The life of a man striving to ...

Hungry to learn, learning to not be so hungry

[broodingbrew]

2nd Chance Sunday

So here we are, here I am. It has been more than 2 weeks to the day since my last post, and I feel terrible. I set out to start something that would be good for me, and I gave up easily. This is a revival. I don't feel that fantastic at the moment, but I have a plan. My New Years resolution plans were to document and follow through with a healthier lifestyle, so far, I have not exactly succeeded. I said I would quit smoking, that lasted about a week. I said I would eat more healthy, that too lasted about a week, I said I would work out every day...yea that REALLY worked out. I also claimed a few other things such as daily cleaning around the house and practicing on my guitar. All claims that have fallen on deaf ears. So, it's time to put it all into practice. At the start of this whole adventure, I was full of such an energy that it seemed to be contagious, protruding from an unknown origin. It was great, and it's something I want back. I'm to be married on June 13th of this year, and I want to be the best looking and most healthy I could possibly be. In honor of my New Years ressurection, i've taken it upon myself to take a very unflattering picture of my current self. The link can be found........................................................................................................................................here

That ^^^^^ is what I want to change. I told myself when I was younger, that I would never let my weight get to such an extreme. Well I lied to younger Jared, I lied and never even regretted it. Now it's time to make amends. The idea of making amends to myself sounds fairly egocentric and a bit self absorbed, however, I feel it is way overdue. As I sit here on Super Bowl sunday, watching my beloved Denver Broncos getting their ASSES HANDED TO THEM, I can't help but feel a resurgence, a 2nd wind if you will. At the time of typing this up, the score is 15-0 Seahawks, this is not the way the big game is supposed to go. Then again, this year so far has not gone the way I had intended, I'm sitting on the couch, and in front of me is a slew of horrible choices. Pork potstickers, Buffalo fried chicken, soda, energy drinks, cigarettes (don't worry i'm not smoking in here), the only thing i'm missing to round off this myriad of unhealthy decisions would be a relapse. Now i'm not here trying to tell you that i'm going to use again, far from it. My point, if there's one to be found, is "it doesn't get much worse than this". I've had plenty of time to muster the strength to start this whole life revision once again, so here it is. Whether the Broncos win or lose this game, tomorrow I start anew. I will breathe new life into the possibility for a better existence, a better self, a better me. Another update, the score is now 22-0, still the Seahawks (believe it or not). So as to not start cursing and writing other numerous vulgarities, i'm going to end this post. Until next time, have another wonderful day in paradise.

[broodingbrew]

Uh oh...I did it again

So.....about the whole posting updates frequently...I'M SORRY!!!! I haven't been doing very well this week as far as posting every day. I have kept a small collection of thoughts I had each day for each blog, bug I neglected to post them. So in this ONE and single post, i'll be making up for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Again, I'm sorry to any and all who were missing out on these. Wednesday, January 15th ANOTHER WEIGH-IN WEDNESDAY! So it has been one full week since the start of weigh-in wednesday, and so far, it's going alright. Today has gone really well. I woke up early enough so I could take the T-tot to school, had a terribly unhealthy breakfast, work went well, very healthy salad at lunch/2nd break snack, and then hit the gym. Holy hell....the gym kicked my ass today. It wasn't as big of a butt kicking as monday, but it was close enough to make a big difference. My body isn't used to working out, which is a bad thing, but the more I keep at it the better everything will go. I've finally passed a point with my body where, at least for me, the first week coming back to exercising, every muscle hurts and gets burned out super easily. I'm not sure if this is true for others, but I experience a kind of "scraping the rust" effect. Hopefully I will never have to go through this again, ideally I won't give up on my goals and will not take such a break from exercise. I must say it feels fantastic getting back into the gym. It has helped so much already. As far as actual weight goes, I pretty much maintained this last week. I was a hair under 280 lbs but it was negligible. Thus no photo to accompany this post. However, i've been dabbling with the idea of youtube videos, so for the first time in this blog, here is a little video clip towards the end of my workout. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj_c3eV_rpg&feature=youtube_gdata_player It's not the best video, and after uploading I realized how ghostly pale my legs are...can't wait for the spring and summer to change that. Anyway, I'm exhausted, so until next time, have another fun filled day in paradise! Thursday, January 16th THOUGH PROVOKING THURSDAY! Welcome one and all to another Thought Provoking Thursday post! Todays topic question is: What do you want to be remembered by? Well, in true topic day form, I shall ask that question of myself. What would I want to be remembered by, I think this question sucks. I don't want to be remembered, that would mean i'm dead. I'm kind of digging this life thing right now haha. If I were to try and choose though, I would say I'd most like to be remembered for my positive attitude. I like to think that i'm an overly upbeat person, always trying to find the good in all situations. I think this is something people will remember about me after I go. I don't always have a big smile on my face, but I try to always make myself and those around me feel at their best. It is something that bring me a lot joy, making someone smile, laugh, enjoy themselves. If I wasn't so worried about failure i'd probably try and be a comedian. That doesn't mean I may never try it, but it's not on the top of my to do list at the moment. At the same time, I'd like to be remembered for something I haven't done yet, make music. Now yes I have, in fact, created music, but not in any form of consistancy. I want to have that world touring band, doesn't have to be double platinum, award winning, sell-out super group. I just want to share music with the world, to move someone to tears with the notes coming from my guitar and the lyrics coming out of my mouth. It is a dream that one day may come true, but I know it isn't without consequence. There would be ramifications on my personal life if this passion of mine were to come to fruition. Anyway, I now pose this question to all of you, what would you want to be remembered by? Until next time, have another fun willed day in paradise!

[broodingbrew]

Motivational Monday!

Hello all and welcome to Motivational Monday!! I must admit, I'm a bit upset tonight. I had made a video and edited it together with some music, and now the audio isn't synced up correctly. Not sure why, but it's a tough break. So I'll give a rundown of what happened today. Went to work, ate a healthy lunch, and after work, I went to the corporate gym. That's right people, work perks!!! I was the only person in the place, which was odd, and had my fill on most of the equipment. I spent about an hour before calling it quits for the evening. To reiterate, I HAD filmed a video to pair with this post, but the damn audio!!!!!!!!!!!!!! URG THAT MAKES JARED ANGRY!!!! AND FORCES HIM TO REFER TO HIMSELF IN THE 3RD PERSON!!!! AGHHHH!!!!! Oh well, another time maybe? I'll figure this whole thing out. I felt really good today though, it was a nice change to feel so positive all day long. It was uplifting really. Now however, I'm exhausted, and since the video seemed fine all through the editing process but not once I uploaded it, I shall leave you with this...have another fun filled day in paradise :-P did you really think I wouldn't say it??

[broodingbrew]

Suck It Sunday

Stupid stupid sundays. Yes that is how I would like to start today's post. I don't know about anyone else, but sunday is my least favorite day of the week. The usual reasons, nothing too personal. It is a day that is supposed to be meant for rest as the next is Monday, and the weekly grind starts all over again. For me, this is sometimes the case. Yet like many others, I assume, I'm burdened with an overly active brain, and thus Sundays become "what the hell am I going to do with my time before I go back to work" or "I don't have enough time to do what I want to do before I go back to work" or the ever popular "I really really think I should call in tomorrow so I can have an extra long weekend". Do not take my statements without a grain of salt, I don't feel this way every sunday. Today, specifically, the Broncos kicked some major butt, and came out with a win. Always a good day in Bronco country when that happens. At the same time, this entire day, in my head, was spent hoping the hours would trickle slowly so as to enjoy the weekend. I can't say that it wasn't a nice weekend, good eats, good times with the fiance, video games galore, and a broncos game to round it all out. Not a bad weekend at all. So why entitle this post "Suck it Sundays" you ask? I'll tell you, because they suck! Seriously, the entire work week, all we think about is getting to the weekend, but when sunday rolls around we're all upset and can't believe we are already back to the start of ANOTHER week. I have a special affinity towards my distaste of Sundays, for Mondays are an awkward day for me. I work 10hr shifts at my job, I work Monday and then Wednesday-Friday. So Monday abruptly interrupts my days off. It's like being in highschool again with a 5th hour lunch, 6th hour off period, but a 7th period class that you have to come back for anyway. It's awkward. Another reason Sundays can go suck it, no where is open. Well, let me reiterate, no where is open late. Now I'm not saying i'm looking for a bar to go to at 7 pm, mainly because I just don't, but everything closes early. It's like all of the business world doesn't want to take my money on a day i'm very willing to give it to them for some good ol' fashioned entertainment on this most boringest of days. This is a rant, I get that. The fact remains the same, though, that I dislike Sundays very much. I'm not even going to begin with the religious ramifications on this day, you don't want to hear it, and trust me I DO NOT want to say it. Still need more proof that I don't like sundays? How about this, I destroyed my diet today!!! Not in the good "omg I can't believe all I had to eat were some apples and vegetables", no no no. I had the kind of day where deep fried buffalo chicken strips were the healthiest thing on the menu today. Now that's saying something. I fully intended on punishing my wicked ways at the gym tomorrow, so i'm not too terribly concerned, but I did feel a little down on myself after eating all that horrible food. My excuse was "how often do you get to see the Broncos beat up on San Diego?". I'm really good at justifying like that. Anywhosal (not a real word, don't care, go suck it), join me tomorrow for more shenanigans! (technically a word, but doesn't ever sound like it should be), so until next time, have another wonderful day in paradise. Ok this one was just too hilarious

I'm sure I can possibly catch some flack for this one....but still funny

[broodingbrew]

It's stoked Saturday!!! What are you excited or "stoked" for on this glorious day? For myself, I have several things that are turning up the heart rate: hair cut (ok shouldn't be exciting but it is), a nice home cooked meal with Angi, and lots of Dr Who to watch. All things I'm very excited about doing. Currently I'm awaiting the clippers at the local hair salon, and I'm not about to do anything crazy. When my hair gets long, it looks very Bieber Esque, so I like cutting it a bit short.

So this Thomas s fellow has to wait if I have anything to say about it! and enter new haircut pic

I like it, it's not anything new, but I was stoked to get it done! Next up is a sort of Dr who marathon, thankfully Amazon Prime has a lot to offer to the aspiring whovian. Yet I was strangely distracted by the fact that they recently put up the first Hostel. So that sorta got watched. Played a little guitar, was pretty stoked about that. I'm "stoked" about a lot of things. No i'm not stoned, although in colorado everyone seems to be these days, but I do get an overwhelmingly positive attitude most of the time. It just seems natural to me. Why not look at the bright side of life? It is easier that way. Sure we all have our ups and downs, but keeping your chin up and a chip on your shoulder is a much better way to go through this life than being sad all the time. Now I'll be the first to admit, I used to be an extremely depressed guy. Morning, noon, and night I was brooding all the time, hence the pseudonym Brooding Brew. Yet at the same time, anyone who knows me, knows I can also be a very angry person. Not in the sense that I blow up at everyone, but I find a special kind of comfort in anger and rage. To me, it seems to be one of the most pure emotions that we can feel. Think about it, when you're in a fight with your significant other, sometimes words come out that you wouldn't have said had cooler heads prevailed. Yet in that moment, you feel and know it to be true. Pure feeling right? Here's my point, it all depends on how you let out said emotions. Personally, I listen to a lot of heavy metal music. Lately it's mostly Trivium ( In Waves and Vengeance Falls) and I'm able to let it all out. Listening to that music, gets me pretty stoked. wow ok i'm sorry, this post is like all over the place, so i'm going to attempt and bring myself back to center here. Things i'm stoked about for the future, Wedding on June 13th (that's going to be pretty awesome if I do say so myself), some of the tech that was unveiled at this years CES event in Las Vegas, and more work!!!! Oddly, I really am stoked about that last part, I enjoy what I do, it's fun and challenging, plus it allows me to channel my inner nerd and power trip personalities all at the same time! So I feel like this post was a slight fail, for that I apologize, I shall have something much better tomorrow! Until next time, take care, for it is just another day in paradise.

[broodingbrew]

Forgetful Friday

So today's topic was supposed to be fearsome Friday, in which I would talk, in great detail about personal fears, but I forgot. So instead, you get forgetful Friday!!! Hooray!!! Things I fiendishly forgot on this ferocious Friday. To freaking wake up early To freaking workout To freaking eat healthy Everything I just said was not a farce.  For the feast, frankly, is foreboding in nature.  Your foe is mine, and that is just fine, fancy that? I frequently feel the faint force of a fragmented force. Figments find their way into a dreary forecast, filling up space, for real.  Freakishly enough, this feature can be a facade. Finally a fundamental function to the former financial foundation.  They freeze, the frame, they frown, and they frustrate. They are frugal, but always find these thoughts fascinating. It's fantastic!......Well f#¢k

Forgive my feeble attempt on this forgetful Friday. Maybe I forgot to focus?

[broodingbrew]

Thought Provoking Thursday!

Thursdays shall hence forth, on this blog, be known as Thought Provoking Thursdays! Congrats you've made it with me so far! Today marks the 2nd themed post to date, so let's get right into it. The thought provoking topic for today, is would you break the law to save a loved one? This kind of question brings upon a certain moral ambiguity that merits another question. What exactly is too far? Here's an example, unrealistic circumstances aside, if someone were to take a loved one, how far would you go? Would you listen to the police and follow in their lockstep procedures, or would you go further and do something yourself? God forbid a loved one gets held for a ransom that you simply can not pay, what would you do? If you were to ask me, the answer is simple, anything. I would do ANYTHING to save a loved one. Having the word "save" in the question begs an urgency to the scenario, thus you can conclude a loved one would not need "saving" from a pack of rabid chipmunks, although in this world anything can happen. For myself, breaking a law to save a loved one is somewhat a no brainer situation, what else am I going to do? Now, in said fictitious kidnapping/ransom scenario, if it occurred to me that my actions of going outside the law were to significantly decrease the odds of a favorable outcome, I would defer to the law enforcements unparalleled judgement. I'd like to entertain the thought, however, that if the proposed situation happened in my life, that the ensuing activities would either rival an action movie or become the basis of one, with lots of explosions and kung fu scenes and where the good guy always gets the girl. In that case however the "girl" would be Angi, and I really wouldn't like her to be kidnapped and held for ransom so this is not something i'd wish for. In fact I wouldn't wish such an idea upon anyone. It would be a horrifying event to go through, with life altering outcomes that would shake a person to their very core. So at the end of the day, please don't get kidnapped and held for ransom, if you are somebodies loved one, or have loved ones, save them from a hair cut, or an extra helping of that delicous but cholestoral packed homemade mac & cheese, or rabbid chipmunks...those things are scary as hell. So what are your thoughts reader of thy blog? comments? concerns? questions? question marks? Interrogation mark? (hey those last two were the same thing) Once again I ask any and all to leave either a note on this blog, my facebook post about said blog, or send it to my dedicated blog email [email protected] For anyone who was expecting a New Years resolution update, here's the rundown for today. Had a really good day with all the habits: small breakfast, fruit snack at midday, half a salad and small portion of leftover meatloaf that Angi made last night (omg yummmm!), and then a chicken pot pie for dinner. The day went smoothly enough, work was extremely busy and that helped the day fly by. I could easily enjoy more days like today, it was truly one to remember. Thank you all again, until next time, have another wonderful day in paradise. oh and here's some random pic I thought was really funny

Ok one more

[broodingbrew]

Weigh-in Wednesday, January 8th

WEIGH-IN WEDNESDAY! The first weigh-in wednesday is finally here, and the first week is over. The results are as follows

I've lost 20 lbs!!! I'm not entirely sure as to how, but it happened. I've cut down my carbonated intake a substantial amount. Lots of water, and my daily coffee is down from 8 cups a day to 1. This made a larger impact than I had originally thought. As far as my diet goes, it's not perfect, not even close. However certain elements have been drastically reduced if not cut out altogether. Fast food, minimal. I'm hoping I can get that category down to a once a year occasion. Eating overall more healthy foods, spaced out more evenly with smaller meals, and not eating past 9 P.M. (when avoidable) have made a world of difference. Of course, exercise helps. Sadly I have not kept up my end of the bargain on that goal, yet it is a work in progress. I have recently learned that the gym at my work is open 24/7 even though our building is not. This is something I will be taking advantage of as frequently as possible. I don't feel much different, which doesn't come as a shock. Part of me thinks that the loss of 20 lbs has more to do with the time of the weigh-in than I was hoping for. So i've decided to create a system for every wednesday. I will weigh-in, every week, after work (I leave at 7:30) and once I get home, I will immediately do my weigh-in prior to doing anything else (bathroom, eating, exercising, etc). I want this data to be as accurate as possible, thus I strive for perfection! On another note, just finished the 4th season of Justified. My only thoughts "ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! want more!!!!!!". I still watch way too much tv, it is a little sad. So in trying to keep myself going today, i'm off to do something physical and get my butt off this couch. I almost feel as if this post wasn't as ambitious as previous entries, but this is still a learning process and I/we will take things as they come. Until next time folks, have another wonderful day in paradise.

[broodingbrew]

January 7th

So the topic of the day is (drum roll).............MODERATION!

What you see before you is something I have eaten before, and if given the opportunity, would likely do again. Is it healthy? I hope you're not asking that question earnestly. The answer plain and simple is no, most definitely not. However, If I have only ONE of those every couple of years, is it likely to cause any serious lasting harm? Again the answer is no. This boys and girls, is a rough explanation of moderation. Most things in this life can, and need, to be taken in moderation. Even things like water and oxygen can be overdone. Breathing pure oxygen can cause atelectasis. Before you ask, no I didn't remember the name of the term from an anatomy class, however I did know it's meaning. Atelectasis is when a part of (or the whole) lung collapses. So something that is pure can kill you? Yes, yes it can. Am I asking a lot of questions in my own blog tonight? yes, yes I am. So lets move on with the topic at hand! In light of that, I'd like present a list of things that I need to relearn how to moderate. 1. "cheat meals" 2. couch/tv/computer time 3. laziness Ok so that wasn't much of a list. However, it is an important list. Admittedly I spend way too much time on my couch. Even at this moment, i'm sitting on my butt, watching more American Horror Story. The problem I face with this couch ties into my own laziness. It's not that I don't enjoy being up on my feet, quite the opposite. When i'm at work, I tend to be on my feet all day, so in my mind my couch time is "justified". It is not though. I have two perfectly good legs with two perfectly good feet, and using my two perfectly good hands I continue to type about my ability to walk around more than actually doing it. So i've started to do more cleaning, it's been helping a lot lately. I try doing it quick enough as to get my heartrate up, and even go as far as jogging the trash bags out to the dumpster. Although that last part, looks extremely funny and even I get a laugh out of it. More steps in the right direction. Taking the stairs only now at work (so tough since I work on the 2nd flr) but each little bit will help me attain my goals. As of tomorrow it will officially be one week since the start of this blog/experiment/life changing event. To keep my ideas and thoughts as organized as possible, I will start daily theme blogs. Tomorrow shall be the first of the themed day blogs, and it shall be "weigh in wednesday". Every week on wednesday I will post a pic of the new weight, talk about strengths and opportunities of said week pertaining to weight and health, as well as give some insight into my own personal mental straight surrounding this events. Basically that's a more fun way of saying "i'ma post a pic, comment on it, and be done wid it". For the first week especially I would love feedback from anyone reading this blog, what you think about the new themes, maybe what you dislike, anything you feel can be constructive. Not as if this blog gets viewed by millions of people, but that doesn't matter. If you feel like letting me know, send me an email at [email protected] For now, take care all!

[broodingbrew]

January 6th..ish

Do to an unfortunate oversight on my part, the weekend came and went, and then so did monday, without much in the way of blogging. Or much in the way of anything. Sadly I was lazy, undermotivated, and did not have the drive I needed to accomplish, well anything. I sat on my butt, and did nothing. I'm not proud of it, but it did happen so I might as well own up to it. I'm not sure what else to write on this postday write up, but I'll think of something. Motivation, how about that. I need to get some of that. I thought I had it, but apparently it's easy to fall back into old habbits (no way really?!?!?) so here I am in the middle of the night, and what am I doing? Typing this up, working out a little bit, and trying to just continue doing both for as long as I can. Got some new workout stuff recently that i'm trying to put to good use. I'm really wanting it to warm up so I can take the dogs for a walk instead of just letting them out back. Honestly though, it's freaking cold, and i'm not all about freezing my butt off longer than I have to, same with them. Would be torture on the little puppies. SPEAKING OF PUPPIES!

Aren't they just totes dorbs?...I can not believe I just said that...well that's all for a middle of the night upload. I WILL post and work had tomorrow (today) Until next time

[broodingbrew]

FOOOOOUUURth of January

I hate waking up early on my days off. So it's saturday, and I had to bring my car in for some service this morning. Nothing major, but I like keeping it up to date with the dealer for warrenty purposes. I'm having a hard time wanting to stay awake. You would think 9 AM is a reasonable time for me to wake up and be somewhere, but apparently on my weekend that's asking a lot of me. Today i'm thinking about faith. Yes I know, one of the topics you should never bring up in casual conversation, but stick with me. I was raised in the United Methodist Church, and had attended for the majority of even my teenage years. As I got a little older, however, I started to seperate a bit. The lines became less clear, and this monster named LOGIC AND RATIONAL took over. Not that i'm saying there is anything wrong with having faith. Plain and simple, this world coud use a little more faith. Not necessarily in a higher power or spiritual being, but faith in one another is something I see the world hemorrhaging at a staggering rate. There will likely be a day in the not too distant future, where this lack of faith in one another will be called upon. If humanity isn’t up for the challenge, who knows what will happen. Well that was a random tangent within a tangent, so back on faith. As far as my personal faith is concerned, i’m a spiritual person. Many of you know I had life changing events in 2009 that led to some time spent in rehab. During this time I found a 12 step group that I could call home. One of the most important things I had learned in my early recovery was the need of a higher power. It didn’t necessarily have to be called “god” but it had to be something. It just needed to be something larger than myself. At first I did the highly recommended “fake it till you make it”. There is a good reason for this though. It encourages the individual to evaluate their beliefs on a daily basis. It doesn’t make you feel alone, or insignificant, but it plants the idea in your head that “maybe” there is something with a higher purpose out there. That is EXACTLY what it had done for me. So I started out simple, believing in the oceans. You can laugh if you want but it is precisely what I did, it was larger than myself so I believed. Now I understand, the concept of believing in something that is real is strange, but at that moment of my life, I needed something tangible, something undeniable, something that could be proved by any and everyone to exist. I needed that reassurance that I wasn’t losing my mind. As my clean time went from days to weeks, evolving into months, my faith had progressed as well. From an ocean I moved onto the trees and forests. I was still seeking proof at that point in my life. Months eventually turned into years, and at the time of writing this post, I have been clean for 1739 days, or 150,249,600 seconds, or 2,504,160 minutes, but lets go with the easier to understand 4 and 3/4 years. At this point in my life, I do have a higher power. You need not know any more details than that, but I do believe. I have a faith, but i'm not going to parade that onto your eyeballs. I just want to convey that I feel very lucky to be where I'm at today. I wouldn't be here though if it were not for the people I have in my life. To all of those who have stuck by me, thank you. To all those who will continue to do so, thank you again ^_^ So next week look for some exciting stuff coming to the daily blog, patience is a virtue

[broodingbrew]

January 3rd

So it's January da turd (ha see what I did there) and since a meeting I had today got cancelled, I find myself able to make a mid day post on my now long lunch.  Busy day at work, but you will here no complaints from me.  Feels like a spring day to me, nice temperature, sky is blue, it's the kind of day you wish you could be careening though some mountain roads.  I'm upset with myself a little for not waking up early enough to get both a shower and workout in.  I highly discourage trying to combine the two efforts though.  I almost had a cigarette today. That's right, ALMOST.  Go me!  While it doesn't feel any easier today, I find myself more capable of taking my mind off it.  Although work has a way of making you distracted from nasty habits.  I think I want to work more. Maybe as much as possible.  If only they had availability to work 60 hrs a week on an hourly pay.  I'm planning on doing some serious exercise tonight after work, I need someone good butt kicking.  I also really need to come up with a better workout plan for my work schedule, either come in way early or stay late.  I think I'd prefer the former.  I haven't thought about food all that much today. That's another good sign.  I'll make another post tonight after I've had some more life experience for the day.

[broodingbrew]

And on the 2nd day, there shall be a late post

So apparently during the day, my iPad decided to grab power without me taking it out of my bag, and drained my battery. Much to my dismay, I didn't bring any charger with me, so everything I had planned on typing up at lunch, I am now typing up at the end of the day. I didn't wake up as early as I had wanted to (7 AM) but the day had gone pretty well. Ate an energy bar for breakfast, rice with vegetables for lunch, and for dinner...subway. I know, it wasn't the best choice, i'll make up for it. So this is day 2 of the new year, and I hate to say this, but I had a cigarette today. I was on lunch, slightly stressed and I knew people would be in the smoking area. Not proud of it, but it also isn't the end of the world so I'm not going to go beating myself up over it. All I can do is wake up tomorrow and do better. Found out the gym at my work is open all day/night as long as the rest of the building is open, and they have community showers! woot woot! Actually that last part is sadly a celebration. I live so far away from work that the idea of working out and then driving for nearly an hour to get home in my own stench is making me gag right now. It will be nice to get some use of the amenities my work has to offer. Speaking of work, today was a long day. If anyone reading this blog doesn't know me, i'll just go ahead and say I work in a call center. It's a lot better than most people who have worked in that environment would tell you. However, the usual software issues involved with networked systems spread over several servers located in various parts of the country, I could do without. One day, just one day could go by with all that stuff working and I'd be thankful for a year. Oh well, not my problem to worry about. Played a lot of guitar tonight, between editing sentences in this blog actually. I had an idea for a country song, it's about a guy who gets to keep the girl of his dreams, his dogs, his house, and his car. Sounds too good to be true? It is. This guy later finds out that this whole time he thought he was happy, he had actually been hallucinating because of a slow, but consistent, natural gas leak in his home. I think it could be a real radio hit. If you couldn't tell, this paragraph is laced with sarcasm, battered with genius, and deep fried in unrivaled laziness. Seriously though, I'm sure someone will get offended by this paragraph. To that person or persons I offended, I am truly, deeply, sorta, sorry. ONWARD! That's the word of the evening folks. Moving onward and upward. Although just plain forward works for me best. I've always been the kind of person who didn't mind slowing down and taking a look around. Right now however, I feel it is more important than ever to just go go go! It's not a bad thing to want some sprinting action every once in a while. Or every now and again.....every now.....all the nows......now.....now.....now....nownownownownow.......and again (that bit was for Tori). I do feel as if things are moving in the right direction (not the one direction, I swear if anyone mentions them, they will have a very upset panda to deal with), and I can tell things will be getting better every day. Keeping ones chin up is harder than it seems sometimes, but knowing that one day I will be able to look back at this moment in my life and be proud of the choices I will have made, keeps me smiling. Also my inability to NOT produce a run on sentence is staggering, and I'm actually starting to annoy myself. Anyway, this day is nearly over, and I will try to make my post tomorrow a little bit earlier. I'm not making any promises though. After a long day of typing on the computer, it is slightly difficult coming home and typing more on another computer. At least I get to play sweet tunes in the background whilst doing it. Well, adios for now everyone, until next time, stay salty

[broodingbrew]

January 1, 2014 Part 1

The first day, finally here. At the moment of writting this, I have officialy gone 11 hours with a cigarette. Now I wish I could say that's was the last nicotine intake, but that would be a lie. For the moment i'm armed with lozenges and an E-cigarette. So far, not bad. Woke up at 9 this morning, worked out for about 40 min, ate some breakfast (egg whites and some peppers) and now here I am. I feel good today. Yes my mind has been chasing a cigerette all every minute of this day so far, but I'm willing to bet that will change. Right now i'm just thinking about smoking. It really is the only thing on my mind right now. It will have to get easier at some point. I'm going to try and distract myself while on my day off. Think I'll have to do some cleaning and play on my guitar for a while. Keep my mind away from my unhealthy habits. As I type this words, whilst watching Justified (it seems like i'm always watching tv), I remind myself why i'm doing all of this. Why i'm sharring it with you. Angi might say it's to get some attention, which to be perfectly honest could be part of it. I happen to know I yern for social approval. In the sense that everyone likes me, not that everyone likes what I do. I enjoy having smiling faces around me wherever I may be. So I think that somewhere along the line, this blog might have a smiling face or two looking at it, and that's more than enough for me. This is my part one entry for the day, part 2 is to come later tonight. Until next time, just enjoy another day in paradise.

[broodingbrew]

New Years Eve

New Year's Eve 2013 As the minutes tick away at the end of the year, I started to reflect a little. While enjoying one of my last cigarettes, I decided to do my first weigh in.

This picture isn’t telling you that somehow I have figured out how to defy gravity, it is showing just a hair over 300 lbs. I’ve been this weight before, I did not honestly believe it at first. It just didn’t seem like it was possible. Yet the evidence was clearly in front of me. So while inhaling the sweet sweet nicotine, I was struck with a moment of depression. How could I let myself get to that weight? I started justifying immediately. My mind told me that I had plenty of reasons. Then the moment of truth, the logic kicked in. I started picking out all the times when it was clear that my health had been in decline and I had still choose to ignore them. I reflected, and then I moved on. The last draws of my cigarette were smooth and mellow, just as the advertising had stated, and as I buried into an ashtray full of other smoked filters, I was filled with hope. Hope that those puffs were really my last. Hope that every day that scale could show a lower number if I’m willing to do the work. This post will reach you before i’ve officially woken up on new years day, so happy new years to you all!

[broodingbrew]

Epilogue

So where to begin. Hello all, my name is Jared. You may remember me from such moments in your lives as: that one time at that one place, there other place that one time, and who could forget about the time with those people. All kidding aside, welcome and thank you for reading up to this point---------------------------->. Get it? Anyway, the purpose of this blog and all subsequent posts is to follow, as best I can and with as much detail I can muster, my year in 2014. Why is this important to you? That answer is something I do not currently posses. This year, like many others before it and certainly many after, for most will go by with not much change at all. Normal people living normal lives, maybe a new brand of coffee will come out and some wise man in a suit will think it shall better serve his morning ritual. For myself, however, it will be a very important year. Starting January 1, 2014 I am turning my life around. You've heard this before, hell you have probably said it before, but this is MY list of New Year's resolutions: 1. Quit smoking altogether starting day 1 2. Exercise for ATLEAST 40 minutes every single day 3. Eat healthy and maintain individual diet plan as created by Kent Paul of Turbo Training Fitness 4. Clean house every day (sounds silly but trust me, it's important) 5. Practice on the guitar for at least an hour everyday (more on that later) 6. And last but not least, get married to the woman of my dreams, Angi (awww) So what's the motivation? Well besides the obvious health reasons, I want to have a full life. I have many ambitions and apparently life is short, so I aim to make the most of it. I want and need to give my soon to be wife a husband (and future father of her children) everything I possibly can. Sure I have personal goals and dreams; rally cross racing, world class photo journalism, Rockstar, you know the usual list of testosterone driven hopes. In order to attain these goals, it all starts with health and self image, both of which are lacking in my life. This blog will serve as my accountability, an online record for the whole world to see and enjoy. Some days I will have all the strength in the world, other days will be much more difficult. To all my friends and family who will read this, thank you. Thank you for sticking by me so far, and thank you for your continued support. I will be writting each entry during my day so as to capture what i'm feeling, in the moment. Even now as I'm writting this, i'm enjoying some American Horror Story. Hence why a slight fear has overcome me. Not for what is on the TV, although the 2nd season is pretty creepy so far, but fear of failure. Fear that all my endevours will colapse. Thus I end this epilogue with a quote (cheesy but I don’t care)