Call Me Daddy

annoyed & annoying

[1oved]

[recaption]

[howtobeafuckinglady]

Method Man with his then girlfriend now wife photographed by Lise Sarfati (1995)

[varsityqueerleadercaptain-deact]

i love these photos so much

[flour-canon]

Free worldbuilding idea:

Wizards have the same trust in magic that software designers have in software, which is to say, almost none at all.

“Are you fucking kidding me I worked in a reagrent shop for a few years I don’t trust any of that stuff. Who the hell knows what other components are in the ashes.”

“Yeah I was in the circle that made Alston’s Divine Circle of Teleportation. There’s some pretty nasty corner cases you can get into but the headmaster published it without us. I just take ships. It’s way safer.”

“I call bullshit on that Necromancer channeling spirits of loved ones. What did he say he was using? ‘Medium Conduit Ruinic Circles’? That’s just a bunch of buzzwords slapped together, and they don’t even interact with each other.”

“I’ve been looking at this scroll all morning and I’m 90% sure that the scribe didn’t even look at the standard for pyromancies.”

[digitaldiscipline]

“Help Desk, this is Gloriline, what did you fuck up this time?” *indistinct vocals* “Dave, I’ve seen the news, and, frankly, I can see the ash cloud from here. You paid for extended support, not enabling support.”

[noonmutter]

“Look I’ll level with you sir, the only thing that works for the situation you’re describing is apologizing to the deity to whom you’ve given offense. And you have to be serious about it, we’ve had customers try some ‘sorry you were offended’ stuff and they still haven’t come up with a name for the color of the smear they left on the wall.”

[noonmutter]

(more wizard help desk scenarios popped into my brain almost immediately)

“Mr. Foster, I assure you that we do not discriminate against those with speech impediments. However, if you are going to cast a spell that explicitly requires clear enunciation of the name of an Old God, and your head gets turned into a coelacanth because your have a lateral lisp, neither we nor the spell writers can be held liable.”

[khadorek]

As a programmer, I approve of this

[nineprotons]

@cosmicdwarf

[the-spoopy-ghost-of-raejin99]

“What do these runes on the casting circle mean?”

“Oh, that? That’s not part of the spell, that’s just comments from whoever designed it. Usually used to describe what’s going on, what a part is supposed to do, that kind of thing.”

“So what’s that one say?”

“Uh…let’s see…‘I’ve only had 6 hours of sleep over the past fortnight, only the gods are allowed to judge my coding.’”

“I’m uh…gonna take a couple steps back while you cast this one.”

“Good idea.”

[isawatree]

[selene-h]

It’s easier to move on if you two were just lovers, but sometimes that’s not all you were.

You were best friends too, and that makes it harder.

[colombadoro]

[coltre]

[rexxpeita-as-negras]

[573p5]

[unknownparadiseee]

[kernjosh]

[rillilolita-deactivated20250326]

[biteythevillain]

so my roomates girlfriend just caught me in the kitchen and its so hard to play it cool when you never see this person you only hear her yowling like a cat in heat while her asshole gets played with so me, trying to act as casual as i possibly could, forgot i was holding an onion and not a delightful apple and bit into it fully expecting a honeycrisp but instead got the equiv of biting solid piss 

[velv-ette]

lol wtaf. i can’t read a single word of this paragraph

[makingstrangemaneuvers]

Ok but imagine being the gf here

You’ve been chillin with ur S/O and u decide to get up and get a snack. U never talk to ur S/O’s roommate, but u wanna play it cool like u didn’t just have sex 20 minutes ago in this apartment while said roommate was probably home. Awk af, but u got this.

U look up and nod at them, about to offer a noncommittal “hey” or “how’s it going,” when the fucking roommate just

Looks u dead in the eyes

And fuckin

Bites a goddamn onion like an apple

[softwaring]

[bornin1992]

[foxmouth]

Neon Nights, 2016 | by Elsa Bleda