Untitled

[bryngo-blog]

Entry[3]

Simply put, there are not enough hours in the day to do the things I want to accomplish. I want to research the CS faculty at Stanford and seek a potential professor to study under, hopefully. I want to study for the math midterm I have tomorrow. Study, research, and more studying. There aren’t enough hours in the day to do the things I want to. Better make every minute count. 

[bryngo-blog]

Entry[2]

It’s the day after finals. After getting a surprisingly high grade in chem, I feel safe for the quarter. Although it is time for “break” I’ve managed to convince myself that there is no such thing as a “break” as most people see it. Most people like to think of a break as a time to lounge around and do nothing. Sure, it’s not a bad idea to do a little bit of nothing, but I have to stay on top of my game. I have to take all this free time as an opportunity to learn a new language, make an app, anything productive. 

This type of philosophy comes into conflict when the opportunity comes to hang out with my peers. When I get invited to go somewhere, my internal conflict causes me to really process my options. 

*Remark*

When my girlfriend asks me to hangout, I don’t feel inclined to make time for that, but when my other friends ask me to hangout, I have a urge to accept their request. That much is true. It’s been like this for a while, and I know why, but I just can’t find the right words to explain myself to her. 

*End Remark*

Anyways, I’ve managed to learn a bit of python syntax today. The amount of work I put in to this will result in how good of an outcome I can get. I wonder where this will take me...

[bryngo-blog]

Entry[1]

Finals week has officially arrived, and it’s testing every aspect of my discipline. It’s going to test my ability to wake up in the morning, my ability to keep off social media sites (which I should probably delete for the time being), and my ability to execute. 

I need to prove to myself that I can achieve what I set my mind to. With most of my grades scratching the surface of an A, I have to do well. Everything I do from now until I graduate will determine wether or I not I get into a good grad school. I still believe that I can be extraordinary, and that’s what I plan on doing. 

Meanwhile, the nonacademic scope of my life always makes me wonder what kind of person I am. Today was my girlfriend’s birthday. I simply texted her happy birthday at midnight, and that’s about it. I’m so focused on my actions here, that I seem to have lost interest in building our relationship. I don’t see this trend ending any time soon. I’ve convinced myself that she is not the right one for me, but she seems to believe over wise. I don’t know what we are anymore. A typical day for me involves waking up, going to class, eating, and studying; a schedule with very little flexibility and social time. Where is there time for a girlfriend? Over the past year, I’ve felt less and less inclined to make time for talking about our day and all of that. Sure it’s nice to share your daily stories with someone every once in a while, but at what point does it become useless? Because it sure does feel like it.

I find it hard to believe that talking about my day in brief sentences makes me a better person. Should I better myself by becoming smarter? Sure, it does sound selfish, but what’s wrong with being selfish? Being selfish means doing what I believe is best for me. There’s nothing wrong with that, and no one can stop me from doing so. Feelings aside, I will do what it takes to achieve my goals. I can’t settle for anything below my standards. 

[bryngo-blog]

Entry[0]

As each of my days become more, and more overwhelming, I feel as if I need some sort of outlet at the end of it all. My days of studying are inside of an endless while loop, and there doesn’t seem to be an ending condition.

Anyways, the purpose of this blog is primarily for me to keep a diary of my life. Diary or journal, whatever people call it. This blog isn’t actually intended for anyone to find, so if you did happen to find this, congrats. 

========Future Aspirations===========

The fresh round of 2015 acceptance letters are coming out, and it reminds me of the time when I was stressing out about getting my UC college application done. I think back of every time I read the phrase “We regret to inform you...”. Every time my eyes came across the phrase, it felt as if a message was hammered deeper, and deeper in to me. A message that said something like “You messed up.” At the time, I thought I did everything I could. I was ASB president, Key Club president, NHS secretary, and almost all aspects of the band program. What did I do wrong? Was it my personal statement? Am I simply not good enough? There’s a lot of things that could have contributed to the registration offices to decline my application. Regardless, that month of denial, which happened about a year ago, makes me realize that I am following a consistent trend throughout my entire life.

I always feel like I’m behind. With my leadership positions I’ve held in the past, I always seem to have loose ends with them. I always think about things I could of done better. Maybe then, “We regret to inform you...” would have been “congratulations!”....

Despite that, I know better than to linger on my past for too long. Recently I have been giving my life after undergraduate studies some thought (even though I’m only in my first year, but it’s never too early right?). I want to be extraordinary this time. I want no loose ends. With the greater time, getting in to a prestegius graduate school for computer science seems within reach. Places like UCB or Stanford have been the top two on my mind so far. But, I’m not gonna get in to either of those school simply by watching videos and reading articles. It’s time to get to work.