awake & dreaming @brittanykristen - Tumblr Blog

Big Bend National Park — Texas

brittanykristen.com

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So, this is 39

What a gift it is to witness this body age.

Some days I hardly recognize her. But she's mine. She's been with me since I could remember. Changing in front of me. Even when I don't like her, she's there. As time passes though, I grow more fond of her.

Her reflection, mostly the same. Subtle shifts from the familiar. A slow evolution. Some days I fight against her reflection. Who are you? I think. This isn't me, is it? When did it happen? I'm not ready yet. Not ready to face the transient nature of time. The train that keeps going. Faster these stops appear. And now we're at 39. I feel better now than I have in my 20s. But something about eventually having less years in front than ahead takes my breath a way a little.

What's this? I pull a gray hair from the top of my head. It sparkles in the light. A reminder that change is inevitable. Embrace the beauty of age. Make friends with the unknown.

This is 39.

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Happy birthday to my Mr Beau Nana Pancakes! 5 years old today. Who once fit inside a Larabar box. 😂 🥰😻

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a shifting of shapes

kaleidoscope maze

obsessive thoughts,

fragments of phrases

i spiral down inside a reviling word cloud

paralyzed in emotional phases

a temporary state

tangled up in a haze

but i won’t let these words define me

an illusive ceiling,

i’ve built to protect me

a convenient truth i hold to

kaleidoscope maze

shifting of pathways

colliding then redefining

stuck between the spaces

between infinite choices

this electric vision inside me

-BB

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Ups & Downs

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I started bouldering back in October.

It has been incredibly rewarding — providing an outlet for developing confidence while gaining strength and resiliency. Such an excellent reminder that these things come from consistency and patience.

Having grace. I’m reminded to not compare. There are ebbs and flows. Each person, each day, comes with strengths and weaknesses. We just have to show up.

#bouldering #journal

It’s been a, sit with coffee and reflect, kind of day. I’m reminded not to compare each day with the productivity of another. As I can silently spiral into a comparison of myself to another. Similarly, I remind myself each day presents its own strengths and weaknesses. To not rob myself of times of rest. But to embrace it.