Gay Gay Homosexual Gay

Just a dumbass trying to survive

[browneyeddingus]

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one* Helmeppo: I will not let you down. Hina: Sounds fun. Tashigi: K. Garp: No, I'm fucking not. Smoker: Do I have to be? Koby: Please god, I am so tired.

[browneyeddingus]

Smoker: Today, Garp took my phone, and in five minutes, he sent high resolution close-up photos of Koby to the following people: Tashigi, Helmeppo, Hina, the neighbors, the bank, my accountant, San Diego Blood Bank, and Shake Shack's text bot.

[browneyeddingus]

Garp: Yeah, I'll smoke a joint tonight, but let's not get too crazy. *The gang proceeds to get arrested for blocking the road in large traffic cone costumes*

[browneyeddingus]

Helmeppo: Hello, McDonald's, I would like to purchase 130 chicken nuggets. Prepare yourselves.

[browneyeddingus]

Koby: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

[browneyeddingus]

Garp: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

Edward:*scared for his fucking life*

[browneyeddingus]

Helmeppo: The floor is lava!

Smoker: *helps Garp onto the counter*

Tashigi: *kicks Hina off the sofa*

Koby: *lays on the floor*

Helmeppo: ...Are you okay?

Koby: No.

[browneyeddingus]

Helmeppo: Christmas lights?

Tashigi: Check.

Garp: Thermos of hot cocoa?

Tashigi: Check.

Smoker: Santa suits?

Tashigi: Check.

Hina: Shovel?

Tashigi: Check.

Koby: Alibi and bail money?

Tashigi: Check- wait, WHAT?!

[browneyeddingus]

*after the Squad has been separated for a few years*

Tashigi: So what have you been up to recently?

Koby: Leading a revolution with Garp.(ironic isn’t it)

Tashigi: Good for you two! Me, I've joined the mob.

Koby: *nods* Oh, how cool! That's awesome!

Tashigi: I know! Anyway, have you heard from the others? Helmeppo?

Koby: Happily living as a hermit in the woods. Hina?

Tashigi: Wrongfully locked up in an asylum, which reminds me, we need to break her out later. Smoker?

Koby: Cult leader.

Tashigi: Yeah, that sounds about right.

[browneyeddingus]

Koby: Fine! Judge all you want but...

Koby, points at Tashigi: Married a lesbian who turned out to be straight.

Koby, points at Garp: Left a man at the altar.

Koby, points at Smoker: Fell in love with a gay ice dancer.(Aokiji lmaoo)

Koby, points at Helmeppo: Threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire.

Koby, points at Hina: Lives in a box!

[browneyeddingus]

Hina: Helmeppo, let’s go!

Helmeppo: Oh, yeah, about telling Mom and Dad, I was thinking about writing maybe a letter.

Hina: Okay, you know what? That’s it, you had your chance.

Helmeppo: What-?

Hina: Mom, Dad, Helmeppo smoked pot in college.

Helmeppo: You are such a tattletale!

Helmeppo: Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked into my room and smelled marijuana? Well, I told you it was Koby who was smoking the pot but... It was me. I’m sorry.

Hina: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn’t steal your Playboy’s, Helmeppo did.

Helmeppo: Yeah, well, hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing Hina did.

Hina: Helmeppo hasn’t worked for a year!

Helmeppo: Hina and Tashigi are living together!

Hina: Helmeppo married Smoker in Vegas and got divorced AGAIN!

Garp: I love Jacques Cousteau!

Smoker:: I wasn’t supposed to put beef in the trifle!

Tashigi:: I wanna gooo!!

[browneyeddingus]

Garp: So, Smoker is late today. Anyone wanna bet why?

Garp: I say he slipped through the subway grate and is having terrible sex with the mole man.

Koby: I don't know about that...I think either his alarm clock didn't go off, or he’s in line at the bank.

Helmeppo: Take this more seriously! Smoker was clearly taken in his sleep!

Tashigi: I bet he tucked himself into the bed too tightly and got stuck.

Hina: Maybe he fell into another dimension where he’s more interesting...?

*Smoker arrives*

Smoker: Sorry I'm late - there was a problem at the bank.

Koby, clapping his hands in excitement: HOT DAMN!

[browneyeddingus]

Koby: What do you do when someone offers you drugs?

Helmeppo: Take them!

Smoker: Punch them in the neck!

Garp: Say thank you!

Tashigi: Offer them more drugs to assert dominance!

Koby: …

Koby: No.

[browneyeddingus]

Helmeppo: I've connected the two dots.

Smoker: You didn't connect shit.

Helmeppo: I've connected them.

[browneyeddingus]

Smoker: Hey guys, today Aokiji pushed me, so I'm starting a kickstarter to put him down.

Smoker: The benefits of killing him are that I would get pushed way less.

[browneyeddingus]

*Smoker and Aokiji playing minecraft*

Smoker: Oh no, oh no, oh no-

Aokiji: What’s wrong?

Smoker: I did a thing.

Aokiji: You regret the thing you dID-

Smoker: *screams*

Aokiji: What the fuck did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-

Smoker: *screams again*

[browneyeddingus]

*At a bank teller window*

Smoker, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a da deposit!

Aokiji: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!

Smoker: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube*

Aokiji: GODDAMMIT, IT'S HIM AGAIN!