youâre entrapped â and almost everybody does â you canât figure a safe way back out.â
this is a pdf detailing the BITE model of authoritarian control, a method for determining whether or not you're in a cult.
even if you feel confident you are not and have never been in a cult, it's a good idea to familiarize yourself with the signs, just in case one begins to sneak up on you in the future.
Ok, I actually want to talk about this for a moment.
Jonestown, one of the most infamous cults in history, with a mass suicide / mass murder that left more than 900 people dead of cyanide poisoning, hundreds of whom were children⌠was a leftist political cult. That fact is an unambiguous and completely undebatable matter of historical record.
This isnât a footnote in the story of Jonestown, and it isnât a weird anti-leftist gotcha either. Jonestown attracted people to their cause with anti-segregation and anti-poverty activist work, and they did actual, meaningful good for those causes. The Peopleâs Temple was a leftist org, unambiguously. They created mutual aid networks for food aid, and rent assistance, and job placement services, and clothing donations, and winter heating. They leaned heavily on the Indianapolis Human Rights Commission in order to push desegregation, and led sit-ins and boycotts and protests. They participated in significant voter registration efforts. They led the fight against the eviction of tenants from San Francisco's International Hotel.
People joined The Peopleâs Temple because it was a good thing when they joined it. They didnât start out as brainwashed cultists, and they didnât gravitate towards the leadership of Jim Jones out of masochism, or inherent submissiveness, or a perverse love of creeping authoritarianism. They fell in line under Jim Jones because heâd built a community that was genuinely helping people, and was advancing a political cause that seemed worth fighting. They followed Jim Jones because he earned their trust.
Jim Jones then used the trust and the social capital that he had gained from all of the above in order to elevate himself to the status of a messianic figure, and abuse and profit off of his followers. Slowly but surely, he boiled the frog. It was all good â and then it was mostly good â and then, well there was some abuse, but it wasnât that bad, and it wasnât really his fault â and then there was a lot of abuse, but the outside world would destroy them if given the chance, so wasnât it the lesser of the two evils? And then, eventually, it got so bad that hundreds of people poisoned themselves and their children at his command, and murdered everyone in the compound who refused and resisted.
Your cause of choice is not immune from abusers taking advantage of it!
It doesnât matter if youâre right. It doesnât matter if your cause is just. It does not matter if your good thing really is a good thing, because there is always the possibility that it will one day be co-opted by a monster. And if the fact that it started good is enough for you to ignore that gradual, subtle change, you could end up in a truly horrible situation.
One of my best friends in undergrad got sucked into a cult. Years later, we talked about it, and he told me something that Iâll never forget which is, itâs only when you look all the way back at things that they seem crazy. You start off with things that are totally normal and innocuous: âweâre stronger togetherâ; âoppression is badâ; âyou can accomplish more if you believe in yourselfâ; âempathy is important and we should all try to bring more of it into our livesâ; etc. Then, you move to something thatâs just a little step away from that. And then again. And then again. And then again. But it never feels like a big jump, because itâs not! A -> Z is crazy, but A -> B wasnât, and B -> C wasnât, and C -> D wasnât, andâŚ
This friend was smart, and rational, and independent, and normal, and by the time he and his wife left, theyâd gone from just thinking that we should all practice more emotional mindfulness, to being terrified that leaving the cult and the cult leader would literally kill them, via the cult leader having magical powers.
If your only analysis is âWhere I started was good, and no single step since then has been crazyâ that is utterly insufficient to keep you safe.
âThis canât possibly be a cult, because when I joined it was a leftist political org and thereâs never been a single instance where it suddenly changedâ is literally the exact logic that kept people in Jonestown until it was too late.
I found an extremely dope disability survival guide for those who are homebound, bedbound, in need of disability accommodations, or would otherwise like resources for how to manage your life as a disabled person. (Link is safe)
How to have a great, disabled life.
It has some great articles and resources and while written by people with ME/CFS, it keeps all disabilities in mind. A lot of it is specific to the USA but even if you're from somewhere else, there are many guides that can still help you. Some really good ones are:
How to live a great disabled life- A guide full of resources to make your life easier and probably the best place to start (including links to some of the below resources). Everything from applying for good quality affordable housing to getting free transportation, affordable medication, how to get enough food stamps, how to get a free phone that doesn't suck, how to find housemates and caregivers, how to be homebound, support groups and Facebook pages (including for specific illnesses), how to help with social change from home, and so many more.
Turning a "no" into a "yes"- A guide on what to say when denied for disability aid/accommodations of many types, particularly over the phone. "Never take no for an answer over the phone. If you have not been turned down in writing, you have not been turned down. Period."
How to be poor in America- A very expansive and helpful guide including things from a directory to find your nearest food bank to resources for getting free home modifications, how to get cheap or free eye and dental care, extremely cheap internet, and financial assistance with vet bills
How to be homebound- This is pretty helpful even if you're not homebound. It includes guides on how to save spoons, getting free and low cost transportation, disability resources in your area, home meals, how to have fun/keep busy while in bed, and a severe bedbound activity master list which includes a link to an audio version of the list on Soundcloud
Master List of Disability Accommodation Letters For Housing- Guides on how to request accommodations and housing as well as your rights, laws, and prewritten sample letters to help you get whatever you need. Includes information on how to request additional bedrooms, stop evictions, request meetings via phone, mail, and email if you can't in person, what you can do if a request is denied, and many other helpful guides
Special Laws to Help Domestic Violence Survivors (Vouchers & Low Income Housing)- Protections, laws, and housing rights for survivors of DV (any gender), and how to get support and protection under the VAWA laws to help you and/or loved ones receive housing and assistance
Dealing With Debt & Disability- Information to assist with debt including student loans, medical debt, how to deal with debt collectors as well as an article with a step by step guide that helped the author cut her overwhelming medical bills by 80%!
There are so many more articles, guides, and tools here that have helped a lot of people. And there are a lot of rights, resources, and protections that people don't know they have and guides that can help you manage your life as a disabled person regardless of income, energy levels, and other factors.
Please boost!
Does anyone have any advice for how to stop thinking of things in terms of hourly wages and "how much time I'm wasting bc I'm not efficient enough" and focus more on the act of creating for creation's sake
Stellar's Jays, Rocky Mountain National Park; 3/13/2026
guy with depression: idk stories about time loops just kinda really resonate with me haha idk why
guy with depression: it's so sad when they're doing the same thing over and over again insisting this time it'll be different. it sure would suck if time loops were real!
[as if this is not a normal and natural human thing to want] yeah i just really want to connect with people for some reason. Like some weird loser freak