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@brewedbrains
The poem comforts itself into the arms of the lover, for the world has been nothing more than a storm that washes away every hope I had despite the miseries.The life of a poet is nothing but a paradox of sadness wrapped in the warmth of some faded moments which didn't survive the storm.
Being a newbie at work is embarassing sooper embarassing like you are a wildcard entry in season 7 and no one likes your existence or you no matter how much you smile or try to mingle there will always be inside jokes and you will doubt if they're talking about you?? Worst part?? You can't plug earphones and ignore bc it is worrrkkkk???
GODFORBID A GIRL WANTS TO GO ON A KILLING SPREEE!!
There are very few things in the world that i'm certain about. He somehow stands tall in the first position looking down at other things or people knowing they're not as rock solid as him. They may or may not fumble me but him? Its not even open for discussion.
God must really hate me
I am so hard to love and i know it because its hard for me to love me and not curse myself everytime i make up things where i'm fully convinced that anyone who loves me is faking it, so good that i almost look dumb and maybe they laugh at me for beleiving it. Its like i'm always trying to find onee clueee that proves it but deep down i dont want it to be true because I want to be loved so hard, so bad, so desperately just how there's lust in people I have lust for love, some great love that never turns it back on me no matter what i become. I'm a nightmare but i want the life that is as beautiful as my dreams. A life that never makes me want to sleep through it just so its over.
It took me a long long time to say my name and not hate it immediately. I hated this existence of mine all my life not knowing how to actually embrace it for whatever it is. I literally spat out all the filth and hate and anger that was residing in me for me, no one else but me, to finally trying to look at myself and not be disgusted simply because the worldly standards dont define me as a Beautiful Women.
I think i compare myself with my favourite beverage 'Black Coffee' they say it's an acquired taste that not everyone likes. And for that same reason I think I am an Acquired Beauty. You either hate me with all your guts or you are likely to want me to be something to you, have a part in your life even if it is just about being there and I'm okay with the quality of people than the quantity fs!!
So, now if you see me and maybe want to point something out I want you to stop and walk away instead. I'm just halfway through this all loving myself thing and i'd rather not bounce back because deep down i knoww i deserve it, every bit of it.
Since 2024 is ending, i'd like to yap about all the failures i thought i had and the parts where i could've done better and then there are some parts where i should've done better but I'm very grateful to Allah for blessing me with a wonderful partner who not only supports but makes me love myself, I've never been in love with who I am before you, You'll have me until its time for the death to have me.YOU. YOU. YOU. make me relate to the lover song, you make me smile, you make me burst into endless laughters in the middle of the street aaaghhh*HEART* *HUGS* You have brought me closer to God because I can't ever stop praying for you, praying for us and our future together. I really can't write about me without mentioning you a 100 times. I'm all about you and you're all about me. Thats it, this is my biggest achievement. You are my biggest achievement, will always be. And there's no yapping left for me because I'm grateful for what I have.
I pray 2025 brings us closer and that we get together forever.
HAPPY 2025.
Wonder How Love Outshines its Atrocities?? Like yes, you made me stay up all night anxious , panicing and my eyes are swollen of crying but you, you're still all I ever wanted, all I have. You turn the dagger inside me and I behold your face till my eyes close. You feed on me while i find your eyes to look at. You make me bleed and i take your hand to caress my wound.
It took a lot of voilence to trap the rage inside me, it took a lot of softness to love my vulnerability but what took all the strength of my blood was to when i had to cage my tears when i'm anxious. I haven't mastered that yet.
"I'd take a bullet for you" but will you sit with me when I hate myself and tell me that I'm the loveliest person you've ever met? Are you willing to look into my eyes when I cry and tell me how perfect I am? And shove a spoonful of ice-cream in my mouth when I heartlessly say "I'm on a diet"? The bullet sounds heroic but thisss?? this is the blindness of love, the madness that keeps it alive. I live for this! I'd die for this!
The more i try to be an easy person to deal with the more i'm trapped as an idiot who is just insecure and negative for no reason.
I cried. Again. Why do i hate myself to the point that i have to lock myself to cry on smallest issues. Why do i always end up looking like a fool!
He is the person with whom i can be silent and content. My vulnerable self is not afraid of him.
There are things that bother even though it has nothing to do with your real life, there are many insecurities which makes your life difficult without you wanting it, i knoww its very difficult to try to please everyone and not to be the hard person to deal with. There's always a need for "tell me whats wrong?" to "maybe i should stop asking questions?!" or "only youu matter to me " to "i think i'm being toxic" because its not toxicity i swear its just all the bundled up traumas acting together in a person and they can't fucking help it. Its so difficult to deal with the helplessness. You cannot just stop overthinking or thinking way too much about specific things or getting triggered by things that easy.It doesn't stop, because you think you will be replaced with someone else. It gives panic, shivers through the body, restlessness and its the worst.
His heart was dearer to me than my own, he always mattered more than i ever did to me.
I am skeptical while i write this because as much as i want to explain and put it out in the world for people to understand, I also have no idea how to deliver a small message like a small message. Well,here goes nothing!Alright so with an uptight start i'd like to spread a word about being kind i knowww okay i knoww this is not some rocket science or a new discovery that i am talking about believe me i'm not living under a rock okay?! But, when i say kindness i mean the deepest most cute level of the kindness one can offer and no its not that difficult. Also, its not a skill that you will learn or practice you just have to give it a thought like a big thought once and then you'll figure it out on your own I promise.
Not every smiling person you come across is actually happy. Not every person you see or meet was actually willing to get up that day to leave the house. Not every person you eat with or see eating outside has been eating well for a long time. Not every well dressed person is comfortable in what they're wearing. And i have no absolute idea why did i give these examples but let me just "iykyk" y'all. Think before you act, speak, react, comment. Your smallest wrong act can turn into a trauma and insecurity while your smallest kindness can boost someone's confidence. Kindness is super rewarding and karma is a total bitch (will get you offguards).
Also, who on earth likes to trouble people and be happy and sleep at night and breathe like nothing happened? I live for smiles and i am very self centered as i say this but i am too kind for this world but, i do not regret it at all. I am a bitch in my mind but i melt when words are required to be poured out of my mouth (best believe you're either going to love it or be creeped out cus i am literally super cringe )
I am sooo going to regret posting this but i can't just take all the goodies for myself no?! Its like talking to myself without feeling bad. Social media is FUNN!!