Sick Sad World

This account has not been active sense 2017 -  don't worry about me, everything is gucci

[kuvaton]

[BEAUTY OF MATHEMATICS]

[medverf]

Kelly Puissegur

[badsciencejokes]

…I almost killed myself

I put on my sunglasses, to hide my swollen eyes, over my tears. I cried all my makeup off. Went inside to have a milkshake. I don’t know why. I wanted something to drink as I figured out what I would do. I got a soda and a milkshake. Medium. The cashier looked at me and with a line around the corner of the counter he rushed away from the counter “Hold on “ he yelled to a coworker.

I filled my soda and went back and saw him looking all over. I go up and he gets close and says “I made it a large”.

That was seriously enough for me not to do it. His kindness. Someone went out of their way and as I went back in my car to cry I realized I could muster through a few other days. A few more weeks. Then I came down from that panicky high of anxiety, depression, and pain. I finished my shake. And it was enough time to let me feel better. I… I’m alive. I’ll make it through.

Try and be nice today. Tomorrow. Something as much as a smile. It helped so much.

Thank you man at McDonalds.

The milkshake saved my life

[blackheartseverywhere]

I hope you all can read this and remember to be kind

[the-quiet-priestess]

The smallest of gestures can save a life. My Mum answered her phone when I called and I am alive today because of that.

[badsciencejokes]

I’m glad you’re here.

It’s a phone call, a milkshake, a friend.

[badsciencejokes]

I feel like I shouldn’t keep reblogging this but when I do more people see what kindness can do…. I don’t know. Love everyone as yourself.

[nunyabizni]

Nah, keep rebloging it. It gives hope.

[advocatusjerseydiaboli]

…who orders a soda and a shake at the same time, for themselves?

[badsciencejokes]

I was thirsty and the shake was a desert. Ice cream makes people thirsty… lol

[strawberriessandcigarettess]

Would it just be easier if I killed myself? No more trying to be skinny. No more noisy friends asking about the scars, scabs, and open wounds on my stomach thighs and arms. No more anxiety attacks about stupid things. No more emptiness. No more late nights wondering if living is worth it. No more starving myself. No more working out until I pass out. No more hyperventilating and crying in a ball on my bed because I lost my headphones. No more teachers forcing me to uncross my legs and close my eyes during a guidance class so they can teach us breathing excercises, which ends in my rocking back and forth in a ball in the bathroom floor. No more pain. No more suffering. Just darkness. Simply nothing. Seems nice.

[bradisan-asshole]

That's it I'm fucking done I'm going to kill myself. Not like anyone would care anyway.

[abigailabigailrose]

I’m tired. So fucking tired.

I’m tired of being a disappointment.

I’m tired of being a burden.

I’m tired of feeling suicidal.

I’m tired of being anxious.

I’m tired of the mood swings.

I’m tired of fucking everything up.

I’m tired of pretending.

I’m tired of hiding.

I’m tired of drowning.

I’m tired of these thoughts.

I’m tired of these feelings.

I’m tired of feeling worthless.

I’m tired of feeling useless.

I’m tired of being broken.

I’m tired of not being enough.

I’m tired of the mess in my head.

I’m tired of feeling alone.

I’m tired of feeling.

I’m tired of living.

I just want everything to end.

[abused-beauty]

i would love to just throw myself off a super tall building right about now 

[coco-000]

Feel like I need to convince somebody that I deserve to die.

- 5 out of 7 days are hell for me - Hate my body, hate my soul, hate my mind - I won’t ever get better. I always thought by this age I’ll be alright and have everything sorted, but I am as broken as I was before - isn’t being mentally ill a natural selection? - I won’t be able to do anything that would matter in my whole life. - I can’t afford to have kids and pass this on - I will drag people around me down. I truly believe they will do better without me. I am aware that they will be sad for some time but they’ll heel and I believe in them, that they will be able to do something amazing. - I want to leave before everybody hates me for being me - I am bad shit crazy - There is nobody who’d help me. I begged for help my family, my friends. I went to doctor, I called crisis lines. But the ultimate end is that nobody knows what to do with me and how to help me and I don’t know either.

It is the only option really.

I know I am being quite selfish. I know that people will be sad and all. I know I’ll cause some troubles by this. But isn’t leaving earlier better than later? I don’t want to fall into false hope, that I am ok. Have kids and than make them grow up with the burden of parent that committed suicide. I feel like If I already made a mistake and didn’t kill my self all these years ago, I should do it Asap. Otherwise the story will be the same in next 5, 10, 15 years.

Anybody convinced? Anybody feels the same?

[scars-unwritten]

I. Want. To. Fucking. Die.

[andyouknowitis]

Farewell, Mr Hawking. I’ll always look up.

[traumasurvivorsuggestion]

Me one minute: *flashbacks, dissociation, crying over trauma and life stress* Me the next minute: I kind of want soup

[wowthesaddestpersonalive]

How to tell it’s getting bad again

Physical pains (sore jaw, old injuries acting up)

tired tired tired tired

Can’t think/can’t stop thinking

Sleeping too much/not enough

Early waking

Can’t make eye contact

Picking or scratching at skin, nails, hair, etc

Forgetful

Sex repulsed or sex obsessed

Lonely in crowds

Unjustified assumptions (my friends all hate me)

Too much/too little food

Everything tastes bland?

Headcolds/the flu out of nowhere

Distancing yourself

Spending too much time in bed

Not showering/brushing teeth/brushing hair/taking care of your body

Not able to do laundry

Not turning in assignments

Forgetting about assignments

Zoning out

Defensive

Overly emotional/painfully numb

[01100001-01111001-deactivated20]

[undo-my-scars]

[ithelpstodream]

[suicidality-deactivated20190114]

[mexicanpoetryboy-blog]

Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about killing myself