BRIDGET BITES

NYC based Australian model and oboist --- snapchat: midgetbalcolm --- Instagram: @bridgetmalcolm

[bridgetbites]

On Body Shaming

I have quite a unique position in that I have been body shamed at my smallest, and body shamed at my highest (which is healthy) weight. And they both really suck. I hate that either of them have a place in our society today.

When I was at my smallest, I was inundated with comments of “YUCK” and “eat a burger”. And when I had gained a bit of weight I was called fat. Both of these scenarios are such bullshit. It makes me so angry. I fought back at my smallest, and I am fighting back now through this blog. I have zero respect for anyone who feels the need to write cruel comments on instagram, reducing the person to nothing more than their body. Because those comments are read. And no matter how strong you are, they get through. On some level they imprint on your sub-conscious, and it hurts.

Would you ever look a loved one in the eye and call them disgusting/vomit/yuck? If the answer is yes, you need some serious guidance. How would you feel if a stranger walked up to you and said “you look like a twelve year old boy?” Or “you’re fat?”. We are all people with the same set of emotions. If we treat each other like we love each other, the world will change. Empathy to me, is the single most important emotion we need in life. Without it we would fall into anarchy. And social media is starting to erode it.

Being called disgusting when I was struggling with an eating disorder achieved absolutely nothing. All it did was reinforce my previously held beliefs that I am in fact, disgusting. All my adult life I had been battling voices that told me that “I am not enough” and that I am wasting my life. And all modeling did was provide a neat outlet for me to channel this pain. I do wish that this wasn’t the case – but that is not the point of this blog post. The point is that by writing mean comments on strangers instagram, you are doing way more harm than good. If you truly are worried about the person, tell them privately and with love. But do not subject their bodies to damaging scrutiny. More often than not, when the person is looking that underweight, they do not see it. They feel like everyone is lying to them. They also may feel a little thrill that people are “worried” about them and their weight. Whatever the scenario is, by heaping hate onto strangers, you achieve exactly nothing.

Being called fat at the nutritionists office that day, or on set was equally painful, but in a very different way. I knew that I wasn’t. I just wasn’t underweight. I felt my skin go prickly and I didn’t know what to say or do. So I just laughed and agreed with them. Or tried hard to show that they hadn’t hurt me. Suffice it to say, my reaction now would be extremely different. But I was younger, and hadn’t realized that my existence is far greater than my body. So I just vowed to do better. And you know how that went (bridgetmalcolm.com.au/blog/2018/4/2/on-celebrity-nutritionists). I was so humiliated and felt like such a failure. However, I believe that the stigma surrounding the word fat needs to be removed. Fat is so important to our bodies. Having lost too much, and lost a lot of healthy functions, I have a huge amount of respect for fat. If my being the weight I am today makes me “fat” then I say bring it on. Because I am fit, strong and full of vitality. Being “fat” rules.

For the record – some people are naturally smaller than others. I sit naturally at a size 4. That is smaller than average, but larger than an average model. I know girls who sit naturally at a 0. And they eat (not that that is important here). I also know girls who can outrun me (not that that is important here), who are a 14. You just never know. So keep your opinions to yourself.

Body shaming, be it fat or skinny shaming is a terrible illness of our society. It is an illness based on the pack mentality, and our societies complete fixation on the exterior. It is also based on a deep running vein of fear, and that makes me sad. We all just want to be loved, and to belong. But this doesn’t happen by alienating others and their chosen way of life. It happens by showing all beings the love we hope to receive. Behind every face are countless stories, stories that we all share to some degree. And if you take away those stories, we are left with nothing. Without my stories, I am exactly the same as you without yours. This sameness should breed empathy and unity.  

We cannot approach this world with the aim to hurt and divide. Our journey is short, but the opportunity to make real change is unlimited. Remember how great it feels to be shown love and light by those around you. Really live in that feeling. Wouldn’t you love to be that person for someone else? You don’t need to get anything in return. But you will get the knowledge that you touched someone’s life.

Today, live in empathy, and make the decision to be someone’s light. You could really change a life, unknowingly.

 And most of all… I dictate my path.

 Love,

Bridget

Photograph | Dove Shore

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

On Body Shaming

I have quite a unique position in that I have been body shamed at my smallest, and body shamed at my highest (which is healthy) weight. And they both really suck. I hate that either of them have a place in our society today.

When I was at my smallest, I was inundated with comments of “YUCK” and “eat a burger”. And when I had gained a bit of weight I was called fat. Both of these scenarios are such bullshit. It makes me so angry. I fought back at my smallest, and I am fighting back now through this blog. I have zero respect for anyone who feels the need to write cruel comments on instagram, reducing the person to nothing more than their body. Because those comments are read. And no matter how strong you are, they get through. On some level they imprint on your sub-conscious, and it hurts.

Would you ever look a loved one in the eye and call them disgusting/vomit/yuck? If the answer is yes, you need some serious guidance. How would you feel if a stranger walked up to you and said “you look like a twelve year old boy?” Or “you’re fat?”. We are all people with the same set of emotions. If we treat each other like we love each other, the world will change. Empathy to me, is the single most important emotion we need in life. Without it we would fall into anarchy. And social media is starting to erode it.

Being called disgusting when I was struggling with an eating disorder achieved absolutely nothing. All it did was reinforce my previously held beliefs that I am in fact, disgusting. All my adult life I had been battling voices that told me that “I am not enough” and that I am wasting my life. And all modeling did was provide a neat outlet for me to channel this pain. I do wish that this wasn’t the case – but that is not the point of this blog post. The point is that by writing mean comments on strangers instagram, you are doing way more harm than good. If you truly are worried about the person, tell them privately and with love. But do not subject their bodies to damaging scrutiny. More often than not, when the person is looking that underweight, they do not see it. They feel like everyone is lying to them. They also may feel a little thrill that people are “worried” about them and their weight. Whatever the scenario is, by heaping hate onto strangers, you achieve exactly nothing.

Being called fat at the nutritionists office that day, or on set was equally painful, but in a very different way. I knew that I wasn’t. I just wasn’t underweight. I felt my skin go prickly and I didn’t know what to say or do. So I just laughed and agreed with them. Or tried hard to show that they hadn’t hurt me. Suffice it to say, my reaction now would be extremely different. But I was younger, and hadn’t realized that my existence is far greater than my body. So I just vowed to do better. And you know how that went (bridgetmalcolm.com.au/blog/2018/4/2/on-celebrity-nutritionists). I was so humiliated and felt like such a failure. However, I believe that the stigma surrounding the word fat needs to be removed. Fat is so important to our bodies. Having lost too much, and lost a lot of healthy functions, I have a huge amount of respect for fat. If my being the weight I am today makes me “fat” then I say bring it on. Because I am fit, strong and full of vitality. Being “fat” rules.

For the record – some people are naturally smaller than others. I sit naturally at a size 4. That is smaller than average, but larger than an average model. I know girls who sit naturally at a 0. And they eat (not that that is important here). I also know girls who can outrun me (not that that is important here), who are a 14. You just never know. So keep your opinions to yourself.

Body shaming, be it fat or skinny shaming is a terrible illness of our society. It is an illness based on the pack mentality, and our societies complete fixation on the exterior. It is also based on a deep running vein of fear, and that makes me sad. We all just want to be loved, and to belong. But this doesn’t happen by alienating others and their chosen way of life. It happens by showing all beings the love we hope to receive. Behind every face are countless stories, stories that we all share to some degree. And if you take away those stories, we are left with nothing. Without my stories, I am exactly the same as you without yours. This sameness should breed empathy and unity.  

We cannot approach this world with the aim to hurt and divide. Our journey is short, but the opportunity to make real change is unlimited. Remember how great it feels to be shown love and light by those around you. Really live in that feeling. Wouldn’t you love to be that person for someone else? You don’t need to get anything in return. But you will get the knowledge that you touched someone’s life.

Today, live in empathy, and make the decision to be someone’s light. You could really change a life, unknowingly.

 And most of all… I dictate my path.

 Love,

Bridget

Photograph | Dove Shore

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Bridget Bites : Metabolism & Muscle

Q:

Hi! I just wanted to say how much of an inspiration you are. You are so real and honest, and it really connects to everyone around you! My first question: I was previously in gymnastics were I accumulated thick/bulky muscle (nothing wrong with being that strong, but I just didn’t like how I felt) I restricted myself to try and loose the muscle and I did, but I began to get sleep deprived, low energy levels, and loss of concentration. I have a history of yo-yo-ing and being restrictive, but now I have learned and am honestly just trying to find a balance. However, I worry that I have ruined my metabolism for good, and that my body won’t be able to have a balance of lean, toned muscle with a healthy diet. I am just looking for some advice and thoughts on this fear of mine. Or some ways to help mend this situation. Second question, my body has a tendency to gain muscle very fast. With that being said, I have stayed away from lifting weights to try not build up too much muscle. I still love to workout and am wondering what excersices are good for trying to create lean, toned muscle?

 A:

Hi! Thank you for your kind words 😀 Definitely a day brightener for me!

First off – well done on deciding to find balance in your diet and life. That is the most important thing, and also the hardest. Through my own experiences in this world I have found that balance doesn’t really exist in the way we expect it to, it’s not a static state, more of a point of reference. We get close and further away from it, but I don’t think we ever really experience it for any extended period of time. Maybe the Buddha. There are plenty of things we can do to get closer (and further) but that is just life. Knowing what those things are is key to maintaining a closer relationship to the experience of balance. And they are usually very personal.

So restricting leads to yo-yoing and takes you way out of balance. Whenever you starve yourself, inevitably you will have some sort of dietary whiplash. It may take a few days or even years, but eventually there will be an after affect in your body. Unfortunately the only way out is through in this circumstance. Denying your body of nutrition means that it isn’t running effectively, and in some cases this can slow your metabolism. But your metabolism isn’t a set rate – it fluctuates depending on body composition, activity level and dietary choices. You once had a metabolism that worked well, and it will happen again. It is time for you to trust your body to tell you what it wants, and to honor those requests. If you are hungry, eat. If you are tired, rest. With time you will find the weight that is right for you, and health will be a simple equation for you.

So I say just be patient. Honor your commitment to balance and eating honestly to your hunger signals. Your body may take a little time to build up its engine again, but it will happen. And when it does it will be based off of your true weight, not a restricted state that is not going to last. I have always found that when I inevitably regain weight after losing a lot, it takes me some time to get back to a good set point. I usually am at a heavier size than normal for at least a couple of months. And this can be tough mentally (especially when trying to model at the same time), but during those times I always worked to commit myself to eating well and getting workouts in. It wasn’t easy, and I still struggle with it. But with consistency comes results. So every day make the choice to eat balanced meals, eat enough, be active, and the rest will follow! Also take up meditation. That helps everything.

Onto muscle. I am a little jealous of your ability to build muscle. Muscle is your best friend in getting the metabolism up and running again – it burns significantly more energy than fat, and life is easier when you are stronger. Strength is sexy, I love seeing so many women these days lifting heavy weights, and becoming so empowered by it. Try to make the decision to love your naturally strong body, and its ease with growing strength. It takes me so long to put on any muscle weight, and unless I work out consistently, it is the first thing to go. There is nothing more humbling than realizing that you don’t have the strength to push yourself up on a surf board because you have been starving yourself.

Anyway – I digress!

I was always under the impression that to gain muscle you have to eat for it. And this usually looks like periods of heavier lifting and higher intake of food and protein. So, by my first year bachelor of nutrition degree (ergo not an expert in this field), I would say avoid this and you will avoid putting on too much muscle. Eat everything, eat healthily, and listen when your body says it is full. Workout wise I would recommend trying a resistance based workout such as pilates, mega reformer or body by simone maybe once or twice a week. I said it before, but the recent upswing of women lifting weights and gaining strength makes me happy. It is extremely empowering to be strong, and none of the friends I know have trouble getting too bulky.. But then again, every single body is unique. Then focus on fun cardio for a few of your other workouts! Try running, boxing, swimming or tennis. Basically anything that gets your heart rate up, and your happiness and a sweat on. And round that out with a bit of yoga here and there (if that’s your thing for stress relief, it isn’t mine…).

If you are living a balanced life, your body will follow. It will take time, especially if you have spent a lot of time putting yourself out of balance. But be patient and easy on yourself, and your health and energy will follow. Don’t deny your body the nutrition it needs to truly thrive, and you will be surprised at where you end up. Also, find exercise that makes you happy and feel good, and you will find it adds to your life in such a nice way.

At the end of the day, your body is your body. I can’t really say what will work for you, simply because I am built differently. It is a journey, and there are no soundbite answers. But once you let go of trying to reduce in size, and start to acknowledge what your body is capable of, your entire view on life shifts. We shouldn’t be at war with our bodies just because society tells us how we should look. Fuck that. We should love and embrace ourselves, and show the world exactly what we are capable of.

 Always remember, I dictate my road.

 I hope this helps!

Love,

Bridget

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

Photograph | Simon Upton

[bridgetbites]

How I Keep An Eye On My Anxiety Monster

Anxiety is such a weird and devastating beast. At my worst I was anxious about everything – leaving the house, talking to my friends, talking to strangers, buying coffee, when the sun was up, when the sun went down, of being alone, of being too social, of eating. You get the drift. It is extremely different from nerves and being nervous. Being nervous has a face on it — you can pinpoint why you feel that way. Anxiety is just a baseline of terror. Everywhere you turn, it is there, ready to take over the second you give it an inch. Over time, I have learned to accept it. And it has certainly backed off since I made the decision to look it in the eye and say, “hi. Who are you? Why are you? I am not running anymore.”

This is not a post about how I conquered my anxiety, and how I now live life free from its insidious grip. I feel like this isn’t really a thing. There are a lot of habits I can implement that improve my dances with anxiety, and warning signs that I have learned to keep an eye out for – unless I check myself, I shall wreck myself.

Now my relationship to it is different. I don’t spend my days with my hands over my eyes, trying to pretend it doesn’t exist. This achieves nothing, but gives it fangs and horns. Anxiety thrives in denial and in the dark. Dragging it into the light of patience, love and of understanding has given me huge insight into why I am the way I am. And it has taught me to love myself, and my sweet little anxiety monster. In a way it has empowered me to take control of my life. Because at the end of the day, anxiety to me is a signal that something needs to change. And the longer I ignore it, the louder it will scream in my ear, until it sends me a signal I cannot ignore.

In my case this signal is panic attacks.

I spent a lot of time resolutely ignoring very real danger signs that I had a panic attack on the horizon. No stranger to them, I had previously chalked them up to being too underweight (which was definitely a factor for me, but not the whole story). Once I gained weight, I assumed I was free of them, and launched back into working as much as I always had. Little by little, small yells from my subconscious began bubbling up. After I had photoshoots for one month straight, I stopped sleeping. My husband was getting nightly calls from me in exotic locations, wired and scared, and unable to tell him why. After two months straight, I was full of a strange aggressive bravado, and irrationally emotional. I can count on one hand the number of times I drink alcohol in the year, but suddenly I was having too many tequilas once we wrapped a shoot. I began to have complete breakdowns when my husband dropped me off at the airport (or left the room), and suddenly I had this sense of impending doom. Then I ended up in a hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack and at the same time losing my mind.

It was a panic attack, but man it was a big one. My body tried to warn me with various signs I brushed aside, because I mistakenly believed myself to be “fixed” of that bug – my ego was taking center stage in my narrative.

But out of each crisis precipitates the solution. Whilst being underweight does have a huge impact on anxiety, that was only the tip of the iceberg. I have spent the past twelve years doing every single job that comes my way, because I am too scared to say no. I don’t want to let anyone I work with down (because there aren’t that many blonde models out there?). I chalk it up to being a people pleaser, a woman, or aware of my shelf life as a model. However, I just cannot move at that pace anymore. I was burned out, and I had projected so much onto being perceived as a “success” that I was completely negating any chance I had of living a full life.

Now I schedule time off after jobs that require travel. For the first time in my career I am choosing family holidays over jobs. After working full time for twelve years, I had my first ever full month off. I removed anyone and thing that wasn’t helpful to my peace of mind. And it was awesome.

But on the larger spectrum, I pay close attention to any emotional cues that come up. I don’t try to ignore my anxiety anymore. It is like a small, scared puppy that relies on me to tell it that everything is ok. Because it usually is. Whilst there is so much out of our control, we lose too much precious time worrying about these things. That is one of the beautiful parts of life – the random chances that take us places we never would have deemed possible. In a way my anxiety keeps me growing. By acknowledging and then challenging it I am choosing to live my life in the fullest. I am not foolish enough to say I am done with panic attacks and anxiety. But I would hope that my life is mindful enough to recognize moments that could lead me down the wrong path for my wellbeing.

Anxiety is different for everyone, so what works for me may not work for you. That said, I want to share a few habits that have helped me, just in case they might help you too. First off, meditate. You don’t have to get full yogi on this one. But 5-10 minutes each morning to connect with your breathe, and your place on the world does wonders for setting yourself up for the day. The second is to write. I kept a journal during the time of burn out, and reading back I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs. Every single entry is desperate, tired and brimming with nerves. I have never done the Dear Diary thing, nor those gratitude lists. I guess this is stream of consciousness – just write, try not to control, and see what comes out. It is usually pretty surprising. I also finally began to see a therapist, which made such a huge improvement in my mental wellbeing. Through this work I began to see the root cause of my anxiety and panic attacks, and to take charge of my story.

Anxiety is not to be feared. It is a part of a sensitive persons place in the world. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it and its effect on you. If treated with love and respect, we can really learn to harness it and exist easily alongside it. It is like learning to self soothe, but as an adult. And honestly? Out of my experiences of panic attacks, has come the most honest existence I could have ever asked for. It is an existence where I am not ashamed of asking for help when I need it. When my body throws up signs of being out of sync (like I stop sleeping) I know that I need to immediately stop what I am doing, and ask why. I know that it is time to touch base with people who I trust and who know me well. And that it is time to take a step back and focus on my wellness above all else. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that anxiety has a hold on you, and asking for help. It is in silence that anxiety has the chance to get its claws into you. But in the light of conversation we learn why, and grow from this knowledge. My anxiety has made me stronger.

That to me is a gift.

 I dictate my road.

 Love,

Bridget

 First published at teenvogue.com

Photograph | Scott MacDonough

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Bridget Bites : On Amenorrhea

Q

Hi Bridget! Love ALL your posts, almost every single one resonates with me, it is almost insane!! You don't even know how much you are touching and influencing young women in a positive way as a model and role model.  I would love to hear more about the struggle with loosing/ regaining/ then loosing and regaining your period again. It is so crucial for girls to get their period to be functioning healthy humans but it is sadly often overlooked, and not given enough attention. SO many girls struggle with this due to weight loss/ stress. Any tips you have for getting it back? Also would love to hear things that most people WONT tell you about regaining your period back. Every medical website says eat more, rest more, relax more. So we know that!! But what about the struggles/ unexpected things? How long did it take? Anything you wish you knew prior?  Looking forward to hearing about your journey with this! Much love!!! xoxo

A:

Hi! Thank you so much for your kind words 😀 That means so much to me. I really do want to be totally transparent and a good role model.

This was definitely a subject that I would dance around whilst unwell. People would write in and ask for guidance here, and I would give them logical advice – eat a little more, eat more fat and cut the cardio. Definitely hypocritical of me. Because the truth is, I lose my period whenever my hips get below 34.5. So honestly – from the age of 17 to 26 I lost my period around two to six months out of the year. September this year will mark the one year anniversary that I have managed to keep my period for an entire year since I was 16. Considering that I got my period when I was 14, I am definitely going to celebrate, because this is a big deal for me.

First off, I am not a doctor. I am only speaking from my experience here and my first year nutritionist education, so please get a second opinion. And a grain of salt… So - my tips for getting it back. It is really tricky to wrap your head around this when you are sick, but you need to eat more. The hormones responsible for the female reproductive system are fat-based. So you need to have fat in your body in order for them to function. It is as simple as that. Mine always (thankfully) came back around a month or two after I started to eat properly. There isn’t really a food group that can facilitate this, although fat helps (better bang for your buck calorie wise). I also recommend cutting out all intense physical activity for a while. Do yoga, walk, and get in touch with your body again. Let it heal itself. I wish I could tell you more, but the medical websites have it down! There isn’t really a trick to this. You just have to care for your body, and give it exactly what it is asking you for.

Regaining it is strangely bittersweet. It would always leave me feeling thankful that I am giving my bones a chance to restore health and my body a chance to carry a baby again – but also that evil voice in me would try to tell me that I had ‘failed’. Losing my period was always such a thrill for me, it meant my destructive habits were working and I was really actually skinny. Funnily enough whenever I was that small I was never skinny enough for myself. I always had more weight to lose, and was so anxious and depressed about my perceived fatness. Body dysmorphia is really a bitch.

With each return of my lost period came more symptoms. I used to have periods with zero pain or anxiety, but each time I lost it, it returned with a little more vengeance. The first one coming back was hard. I would have huge amounts of anxiety and cramps. But then after a few more cycles it would even out. And it stopped being something to overcome, and more something to welcome each month. And welcome it I do. When I can feel it coming, I eat chocolate, relax in a bath, and (literally) thank my body for being cool to me after all the damage I intentionally did to it. Our bodies are incredible – they do so much in every little instant of our lives to keep us healthy. The more I learn in college about it, the more I respect mine. And am thankful that I did not destroy it (despite my best efforts).

After I decided to recover from my disordered eating February 2017, my period came back in March after being missing for a year. It was definitely the worst come back yet, I had days of anxiety and was ill at ease. I made a promise to myself that I would never skip it again. I thought that I could train hard and eat properly, get into the shape required of me for my job, but not lose my period. This was more of an experiment than anything. My evil voices were pretty under control at this point, and I was curious if I could lose weight “healthily”. Come August 2017, I was nearly back at the size I was the year before, and had skipped my period again. When I was told that my body wasn’t looking good enough, something snapped. Enough was enough. I made a vow to myself to allow my body to reach its natural, healthy size. I would eat healthily, eat well, and eat enough. I would exercise to add to my life. And if there was a place for me in the industry after all that, fantastic. So far, so good. There are people in the industry who like women to be empowered and strong. Women who have voices. Who enjoy fitness and health as much as the next person, but don’t let their entire lives be dominated by them.

What frustrates me the most is that every single one of the models I have talked to about this has experienced the same struggle with their fertility to some degree. The extreme body measures put upon most models is not conducive to a healthy existence. We should be allowed to be whatever size works for us. Most of us sit naturally at a size 4-6, not a 0-2. There are exceptions of course. But these are the anomaly, not the rule. My message here is for diversity. No woman should look in a catalogue, or on a billboard, or in a magazine and see a young girl who is unwell. Who’s body has shut down from starvation, all in an attempt to fit someone else’s twisted idea of what beauty is.

We should all be allowed to swallow the message that you are enough, exactly the way you are. That whilst health and fitness are important to a well lived life, they are naught but an aspect. Training hard and eating “clean” (ARGH) does not make a person healthy. Being free to discover exactly who you were put on this earth to be does. I want all people to cast off the shackles of disordered eating and to stop striving to fit someone else’s idea of who you should be. If we all make the decision to stop playing the game, eventually the game will be cast into history.

And we will have changed the world 😀

 I dictate my road.

Love,

Bridget

Photograph | Dove Shore

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Bridget Bites : What I Like About Modeling

Q:

Hi Bridget , I am a big fan of yours and your post are so cool . I always wanted to be a model but now that I have read your experiences I am really unsure if I should even try it . I am really an introvert and I dont know if I could handle all that body pressure . But it is really my dream . What should I do ?

A:

Hi there! Thank you for your message 😀 I am far from cool, but I am glad my writing is something relatable out there!

I know my recent posts have been shining a light on the extreme pressures put on young women, but modeling is a job I have stuck at for twelve years now. There is so much about it and the fashion industry that I truly love, and I am so thankful for the life that has been given to me by my job. I think being aware of possible negatives is number one to not being blindsided and having the freedom to really make an informed decision with modeling.

First off – if you have the opportunity to be signed to a great agency, I think you owe it to yourself to give it a go. I don’t believe in a life that is so safe that you talk yourself out of anything that scares you. That to me is not living. I have spent a lot of time feeling out of my comfort zone in this job, but I have grown so hugely from it. I have a freedom moving around the world, and friends in so many places. Plus a good bank account and worldliness. I have also battled disordered eating, extreme insecurity and anxiety and burn out. But at the end of the day, I am still here. I could have quit (and I did come close many a time). But this job pushes me in ways that I enjoy. It has given me a platform, and as I have gotten older, I have found my voice around a subject that means a huge amount to me. So modeling is not all bad. Every job has its downsides, and as far as jobs go, modeling is an absolute gift.

Introvert to introvert, I would advise you to really know exactly what you need to stay sane and healthy. It took me a long time to realize that I was an introvert, and to recognize what I needed. I wished that I could keep up with my beloved extroverted friends night after night, but I just couldn’t do it and stay healthy. For me it is about saving my energy when I know I have a lot of work coming up, and really making sure that my down time was down time. On jobs I need my time out after shooting all day, and I need to ensure that I spend some time in a dark quiet room recovering. I learned this after trying to socialize and finding myself unable to sleep, with my mind whirring and feeling stressed and wired. So first and foremost, know yourself. Know what you like and do not like, and never allow those boundaries to be crossed.

Carry this self knowledge into all aspects of modeling. I am extremely selective about any nudity I do, and I did not do anything in this realm until I was around 22. And that was with an extremely prestigious photographer. I have not done any since, because I have no desire to. And I will not cross this boundary on set. If I know and trust the photographer then we can have a conversation about it. But I have very clearly defined limits in my head and they allow me to feel safe and secure in my job.

I keep coming back to know yourself. Dedicate your time to growing your interests and your sense of self. Meditation has been a huge tool for me for getting in touch with signals from my body. I feel that growing up I learned to suppress a lot of emotion, to be a good girl and not to get too assertive. But through mindfulness practices like meditation I learned how to listen to cues from my body. I learned what it was like to pay attention to emotions and how that manifests in my body. From there I learned how to cognitively deal with them and stand my ground. This is an essential part of being a human. Allow yourself to take up space in your life, and stand up for yourself.

I would encourage you to ask yourself why a lot. Why is modeling your dream – why do you want so badly to do it? Modeling is a fantastic job. But it is a job at the end of the day. I would highly recommend against going into it to feel important or even properly seen. Because it is a job that comes with a huge amount of pressure. I have started to outline that pressure, and at times I have completely cracked under it. I looked to modeling to give me something that I couldn’t identify, and by the time I had finally pulled myself out I had done some serious damage to my mental health. So I would really spend some time with yourself and identify your reasons why. Modeling should be approached as an amazing opportunity to see the world, make some great money, and gain some life experience. That is it. Anything more is a bonus. And anything else in the world of modeling that pulls you from that path should be isolated and scrutinized.  

With exercise and nutrition I have the following advice. Coming from experiencing the extreme of both directions – it is always the middle path that works. When you are balanced, it is reflected out to those around you, and they are drawn to you. Eat well. Do not deprive yourself, but do not go overboard with the deserts. There is a time and a place for them, but maybe not every single day. Do not be afraid of entire food groups, and do not try to follow weird diets. Eat when you are hungry, and stop when you are full. Exercise to feel good, not until you cannot move from the couch. If any time you feel guilt coming in after eating something look at it in the face and ask why it is there. Clearly define your limits and how far you are willing to go for this job. And if the time comes that you feel you are getting too close to them, maybe it is time to reassess your situation.

Finally, I would seriously advise you to maintain interest in other subjects in your life. By keeping myself engaged and interested in other things such as oboe and studying, I have managed to keep my head above ground. Not getting jobs doesn’t really bother me, and I have never been too engaged in following the gossip and trends of the industry. Whilst I certainly had my goals in the industry, and was so happy to have achieved them, I never got swept up in the noise that accompanies this line of work. So keep yourself learning and engaging in new things. Because that brings me to my final point…

Modeling does not last forever. Save and invest your money, and keep your eyes focused on what you want to do next. More importantly, keep your eyes focused on who you want to be in the world. And do not let modeling pull you from that course.

I hope this helps!

 Love,

Bridget

Photograph | Dove Shore

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Bridget Bites : What I Like About Modeling

Q:

Hi Bridget , I am a big fan of yours and your post are so cool . I always wanted to be a model but now that I have read your experiences I am really unsure if I should even try it . I am really an introvert and I dont know if I could handle all that body pressure . But it is really my dream . What should I do ?

A:

Hi there! Thank you for your message 😀 I am far from cool, but I am glad my writing is something relatable out there!

I know my recent posts have been shining a light on the extreme pressures put on young women, but modeling is a job I have stuck at for twelve years now. There is so much about it and the fashion industry that I truly love, and I am so thankful for the life that has been given to me by my job. I think being aware of possible negatives is number one to not being blindsided and having the freedom to really make an informed decision with modeling.

First off – if you have the opportunity to be signed to a great agency, I think you owe it to yourself to give it a go. I don’t believe in a life that is so safe that you talk yourself out of anything that scares you. That to me is not living. I have spent a lot of time feeling out of my comfort zone in this job, but I have grown so hugely from it. I have a freedom moving around the world, and friends in so many places. Plus a good bank account and worldliness. I have also battled disordered eating, extreme insecurity and anxiety and burn out. But at the end of the day, I am still here. I could have quit (and I did come close many a time). But this job pushes me in ways that I enjoy. It has given me a platform, and as I have gotten older, I have found my voice around a subject that means a huge amount to me. So modeling is not all bad. Every job has its downsides, and as far as jobs go, modeling is an absolute gift.

Introvert to introvert, I would advise you to really know exactly what you need to stay sane and healthy. It took me a long time to realize that I was an introvert, and to recognize what I needed. I wished that I could keep up with my beloved extroverted friends night after night, but I just couldn’t do it and stay healthy. For me it is about saving my energy when I know I have a lot of work coming up, and really making sure that my down time was down time. On jobs I need my time out after shooting all day, and I need to ensure that I spend some time in a dark quiet room recovering. I learned this after trying to socialize and finding myself unable to sleep, with my mind whirring and feeling stressed and wired. So first and foremost, know yourself. Know what you like and do not like, and never allow those boundaries to be crossed.

Carry this self knowledge into all aspects of modeling. I am extremely selective about any nudity I do, and I did not do anything in this realm until I was around 22. And that was with an extremely prestigious photographer. I have not done any since, because I have no desire to. And I will not cross this boundary on set. If I know and trust the photographer then we can have a conversation about it. But I have very clearly defined limits in my head and they allow me to feel safe and secure in my job.

I keep coming back to know yourself. Dedicate your time to growing your interests and your sense of self. Meditation has been a huge tool for me for getting in touch with signals from my body. I feel that growing up I learned to suppress a lot of emotion, to be a good girl and not to get too assertive. But through mindfulness practices like meditation I learned how to listen to cues from my body. I learned what it was like to pay attention to emotions and how that manifests in my body. From there I learned how to cognitively deal with them and stand my ground. This is an essential part of being a human. Allow yourself to take up space in your life, and stand up for yourself.

I would encourage you to ask yourself why a lot. Why is modeling your dream – why do you want so badly to do it? Modeling is a fantastic job. But it is a job at the end of the day. I would highly recommend against going into it to feel important or even properly seen. Because it is a job that comes with a huge amount of pressure. I have started to outline that pressure, and at times I have completely cracked under it. I looked to modeling to give me something that I couldn’t identify, and by the time I had finally pulled myself out I had done some serious damage to my mental health. So I would really spend some time with yourself and identify your reasons why. Modeling should be approached as an amazing opportunity to see the world, make some great money, and gain some life experience. That is it. Anything more is a bonus. And anything else in the world of modeling that pulls you from that path should be isolated and scrutinized.  

With exercise and nutrition I have the following advice. Coming from experiencing the extreme of both directions – it is always the middle path that works. When you are balanced, it is reflected out to those around you, and they are drawn to you. Eat well. Do not deprive yourself, but do not go overboard with the deserts. There is a time and a place for them, but maybe not every single day. Do not be afraid of entire food groups, and do not try to follow weird diets. Eat when you are hungry, and stop when you are full. Exercise to feel good, not until you cannot move from the couch. If any time you feel guilt coming in after eating something look at it in the face and ask why it is there. Clearly define your limits and how far you are willing to go for this job. And if the time comes that you feel you are getting too close to them, maybe it is time to reassess your situation.

Finally, I would seriously advise you to maintain interest in other subjects in your life. By keeping myself engaged and interested in other things such as oboe and studying, I have managed to keep my head above ground. Not getting jobs doesn’t really bother me, and I have never been too engaged in following the gossip and trends of the industry. Whilst I certainly had my goals in the industry, and was so happy to have achieved them, I never got swept up in the noise that accompanies this line of work. So keep yourself learning and engaging in new things. Because that brings me to my final point…

Modeling does not last forever. Save and invest your money, and keep your eyes focused on what you want to do next. More importantly, keep your eyes focused on who you want to be in the world. And do not let modeling pull you from that course.

I hope this helps!

 Love,

Bridget

Photograph | Dove Shore

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Bridget Bites : What I Like About Modeling

Q:

Hi Bridget , I am a big fan of yours and your post are so cool . I always wanted to be a model but now that I have read your experiences I am really unsure if I should even try it . I am really an introvert and I dont know if I could handle all that body pressure . But it is really my dream . What should I do ?

A:

Hi there! Thank you for your message 😀 I am far from cool, but I am glad my writing is something relatable out there!

I know my recent posts have been shining a light on the extreme pressures put on young women, but modeling is a job I have stuck at for twelve years now. There is so much about it and the fashion industry that I truly love, and I am so thankful for the life that has been given to me by my job. I think being aware of possible negatives is number one to not being blindsided and having the freedom to really make an informed decision with modeling.

First off – if you have the opportunity to be signed to a great agency, I think you owe it to yourself to give it a go. I don’t believe in a life that is so safe that you talk yourself out of anything that scares you. That to me is not living. I have spent a lot of time feeling out of my comfort zone in this job, but I have grown so hugely from it. I have a freedom moving around the world, and friends in so many places. Plus a good bank account and worldliness. I have also battled disordered eating, extreme insecurity and anxiety and burn out. But at the end of the day, I am still here. I could have quit (and I did come close many a time). But this job pushes me in ways that I enjoy. It has given me a platform, and as I have gotten older, I have found my voice around a subject that means a huge amount to me. So modeling is not all bad. Every job has its downsides, and as far as jobs go, modeling is an absolute gift.

Introvert to introvert, I would advise you to really know exactly what you need to stay sane and healthy. It took me a long time to realize that I was an introvert, and to recognize what I needed. I wished that I could keep up with my beloved extroverted friends night after night, but I just couldn’t do it and stay healthy. For me it is about saving my energy when I know I have a lot of work coming up, and really making sure that my down time was down time. On jobs I need my time out after shooting all day, and I need to ensure that I spend some time in a dark quiet room recovering. I learned this after trying to socialize and finding myself unable to sleep, with my mind whirring and feeling stressed and wired. So first and foremost, know yourself. Know what you like and do not like, and never allow those boundaries to be crossed.

Carry this self knowledge into all aspects of modeling. I am extremely selective about any nudity I do, and I did not do anything in this realm until I was around 22. And that was with an extremely prestigious photographer. I have not done any since, because I have no desire to. And I will not cross this boundary on set. If I know and trust the photographer then we can have a conversation about it. But I have very clearly defined limits in my head and they allow me to feel safe and secure in my job.

I keep coming back to know yourself. Dedicate your time to growing your interests and your sense of self. Meditation has been a huge tool for me for getting in touch with signals from my body. I feel that growing up I learned to suppress a lot of emotion, to be a good girl and not to get too assertive. But through mindfulness practices like meditation I learned how to listen to cues from my body. I learned what it was like to pay attention to emotions and how that manifests in my body. From there I learned how to cognitively deal with them and stand my ground. This is an essential part of being a human. Allow yourself to take up space in your life, and stand up for yourself.

I would encourage you to ask yourself why a lot. Why is modeling your dream – why do you want so badly to do it? Modeling is a fantastic job. But it is a job at the end of the day. I would highly recommend against going into it to feel important or even properly seen. Because it is a job that comes with a huge amount of pressure. I have started to outline that pressure, and at times I have completely cracked under it. I looked to modeling to give me something that I couldn’t identify, and by the time I had finally pulled myself out I had done some serious damage to my mental health. So I would really spend some time with yourself and identify your reasons why. Modeling should be approached as an amazing opportunity to see the world, make some great money, and gain some life experience. That is it. Anything more is a bonus. And anything else in the world of modeling that pulls you from that path should be isolated and scrutinized.  

With exercise and nutrition I have the following advice. Coming from experiencing the extreme of both directions – it is always the middle path that works. When you are balanced, it is reflected out to those around you, and they are drawn to you. Eat well. Do not deprive yourself, but do not go overboard with the deserts. There is a time and a place for them, but maybe not every single day. Do not be afraid of entire food groups, and do not try to follow weird diets. Eat when you are hungry, and stop when you are full. Exercise to feel good, not until you cannot move from the couch. If any time you feel guilt coming in after eating something look at it in the face and ask why it is there. Clearly define your limits and how far you are willing to go for this job. And if the time comes that you feel you are getting too close to them, maybe it is time to reassess your situation.

Finally, I would seriously advise you to maintain interest in other subjects in your life. By keeping myself engaged and interested in other things such as oboe and studying, I have managed to keep my head above ground. Not getting jobs doesn’t really bother me, and I have never been too engaged in following the gossip and trends of the industry. Whilst I certainly had my goals in the industry, and was so happy to have achieved them, I never got swept up in the noise that accompanies this line of work. So keep yourself learning and engaging in new things. Because that brings me to my final point…

Modeling does not last forever. Save and invest your money, and keep your eyes focused on what you want to do next. More importantly, keep your eyes focused on who you want to be in the world. And do not let modeling pull you from that course.

I hope this helps!

 Love,

Bridget

Photograph | Dove Shore

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

On Celebrity 'Nutritionists'

After years of “struggling” with keeping my weight down in the underweight BMI range, I decided to enlist the help of a celebrity nutritionist. This person is not actually a trained nutritionist – they are a type of alternate health practitioner. They do not have a medical degree. But they claim themselves to be a “guru nutritionist”. We worked together on and off from 2014 to 2017 and to this person I attribute in large part my shot digestive system and a smattering of choir voices in my head that work to pull me out of my self and my power, and into my reflection. It absolutely kills me that they work with a huge amount of young women, models and non models alike. This person and many like them are not empowering. They are the epitome of diminishing. And the fact that they are getting paid stupid amounts of money for their ‘work’ makes me furious.

This person took my fat measurements, and claimed me to be “a mess”. My BMI was in the underweight range. To be honest, I’m not really sure what a mess even means. Any trained dietician would probably recommend me putting on a few pounds. But, this person thought I needed ‘all the help I could get’ to lose that pesky extra weight that was regulating my hormones and keeping me healthy. The plan was simple. Shakes and steamed vegetables that brought me to well below 800 calories a day, and fistfuls of supplements – all that they sell to you. Every single one of their clients gets put on the same plan (maybe a couple pieces of protein added here and there). Never mind any individual conditions. With my first year nutritionist degree training, even I know that every person has different nutritional requirements. This person is making a killing off the sales of their shakes and supplements alone, never mind the cost of the actual sessions, off of a starvation diet plan.

I happily went along with their plan for a few months, lost loads of weight, along with my period, my digestion and nearly my relationship. But you know, you win some you lose some. This was my first experience of extreme weight loss. And when I decided to start eating well again, (not a lot, but three meals a day, mostly vegetables, no “carbs” – it would take me four years to eat them again, including fruit - and no liquid nutrition) I gained back all the weight and then some in the space of a week. The maintenance plan that was given to me consisted of eating eggs and chicken instead of the protein shakes, and I was met with a shrug when I told them I was vegan.

And along with the weight gain came the most horrifying stomach problems I have ever experienced. I assumed that they would go away, that living off of chocolate flavored medical food for three months had just changed my gut, and I needed to readjust. But this first experience changed my digestion for good. And each successive starvation cycle only made my gut problems worse. It has now been nearly four years since I first stepped into their office, and it has been four years of agony. I have managed to get it under control mostly through a low fodmap diet, exercise and meditation, but I get terrible flare ups every couple of months (through accidently eating foods like cauliflower or mushrooms, or stress). It is truly debilitating.

I should have learned my lesson after round one. But. ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ right? (Bad. This is bad.). And I had pressure on me from all sides telling me to lose weight. So I went back. This time a little heavier. My BMI had been moved from underweight to healthy for the first time since I was 14. In that sense this pseudo-nutritionist had done their job, albeit through an extremely unnecessary, roundabout way. I walked in, measurements were taken, they looked me in the eye and said “you are fat”.

I was astounded! Never in all my years of modeling had someone come straight out and said I was fat. Agents and clients at least had the decency to dance around the subject, telling me to “tone up”, “lose an inch”, “work out a little more” or “try limiting desert!” (who eats desert these days anyway?! I sure as hell wasn’t then). I wish I had told this fake doctor to get fucked. I guess I am doing that now. But instead, I got back on the plan, hating myself even more, and lost the weight that my body was so desperate to keep on. This time I lost a lot more weight. This time I was on it for longer. This time my boyfriend was ready. This time my period went away for a year.

But boy I looked GREAT! (please note the sarcasm here. When I look back at photos of me from this period, I get so sad. My eyes look lost, and remember so strongly the pain and anxiety behind them.) Some clients were happy, and weirdly enough, some were not. The clients who were worried, I owe my career and health to. They are the ones who like me “curvier”. They aren’t into selling clothes on severely underweight bodies, housing a human who has lost her power. They celebrate women in all her strength, not ask her to diminish in size until she is lost. I love these people. Today these amazing people I get to work with are my closest friends, and they have been with me every step of the way in this journey. I want to see the industry ruled by these sorts of clients – brands who champion women in all shapes and sizes. Even those ‘out of shape’ size 4’s.

However, in spite of these fantastic humans and clients, it was required of me to lose weight again. So the last time I went on this plan, I decided I would just stay on it. I would not get off the plan, even when my work did not require me to be tiny. As fake doctor’s maintenance plans didn’t work, I would just stay on the shakes and vegetables until I retired from modeling.

… When one is malnourished, the brain does not exactly work properly.

Mentally I was completely shot. All my experiences (I won’t bore you with my tales of three years worth of extreme dieting followed by extreme weight gain) of gaining so much weight so quickly had opened a flood gate of self hate in my head. My perceived failure in keeping myself sick had vastly increased my mental demons to the point of lethargy, mild depression and anxiety. This time I really was a mess. Long story short, this all culminated in a series of massive panic attacks, which finally got me into therapy. Weirdly enough, it took me three months of mental work to finally let go of this fake doctor’s protein shakes, even though I was experiencing some mild agoraphobia along with the anxiety and self hate. The nutritionist had more supplements to sell me to help with my mental struggles. I would sit there in therapy, and justify why I couldn’t let go of this fake doctors ‘plan’. I was convinced that I wasn’t as unhealthy as I actually was, and that it was actually ok for me to be dizzy all the time, be scared of the dark and a raging insomniac.

But all things must end eventually. One day I woke up, and realized I would never survive losing that much weight again. Feeling myself completely lose my grip on reality, and the slow recovery was sobering. Plus I was gaining weight. Thanks in part to my wonderful loving husband I was slowly coming back to life. When I finally got my period again, it was like greeting a long lost friend. Who kind of hated me, but that’s ok, I was an abuser. I had let my body become so deprived that my endocrine system had shut down. I vowed to never lose my period again (this did not happen, but that’s another story) and so I realized, why am I holding onto this expensive, fear based diet that isn’t serving me anymore? I definitely did not come onto this decision empowered. I got rid of the shakes and suddenly felt the floor drop from beneath me. I had completely lost any idea of what to eat – I had no idea when I was hungry or what I even liked. But slowly, one step at a time (that’s also another story) I found myself where I am today.

Because I am free. It took a very long time, and a huge amount of work with the occasional relapse. But I can honestly say, that I am in a place where I am ok being honest about my past. I am angry. I hate the fact that there is a person out there who calls themselves ‘doctor’ without a doctors degree. They call themselves a ‘guru nutritionist’ without a nutritionists degree. They make a killing selling young girls too many products they do not need, to make them extremely underweight. But what makes me most angry, is that there is a place for this in our society. I want women to be able to be the size that works for them. We should not be being told to diminish. I am coming from an extreme world, where it is all about the way you look, but I feel this changing. People want to know our stories, and clients want to know us as people. The fashion industry is not a terrible place. In spite of my recent stories – I truly love and value my job and the people I meet. I have felt a huge shift that has made it ok for me to tell my stories, and not be alienated. Unfortunately, with any change, it can take time for all the players to catch up. And it is these players who we must treat with respect and love. Change comes about through peaceful conversation. Never attack and defense.

At the end of the day, I just want our bodies to not be these instruments of control anymore. I want us to demand freedom. Because we will get there. Let’s keep talking about this. Let's destroy the place in the fashion industry that keeps this fake doctor in business. I believe the fashion industry is powerful, and should be a positive place. So let's employ healthy, and positive people in it. Let's be the change we want to see.

These are my stories. And I dictate my road.

 Peace and love

Bridget

Photograph | Jason Lee Parry

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

On Celebrity 'Nutritionists'

After years of “struggling” with keeping my weight down in the underweight BMI range, I decided to enlist the help of a celebrity nutritionist. This person is not actually a trained nutritionist – they are a type of alternate health practitioner. They do not have a medical degree. But they claim themselves to be a “guru nutritionist”. We worked together on and off from 2014 to 2017 and to this person I attribute in large part my shot digestive system and a smattering of choir voices in my head that work to pull me out of my self and my power, and into my reflection. It absolutely kills me that they work with a huge amount of young women, models and non models alike. This person and many like them are not empowering. They are the epitome of diminishing. And the fact that they are getting paid stupid amounts of money for their ‘work’ makes me furious.

This person took my fat measurements, and claimed me to be “a mess”. My BMI was in the underweight range. To be honest, I’m not really sure what a mess even means. Any trained dietician would probably recommend me putting on a few pounds. But, this person thought I needed ‘all the help I could get’ to lose that pesky extra weight that was regulating my hormones and keeping me healthy. The plan was simple. Shakes and steamed vegetables that brought me to well below 800 calories a day, and fistfuls of supplements – all that they sell to you. Every single one of their clients gets put on the same plan (maybe a couple pieces of protein added here and there). Never mind any individual conditions. With my first year nutritionist degree training, even I know that every person has different nutritional requirements. This person is making a killing off the sales of their shakes and supplements alone, never mind the cost of the actual sessions, off of a starvation diet plan.

I happily went along with their plan for a few months, lost loads of weight, along with my period, my digestion and nearly my relationship. But you know, you win some you lose some. This was my first experience of extreme weight loss. And when I decided to start eating well again, (not a lot, but three meals a day, mostly vegetables, no “carbs” – it would take me four years to eat them again, including fruit - and no liquid nutrition) I gained back all the weight and then some in the space of a week. The maintenance plan that was given to me consisted of eating eggs and chicken instead of the protein shakes, and I was met with a shrug when I told them I was vegan.

And along with the weight gain came the most horrifying stomach problems I have ever experienced. I assumed that they would go away, that living off of chocolate flavored medical food for three months had just changed my gut, and I needed to readjust. But this first experience changed my digestion for good. And each successive starvation cycle only made my gut problems worse. It has now been nearly four years since I first stepped into their office, and it has been four years of agony. I have managed to get it under control mostly through a low fodmap diet, exercise and meditation, but I get terrible flare ups every couple of months (through accidently eating foods like cauliflower or mushrooms, or stress). It is truly debilitating.

I should have learned my lesson after round one. But. ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ right? (Bad. This is bad.). And I had pressure on me from all sides telling me to lose weight. So I went back. This time a little heavier. My BMI had been moved from underweight to healthy for the first time since I was 14. In that sense this pseudo-nutritionist had done their job, albeit through an extremely unnecessary, roundabout way. I walked in, measurements were taken, they looked me in the eye and said “you are fat”.

I was astounded! Never in all my years of modeling had someone come straight out and said I was fat. Agents and clients at least had the decency to dance around the subject, telling me to “tone up”, “lose an inch”, “work out a little more” or “try limiting desert!” (who eats desert these days anyway?! I sure as hell wasn’t then). I wish I had told this fake doctor to get fucked. I guess I am doing that now. But instead, I got back on the plan, hating myself even more, and lost the weight that my body was so desperate to keep on. This time I lost a lot more weight. This time I was on it for longer. This time my boyfriend was ready. This time my period went away for a year.

But boy I looked GREAT! (please note the sarcasm here. When I look back at photos of me from this period, I get so sad. My eyes look lost, and remember so strongly the pain and anxiety behind them.) Some clients were happy, and weirdly enough, some were not. The clients who were worried, I owe my career and health to. They are the ones who like me “curvier”. They aren’t into selling clothes on severely underweight bodies, housing a human who has lost her power. They celebrate women in all her strength, not ask her to diminish in size until she is lost. I love these people. Today these amazing people I get to work with are my closest friends, and they have been with me every step of the way in this journey. I want to see the industry ruled by these sorts of clients – brands who champion women in all shapes and sizes. Even those ‘out of shape’ size 4’s.

However, in spite of these fantastic humans and clients, it was required of me to lose weight again. So the last time I went on this plan, I decided I would just stay on it. I would not get off the plan, even when my work did not require me to be tiny. As fake doctor’s maintenance plans didn’t work, I would just stay on the shakes and vegetables until I retired from modeling.

… When one is malnourished, the brain does not exactly work properly.

Mentally I was completely shot. All my experiences (I won’t bore you with my tales of three years worth of extreme dieting followed by extreme weight gain) of gaining so much weight so quickly had opened a flood gate of self hate in my head. My perceived failure in keeping myself sick had vastly increased my mental demons to the point of lethargy, mild depression and anxiety. This time I really was a mess. Long story short, this all culminated in a series of massive panic attacks, which finally got me into therapy. Weirdly enough, it took me three months of mental work to finally let go of this fake doctor’s protein shakes, even though I was experiencing some mild agoraphobia along with the anxiety and self hate. The nutritionist had more supplements to sell me to help with my mental struggles. I would sit there in therapy, and justify why I couldn’t let go of this fake doctors ‘plan’. I was convinced that I wasn’t as unhealthy as I actually was, and that it was actually ok for me to be dizzy all the time, be scared of the dark and a raging insomniac.

But all things must end eventually. One day I woke up, and realized I would never survive losing that much weight again. Feeling myself completely lose my grip on reality, and the slow recovery was sobering. Plus I was gaining weight. Thanks in part to my wonderful loving husband I was slowly coming back to life. When I finally got my period again, it was like greeting a long lost friend. Who kind of hated me, but that’s ok, I was an abuser. I had let my body become so deprived that my endocrine system had shut down. I vowed to never lose my period again (this did not happen, but that’s another story) and so I realized, why am I holding onto this expensive, fear based diet that isn’t serving me anymore? I definitely did not come onto this decision empowered. I got rid of the shakes and suddenly felt the floor drop from beneath me. I had completely lost any idea of what to eat – I had no idea when I was hungry or what I even liked. But slowly, one step at a time (that’s also another story) I found myself where I am today.

Because I am free. It took a very long time, and a huge amount of work with the occasional relapse. But I can honestly say, that I am in a place where I am ok being honest about my past. I am angry. I hate the fact that there is a person out there who calls themselves ‘doctor’ without a doctors degree. They call themselves a ‘guru nutritionist’ without a nutritionists degree. They make a killing selling young girls too many products they do not need, to make them extremely underweight. But what makes me most angry, is that there is a place for this in our society. I want women to be able to be the size that works for them. We should not be being told to diminish. I am coming from an extreme world, where it is all about the way you look, but I feel this changing. People want to know our stories, and clients want to know us as people. The fashion industry is not a terrible place. In spite of my recent stories – I truly love and value my job and the people I meet. I have felt a huge shift that has made it ok for me to tell my stories, and not be alienated. Unfortunately, with any change, it can take time for all the players to catch up. And it is these players who we must treat with respect and love. Change comes about through peaceful conversation. Never attack and defense.

At the end of the day, I just want our bodies to not be these instruments of control anymore. I want us to demand freedom. Because we will get there. Let’s keep talking about this. Let's destroy the place in the fashion industry that keeps this fake doctor in business. I believe the fashion industry is powerful, and should be a positive place. So let's employ healthy, and positive people in it. Let's be the change we want to see.

These are my stories. And I dictate my road.

 Peace and love

Bridget

Photograph | Jason Lee Parry

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Bridget Bites : Beauty Products And My Reflection

Q:

Hey Bridget- Love logging on every other day (trying to live more minimally technology wise after returning from Italy) anyway, I highlight my hair and your highlights stay so bright! Just wondering what shampoo/conditioner routine you use to keep them healthy and bright?! Maybe a toner? On that note, could you walk through a typical hair/skin/makeup routine to stay healthy on the outside as well as the inside? Any tips would be greatly appreciated along with some of the products you’re living right now?  Love you girl! Thank you for being a positive blog site I look forward to reading when decompressing for the day XO

A:

Hi there! Thank you for writing in. And good call on the minimizing of technology – it makes a huge difference to my brain space if I spend less time online. I guess it is a way to reclaim your life back.

When it comes to hair I really am low maintenance. I have never had the ability to style my own hair, and honestly don’t even own a hair brush. I recently got bangs and realized there is no way I can take care of them effectively! After a month they have already grown out. My hair is pretty low key, and it grows like a wookie. I’m lucky 😀 As far as color I only get that done by Michael Angelo in NYC at Wonderland Salon. The man is a genius with hair, I have had so many bad blonde shades, but he always gets it right. As I now live in LA I just wait until I see him to get it done. I think I am going to grow my hair out completely – I have forgotten what my natural color is! I don’t use a toner, and I just use whatever shampoo I can get my hands on. I used to use expensive brands but honestly don’t feel a difference between that and drug store stuff. I do try to get organic, but that’s not high on my priorities on my product list.

As far as styling my hair, I consider it a success if I walk out of my house with dry hair. If I don’t, it doesn’t bother me either. My hair is dead straight and I like a little texture if possible. Sometimes I sleep with my hair in a top knot when it is damp, then take it out the second I wake up. Usually after an hour I go from Weird Al Yankovic to bed head. Sometimes I don’t, and then that is an up hair day. If I go for a swim I leave the salt in as long as I can.

My skin care routine is also minimal. I love Kora’s coconut and noni oil stick at night to give me a little extra hydration. And in the morning I just wash with warm water and use the Dr Hauschka rose day cream light, mixed with a little of their bronze color. That usually is enough for me. I should wear sunblock… But I don’t. I tend to wear a hat, and it feels amazing to get direct sun on my arms and legs when I walk. If anyone has a nice organic one that they love please let me know! I do have a home made organic zinc that I use when I am in the surf, I got that in Costa Rica and it works strangely well.

Makeup is mineral fusion mascara and their sheer tint mineral foundation. Sometimes I will use their concealer if I need it. And I might put a little of the RMS luminizer on top of my cheek bones and on the bridge of my nose if I am really making an effort. From start to finish my skin care and makeup routine take 5-10 minutes. I finish off with an eminence lip balm – I have been obsessed with this product for years.

I firmly believe that the ultimate beauty routine comes from how we take care of ourselves. My skin looks the best when I am getting enough sleep, drinking enough water and eating well. I also supplement with omega’s from algae oil, turmeric and probiotics. I don’t know if they help skin, but they seem to help me out! Then the obvious ones, don’t smoke, limit alcohol, get active and get the blood flowing, and laugh a lot. Smile lines are cute.

At the end of the day, I try to spend as much time away from the mirror as possible. I have gotten so lost in it in the past that I would become obsessed with my perceived ‘flaws’. I really used to hate the way I looked. I thought that my face was too round, lips too thin, and just plain boring. I used to only wear my hair out and as close to my face as possible – I just hated seeing my jawline and ‘puffy’ face. Weirdly enough, when I was at my boniest, and my jaw line was at its most pronounced, I hated myself even more. It is insane how much body dysmorphia affected me. In the gym I would always work out as far from the back as possible, just to avoid seeing myself in the mirror. On set I would avoid looking at myself in the mirror during hair and makeup as much as possible, and would only take selfies if I absolutely felt the requirement to. Then I would take millions, picking the one where my face looked defined enough and my lips big enough. My face disgusted me. My body disgusted me even more.

As I began to age (sorry, I know I am only 26) I was horrified by the small lines appearing. I went through an expensive phase of layering product after product – all in the effort of making my skin clearer. My skin would burn, I was advised to stay out of the sun, and nothing really happened. Then I developed dermatitis from some nutritional deficiencies. So I scaled everything way back, started using coconut oil only, and focused on my diet. And everything got better. The smile lines remained, but those are a part of life. I would rather have a face that has lines and signs of the life I have lived. Because I smile a lot.

Today the products I use are the ones I keep coming back to. They work best for me. But what works the most is eating. Eating a wide variety of plant foods, and eating enough. I do not leave entire food groups out anymore. And I still have an aversion to the mirror, but it is a different one now. Instead of staring into the mirror, focusing and hating my face, it is more of a ‘nose still on? Yep great. No sleep in my eyes? Cool, seeya!’. I am content with the way I look in a way I never was in my early 20’s. Instead of painting on makeup designed to hide me from the world, I wander around completely bare and open. I am done hiding. From myself and from the people around me. And when I do wear makeup, it is usually because I am in the mood to. It isn’t a shield of armor for me. And it does not take up any more than the ten minutes or so it takes to apply.

Because we only get one life. I have already wasted enough of it being obsessed with hating my reflection. It is time to demand acceptance for exactly what you have. There is always a place in the world for you. We just sometimes have to create it, if it isn’t there already. And that is far more satisfying than molding yourself into what is demanded and expected of you.

These are my stories. And I dictate my road.

I hope this helps 😀

 Love

Bridget

Photograph | Hans Fuerer

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Body Dysmorphia

I would like to acknowledge and apologize for some of the things I wrote and spoke about over the past couple of years. I genuinely thought that I was doing the right thing for my health and wellness. I now know that I was completely in the depths of body dysmorphia and it really worries me that I was not a positive role model out there. I do genuinely want to be someone who uses her platform mindfully and in a positive way, and even when I was at my most unwell, I wanted to be a good role model. I definitely was aware of the dissonance between the reality of my life and the public persona I was putting out there. It really made me unhappy and for this I am thankful, as it was through this great discomfort that I found my way out. I truly believe that out of the conflict lies the solution. It just requires becoming extremely uncomfortable at times.

For the record, I never did lie about what I ate. I always was truthful. But the amounts I ate were never enough. The part that gets me though is that I truly thought they were. When I claimed that I ate loads, I thought that I did. I would fill up on foods that were low calorie, and think that I was eating a healthy balanced diet. I was extremely active, sometimes training 2-3 hours a day, and thought that that made me fit. But if someone offered me a piece of fruit to eat, I would become so anxious and fearful at the thought of having to eat it (something unplanned) that I would nearly be sick with worry. And I couldn’t calm down my anxiety until I had completed my training for the day. If I had a 5am call time, I would be in the gym at 3:30am. If my flight landed at 8pm, I would be in the gym at 9pm.

I am trying to temper my true passion for health and fitness with balance and meaning. I would eat such an extreme diet, and train so hard because I would look in the mirror and see someone who needed to lose weight looking back at me. My best friend was staying with me once when I was at my smallest, and she was shocked at how I knew cognitively that I was small, but whenever I saw myself in the mirror, I saw excess weight that needed to come off. When I would give interviews and discuss my eating habits I truly believed that eating predominately vegetables and protein shakes was ok. Obviously this is not ok. I am sorry for being so public about damaging eating habits.

At the end of the day we are all in charge of how we eat that feels the most right. Throughout this entire journey I have always been plant based. I have done a lot of soul searching with this, even experimenting with eating fish again. But I always come back to this way of eating. There is a part of me that feels at peace and happy when I eat plant food. I have been lactose intolerant my entire adult life so dairy has never been something I have had any interest in eating. I have been plant based at my heaviest, and plant based at my lightest. Funnily enough the foods that I spent the past few years terrified of are essential to a healthy plant-based diet, and not at all found in animal products (carbohydrates). Now that nothing is off limits, my health and energy are at an all time high. I feel comfortable talking about being a plant-based eater, simply because I don’t believe that it is a means by which to limit my food intake. If I needed to eat meat again for my health, I would do it. If after all this abuse I have heaped on my digestive system, I needed to eat meat to heal, I would in a heart beat. But I have bounced back 😀 And am thriving. Thank goodness.

Body dysmorphia is a terrifying thing. I have had countless conversations with fellow models, all of whom are tiny, where they call themselves fat. It is such a hard thing to understand if you are removed from this – weight and size should be objective. Either you fit the clothes, or you don’t. But when it becomes a mental game like this, it grows wings of its own.

When I made the decision to start eating again, I really struggled with dysmorphia. Because this time I really was gaining weight. Nothing crazy – I threw away a few old pairs of jeans, but I am not built to be too curvy. But it was enough to give those head demons a microphone, especially since I had taken away the self soothing method I used to employ (starvation). Aware of my previous habits of over exercising, I did not let myself train beyond walking for a few months. And it was torturous. But as the weight came on, the anxiety quickly swelled to a deafening crescendo, and then began to slowly die out. Over consistent work and time I found myself actually liking what I saw in the mirror. Even though Bridget from 1.5 years ago would have been horrified that I had ‘left myself go’. For the first time what I am seeing in the mirror is actually my reflection looking back at me. And for the first time that I can remember, I like my body.

I am so glad that I got real with you guys. The guilt I feel at some of the things I used to recommend as healthy eating habits, truly because I believed them makes me sick. I want you all to know that I intend to use this platform as mindfully as possible from hereon out. I do not want to make damaging recommendations anymore. I only want to speak the truth. So I intend to share with you all my good and bad days – I am no longer hiding behind the veneer of “clean” eating. That word aggravates me. It is 2016 talk for disordered eating. It also means absolutely nothing. Beyond making sure my food isn’t contaminated with bacteria, clean eating is not a thing in my life.

Eating is.

I truly hope that you guys can accept my apology. I said some things in the media that make me cringe now. Being completely at odds with what I saw in the mirror and who I thought I was led me down a dark path of denial. I am not making excuses for the past – far from it. I just wanted to share with you all a little of how twisted my mind was, at the time of talking about my diet.

So much love to you all. And I dictate my road 😀

 Bridget xxxx

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Body Dysmorphia

I would like to acknowledge and apologize for some of the things I wrote and spoke about over the past couple of years. I genuinely thought that I was doing the right thing for my health and wellness. I now know that I was completely in the depths of body dysmorphia and it really worries me that I was not a positive role model out there. I do genuinely want to be someone who uses her platform mindfully and in a positive way, and even when I was at my most unwell, I wanted to be a good role model. I definitely was aware of the dissonance between the reality of my life and the public persona I was putting out there. It really made me unhappy and for this I am thankful, as it was through this great discomfort that I found my way out. I truly believe that out of the conflict lies the solution. It just requires becoming extremely uncomfortable at times.

For the record, I never did lie about what I ate. I always was truthful. But the amounts I ate were never enough. The part that gets me though is that I truly thought they were. When I claimed that I ate loads, I thought that I did. I would fill up on foods that were low calorie, and think that I was eating a healthy balanced diet. I was extremely active, sometimes training 2-3 hours a day, and thought that that made me fit. But if someone offered me a piece of fruit to eat, I would become so anxious and fearful at the thought of having to eat it (something unplanned) that I would nearly be sick with worry. And I couldn’t calm down my anxiety until I had completed my training for the day. If I had a 5am call time, I would be in the gym at 3:30am. If my flight landed at 8pm, I would be in the gym at 9pm.

I am trying to temper my true passion for health and fitness with balance and meaning. I would eat such an extreme diet, and train so hard because I would look in the mirror and see someone who needed to lose weight looking back at me. My best friend was staying with me once when I was at my smallest, and she was shocked at how I knew cognitively that I was small, but whenever I saw myself in the mirror, I saw excess weight that needed to come off. When I would give interviews and discuss my eating habits I truly believed that eating predominately vegetables and protein shakes was ok. Obviously this is not ok. I am sorry for being so public about damaging eating habits.

At the end of the day we are all in charge of how we eat that feels the most right. Throughout this entire journey I have always been plant based. I have done a lot of soul searching with this, even experimenting with eating fish again. But I always come back to this way of eating. There is a part of me that feels at peace and happy when I eat plant food. I have been lactose intolerant my entire adult life so dairy has never been something I have had any interest in eating. I have been plant based at my heaviest, and plant based at my lightest. Funnily enough the foods that I spent the past few years terrified of are essential to a healthy plant-based diet, and not at all found in animal products (carbohydrates). Now that nothing is off limits, my health and energy are at an all time high. I feel comfortable talking about being a plant-based eater, simply because I don’t believe that it is a means by which to limit my food intake. If I needed to eat meat again for my health, I would do it. If after all this abuse I have heaped on my digestive system, I needed to eat meat to heal, I would in a heart beat. But I have bounced back 😀 And am thriving. Thank goodness.

Body dysmorphia is a terrifying thing. I have had countless conversations with fellow models, all of whom are tiny, where they call themselves fat. It is such a hard thing to understand if you are removed from this – weight and size should be objective. Either you fit the clothes, or you don’t. But when it becomes a mental game like this, it grows wings of its own.

When I made the decision to start eating again, I really struggled with dysmorphia. Because this time I really was gaining weight. Nothing crazy – I threw away a few old pairs of jeans, but I am not built to be too curvy. But it was enough to give those head demons a microphone, especially since I had taken away the self soothing method I used to employ (starvation). Aware of my previous habits of over exercising, I did not let myself train beyond walking for a few months. And it was torturous. But as the weight came on, the anxiety quickly swelled to a deafening crescendo, and then began to slowly die out. Over consistent work and time I found myself actually liking what I saw in the mirror. Even though Bridget from 1.5 years ago would have been horrified that I had ‘left myself go’. For the first time what I am seeing in the mirror is actually my reflection looking back at me. And for the first time that I can remember, I like my body.

I am so glad that I got real with you guys. The guilt I feel at some of the things I used to recommend as healthy eating habits, truly because I believed them makes me sick. I want you all to know that I intend to use this platform as mindfully as possible from hereon out. I do not want to make damaging recommendations anymore. I only want to speak the truth. So I intend to share with you all my good and bad days – I am no longer hiding behind the veneer of “clean” eating. That word aggravates me. It is 2016 talk for disordered eating. It also means absolutely nothing. Beyond making sure my food isn’t contaminated with bacteria, clean eating is not a thing in my life.

Eating is.

I truly hope that you guys can accept my apology. I said some things in the media that make me cringe now. Being completely at odds with what I saw in the mirror and who I thought I was led me down a dark path of denial. I am not making excuses for the past – far from it. I just wanted to share with you all a little of how twisted my mind was, at the time of talking about my diet.

So much love to you all. And I dictate my road 😀

 Bridget xxxx

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Body Dysmorphia

I would like to acknowledge and apologize for some of the things I wrote and spoke about over the past couple of years. I genuinely thought that I was doing the right thing for my health and wellness. I now know that I was completely in the depths of body dysmorphia and it really worries me that I was not a positive role model out there. I do genuinely want to be someone who uses her platform mindfully and in a positive way, and even when I was at my most unwell, I wanted to be a good role model. I definitely was aware of the dissonance between the reality of my life and the public persona I was putting out there. It really made me unhappy and for this I am thankful, as it was through this great discomfort that I found my way out. I truly believe that out of the conflict lies the solution. It just requires becoming extremely uncomfortable at times.

For the record, I never did lie about what I ate. I always was truthful. But the amounts I ate were never enough. The part that gets me though is that I truly thought they were. When I claimed that I ate loads, I thought that I did. I would fill up on foods that were low calorie, and think that I was eating a healthy balanced diet. I was extremely active, sometimes training 2-3 hours a day, and thought that that made me fit. But if someone offered me a piece of fruit to eat, I would become so anxious and fearful at the thought of having to eat it (something unplanned) that I would nearly be sick with worry. And I couldn’t calm down my anxiety until I had completed my training for the day. If I had a 5am call time, I would be in the gym at 3:30am. If my flight landed at 8pm, I would be in the gym at 9pm.

I am trying to temper my true passion for health and fitness with balance and meaning. I would eat such an extreme diet, and train so hard because I would look in the mirror and see someone who needed to lose weight looking back at me. My best friend was staying with me once when I was at my smallest, and she was shocked at how I knew cognitively that I was small, but whenever I saw myself in the mirror, I saw excess weight that needed to come off. When I would give interviews and discuss my eating habits I truly believed that eating predominately vegetables and protein shakes was ok. Obviously this is not ok. I am sorry for being so public about damaging eating habits.

At the end of the day we are all in charge of how we eat that feels the most right. Throughout this entire journey I have always been plant based. I have done a lot of soul searching with this, even experimenting with eating fish again. But I always come back to this way of eating. There is a part of me that feels at peace and happy when I eat plant food. I have been lactose intolerant my entire adult life so dairy has never been something I have had any interest in eating. I have been plant based at my heaviest, and plant based at my lightest. Funnily enough the foods that I spent the past few years terrified of are essential to a healthy plant-based diet, and not at all found in animal products (carbohydrates). Now that nothing is off limits, my health and energy are at an all time high. I feel comfortable talking about being a plant-based eater, simply because I don’t believe that it is a means by which to limit my food intake. If I needed to eat meat again for my health, I would do it. If after all this abuse I have heaped on my digestive system, I needed to eat meat to heal, I would in a heart beat. But I have bounced back 😀 And am thriving. Thank goodness.

Body dysmorphia is a terrifying thing. I have had countless conversations with fellow models, all of whom are tiny, where they call themselves fat. It is such a hard thing to understand if you are removed from this – weight and size should be objective. Either you fit the clothes, or you don’t. But when it becomes a mental game like this, it grows wings of its own.

When I made the decision to start eating again, I really struggled with dysmorphia. Because this time I really was gaining weight. Nothing crazy – I threw away a few old pairs of jeans, but I am not built to be too curvy. But it was enough to give those head demons a microphone, especially since I had taken away the self soothing method I used to employ (starvation). Aware of my previous habits of over exercising, I did not let myself train beyond walking for a few months. And it was torturous. But as the weight came on, the anxiety quickly swelled to a deafening crescendo, and then began to slowly die out. Over consistent work and time I found myself actually liking what I saw in the mirror. Even though Bridget from 1.5 years ago would have been horrified that I had ‘left myself go’. For the first time what I am seeing in the mirror is actually my reflection looking back at me. And for the first time that I can remember, I like my body.

I am so glad that I got real with you guys. The guilt I feel at some of the things I used to recommend as healthy eating habits, truly because I believed them makes me sick. I want you all to know that I intend to use this platform as mindfully as possible from hereon out. I do not want to make damaging recommendations anymore. I only want to speak the truth. So I intend to share with you all my good and bad days – I am no longer hiding behind the veneer of “clean” eating. That word aggravates me. It is 2016 talk for disordered eating. It also means absolutely nothing. Beyond making sure my food isn’t contaminated with bacteria, clean eating is not a thing in my life.

Eating is.

I truly hope that you guys can accept my apology. I said some things in the media that make me cringe now. Being completely at odds with what I saw in the mirror and who I thought I was led me down a dark path of denial. I am not making excuses for the past – far from it. I just wanted to share with you all a little of how twisted my mind was, at the time of talking about my diet.

So much love to you all. And I dictate my road 😀

 Bridget xxxx

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

Bridget Bites : Implementing Healthy Eating Habits

Q:

Hi my name is Casey, this might sound odd coming from a guy as I know men and women are different with nutrition but I wanted some tips on healthy eating. And someone who has been on both sides I felt would give the best advice. How did you help train yourself to stick on the healthy eating habits. What did you start out with?

A:

Hi! Whilst everyone’s bodies may require different amounts of macro nutrients, men definitely suffer from their own share of body bullshit. They get fed the masculinity myth – the idea that they have to be strong and silent, macho and dominant, and always top dog. This can have some catastrophic affects, that can be seen throughout society at large.

First off, I would recommend you to define what healthy eating habits are and why you want to stick to them. Are you overweight, and your health is at risk? Do you want to get more out of life and this will happen through being fitter? This is ok. Or do you want to lose weight because you think you should be more ripped, skinnier, or different looking? Do you currently hate yourself for the way you look? This is not ok.

I set about implementing ‘healthy’ eating habits because I had swallowed the lies that I was overweight. I wanted to work with clients who demanded an extreme body shape, so I jumped into a long list of lies to myself. I trained myself to exist on much less nutrition than needed, to cut out entire food groups, and to over exercise. I got so used to these ‘healthy’ eating habits that I forgot what it felt like to be hungry, or to be full. And every week or so these ‘healthy’ eating habits would implode into a day of crazed binging – where I would eat every ‘healthy’ vegan junk food to extreme. In the spirit of full disclosure, I never did purge. There was a deep part of me that really wanted to eat all the food, and I never experienced guilt after a binge episode. There was one deep, stubborn part of me that was determined for me to eat and to get well. So I would eat, LOVE IT, then wake up the next day and resume my minimal nutrition diet.

So that is how I started out. I went so far in one direction that I endangered my health quite intensely. I set into play some serious mental demons that had been lying dormant for quite some time, and demons that I still struggle with daily to put to rest. But acknowledging them is the first step to learning to live with them. And I am so scared of giving them back their control that I am extremely diligent with my control and food choices these days.

Once I made the decision to start eating properly, funnily enough I didn’t go insane with it. I didn’t go on some wild binge. In fact, binges stopped existing in my world because I was no longer fighting my bodies need for real food. Dessert started coming into my life a night or two a week, and while this is still a bit of a mental sticking point, it is slowly getting easier. It tastes so good, that I kind of can’t be bothered with thinking too deeply about it anymore. I think what has really helped me stand on my own two feet with food is how damn good real food tastes. I cannot describe just how awesome the first bite of a mango is after four years abstinence from all fruit. Eating something as simple as avocado sushi, quinoa or a salad WITH salad dressing on it is incredible. Carbohydrates are not the enemy. Don’t even get me started on peanut butter. These are not foods to be avoided, they are good and nourishing for you. And whilst in the beginning it was hard to stop eating them, it never progressed into a full blown binge. Because I gave myself permission to eat them whenever I wanted to.

So I guess my advice as to implementing healthy eating habits would be the following. I go by how the oldest lived people in the world eat. It is mostly plants, grains and beans. They drink a little. They eat a little dessert. And they live forever. This is not by them making a strict decision to be low carb, or paleo, or high fat, or vegan. They just eat food that is grown from the ground, in its most natural state. I am not a fan of meat, and lactose intolerant, so I am plant-based. The rest of the time I eat foods that I recognize and love the taste of. I do not avoid food groups, I just make sure that I am making the best choice for my health with regards to those groups. This means sourdough bread over wonderbread, quinoa or oats over sugar cereal and wild or brown rice over white (but this one I am not as fussed about).

And if I do eat some of the lesser quality foods? Who cares. I enjoy the taste and freedom of not being stuck in an eating rut. I truly do love food and to eat. Sometimes the fries (sweet potato for me) is just what you need. But I do try to avoid eating lower quality foods and sugar every single day. Because it doesn’t leave me feeling energetic and full of life. And it makes my skin break out.

If you make the higher nutritional quality choice more often, you will slowly train your taste buds to want it. I always have the foods I want to eat in the house. I have learned to cook, and love making up my own recipes. Of course the mars bar will always taste better than the lara bar. But I don’t usually feel too good after a candy bar. Lara bars make me feel energetic and happy. And that has guided me into making healthier choices in the moment.

Follow your gut. It will tell you everything you need to know! The concept of intuitive eating always seemed like a pipe dream to me. I destroyed my intuition through years of struggling to hit the unrealistic body expectations placed on me. But our bodies want to find their healthy weight, and all the energy and thriving that comes from this place. It was surprisingly easy once I let go of the control and handed the steering wheel to my intuition to reclaim my health and energy.

Final point – start meditating. It teaches you to look inwards and pay attention to your bodies cues. When we know what we need, it is extremely easy and gratifying to follow and honor it.

I hope this helps you 😀 Allow yourself to guide you.

I Dictate My Road.

 Peace and love,

Bridget

Photograph | Dove Shore

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

One Of My Worst Experiences at a Job

So, this one time, I was sent to a set with a client who had seen digitals of me at a 33 inch hip. Never mind that I was no longer that size, and never will be again. This whole situation was probably top three of my most awful experiences on set (the other two involve sexual assault). This was a client who liked their girls skinny, and I was not that. They had a false idea about what I looked like – something that could have easily been avoided.

Anyway.

It is hard to articulate just how awful the feeling is when you are on a set and everyone there hates the way you look. The reactions range from being sweet, yet condescending and pitiful, to just straight up bitchiness. They were all women on this set which makes the whole thing even more frustrating and messed up. After my experiences of body shaming whilst modeling (and this is one of many) I will never, EVER shame another woman on how she looks. Or man for that matter. But women have enough shit to put up with – we should be celebrating each other wherever we happen to be at.

Anyway. Back to my story.

Whilst shooting, I had one lady refuse to look me in the eye, choosing instead to address my stomach with a sneer (I was shooting swim). I addressed her, smiled, and she didn’t even look away from my stomach, let alone respond to me beyond mono syllables. Another lady asked me to please make my ribs show more whilst shooting, suck in my gut, and tied a sarong around my hips, to ‘hide them’. I got a high school level bitchy up and down when I came out of the changing room (every single one of my ten shots), and another woman just didn’t even register my presence. And they weren’t rude people aaaaalll the time – I got to watch them be very sweet to the other model (a sixteen year old with 34 inch hips). I wasn’t a 34 hip girl, but I fitted all the sample sizes (2-4), and had been feeling pretty good about my body and its new ‘curves’ up until this moment.

When it was lunch time, I was absolutely hating myself, wishing I was somebody else. So I chose not to eat. I was met with chorus’s of “why aren’t you eating! What’s wrong!?”. I sat there feeling humiliated, fat and ugly and got to watch everyone else on set (the other model included) tuck into a delicious lunch and cake. All that fake concern in their eyes over why I wasn’t eating lunch evaporated the second I got back on set. Then it was back to stonewall and scrutiny.

Looking back, I wish I’d had the strength to say to them, “what’s going on? Am I not what you wanted? Because if not, lets not put me and you through this. Just send me home. You don’t want me here, and I don’t want to be here”. I wish I had done that instead of struggling through the day, to leave set and burst into tears. To be told by my agent that because they hadn’t said anything to my agency, there was nothing wrong. Got to love a little casual gas lighting – after 12 years of modeling, I know when something (me) isn’t working out.

It makes me enraged when a woman is made to feel fat at a size 4. What messed up parallel universe is this? The fashion industry should be celebrating women of all body sizes. We are experiencing a huge amount of growth in body acceptance – when will it start to make serious inroads in the fashion industry? I do have to acknowledge the appearance of plus size models in the higher end fashion industry. This is fantastic, and a welcome change. However there is a massive grey zone in the fashion industry. We see ‘straight size’ girls from sizes 0-2 maybe a 4 if the girl is well known or has boobs. Then nothing, until we hit ‘plus size’ girls at around size 14. Never mind the fact that the vast majority of women in the western world fall in this size bracket. Until a woman can open a magazine and see her body shape represented, how can women stop comparing themselves to an impossible standard?

At the end of the day, people should be able to look in the artistic world of fashion and see women with bodies similar to theirs. They should not be looking at hungry, tired teenagers who haven’t hit puberty yet. They should see strength and power and individuality. The ultimate form of control over women is when their bodies stop being their own. When other people dictate how they should look (thin, long legs, yet with an ass, tiny waist and back but with a six pack and boobs, plus big lips and defined cheekbones). My body did not belong to me from the ages of 14-25. When I finally started trying to reclaim it, I was so saddened by how much time and energy I had wasted trying to hit an ever moving target. When I finally got my period back regularly, I was amazed at all the emotion that came with it (a lot of it relief, a little of it insanity). When I got my brain power back, I was shocked at the study I was capable of, and the words that were easily written. It was so easy to string a sentence together and run for miles. These pleasures had been denied to me for my entire adult life. And for what really? Chasing some messed up idea of what a ‘real woman’ should be? There is no ‘real woman’. Just women. The idea of a ‘real woman’ is a lie; it is something to keep us distracted from pursuing our full potential. The time we spend training ourselves to extreme exhaustion and starving, is time and money wasted on self growth. I am sick to death of it.

So many women are denied this basic right of self possession. For the western world to proclaim itself free, it needs to set women’s bodies free. From hereon out we should be able to look however the fuck we feel is right, however we are strongest mentally, and however we so like to. If we gain or lose weight it is irrelevant. Anyone else’s opinion does not matter, and should cease to exist. I want societal expectations to evaporate. We should be celebrated for our accomplishments, and leave our bodies out of it. No more comments on who lost weight and how. I finally got the memo. Now I want more people out there to feel this liberation.

Things need to change in the world. And we need to start talking about it with more consistency and volume.

Today, make the effort to let go of your body hang ups. It will take time, but let yourself find what is right for you. No more trying to fit some one else’s fucked up mold. Destroy it and take up your own space in the world.

To the ladies on set that day, I say I hope you find your peace here. I don’t know how hard it must be to exist in a world where you treat another young woman as badly as you treated me. You must be in so much pain. The pain must be strong enough to make you look at a twenty something young woman, who is fit and healthy, and set out to make her feel fat and useless. It truly must be awful to exist in a state of constant cognitive dissonance.

I hope you find your peace. And I thank you. You helped to set me on the road to mine.

These are my stories. And I dictate my road.

 Peace and love,

Bridget

Photograph | Todd Barry

I love receiving your comments! - and if you have any specific questions don’t forget to ‘Ask Me Anything’ via the link here.

THANKS SO MUCH

[bridgetbites]

One Of My Worst Experiences at a Job

So, this one time, I was sent to a set with a client who had seen digitals of me at a 33 inch hip. Never mind that I was no longer that size, and never will be again. This whole situation was probably top three of my most awful experiences on set (the other two involve sexual assault). This was a client who liked their girls skinny, and I was not that. They had a false idea about what I looked like – something that could have easily been avoided.

Anyway.

It is hard to articulate just how awful the feeling is when you are on a set and everyone there hates the way you look. The reactions range from being sweet, yet condescending and pitiful, to just straight up bitchiness. They were all women on this set which makes the whole thing even more frustrating and messed up. After my experiences of body shaming whilst modeling (and this is one of many) I will never, EVER shame another woman on how she looks. Or man for that matter. But women have enough shit to put up with – we should be celebrating each other wherever we happen to be at.

Anyway. Back to my story.

Whilst shooting, I had one lady refuse to look me in the eye, choosing instead to address my stomach with a sneer (I was shooting swim). I addressed her, smiled, and she didn’t even look away from my stomach, let alone respond to me beyond mono syllables. Another lady asked me to please make my ribs show more whilst shooting, suck in my gut, and tied a sarong around my hips, to ‘hide them’. I got a high school level bitchy up and down when I came out of the changing room (every single one of my ten shots), and another woman just didn’t even register my presence. And they weren’t rude people aaaaalll the time – I got to watch them be very sweet to the other model (a sixteen year old with 34 inch hips). I wasn’t a 34 hip girl, but I fitted all the sample sizes (2-4), and had been feeling pretty good about my body and its new ‘curves’ up until this moment.

When it was lunch time, I was absolutely hating myself, wishing I was somebody else. So I chose not to eat. I was met with chorus’s of “why aren’t you eating! What’s wrong!?”. I sat there feeling humiliated, fat and ugly and got to watch everyone else on set (the other model included) tuck into a delicious lunch and cake. All that fake concern in their eyes over why I wasn’t eating lunch evaporated the second I got back on set. Then it was back to stonewall and scrutiny.

Looking back, I wish I’d had the strength to say to them, “what’s going on? Am I not what you wanted? Because if not, lets not put me and you through this. Just send me home. You don’t want me here, and I don’t want to be here”. I wish I had done that instead of struggling through the day, to leave set and burst into tears. To be told by my agent that because they hadn’t said anything to my agency, there was nothing wrong. Got to love a little casual gas lighting – after 12 years of modeling, I know when something (me) isn’t working out.

It makes me enraged when a woman is made to feel fat at a size 4. What messed up parallel universe is this? The fashion industry should be celebrating women of all body sizes. We are experiencing a huge amount of growth in body acceptance – when will it start to make serious inroads in the fashion industry? I do have to acknowledge the appearance of plus size models in the higher end fashion industry. This is fantastic, and a welcome change. However there is a massive grey zone in the fashion industry. We see ‘straight size’ girls from sizes 0-2 maybe a 4 if the girl is well known or has boobs. Then nothing, until we hit ‘plus size’ girls at around size 14. Never mind the fact that the vast majority of women in the western world fall in this size bracket. Until a woman can open a magazine and see her body shape represented, how can women stop comparing themselves to an impossible standard?

At the end of the day, people should be able to look in the artistic world of fashion and see women with bodies similar to theirs. They should not be looking at hungry, tired teenagers who haven’t hit puberty yet. They should see strength and power and individuality. The ultimate form of control over women is when their bodies stop being their own. When other people dictate how they should look (thin, long legs, yet with an ass, tiny waist and back but with a six pack and boobs, plus big lips and defined cheekbones). My body did not belong to me from the ages of 14-25. When I finally started trying to reclaim it, I was so saddened by how much time and energy I had wasted trying to hit an ever moving target. When I finally got my period back regularly, I was amazed at all the emotion that came with it (a lot of it relief, a little of it insanity). When I got my brain power back, I was shocked at the study I was capable of, and the words that were easily written. It was so easy to string a sentence together and run for miles. These pleasures had been denied to me for my entire adult life. And for what really? Chasing some messed up idea of what a ‘real woman’ should be? There is no ‘real woman’. Just women. The idea of a ‘real woman’ is a lie; it is something to keep us distracted from pursuing our full potential. The time we spend training ourselves to extreme exhaustion and starving, is time and money wasted on self growth. I am sick to death of it.

So many women are denied this basic right of self possession. For the western world to proclaim itself free, it needs to set women’s bodies free. From hereon out we should be able to look however the fuck we feel is right, however we are strongest mentally, and however we so like to. If we gain or lose weight it is irrelevant. Anyone else’s opinion does not matter, and should cease to exist. I want societal expectations to evaporate. We should be celebrated for our accomplishments, and leave our bodies out of it. No more comments on who lost weight and how. I finally got the memo. Now I want more people out there to feel this liberation.

Things need to change in the world. And we need to start talking about it with more consistency and volume.

Today, make the effort to let go of your body hang ups. It will take time, but let yourself find what is right for you. No more trying to fit some one else’s fucked up mold. Destroy it and take up your own space in the world.

To the ladies on set that day, I say I hope you find your peace here. I don’t know how hard it must be to exist in a world where you treat another young woman as badly as you treated me. You must be in so much pain. The pain must be strong enough to make you look at a twenty something young woman, who is fit and healthy, and set out to make her feel fat and useless. It truly must be awful to exist in a state of constant cognitive dissonance.

I hope you find your peace. And I thank you. You helped to set me on the road to mine.

These are my stories. And I dictate my road.

 Peace and love,

Bridget