Most of the time, nothing makes sense

But I can try... Musings of twenty-something Canadian woman

[brittanymorganyyc]

It’s been a while, I know... I haven’t felt like I needed this for so long.

I am devastated.

Today one of my biggest fears came true. I have very possibly lost someone for good for no good reason.

I felt right with him. He made me happy. He gave me butterflies. I think about him when I wake up, when I go to sleep... he slips into my mind more than every hour of every day... And apparently he feels strongly for me... feels like he hasn’t before...

But he can’t handle this thing about me. This personal thing that does not effect who I am or our connection... He just can’t handle it.

He said he could. He told me that he likes me more than this thing scares him.

But something changed and now apparently that is no longer true.

I am falling in love with him.

I want that to matter. I want that to change things. It doesn’t.

He wants time to think about it.... but when I expressed my fear that I may just never hear from him again, he did not dismiss this as a possibility.

I have a headache because I haven’t stopped crying for more than a couple minutes in over 5 hours.

I just want to not care.. I want to not need to fix things right away. I suck at waiting... at giving people time. But I care, and it is worse than ever because he did not make this decision because he doesn’t think this is right.

[brittanymorganyyc]

Cold beer after a day of workouts and sun. Last full day in Arizona. #coldbeer #shocktop #sun #relax #AZ

[brittanymorganyyc]

Hiked half marathon distance today with Mom and Pops! Tuckered but so much fun! #whitetankmountains #halfmarathon #funtimes #hiking #sorefeets (at Ford Canyon Trail, White Tank Mountains Regional Park, AZ)

[brittanymorganyyc]

AZ vaca. Nothin but gym, books, and sun. #Arizona #Healthy #Relaxation

[brittanymorganyyc]

It's so hot that I can't even handle my own limbs touching each other. This is what I've resorted to... #makeshiftairconditioning #toohottohandle #icepacks #summerheat #yycheatwave #dying #uncomfortable

[brittanymorganyyc]

See you never

Okay, so he sucked. A girl can only handle so little affection. I mean, even my sister, the ice queen, is more affectionate than he.

I shouldn’t have to fight for you to hold my hand or kiss me. You made a face A FACE when I asked for a peck goodbye. That’s when I knew I couldn’t do it.

I need a man who can’t keep his hands off of me. I need a passionate man. A man comfortable with himself and his feelings and his desire for me.

You didn’t understand how special I am and how out of your league I am and you should have fought for me. You should have done whatever you could to keep me and to keep me happy and feeling loved and cared for.

[brittanymorganyyc]

When do I get you?

Six months? It’s been more than three already. At what point do I become yours and you become mine? I’ve let you in as much as you’ll come in. I know you’re “not good at it,” But I want emotional closeness. Let me in. Let yourself in. Please.

[universexy]

[brittanymorganyyc]

Rockin the T-Swift hair today. Surprisingly I happen to part my hair on the same side as her. That was not at all intentional... now all I need is a make-up artist. #t-swift #bangs #taylorswift #shorthair

[brittanymorganyyc]

So... You’re Awesome.

Alright, so “keeping things the same” is happening.

Gosh I like him so much. But for once it actually feels healthy. I’m not “fangirling” over the guy, but I want to be with him, and he makes me laugh, and I want to tell him funny things that happen, and there is such a level of comfort there.

I am hopeful.

[abecula]

[brittanymorganyyc]

This is kind of how I feel right now.

[coral]

Be proud of every scar on your heart, each one holds a lifetime’s worth of lessons.

Wallace Stegner (via feellng)

[tamper]

[brittanymorganyyc]

I want.

[brittanymorganyyc]

So I did it. I let go of my back-up plan. Back-ups are important to have, but not when it comes to relationships. How could I ever expect to fall for the one I truly want while still holding on to the one I haven’t let go of “just in case”?

Can’t move forward if you’re still holding on to what’s behind you. Monkey bar 101

Here’s to hoping this works out! *fingers crossed*

[brittanymorganyyc]

Please touch me

He has everything. He is intelligent and goofy and nerdy but not too much. He lets me be me and I feel like no matter what I do, he won’t judge me, just embrace me and my weirdness. In fact... he is just as weird as I am and I love that.

Only one thing is missing. I am the most affectionate, touchy, hold me, kiss me kind of woman. He is not that kind of man. I love human touch, that’s how I show I care about you. I am that way right from the start- I hug hello and goodbye with all of the important people in my life. And when I am dating someone, I want him to not be able to keep his hands off of me. Touch me, hug me, put your arm around me, hold my hand, kiss me....

Somehow none of that is natural to him. He tries because he knows that it’s important to me. I just worry that long term, I may end up feeling unfulfilled because of it. But I REALLY like him. We are so well matched in every other way. Alike enough, different enough... He makes me happy. I want to talk to him every day. Laughs are guaranteed.

[halseycon]

[aieki-deactivated20111126-deact]

Reblog if you've formed a meaningful relationship with someone you met online.

[brittanymorganyyc]

Formed at 14. I am now 25. I’ll always have a place in my heart for this kid.