Bruised Knee Youth

My creative and emotional outlet.

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Writeblr sideblog!

I made a writeblr sideblog: https://www.bruisedkneewriting.tumblr.com

I will be posting updates on my WIPs, writing tips and just generally everything that has to do with writing. I’m hoping to make some new writing friends!

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Neon City Aesthetic

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In spite of all the bad things you do, the difficult part is not to be with you. The difficult part is to stay away.

-Bruised Knee Girl

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Just want to let everyone know that it’s okey to talk to me! I wanna make friends here

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In the night // The weeknd

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I wish I could put you in a box. Push a lid over your head. Tie a little ribbon, and attach a note: «Asshole. Do not open.»

-Bruised Knee Girl

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Book aesthetic

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I’m afraid. I’ve heard they broke up. I’m afraid he’ll contact me again. I’m afraid I won’t be able to say no. To fall all over. To hit the ground. Hard. I’m afraid to break. Again.

-Bruised Knee Girl

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LOST BOY // Troye Sivan

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It feels like sex can go from something you want to do to a punishment really fucking quickly

Alyssa // The End of The F***ing World

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Atlantis // Seafret

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-Bruised Knee Girl

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Better Love // Hozier

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You were a stranger

But as time passed

The concepts of “home” and “you”

Slowly blended together

Now you’re a stranger

That I once knew

And I am homeless

-Bruised Knee Girl 

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If I were a Ravenclaw

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#youtoo?

In light of everything that has come to the surface lately I wanted to share my story. Not just for my own sake, but in case there are other people out there with similar stories. 

When I was 15 I had a boyfriend for a short period of time. None of us had had sex before. He wanted to, but I didn’t. We broke up after maybe a month or so, because we were young and it was never that serious. That was when hell broke lose for me. 

To give a bit more sense to the story, I feel like I have to talk about how my situation was at the time this happened. I was in a very bad place, I had low self-esteem and few friends. I was always paranoid that people didn’t like me, that they talked about me behind my back. I didn’t feel confident in my skin when all this started to happen, and it didn’t make things easier for me. 

A while after we had broken up, my ex-boyfriend started to talk to me again. He told me that he wanted us to be fuck friends, which I had no interest in. I was a virgin and wanted to stay that way until I felt comfortable with myself and the other person. He had other plans for me, however. When he realised that I wasn’t going to have sex with him, he started to text me saying nobody liked me, and that the few friends I had were only hanging out with me out of sympathy. This was what I had feared the whole time, and somehow I think he knew. He said the most horrible things to me, before he made me call him, crying and begging for him to help me. In return, of course, he wanted me to have sex with him. 

And I did. I had sex with him regularly for about a year. I never got any help in return. To this day I still don’t fully understand how it happened. How I could agree to this. He exploited the situation I was in, he manipulated me, and he abused me. I know this doesn’t classify as rape under the classical conditions, but that is what it felt like. 

The longer it went on, the more power he got over me. I didn’t want anyone to find out what I was doing, so he used this to pressure me to continue. I got depressed, and felt even more isolated from my friends. In the end he was all I had. It was toxic, and I had to get out. And so I did eventually, but not before I was emotionally scarred for life. 

I have never heard anyone who have experienced exactly what I did. Maybe because it’s rare, or maybe because we don’t talk about it. I blamed myself for a long time, because I didn’t know how I could explain what had happened. I didn’t know how to categorize it, since it was so unlike the stories I had heard about rape or sexual abuse. So I guess what I am hoping to achieve with sharing my story, is that someone that might have been through something similar can have just a bit of reassurance knowing that what they are feeling is okey. That they are not alone. 

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Me as a Slytherin