Serviam! (i will serve)

"Sanctify yourself and you will sanctify society." - St. Francis of Assisi I'm a 20-something Catholic missionary with FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. Just livin' the dream, running toward JESUS, inviting others to join me, and changing the world, one soul at a time.

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Only One Was Healed

There was a woman afflicted with hemorrhages for twelve years.  She had suffered greatly at the hands of many doctor and had spent all that she had.  Yet, she was not helped, but only grew worse.  She had heard about Jesus and came up behind Him in the crowd and touched His cloak.  She said, "If I but touch His clothes, I shall be cured."  Immediately, her flow of blood dried up.  She felt in her body that she was healed of her affliction. Jesus, aware at once that poser had gone out from Him, turned around in the cord and asked, "Who has touched my clothes?"  But His disciples said to Him, "You see how the crowd is pressing upon You, and yet You ask, 'Who touched Me?'"  And He looked around to see who had done it.  The woman, realizing what had happened to her, approached in fear and trembling.  She fell down before Jesus and told Him the whole truth.  He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has saved you.  God in peace and be cured of your affliction."     - Mk. 5:25-34

Today's Gospel is one of my favorites.  I once heard a priest reflect on this passage.  He said, "Many touched Him (JESUS).  Only one was healed."  This struck me to the core.  "Many touched Him.  Only one was healed."  What made the hemorrhaging woman different than the others?  JESUS tells us the answer. "Daughter, your faith has made you well."

Faith.  It seems simple enough, but what is it, really?  And didn't the others who touched Him also have faith?  What made this woman's faith different?

True faith, like the faith that made the woman well, is having expectation.  Expectation that the LORD will hear you.  Expectation that He will heal your wounds.  Expectation that He will fulfill His promises.  Expectation that He will make you whole.

This confidence can only come from authentic love.  The woman's love for our Lord was so much greater than the fear she could have felt: fear of what people would think, fear of ridicule, fear of failure...  She could have let those doubts and fears keep her at home, or off to the side, but she didn't...for perfect love casts out all fear.

She pushed her way through the large, bustling crowd, all the way to JESUS, and reached out her hand.  Not an easy task, I'm sure, but she was determined, hopeful, expectant.  She approached the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords with holy fear and joyful expectation...and she was healed.  

Everything changed for her that day.  She was made new and everything was different.  Her love for Him, and His love for her...their love for each other changed everything.        

Is there is something you are holding back from Christ?  Something you're trying to hide?  Is there a wound you have just decided to live with?  Let His love change you.  He invites you to cast your burdens on him.  He beckons to you, to come with faith like a child - full of expectation and confidence in His Divine Providence.  He is waiting to heal you.  Approach Him and tell Him the whole truth.  Take confidence in this Love and expect great things.  Receive His Love, and it will change everything.  

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So, if you haven't been living under a rock, you've probably heard the song, "Call Me, Maybe?"  You know, the one that just oozes teeny-bopper pop, yet gets everyone moving...including the Harvard baseball team.  :)

Well, I must confess.  The very first time I heard Carly Rae belt out the incredibly catchy chorus, every awkward encounter I've had as a FOCUS missionary flashed before my eyes.  

For instance...  

Barehanding on campus?  Check.  

In the coffee shop?    Check.  

In the bathroom at the coffee shop?  Totally guilty.  

How about stalking anyone with a Catholic high school T-shirt on?  Or a crucifix/Rosary around their neck?  Double check.  

What about the times I chased a girl down the stairs?  (Okay, that wasn't me...but Betsy Helow's raising her hand!)    ;)

Tell me, what missionary hasn't said, at least once (okay, at least once a day), "Hey! I know I just met you, and this may seem crazy, but here's my number.  Call me.  Maybe we can get coffee?"  

I mean, COME ON!!!  Is this the perfect anthem for FOCUS missionaries?  Yes, or yes?

Therefore, I propose a new design for our business cards this year.  Or, at least, a clever tool for Fall outreach.  Whaddya say? 

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"In stillness, Earth awaits the Resurrection."  

Ah, what a perfect Holy Saturday morning.  The rainy weather and overcast sky is a perfect outward representation of how I feel on the inside...sluggish, melancholic, conflicted.  Conflicted by the beauty of nature that surrounds me, and the power of destruction that looms so close.  

The beauty of nature: new life springing forth, and the cleansing of the rain.  The power of destruction: bolts of lightening, heavy winds and flash floods.

Does it ever occur to you the very real conflict that surrounds us every day?  That the most powerful things can cause both good and bad, life and death.  For instance, rain can be both refreshing and depressing: it can cleanse and invigorate, helping to grow new life, or it can drench and drown, killing the life that struggles to remain.  Consider also the sun, often bringing light and warmth.  Consider how too much sun can be blinding and burn.

As powerful as these forces may be, the powers of the natural world are only a small sign of the powers of the spiritual world in action.

Consider the Easter Triduum, where the power of love brought both suffering and redemption, brokenness and healing.  Refining fire and perfect holiness.  The crucifixion and resurrection.  Death and life.  We cannot have one without the other.

But, today, we live in the in-between; so close, yet so far.  We are stuck in the waiting room of our hearts, and it hurts...a lot!  My soul is in a tug-of-war with itself, enduring the constant back-and-forth struggle as I remember the suffering and pain of yesterday, then allow my heart to hope for the joy and redemption of tomorrow.  And so it continues.  Back and forth.  Back and forth.  The swelling and constricting of my heart creates so much tension I feel like it could just burst. 

And I can't help but think about how Jesus's disciples, the Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene, and all His friends felt on this haunting morning so many years ago.  

Jesus - their son/brother/friend, the Lamb of God who was supposed to redeem the world - was gone.  Falsely accused, battered and bruised.  Scourged, crowned with thorns, hung on a cross to die.  Their last hope, wrapped up and laid in a tomb.  Everything they'd sacrificed for, endured persecution for, the one person they trusted and believed in...gone.

Have you ever lost a close friend or family member?  In my experience, the day after their death was WAY worse than the day they died.  The day the died was a blur.  You're in shock and you walk around in a daze.  Time seems to have stopped, all food has lost its flavor, and you see the world in black and white.  Then, all of a sudden, the initial shock of the tragedy wears off.  You wake up and your heart, broken in a million pieces, begins to ache for your best friend.  Everything reminds you of them.  You can't stop the tears.  You know life will never be the same.  

If we can have such strong emotions for an imperfect, mortal soul, I can't even imagine how the Saints felt.  I can only imagine this day, Holy Saturday, was the loooooongest day for the followers of Jesus.  

Were they hopeful, waiting with baited breath, waiting for Him to rise from the dead like He promised?  Were they in shock?  Did they despair?  What was their prayer like?  What did they feel and how did they deal with this tragedy?  

On this Holy Saturday morning, these questions tumble around inside my heart.  I wish I had the answers.  I wish I could be a fly on that wall.  I wish I knew what I should be feeling, what I should pray, how I should speak to those who think GOD is dead in their lives.  

I encourage you to struggle with these questions in your own life.  Is JESUS real?  Are you hopeful of His resurrection, or do you succumb to despair?  Is GOD alive in your life?  

Take it to prayer today.  Take some time away from the hustle and bustle of the cooking, baking, easter egg hunts and other commercial propaganda.  Spend some time in quiet, stillness of your soul.

Consider the words of Mother Teresa, "Silence.  Be alone with Him in your heart.  Our Lady was silent, even at the Cross."  Rest in silence.  Rest in His most Sacred Heart.  For "our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee." (St. Augustine)

Embrace the tension of the day.  Let the uncomfortable silence bring you comfort and peace.  If you sit in it long enough, it will.  

Let the power of His love destroy any evil thing inside of you, and bring you to everlasting life.

Amen.

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I Wish I May, I Wish I Might

Over the past few weeks, (almost) every time I've looked at the clock, it's the "make a wish" time.  You know, when the numbers repeat themselves: 1:11, 3:33, 10:10, etc.

Now, I'm not big on wishes.  Instead, I prefer to work hard to make things happen.  However, this has been happening SO frequently, that I've begun to think the Lord is trying to tell me something.  Today, I listened.  

He said, "Brea, ask and you shall receive.  Seek and you will find.  Knock, and the door will be opened to you.  Anything your little heart desires, I desire to give to you.  All you have to do is ask."  

WOW!  I feel like a little girl in my daddy's arms.  Protected, cared for, loved...spoiled! (Like every little princess should be.)  :)  Truly, He is SOOOOOO good to me.  Anything I wish for, I can have (provided it is good for me.)  What an AMAZING Father.  

So, why am I not wishing for the moon?  I guess now is the perfect time to start.

What are YOU wishing for today?

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The Immaculate Conception

Happy Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception!  I'm not usually (read: hardly ever) a fan of poetry, but this is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee. 

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The Blessed Virgin Compared to the Air We Breathe

  by: Gerard Manley Hopkins

  Wild air, world-mothering air, 

  Nestling me everywhere, That each eyelash or hair

Girdles; goes home betwixt The fleeciest, frailest-flixed Snowflake; that’s fairly mixed

With, riddles, and is rife

In every least thing’s life;

This needful, never spent, And nursing element; My more than meat and drink, My meal at every wink;

This air, which, by life’s law, My lung must draw and draw Now but to breathe its praise, Minds me in many ways Of her who not only Gave God’s infinity Dwindled to infancy Welcome in womb and breast, Birth, milk, and all the rest But mothers each new grace That does now reach our race—

Mary Immaculate, Merely a woman, yet Whose presence, power is Great as no goddess’s Was deemèd, dreamèd; who This one work has to do— Let all God’s glory through, God’s glory which would go Through her and from her flow Off, and no way but so.

I say that we are wound

With mercy round and round As if with air: the same Is Mary, more by name. She, wild web, wondrous robe, Mantles the guilty globe, Since God has let dispense Her prayers his providence: Nay, more than almoner, The sweet alms’ self is her And men are meant to share Her life as life does air.

If I have understood, She holds high motherhood Towards all our ghostly good And plays in grace her part About man’s beating heart, Laying, like air’s fine flood, The deathdance in his blood;

Yet no part but what will Be Christ our Saviour still. Of her flesh he took flesh: He does take fresh and fresh, Though much the mystery how, Not flesh but spirit now And makes, O marvellous!

New Nazareths in us, Where she shall yet conceive Him, morning, noon, and eve; New Bethlems, and he born There, evening, noon, and morn— Bethlem or Nazareth, Men here may draw like breath More Christ and baffle death; Who, born so, comes to be New self and nobler me In each one and each one More makes, when all is done, Both God’s and Mary’s Son.

Again, look overhead How air is azurèd; O how! nay do but stand Where you can lift your hand Skywards: rich, rich it laps Round the four fingergaps. Yet such a sapphire-shot, Charged, steepèd sky will not Stain light. Yea, mark you this: It does no prejudice.

The glass-blue days are those When every colour glows, Each shape and shadow shows. Blue be it: this blue heaven The seven or seven times seven Hued sunbeam will transmit Perfect, not alter it. Or if there does some soft, On things aloof, aloft, Bloom breathe, that one breath more Earth is the fairer for.

Whereas did air not make This bath of blue and slake His fire, the sun would shake, A blear and blinding ball With blackness bound, and all The thick stars round him roll Flashing like flecks of coal, Quartz-fret, or sparks of salt, In grimy vasty vault.

So God was god of old:

A mother came to mould Those limbs like ours which are What must make our daystar Much dearer to mankind; Whose glory bare would blind Or less would win man’s mind.

Through her we may see him Made sweeter, not made dim, And her hand leaves his light Sifted to suit our sight.

Be thou then, O thou dear Mother, my atmosphere; My happier world, wherein To wend and meet no sin; Above me, round me lie Fronting my froward eye With sweet and scarless sky; Stir in my ears, speak there Of God’s love, O live air, Of patience, penance, prayer: World-mothering air, air wild, Wound with thee, in thee isled, Fold home, fast fold thy child.

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Advent(ures)

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: I'm good at everything I do. Awesome, in fact. Pretty much, all I do is win, win, win. :)

For as long as I can remember, I have excelled in many endeavors: music, theater, school work, leadership roles, sales, party hostess, making grilled cheese sandwiches...pretty much, everything I touch turns to solid gold. Maybe it's my competitive nature. Maybe it's my "Go big or go home" philosophy. Maybe it's just because I'm that good. Whatever the reason, the reality remains: things come naturally to me and people love me.

Thus, imagine my surprise when I recently realized the real, gut-wrenching reality: I'm only good at everything I do, because I only do things I'm good at.

Whoa. Wait a minute. Is that true?

Yes, dear self, I'm afraid it is.

Looking back, I can see that I've put effort into doing things I enjoyed, which happened to be things I was good at. (Wow, hind sight really is 20/20.) Now I see, I probably enjoyed these activities because they were easy, felt good, and I often received praise and recognition for my efforts and accomplishments.

Wow. That sure doesn't sound like the heart of a woman pursuing virtue.

No, it sure doesn't.

So, now I wonder if the applause and ovations have gone to my head. Maybe I allowed the acclaim and outward approval to dictate my actions. Maybe I have limited myself by believing that because I am good at these things, I should do them, and I don't think to pursue other things. Of this, I am not completely certain.

However, there is one thing I can be sure of: because I've only done what came naturally to me, I haven't had to work very hard to achieve praiseworthy results. Add to that a strong aversion to following through with things that I don't enjoy or that I'm not naturally good at, and we come to an extremely humbling conclusion: I sincerely lack the virtues of perseverance and fortitude in times of adversity.

...because I haven't really faced much adversity (at least, nothing really worth mentioning).

...because if it looks scary or difficult, I usually run the other way.

Of course, I never really scared. No way! Often without even realizing it, I simply take one look at the mountain, know I can't conquer it on the first try, and quickly realize I actually want to go fishing! Potential crisis of struggle, embarrassment, and failure so easily averted.

And thus, the cycle continues...until Advent comes.

I LOVE Advent. I really, really do. The anticipation. The preparation. The challenge to repentance & change. All difficult for me but, for some crazy reason, I love it. Maybe it's because I'm a planner. Maybe because it's so counter-cultural. Maybe its just the twinkle lights and sparkly decorations that make the tough stuff an easier pill to swallow.

Regardless of reason, it's time to stop this self-indulgent cycle. I know that if I want to grow, it's gotta hurt. G.K. Chesterton sums it up well, “An adventure is the voluntary acceptance of discomfort.” Pope Benedict XVI agrees, "You were not made for comfort, you were made for greatness."

Thus, my "New {liturgical} Year" resolution:

Each week, I am going to do (at least) one thing I am either scared to try or know I will be bad at, or both.

It is my hope that I will fall flat on my face or, at the very least, stumble enough that I must reach out to others for help. I will do my best to chronicle my adventures (see definition above) on this blog for all to see (and hold me accountable.)

Well, here goes nothing! Let's go, Advent. It's a new year. Let's make it an uncomfortable one.

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Leave a Comment: What comforts are you leaving behind this Advent?

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"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." - J.R.R. Tolkien (Taken with Instagram at Home Sweet Home)

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A wonderful night at the Rock & Worship Road Show.  Pic is pretty blurry, but I wanted to share it anyway.  

Thank you, Kemi, for stopping to say, "Hi!"  Thank you, Matt Maher for lifting my heart to Heaven with "Christ is Risen."  Thank you, Jars of Clay, for rocking "Flood."  Thank You, JESUS, for loving me more than I will ever know.  Amen.

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Bowling with my brother, Martin, for his 17th birthday.  Happy Birthday, Martin!!! (Taken with instagram)

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"an adventure is the voluntary acceptance of discomfort." (G.K. Chesterton) Well, here goes nothing! (Taken with instagram)

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"She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household." (Taken with instagram)

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A video overview of the first ever FOCUS International Conference in Samos, Spain.

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"There are growing numbers of people who, though having received the Gospel announcement, have forgotten or abandoned it and no longer identify themselves in the Church; and many environments, even in traditionally Christian societies, are reluctant to open themselves to the word of faith."  - Bl. John Paul the Great

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25 Things I Learned in Spain

1.  "In the world, not of the world."  It's awesome.

2.  Free, clean water is a luxury.

3.  The Catholic Church is alive: bruised, but not broken.

4.  How to follow (instead of lead).

5.  I can do all things through Christ, Who strengthens me.

6.  I don't mind the heat as much as I thought.  In fact, I kind of like the feeling of the warm sun on my skin.  But I HATE humidity.  Period.

7.  People are the same, no matter where you are.  (Especially moms.)

8.  The body of CHRIST is beautiful - unified in suffering, unified in the spite of our differences.

9.  Sangria; tinto y limon; bread with honey, EVOO & cinnamon = delish.

10.  The language of love speaks to all hearts.

11.  Dr. Pepper is not as essential to my survival as I thought.

12.  Daily exercise is amazing.

13.  Prayer is essential to my survival.

14.  Someone else always has it worse than you.

15.  Beauty for the sake of beauty is glorious.  

16.  I miss the theater.

17.  Speaking multiple languages is necessary to better understand the hearts of people.

18.  I don't dream big enough.  I limit the LORD often.  (Is. 55:9)

19.  There is a HUGE need for a renewal of liturgical music.

20.  I want to take choral conducting class.

21.  I am not as detached from material things as I thought.

22.  I do not like taking the metro.

23.  In the routine of daily life (going from here to there), I often ignore strangers around me, instead of engaging them in conversation/smiling/etc.  

24.  The USA has a lot more influence on Europe than I ever knew.

25.  JESUS loves me.  More than I will ever know.

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The first ever FOCUS International Conference in Samos, Spain.  

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Archbishop Dolan (NY) teaches Friday morning Catechesis to the English-speaking pilgrims of WYD.  Fast forward to about 1:24:00.  This is a MUST SEE!!!

Here are the highlights:

*We are all called to be missionaries!!!

1.  CHARITY:

we must love GOD more than anything else

"Martyrs' blood is the seed of the faith." - Tertullian 

any act of service, evangelization, etc. MUST be rooted in love

JPII's "Law of the Gift" tells us we are happiest when we give ourselves away in love to another

2.  JOY: the infallible sign of GOD's presence

true joy is contagious

others are attracted, not to us, but to the presence of CHRIST in us

Mother Teresa spells J.O.Y. = Jesus.  Others.  You.

3.  HOPE: tells us GOD makes us promises...and keeps them!

when the world sees us never losing our hope, they want to know why

Cardinal Van Thuan

4.  LOVE FOR THE CHURCH: Jesus Christ is the living Lord, living in the Church 

"Saul, Saul, why did you persecute me?"  Why did you persecute me, not my people or my believers, etc.

Spirituality without religion is like a general without an army or a shepherd without a flock

The Church is scarred, bruised, broken, scandalous, etc. - BUT the Church is CHRIST.  They are one.  When JESUS was hanging on the Cross, we was most GOD.