there's no happy ending without you @br1ghtestlight - Tumblr Blog

I want to shut up forever but I’m always thinking of more dumb shit to say

picture i took of a bumblebee 🐝

#there's a huge english lavender bush planted right outside my apartment and the bees love that fucking thing #theres like 10 of them out there flying around it on any given day. a bee's paradise #they're like the only bugs ive seen regularly this summer 😭😭#txt

today is the three month anniversary of me adopting my cat so i got some new toys for him including a new crinkle ball cuz the pink one i bought for him maybe a few weeks ago?? is his favorite toy bcuz it's one of the only ones he can pick up with his mouth and toss around. and LOOK what he's done to this thing. absolutely tore it to shreds

also bonus pic of him:

#he had multiple crinkle balls in his little living area at the adoption place too so maybe he just likes them #i kinda regret not stealing one of the toys as a keepsake when i got him tbh. i don't think they wouldve noticed #i know that sometimes when you adopt a cat (or probably a kitten) they send you home with a toy or a blanket #or something that smells familiar but they just gave me his bag of food #which tbf he was only at the adoption place for like 2 weeks so it wasn't really his home or anything #crazy to think that ive had him for like 6x longer than the adoption place where i got him #i think it's still a few years until im gonna have had him for longer than his original owners did tho #txt #ángel

you can't even imagine the type of we bare bears fanfiction i was writing in 2020

#no one can. there isn't any we bare bears fanfiction. there isn't a we bare bears fandom 😔#i was doing beautiful things for the we bare bears community in 2020 but no one will ever know bcuz i didn't post any of it #txt

fishandshesmygills

the point of fanfiction is to write something so self indulgent that nobody else has thought of it before or cares

#this is the shit i was doing w/ my big bob and lily fanfic #reblog

paradise isn't immortal (other than in the biological sense) but they were also never really a child And they can die but they probably never will. but there was a period of time before their existence. so age is kind of a hard thing to relate to them other than vaugely gesturing at being like "closer to the beginning of their lifespan than the end"

#they're immortal in that they don't age and don't catch diseases and can't really be injured or killed by anything that's alive etc #but they aren't immortal in the sense that they can't die. obviously. it just needs to be something pretty powerful to kill them #and it's not likely to happen but not impossible. like those jellyfish that just live forever if they're not disturbed #to me they're like if human technology got to a place where we cured all diseases and health issues and were incapable of getting injured #and didn't grow older and were powerful enough to basically face no threat from another lifeform #just technologically advanced past the concept of mortality #but if the sun exploded humans would still be dead obviously. it just has to be something bigger than life itself to kill her #could she kill herself if she wanted to?? yes i think so #could another member of her species kill her/could she kill them? ehhh #it's not really something any of them are interested in trying to figure out the answer to #she's at the beginning of an infinite lifespan. so in some ways she's the youngest she'll ever be #txt #object ocs

i know why ppl like to design humanizations but i genuinely can't even imagine what paradise would look like as a human tbh.... maybe cuz she's an alien/god and is just inherently unhuman compared to everyone else. they're like a biblically accurate angel or some shit. a gijinka of them would probably work better but them being just a regular human with biology doesn't make sense in my head. i can't imagine how they'd present themself as a human cuz they're just kinda everything

but alternatively the idea of her wearing like a tourist dad beach outfit w/ a Hawaiian shirt and flip flops is very funny to me. this is how she'd dress if she was presenting as a human for some reason

#i like the idea of if she was a human her being a mix of every ethnicity tho #thinking cuz people design gijinkas for mephone but then sometimes they just draw him as an actual human and not a robot #(not nearly as often)#and i can't really imagine what paradise would look like in that scenario. i don't even conceive of her as having a biological “age”#tho she is younger i suppose #<- not younger as in shes a child. she's literally younger. just in comparison. still older than everyone else in the story x10 billion #txt #object ocs

i really want to take digital media classes for my college program bcuz it's the only classes that my school offers that are even remotely adjacent to the actual career path i want but the program is soo unpopular im scared the classes are just straight up gonna get canceled randomly 😭 current capacity for the class is 15 people and 5 people were taking it before but someone just dropped the class...... we are not making it out of this one guys

#open enrollment hasn't started yet so maybe more people outside the program will want to take it but im not super optimistic #looking at last semesters stats one class had literally Four people taking it. but i will say that they went ahead with it anyway #so maybe that's normal for digital media #personally there is no amount of money you could pay me to take a class with a college professor and 3 other people sorry #thats like my personal hell. might as well just add us to a group text at that point #my college actually used to have (very recently) a film production credential which i would have loved to take but it doesn't exist anymore #for presumably the same reason that digital production classes have 4 people per semester interested in taking them #ig all the people who would be interested in cameras/audio go to specialized film schools in vancouver but surely not EVERYONE is doing that #LET ME TAKE THE CLASS ON SET DECORATION FOR FILM AND TELEVISION!!!!! DO IT FOR ME!!!!!!!!#actually like 90% of classes in that credential were focused on working w/ hair and wigs for some reason but whatver #maybe thats why no one was taking it 😭😭#txt

having a tumblr artstyle despite not being on tumblr when i was learning to draw literally feels like i was cursed

#it's bcuz i was watching steven universe 😔#txt

i kinda feel like drawing a human for like the first time in years but i genuinely don't even know how to..... it's scary

#before i joined the osc i was already kinda giving up on drawing humans cuz i hated my artstyle #so it's been like. six years since ive drawn anything ive been happy with. almost as long as ive been drawing to begin w/ 😭😭#i guess i have to learn to draw if im going to school for it. but i don't want to #txt

i know my photography teacher hates my ass cuz i keep fixing the formatting of his assignments before submitting them 💔

#txt

Dont call them sneedhons bro

#txt

i know ppl say that actually everyone is struggling and no one knows how to be an adult etc and everyone is miserable all the time but they just have to work 40 hours a week and take care of family and go to school anyway cuz they have responsibilities and they need to work to stay alive. But that literally cannot be true. u guys can't possibly be suffering that much and going about your life without literally killing yourself immediately or becoming an alcoholic. people who feel like me are usually disabled or homeless or living in their parents basement in their 30s. and if they don't have parents or anyone who cares about them then they die. thats why there's homeless people!!!! not everyone can handle it or why would there be so many people who can't handle it. what makes them different from everyone else??

#and I AM MEDICATED btw. imagine what life would be like if i had been going out and doing normal things in 2019 #i would have been a national security threat #also my actual Biological dad has never worked a real job in his entire life and never even finished middle school #hes homeless and extremely mentally ill and has been his whole life. There's a sickness in his brain he just isn't really able to engage #with the world or other people in the way that normal people are supposed to. and it isn't even really his fault #<- except for refusing treatment #its just like the way people are sometimes. and im saying all this cuz it applies to me too lmao #i don't know what level i will ever be able to achieve compared to normal ppl. i couldnt even leave the house five years ago #txt

met with a college academic advisor today and im only planning to take one or maybe 2 classes per semester and he was like so do you have anything going on or responsibilities outside of school that keep you busy (like having a job or taking care of family etc) and im like no 😭😭 i just think if i have more than 4 hours of schoolwork per week including classtime i will jump in front of a moving train

#i wish i had responsibilities or a family or something not bcuz i think i could handle it. i can't even handle being alive #but as justification for being this way when i have nothing and no one depending on me. all i do is sleep or play video games #Life is a neverending nightmare and literally any middle class soccer mom would dream of taking my place. and i would take her place too!!!#if i could have the brain of someone who is capable of existing without just neverending misery and pain and suffering and boredom #if such a person even exists #or have a life that was worth living #i dont really care if im not doing anything my stress threshold is just very VERY low #cuz i spent the better part of a decade doing literally (LITERALLY) nothing but lying in bed all day not leaving the house etc #i have to add things slowly to even get back to a baseline human level of functionality #if you told me to work a part-time job and go to school i would literally rather walk headfirst into traffic. i cant do any of that at all #5 classes a semester is a frankly ridiculous amount of work. No thanks. im going to sleep 16 hours per day and pretend im not alive #txt

collection of my object ocs that i drew today for artfight btw. bubblegum is so fucking large

#some of them look kind of janky but whatever i just needed to finish them quick #txt #object ocs

i honestly wouldn't mind nsfw of my object ocs as long as they aren't underage and it isn't like. weird. but i don't want to just allow ppl to make nsfw art bcuz especially in the osc it feels like the only people who draw object nsfw are weird little freaks. and with objects it isn't really possible to do nsfw art unless you're just straight up drawing them having sex w/ tentacle dick out bcuz otherwise they're just objects. they dont have sexual organs. But if someone drew like a pin-up of starr i would love that. but she doesnt have boobs. she's an orange......

#maybe it's just selection bias but i genuinely dont think ive seen any object nsfw that wasn't straight up rape fetish content #i dont know what's going on over there and i dont care to know 😭😭 just private your account and tag it properly #txt #object ocs

the osc is kinda similar to the furry community in many ways including that like. i feel like you have to be in the furry community to know how to draw furries?? like if someone asked you to draw their fursona and you weren't a furry you might just end up drawing it and it looks like a regular anthropomorphic animal. and if you ask a furry to draw a normal animal it ends up looking like a furry drew it cuz you can just Tell. obviously it's a learned skill but it's something subconscious and the osc has something similar for objects. you can draw objects but you will never be an object show artist unless you put in the work to gain that skill

#this is also why i won't draw furries (along w/ just having no practice with drawing animals) bcuz i know it wouldn't look right #imagine a world where the osc was as well-known and popular as the furry community. people making objectsona cosplays #objectsona adoptions etc #and also widespread hate in the 2010s it would be funny tbh. i mean the osc already has some of that but not to the same level #i think the furry community is more associated with sex and nsfw works whereas that is heavily looked down upon in the osc #since the fanbase skews younger i can't imagine it would ever become as popular just cuz theres no market for object nsfw #also the osc has actual media to form a fanbase around (bfdi and ii and some other popular shows) i dont think furries do indie webseries #it's mostly conventions etc. which is sad. they should do a furry comedy tv series #<- also objectively its easier to do a fursuit than whatever an objectsuit would look like. literally a pickle halloween costume #the osc replacing the furry community as the Worlds most hated fanbase on the internet. like jesus dying on the cross #txt

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there's no happy ending without you