[myutopianisland]

[liarsbrats]

[sutton-conway-deactivated201503]

Probably a lot more than you’re thinking

[br-adharris-blog]

I'm thinking a solid 15 signatures from important Americans, like Snookie and Charlie Sheen. What do you think?

[jamie--conway]

Something tells me it’s gonna take all 7 billion people in the world— or however many there are now.

[br-adharris-blog]

Seven billion, two hundred forty seven million, thirty thousand six hundred eighty seven. Give or take. 

Hey, you're probably right, though. Wanna sign my petition? If I get you, then I'll only have 7,247,030,686 people left! 

[creator-gossip]

The last one, I suppose. I don’t think short people usually count as only half a person, but who knows. Maybe there’s some height requirements I wasn’t made aware of.

[br-adharris-blog]

Hmm, I guess you're right. What would even be the standard measure to determine how short a person was to be half a person. Still, it's a bit rude to just snatch a pen away from someone in the middle of signing their name onto a very important document. Maybe we can just round up to thirteen?

[drew--spencer]

I’m not really sure. Does the president actually control the sun?

[br-adharris-blog]

No one can really control the sun because it's a strong, independent star that don't need no planets, but the president whispers sweet words into his microphone that can translate into sound waves that reach the sun and you know, it's lonely being the center of a solar system. It's not like other systems stop in for holidays or anything. 

[creator-gossip]

At least twelve and a half, would be my guess.

[br-adharris-blog]

How do you get half of a signature? Do you ask a short person? Do you take the pen away halfway through? 

[br-adharris-blog]

How many signatures do you think I need to get my petition to turn the sun down a notch to the President? 

[br-adharris-blog]

A Very Social Christmas

Individual pictures: x | Christmas Pictures: x

[staci-kent]

Dude, that’s actually seriously deep. But you might just have. Who knows, maybe they’ll even turned into programmed robots or something before their inevitable death too. Like society is pushing normality so this shit can happen, man. 

But wait…since you figured this out…does that in turn make you on the way to death? Like whoever is plotting this shit now knows you’re onto them.

Oh god, so high school. That might be nice though. You could even spell out the word prom with the pedals or something too. Or decorate the front of her shack with a bunch of them and signs. Or you could give her a bunch of clues and she has to go around Tampa until she finds you in the end and then you ask. Damn, you should pay me for this you know, friend. Hmm…you’ll never know.

[br-adharris-blog]

Uh, well, I mean, I guess they'd have to be all-knowing and have like monitors in everything and oh my god they totally know I'm onto them I'm going to die. 

Right? I want to do something stupid and romantic, but I want it to be us, I guess. I do kind of like that scavenger hunt idea, though....So, how much do you want to be paid an hour? I can pay in friendship bracelets and cookies, by the way. 

[magenta-the-witch]

I mean serious dancing. No one is going to stand in prom and be like, “oh gosh, look at that guy, I’m never going to copulate with him because he sucks at dancing.” It’s just about having fun. And you eat and talk and take pictures. My response should have been more thought out before I said anything.it’s 

[br-adharris-blog]

No, oh my god you're amazing, keep talking. This is actually making a lot sense, I need to write it down. Wait, did you say copulate? 

[drew--spencer]

Maybe the dance instructor is friendly and will let us stay. I don’t know how good I can do in ballet though. I can’t stretch my leg very far. 

[br-adharris-blog]

Hey, you know what man? We can just skip ballet class and just go straight to yoga. They'll teach you how to do muscle things and make you like slinky flexible, it'll be great, you'll see.

[shaywhedon]

I’m in a good mood, sue me. Plus I know I could break you in a minute so don’t forget that. I am not a fucking piece of pie, I do not have a soft and gooey center.

[br-adharris-blog]

Oh, yeah, no trust me, I don't. It's always in the forefront of my mind: Crystal can break me in a minute. Yeah, I totally always remember that when conversing with you. I get it. You, lioness. Me, gazelle. I watched that animal planet documentary. Okay, yeah, I hear what you're saying, alright, and I just have one question? If you could be any kind of pie, which pie would you be? I'm thinking like Strawberry Rhubarb maybe? You know like at first it's a little sour, but then you keep chewing and it gets sweeter.

[tv-dreamboats]

[sutton-conway-deactivated201503]

Or I have a better idea ready? You could just walk around my room naked all the time. 

[br-adharris-blog]

Oh my God, okay, fine, but only if you're completely naked, too. It's only fair. 

[sutton-conway-deactivated201503]

Oh hush you have not. And your hair looked cute, it was a little short, but then again biased because girlfriend and I probably spend more time looking at your butt. 

[br-adharris-blog]

I have, I swear! I pined. You're shameless, you know that? But, I guess it's good to know that next time I get a bad haircut, I can just walk around without pants so you won't notice and then I won't have to pine. 

[staci-kent]

Of course— well semi-sane anyways. But good. I’d just say definitely don’t do flowers. That’s typical. Besides, you’ll already be getting her that corsage thing. Other than that I’d say you’ll be fine. I have faith in you, Obiwan.

[br-adharris-blog]

I feel like if you're all the way sane, you're probably not alive, but if the people find out they're striving for death, it'll be catastrophic. Can I undo words that I've spoken? I feel like I just inadvertently started an apocalypse maybe. 

Yeah, flowers make me nervous. I don't even know where she'd put them. I've never given her flowers before. Maybe I should. Just a little one like a carnation or a rose--something really high school, you know? Did I just jedi mind trick you into saying that and then jedi mind trick myself into forgetting?