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@bright-eyed
ill never live it down if i never get around it
Coyote - Griffith Park
Sleep deprived talking to my mom last night after spending 7 hours after work in the 100 degree heat helping my friend fix her broken down car
me: “I remember I really hated when you told me growing up to fake it till i make it”
her: “yeah you used to get so mad”
me: “i think it was that i was already trying really hard pretending to be someone different, but it was still never enough”
her: “oh”
end scene
I believe in bass lines like I believe in very few immediate things
Massive Attack - Angel
Isolation, anchoring, distraction, and sublimation are among the wiles we use to keep ourselves from dispelling every illusion that keeps us up and running. Without this cognitive double-dealing, we would be exposed for what we are. It would be like looking into a mirror and for a moment seeing the skull inside our skin looking back at us with its sardonic smile. And beneath the skull—only blackness, nothing. Someone is there, so we feel, and yet no one is there—the uncanny paradox, all the horror in a glimpse. A little piece of our world has been peeled back, and underneath is creaking desolation—a carnival where all the rides are moving but no patrons occupy the seats. We are missing from the world we have made for ourselves. Maybe if we could resolutely gaze wide-eyed at our lives we would come to know what we really are. But that would stop the showy attraction we are inclined to think will run forever.
Thomas Ligotti, The Conspiracy Against the Human Race
waking up in the morning like I’m A Bad Person and i’m gonna get Punished
Was up all night last night cuz i watched a video on youtube where the MIT-trained neurosurgeon who quit his job due to moral, personal, and existential quandaries and now makes vlogs from the wilderness of the PNW talked about a study released by the university of exeter in 2025 that said if the world average global temperature increases by 3 degrees celsius as is predicted within the century (2050 to 2100) then half of the world's population will die from environmental causes, starvation, or subsequent international war and governmental collapse. And then I watched project hail mary (which actually was as good as people were saying, imo a better movie than book) where half the world's population was also potentially going to die from environmental causes, starvation, or subsequent international war and governmental collapse. So basically, yeah. I don't know how we're supposed to live with the knowledge that this is probably going to happen. Do you guys ever think about it? Sometimes when I post or write in my journal I feel like i'm writing to future generations of human beings, survivors of the apocalypse we know is coming and are struggling to stop (many aren't trying or can't even try), and I'm trying to tell them who we are. And maybe in 1000 years they will use my blog and/or journals as a historical record to explain their past. This is why we couldn't save ourselves, guys. It was just too much
guys, if i do kill myself and never published any books or anything please copy all my best tumblr posts and arrange them into a deeply moving stream of consciousness narrative and submit it to the new yorker on my behalf. i feel like i can count on you. don't let my life and posting have been in vain
Georgia O'Keeffe, Black Flower, 1929 oil on canvas more
More Pitt / Instagram
Louise Despont
Rain by Peter Everwine
At least the established world order will collapse in our lifetime