and i do think shane keeps that soft blue hoodie from their emotionally significant first time anal hookup⌠even though itâs faded and it doesnât fit him anymore. itâs really been through the ringer from how much he wore it, especially those first few years. i think he keeps it tucked in the back of his closet, or maybe a bin, he doesnât even pull it out when he and ilya eventually move in together and get married â his little keepsake. and one day when theyâre cleaning out their things, the years theyâve spent together evident in just how much they have in their house, ilya finds that blue hoodie, and his heart stutters. he can hardly breathe all of a sudden, remembering the boy in the stairwell looking up at him with stars in his eyes. the boy that was so sweet and shy and perfect for him that first time. how easily he came apart under ilya, warm and pliant. the way it felt natural between them, the way they fit so well. the way ilya knew, even then, that they could be something. were something, something bigger than he could fathom.
and shane finds ilya there, hoodie in his hands, frozen in silence. âoh,â shane says, âthatâs â i probably shouldâve gotten rid of that ages ago.â ilya looks at him then, still half choked, blurts out, ânever. youâre never getting rid of it.â and it dawns on shane that ilya must know why he kept it, all those years. the hidden reel of memories they share between them.
âi wore it for days afterward,â shane says, because he can, now. âbecause it smelled like you, a little. it was almost like â you were holding me, still. kissing me. kinda stupid, isnât it?â
and ilya promptly bursts into tears all over the hoodie.
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