I know you probably won’t read this, because I’ve fallen off of Tumblr and you have no reason to check, but this letter is for you. I hope you don’t find it.
I’m writing this on Tumblr, because I know I shouldn’t tell you this. I shouldn’t tell you how much I love you and I would do anything for you. I would tell you again, “You jump, I jump”, because I’m corny and that’s one of my favorite movies. I would tell you that no matter how broken you are or how you didn’t feel like you were enough, that I loved you triple that. I’d tell you how much of a beautiful and amazing person I see you as, and that even if you’re not proud of yourself, that I am. I’m proud of you for even trying. I’m proud of you for waking up in the morning and for being alive in spite of everything that you’ve gone through. I’d tell you that I’m so in awe with the fact that no matter how much life has pushed down on you that you can still find a way to be a kid at heart. That even in dark times, you find enough strength to smile and joke. I’d tell you that I was sorry that I couldn’t fix you, but I understand that it wasn’t only just on me. I’d tell you that I’d never regret starting to build that life with you, even if it didn’t pan out, because the momentary glimpses into the future we could’ve had have made me the happiest woman I’ve ever been in my life. And that even if I nagged or got angry, that it never mattered if you weren’t on the same page as me because I knew you. I knew your strength and no matter what, that you would’ve gotten yourself there and not just for us, but for yourself. I’d tell you that my life is empty without you and that it goes beyond missing you. I feel like I’m walking around and everything’s black and white. Everything doesn’t make sense without you. My life is boring without you. I’d tell you that when I hear a joke, you’re the first person I want to share it with. And that when I wake up in the morning or the middle of the night, that you’re the first person I wish was there. I’d tell you that my life just isn’t life without you. Love. It’s all I can think and feel. Not even how much I do, but how much I need you. Not just for someone there, but who you are as a person. Not what you stand for, but you. I would give anything in the world just to hear your voice again in the middle of the night in the haze of sleep. If you told me you needed me, I’d drop everything and would hold you as you cried for hours, forever, for however long you needed me to, Even if it didn’t change anything between us, I’d want you to be okay. I’d want you to be here.
Love,
Always
