My Head Hurts

I think my head’s gonna explode

[bravo-echo-november]

The effect of Sunrise on the Reaping on me just bled through another franchise. Because I am watching Now You See Me: Now You Don’t and whenever Woody Harrelson shows up on screen all I can see is Haymitch and I then I start tearing up.

[bravo-echo-november]

You know what sent mo to spiral last week? Haymitch calling Katniss “Sweetheart” knowing damn well he only calls one person that.

Haymitch sobers up for Katniss, seeing Louella in her, and in that moment finds the chance to help a friend he once failed.

[bravo-echo-november]

Watching Hunger Games and Catching Fire after finishing Sunrise on the Reaping is not a great idea. I am a fucking wreck.

I don’t even know if I’m gonna survive the movie next November.

[bravo-echo-november]

In the next few days I’m gonna vent out my opinions on Sunrise on the Reaping in here. I’ve been keeping a lot of it inside, and like Prim, I’m gonna blow up.

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The quarantine is making people crazy.

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When you are in love, you can’t focus at anything other than your s/o, at least that’s what happening to me. Maybe it’s different to other people, so let me tell you what love do to me. I’m a very anxious, paranoid, crazy person, and it’s hard to be paranoid when you’re in a relationshipc cause the moment you didn’t replied to me within the span of 2 to 1 hour since I sent you a message, I’m starting to think scenarios on what is happening. Is it because you don’t want to talk to me? Or maybe something happened to you. Are you talking to someone else? A lot is going through my head. And the only thing that can make me feel relax is when you explain to me what happened and some proof to show that you’re not lying.

[bravo-echo-november]

If the reply is forced, stop messaging: a thread

No, this is not about that thread, it’s just a title. But it’s just not a title, it’s the reason why my heart got broke again. Let take you back from the beginning.

The year is 2020, in the middle of the pandemic. Before the lockdown/quarantine got implemented. Me and a bunch of my work friends decided to make a bumble account, with my face and name, just for fun. Plus I’m single so what am I gonna lose right? Turns out, a lot.

Then things about the pandemic started to get worse, so our government started to implement the lockdown and home quarantine.

During this quarantine, I got bored, then I remembered that I have a bumble on my phone so I started to used it for a bit. I’ve spent almost 2 days and most of the guy I matched with were neither doesn’t replied or I accidentally swiped right. The next day I got a notification on my phone that there’s a new connection, and that’s not all, there’s a message. So I looked at it, I scroll through his profile and he seems a pretty nice guy, plus he messaged me first which is very nice because I usually messaged first.

So we started to talk, then I decided to give my number to him so that we can message each other outside bumble, because I tell you, bumble’s push notification is not that great. So after I gave him my number he messaged me on iMessage. So we continue out conversation there. We talked a lot that night then he said that he had to go to sleep because he had to work the next day, he’s working from home by the way because of the lockdown, so I tell him goodnight yada-yada-yada sleep, *BAM* next day

Now here’s the part where everything gets wonky.

The next day, we haven’t talked that much because he had to work, I understand that. He sometimes reply when he had time, but not the usual replies, sometimes it’s barely a sentence. That night he fell asleep completely without saying that he’s going to sleep, I let it slide since I don’t have the rights to get mad at him because first of all we’re not in a relationship, I don’t even know where are we at that point, are we dating? Am I supposed to call him my boyfriend?

The next day it’s still the same except, he told me that he’s gonna stay up all night to finish the work load for the next day so that he doesn’t need to work that much. Then I thought to myself, finally we can have some quality time together, he can talk to me without interruption. Or so I thought.

The next day he woke up late, he didn’t message me right away, and that night he barely talk to me, but wait, he had an excuse, he was facetiming his friends. So, me, as an understanding human being I told him go, talk to your friends, what do you want me to say, tell him to get off that call and talk to me instead? I wish I said that, maybe if I had been more assertive I would saved what we had back then.

Now we’re on the last day so bear with me. That morning I had a bad dream because the previous night I was getting paranoid because he hasn’t messaged me yet, he didn’t even told me if he’s done talking to his friends or if he’s about to go to sleep, nada. So I got so anxious till I fell asleep. I dreamt that night that he told me to stop messaging him for no reason. So you know how I felt that morning. I was on edge because when I woke up there’s no message from him from the previous night, even a goodnight or anything.

He messaged me later that afternoon, again we barely talked, he barely replied, and sometimes he’s messages are out of topic. And we were talking for days back then so I thought things will go smoothly but it didn’t.

So here it is, the part where it all went down.

I was scrolling throughy twitter, we’re following each other on twitter by the way, when I came across a tweet that he liked. You know how you can see people’s liked tweet on your news feed, I saw this tweet that he liked and I tell you when I saw what was the tweet about, my heart sank.

You probably have a clue already on what that tweet’s about, right? If you haven’t, I’m gonna give you a clue.

Hint: Look at the title

Yup, he just liked that thread. And the thread consists of tips on how to spot if the one your texting with is getting bored of you or just too coward to tell you to stop texting them.

And as a weak as bitch, I seek help from my friends. Some of them told me to talk to him about it, ask if it’s really about what’s going on between us. Some of them told me to just ignore it, that maybe I was reading on to things.

Guess what I did.

Yup, I confronted him about it. Well more on like I told him that I saw the tweet and I thanked him for the last couple of days yada-yada-yada then I told him goodbye.

Then with that long message that I sent, all he replied was, “why?”

A fucking “why?”

One word.

So I sent him the screenshot of the tweet with his named on the top of it “(name) liked this” and told him that I saw it, that maybe I liked him a lot that’s why it hurts so much, that I thought we were on the same page, because I tell you, he was really looking forward to see me, after the lockdown has been lifted.

So I sent him that long answer/message to his question “why?” And all he respond was, “what? no” without even defending himself. Like, he didn’t even fight for it. And till now, I’m still on read after I told him that I’m sorry if I misinterpreted the situation.

But there’s a good thing that happened after this mess. There’s a light after this darkness.

Stay tuned.

[bravo-echo-november]

IT MUST COME TO AN END

Half of the show I’m watching is either coming to an end or cancelled. There’s no good in the world anymore.

[bravo-echo-november]

Cancelled

You know what’s a heart break feels like? Its like when you found out that the show that you’re binge watching for less than 4 hours is cancelled because the network didn’t find the show appealing to other viewers.

[bravo-echo-november]

CC Frosting

For me, the most amazing thing that happened in this world is cream cheese frosting.

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Haunted by Hill House

Hill house is the most fascinating house that I ever seen. Even though it’s scary, I wanna live there for an unknown reason.

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BH6

I watched Big Hero six today and I opened up a bottle of emotions that I can’t put back inside so now I’m crying over Tadashi’s death, again.

[bravo-echo-november]

Sorry my life is not as productive as yours.

[bravo-echo-november]

Finale

I still haven’t watch the season 2 finale of Queer Eye because season 3 is not out yet, it’s not even announced yet. I am afraid to watch it because I have a feeling that I’m gonna miss them so much.

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QE

I’m so obsessed with Queer Eye rn.

[bravo-echo-november]

Deep-Press

I’m seeing a pattern in myself. Whenever I feel down, I always found comfort when watching The Fault In Our Star. I think I’m depressed.

[bravo-echo-november]

Two Things

It’s either I’m watching Netflix or watching YouTube.