Step one: Let yourself feel everything. Lie in your bed at night remembering the times they made you blush and the times that you dreamed about living them forever. The way they smiled like sunshine and how their touch would flood you with warmth on the coldest days. Remember everything. Listen to all the songs you collected that somehow reminds you of them and smile or cry or eat ice cream with tears streaming down your face. Write down all your memories and thoughts or vent to someone. You’re allowed to feel everything freely and you’re allowed to vulnerable for a while.
Step two: accept. Accept that it has happened and it is nobody’s fault. It simply was not meant to be and life was not meant to go in that direction. But be thankful for all the happy memories and lessons they taught you. For a moment in life they were yours, and that in itself is a gift. Do not blame yourself or them. Accept that you will have to move on sooner or later, and don’t hope for them to change their mind, because life is too short and you deserve better than to chase after something that is already gone. You deserve so much love and you have so much love in your heart and you can’t waste it.
Step three: self compassion. Be kind to yourself. It wasn’t your fault, and no there is probably nothing you could have done. You may question your worth, and I’m here to remind you that you are good enough. You will find someone new. You will find a way to heal from this. Do not punish yourself in any way. You don’t deserve that. You deserve love and the most important love is the one you give yourself, especially in times like this when you need yourself the most.
Step four: distance. Slowly distance yourself from them and keep busy. Disengage yourself from anything that reminds you of them. Resist temptations to look at their social media. Here’s a small reminder that it’s much easier to dwell on them and slip further into a bad state of mind than to choose self compassion. But you are strong enough to choose the latter, though it’s ok to slip up too. Don’t listen to songs about them, listen to happy and upbeat songs.
Step five: A new start. Make the break up a new beginning for your life. Let happy things and self care into your life. This step is connected to step three. Read books, make art, go for walks by yourself, have fun coffee adventures with your best friend, bake cookies. Talk to random strangers and look at the moon at night and realise that life can be beautiful and radiant just the same, without them. Treat yourself but not excessively; don’t fall down the path of impulsivity or self sabotage. Remember that your body needs rest and healthy food and water. Whatever you do, do not convince yourself you deserve isolation or self neglect. Turn any negative thoughts into creative pursuits or motivation to give yourself an amazing transformation. Make new goals to start a new hobby or go jogging every morning or become the best person you can be. Be busy enough and pack enough goals in your day to feel accomplished.
Step six: Realize you’ll be okay. It’s ok to accidentally fall back to step one. It’s ok to fall back down and then get back up a million times. Healing takes time and it’s slow but you will slowly realise that you will think of them less and less. You will gradually stop feeling dependent on them for happiness and security, because you are enough on your own. One day you may even realise that you haven’t thought about them for a few days, when previously you thought about them a hundred times a day. Notice your progress and be proud of yourself for finding the strength to piece yourself back together. You are so strong, and you always will be. If you can get over a heartbreak, you can get over anything.
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