THE CHIEF BRANDI OFFICER

@brandiedabout

Not Brandi Rhodes. RP blog.

14 posts

Kenny “Been There and Kinda Done That and Even That Was More than Enough” Omega? THAT Kenny? And that’s just as far as I go - Cody? More like “Been There By, I’m Pretty Sure, Only Almost Going There, and That Was Enough to Drive Everyone Out of Their Goddamn Minds, For the Love of Christ, NO MORE.” Kenny is so far off the list, Kenny’s on another list. The “DO NOT DISTURB” list. He is the only person listed. Truly an accomplishment.

Thank you for mentioning Hiromu. It got me to stop thinking about Kenny. I was pulling thorns out of a cactus. Motherfucker. Actually, tell me more about you and Hiromu and maybe I’ll be back in the mood to take my pants off.

Plotting. Making travel plans. Plotting some more.

Oh, sweetie, you have no idea. Anyone you need out of your hair? Just, you know, as an example?

@brandiedabout No Cody. I thought no women but 2019 is weird and I have a WCW now. Why does my personal shopper spray me with a water bottle like a cat when I ask for beer?

I will grudgingly, but respectfully, remove your name from the threesome wish list. We have a much more important bond now, anyway, with you as my property friend.

Because your fifteen zillion orgasms for Kenny are dehydrating you and I take good care of my assets friends. You’ll thank me. Kenny will thank me. You should both thank Yumi. Isn’t she great? Aren’t you glad your previous personal shopper disappeared under mysterious circumstances and got replaced by Yumi?

I am a very rewarding dictator for life friend, so once Yumi deems you hydrated enough, she will buy you a whole keg of Sapporo. What do you saaaayyy?

Cody’s gone on his quest for fulfillment in Jaguars Stadium and the rest of you are making me horny. Really thoughtful timing, there.

Not that this is related or anything, but @enterprisingvillain… you up for some plotting?

enterprisingvillain

I mean. I feel like we need to make the best possible use of our time, don’t we, love? such busy lives and all…

I’m still wrapping my head around watching my husband ride off on a jaguar. I could use the distraction. Give me a good use of my time that isn’t flooding Ibushi’s house for defying me by drinking beer instead of water while he comes every twenty minutes.

enterprisingvillain

who the fuck got him beer?

also am I allowed to try to beat his time with you or are we just plotting platonically? plot-onically?

…please tell me I can still be involved & also how good is Pharaoh at getting Cody to chase him?

His personal shopper, I assume, whom I am trying to have fired. Perhaps with a flamethrower.

Oh, hon, he’s not having the orgasms with me. He and Kenny can’t handle being apart less than a week before they talk each other off relentlessly. Although, that reminds me, since Cody’s not around to convince me not to do this - hey! @goldenxstar! Women! Yes or no? Me! Yes or no? Me AND Cody! Yes or no?

I like to cut to the chase, and also, again, I’M HORNY. I already broke my favorite vibrator. Its name was Kagetsu. I’m not sure why it’s named that.

Now that that’s put of the way. Plotting just gets me hornier, obviously. Nothing plot-onical here, babe. ;)

Also, Cody would chase Pharaoh off a cliff. Dead serious. I’ve had to physically stop both of them. So many time-outs that day in Big Sur.

Plotting. Making travel plans. Plotting some more.

Here I am, busy helping Cody get packed up for his spiritual quest through Jaguars Stadium (we can’t fit all these electrolytes in his wheelie - you want the extras, @goldenxstar?), and a trusted spy stranger telephone operator calls me from the San Francisco airport to inform me that these flight attendants I somehow trusted with getting Cody’s phone to Tokyo are playing hot potato with it?!

So I had to call my trusted assassin stranger snake charmer to leave them a little present in their hotel room.

Remember that part in Kill Bill about black mamba snakes? Not bullshit.

I don’t know what made me think of that.

Cody’s getting a good night’s sleep before he sets off on his journey tomorrow. He’s gonna need it. Jaguars Stadium is a place for very intensive therapeutic work. No one breathe a goddamn word to him about the hot potato, hear me?

In the meantime… let’s start brainstorming, @enterprisingvillain. I want the best plan to enlighten my closeted husband oh, fuck it, closeted husband.

enterprisingvillain

hey, gorgeous. let’s get villainous.

“Get”??!! You think I wasn’t born that way? I’m almost offended.

You’re lucky I’m not fully offended. That tends to end with a phone call.

enterprisingvillain

I don’t want to be on the bad side of your phone calls. like. ever.

Of course not. But...

How about the good side?

Cody’s gone on his quest for fulfillment in Jaguars Stadium and the rest of you are making me horny. Really thoughtful timing, there.

Not that this is related or anything, but @enterprisingvillain… you up for some plotting?

enterprisingvillain

I mean. I feel like we need to make the best possible use of our time, don’t we, love? such busy lives and all…

I'm still wrapping my head around watching my husband ride off on a jaguar. I could use the distraction. Give me a good use of my time that isn't flooding Ibushi's house for defying me by drinking beer instead of water while he comes every twenty minutes.

Cody's gone on his quest for fulfillment in Jaguars Stadium and the rest of you are making me horny. Really thoughtful timing, there.

Not that this is related or anything, but @enterprisingvillain... you up for some plotting?

@brandiedabout It’s not pee, right?

No, and also, what the fuck?

Some people thought electrolytes were pee! And I’m like, I don’t think so, right?

Some people are a lot dumber than you. Never let them tell you otherwise.

Although. What about the reverse? Because, like, we all know journeys of spiritual growth in Jaguars Stadium need to take as long as they take, and what if Cody doesn’t have enough gatorade? I’m just thinking worst-case-scenario, here…

It’s good to think of this. Because if he runs out of gatorade he might have to drink…

*shudders*

WATER.

That is too much torture for anyone.

You keep up what you’re doing right now and you DON’T drink water, I WILL have a guy literally flood your house. Hydrate yourself, Ibushi. Or else.

Can you just send me flavored water?

Are you ki- I mean, fine. FINE. I have to protect my investments friends.

@brandiedabout It’s not pee, right?

No, and also, what the fuck?

Some people thought electrolytes were pee! And I’m like, I don’t think so, right?

Some people are a lot dumber than you. Never let them tell you otherwise.

Although. What about the reverse? Because, like, we all know journeys of spiritual growth in Jaguars Stadium need to take as long as they take, and what if Cody doesn’t have enough gatorade? I’m just thinking worst-case-scenario, here…

It’s good to think of this. Because if he runs out of gatorade he might have to drink…

*shudders*

WATER.

That is too much torture for anyone.

You keep up what you're doing right now and you DON'T drink water, I WILL have a guy literally flood your house. Hydrate yourself, Ibushi. Or else.

Plotting. Making travel plans. Plotting some more.

Here I am, busy helping Cody get packed up for his spiritual quest through Jaguars Stadium (we can’t fit all these electrolytes in his wheelie - you want the extras, @goldenxstar?), and a trusted spy stranger telephone operator calls me from the San Francisco airport to inform me that these flight attendants I somehow trusted with getting Cody’s phone to Tokyo are playing hot potato with it?!

So I had to call my trusted assassin stranger snake charmer to leave them a little present in their hotel room.

Remember that part in Kill Bill about black mamba snakes? Not bullshit.

I don’t know what made me think of that.

Cody’s getting a good night’s sleep before he sets off on his journey tomorrow. He’s gonna need it. Jaguars Stadium is a place for very intensive therapeutic work. No one breathe a goddamn word to him about the hot potato, hear me?

In the meantime… let’s start brainstorming, @enterprisingvillain. I want the best plan to enlighten my closeted husband oh, fuck it, closeted husband.

enterprisingvillain

hey, gorgeous. let’s get villainous.

"Get"??!! You think I wasn't born that way? I'm almost offended.

You're lucky I'm not fully offended. That tends to end with a phone call.

@brandiedabout It’s not pee, right?

No, and also, what the fuck?

Some people thought electrolytes were pee! And I’m like, I don’t think so, right?

Some people are a lot dumber than you. Never let them tell you otherwise.

Although. What about the reverse? Because, like, we all know journeys of spiritual growth in Jaguars Stadium need to take as long as they take, and what if Cody doesn’t have enough gatorade? I’m just thinking worst-case-scenario, here...

@brandiedabout It’s not pee, right?

No, and also, what the fuck?

Plotting. Making travel plans. Plotting some more.

Here I am, busy helping Cody get packed up for his spiritual quest through Jaguars Stadium (we can’t fit all these electrolytes in his wheelie - you want the extras, @goldenxstar?), and a trusted spy stranger telephone operator calls me from the San Francisco airport to inform me that these flight attendants I somehow trusted with getting Cody’s phone to Tokyo are playing hot potato with it?!

So I had to call my trusted assassin stranger snake charmer to leave them a little present in their hotel room.

Remember that part in Kill Bill about black mamba snakes? Not bullshit.

I don’t know what made me think of that.

Cody’s getting a good night’s sleep before he sets off on his journey tomorrow. He’s gonna need it. Jaguars Stadium is a place for very intensive therapeutic work. No one breathe a goddamn word to him about the hot potato, hear me?

In the meantime... let’s start brainstorming, @enterprisingvillain. I want the best plan to enlighten my closeted husband oh, fuck it, closeted husband.

enterprisingvillain

well, @codyhasalastname, can Phone still send messages from the Empress on its way to Tokyo and while you’re… occupied? I think she and I have some very important business to discuss.

Let’s cut out the middleman.

Middle... device.

Whatever.

;)

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