listen 👂🏼 SWEETIE 🙄✋ i may be UGLY 🙊🙅🏽😤 but at least 💋💯 i’m BROKE 💅🏽💅🏽🐸☕️

oozey mess

if i look back, i am lost
almost home

★

ellievsbear
Sweet Seals For You, Always
RMH
One Nice Bug Per Day

No title available
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
noise dept.
Monterey Bay Aquarium
sheepfilms
Misplaced Lens Cap
AnasAbdin
$LAYYYTER

祝日 / Permanent Vacation

pixel skylines

No title available
No title available

seen from Türkiye
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from France

seen from Japan

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States
seen from Romania

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from France
seen from Malaysia
@bread-n-butta
listen 👂🏼 SWEETIE 🙄✋ i may be UGLY 🙊🙅🏽😤 but at least 💋💯 i’m BROKE 💅🏽💅🏽🐸☕️
I went to high school with a kid who would only drink out of a baby bottle. He brought a large baby bottle to school every day. At first, we thought that he was using it to sneak alcohol or something, but he wasn’t. He would bring it filled with chocolate milk and then fill it up with Coca-Cola and Sprite during lunch. He’d buy a can of each and mix them together. Like I said, it was a large bottle.
I didn’t know the kid that well and I didn’t have any classes with him so I never really talked to him that much. I knew his name. His name was Kevin. Sometimes I’d see him at parties on the weekends. He still had his baby bottle. He would fill it with beer and rum.
He dated my sister’s friend, Emily, for a little while. I had known Emily for a long time. She had been a friend of my sister’s since they were five or six. They were really good friends. She spent a lot of time at our house for sleepovers and stuff. Sometimes she would pee the bed, but I never made fun of her for it. I think most older brothers would have loved the opportunity to make fun of their sister’s friend for peeing the bed and I think she really appreciated that I never mentioned it even though I definitely knew about it because after the sixth or seventh time, my parents started paying me to clean everything up instead of having to do it themselves.
I asked Emily why Kevin only ever drank out of a baby bottle and she said that she didn’t know. They had only been dating for a very short time at that point and she didn’t want to bring it up and offend him or anything. I asked her to tell me if she ever found out. They broke up right after that and I kind of forgot about it because Kevin stopped going to school. I don’t know if he transferred or dropped out, but I never saw him at lunch or any parties after that.
I hadn’t thought about him in a long time, but Emily happened to mention him while she was over at our house recently and I immediately remembered the baby bottle thing.
“Did you ever find out why he drank out of that bottle?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, he told me why,” Emily said. “He used it because he heard that babies that drink out of bottles for too long or drink sweet drinks out of them get really bad teeth problems. He wanted all of his teeth to go bad so that they would fall out and he would be able to fit a softball in his mouth. He said that he wanted to have the world record for being the first person to be able to put a whole softball in his mouth and he wouldn’t be able to do that with all of those teeth in the way.”
What the fuck did I just read
this kid’s post and his replies to people’s questions are so pure I’m sobbing
What’s better— the thread is filled with people giving some good advice on how to respect a woman’s boundaries and how to ask what she would be okay with, publicly. Lots of trans girls thanking him for being so patient and thoughtful with his words, and lots of people cautioning him that his purpose as a boyfriend would be to keep her safe, even from his own friends and family if need be. A+ shit right here.
i just took this test as a joke to see if i can survive during an apocalypse and got this result
but the funniest part is
POISON IVY?
here’s the link if anyone wants to try it
share your results too please. im interested!
omg took it and result says id die in two days
pretty accurate for a wimp like me
@fluidityandgiggles Your tags are exactly what I was thinking when I, also an asexual, was told I would be responsible for the survival of the human race.
Hi, I’m another asexual responsible for the survival of the human race.
Do not like the idea of being responsible for anything more than an atom.
Hey, the coffee statement is valid.
Got the same ^^ 😖 Well, if the zombies didn’t kill me, childbirth in a post-apocalyptic wilderness most certainly will! 😵
I’m also an ace who is “Responsible for the survival of the human race.” Guess the human race is just gonna die out lmao
I am demisexual and also responsible for the survival of the human race. Saddle up boys we have some talkin to do
Another ace responsible for the survival of the human race.
aroace responsible for the survival of the human race.
I died in 6 days for being too trusting…yeah,sounds like me. 😭
Sounds like maybe the test knows human race isn’t supposed to survive
Me thinking about a joke I told last week
what the fuck, that’s way funnier than the screengrabs
The fact that nobody is talking about Secret’s new commercials pisses me off
This makes me so happy ☺️
Yesssss😭 I damn near cried
I LOVE THIS OMFG
YOOOOOOOOOOO THATS AMAZING!!!!!
Can someone help me understand I wanna cry to ..I feel something went over my head
The woman in the bathroom is trans and is scared that if she comes out of the stall the women that walked in will insult or harass her. but when she comes out they compliment her on her dress instead. The add ends with saying “stress tested for women.” It means Secret is including trans women in their definition of women.
I have reblogged this three times now, each one mentioning the fact that Secret not only included a trans woman, but that they /had the other women compliment her dress and treat her with respect/. I will reblog this every time I see it because it’s so important. More companies should involve trans people in their marketing - we do exist. Props to Secret for getting in on this movement. It makes me really happy to see more of the trans community represented in daily television.
i’ll be honest i’m not even sure half of these are vines but here we go
VINES ARE THERAPY
imcrying
hit it
A porcupine’s Halloween present (+ original sound effects)
I had no idea giant porcupines made fucking precious sounds
THAT’S THE SOUND IT MAKES!?!?!?
UN-BE-FUCKING-LIEVABLE
We got asked if this is cute and okay. I can very happily say yes, this is stupid cute and those are happy porcupine noises.
One of my favorite things about doing zoo work was all the noises you never realize the animals make when they’re excited or interested in a new thing. Coatimundis squeak and snuffle, and giant porcupines make that sound.
Omgggg the sounds.
Teddy is back on my dash and all is right with the world
WE ALMOST TO OCTOBRE POST OF PUNKINBEARS
story time.
the look in your eyes is what gets me.
“so i return to my body.. from the other plane of existence.. in which i scream”
DEAD
“Story time.
I have this one white friend.
And - [mocking] I have this one white friend, I’m not racist. And like - where was I even going with this? [laughs] She’s not even my friend, she’s just someone I know. Okay, whatever, ‘kay, so this one white person that I know - [under breath] (I know a lot, my entire town is white.) Anyway, um, one day, she comes up to me, and she’s like,
“Jenny, what are you?” and, you know, that’s like white person talk for like, [sarcastic mocking] “what FUCKING country do you come from? Like obviously you’re not from here.” And I’m like, “um, I’m Chinese.”
And she’s like “What? You’re Chinese?”
And I’m like, “Yeah, I don’t know why that’s so much of a surprise.”
And she’s like “Well, I thought you said you were Asian.”
And - [deep breath] [pause] there was a moment, a good minute and a half, where I left my body and ascended onto another plane, and I screamed into the abyss of that plane [pause] because she did not know that Asian and Chinese are… I, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t even… you know, whatever.
So, return to my body, from the [pause] other plane of existence in which I scream. A lot. And I tell her: “You know, China, China, you see, the country that I’m from, is a part of Asia.”
And she’s like, “Where’s Asia?”
[whispers] She asked me. Where Asia is.
And I say, “Well, Asia consists of, you know..” and I list the different Asian countries and she’s like “Whaat?”
And I’m like [sarcastically] it’s, it’s this thing, you know, that you learn about in like third grade geography. It’s a continent! And she’s like “A continent?”
And I’m like “Yes.”
And she goes, “so it’s not a country?”
I’m like, “No.”
And she’s like “What’s the difference?”
And I’m like [deep breath] “America, you see, has like North, Central, South, so like, take somewhere from Canada; they are North American but they’re also Canadian…”
And she’s like “I don’t understand.”
And I’m like “It’s okay, just know that I am both Asian AND Chinese” and you know what, she is still confused to this day, and I [pause] am still on the other plane of existence, screaming, as I tell this story to you. So you can come join me, on the separate plane of existence.”
I WILL ALWAYS REBLOG THIS SHIT BECAUSE IT IS TOO REAL, TOO TRUE.
I’m actually crying
sometimes i just sit and think about ways a genie can grant wishes.
My Daughter, The Jock
Oh no, I’m crying.
This is one of my favorite things about being a parent: how you learn things that you might not have had to otherwise. That’s the thing about it–yes, I love my daughter and she is the focus of my parenting goals, but my experiences with her have helped me learn and grow in ways I never expected, and I’m grateful.
@warriormale there’s some themes in here you’ll like
Yes, I agree.
In the world of training and fighting, everyone trains.
Everyone!
We all train and grow together!
No one is left behind!
WarriorMale
“Yoink” is the opposite of “Yeet”
But it’s just as fast
The Lord yeeteth and the Lord yoinketh away
a fools guide to not wanting to die anymore
by me, a fool who doesnt wanna die anymore
never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.
find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.
talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore
picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else
if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.
… 8|
That’s some pretty good advice. I don’t know what’s left of my humor after ‘guess I’ll just die’ jokes but it’s worth a shot.
Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining
This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.
Here’s a tip I picked up from a friend that’s helped me a lot — replace self deprecating jokes with ironically self aggrandizing jokes
Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”
Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”
When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?
And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so used to it that you can say nice stuff about yourself even when you AREN’T joking
This is so important
dnd culture
(enemy mini gets knocked over) (players all shouting) HES DEAD! LOOK HE HAD A HEART ATTACK HE’S DEAD
“NATURAL FUCKING 20″
(dm introduces a child or animal npc) (players adopt it on the spot)
player after their character gets knocked unconscious: i’m dead
dm and other players: you’re UNCONSCIOUS.
this is literally what it’s like to be 21