Hey, Guess what. It’s the end.
Well, of this account and my art account. I won’t be ever deleting them so if you really are that worried, you don’t have to be.
I think it’s been obvious that I don’t post here anymore and while that is sad for me, I’m sure for some this is a cause of celebration.
There will be no other accounts to follow either. My instagram and twitter are in the same state even after hardly touching it to begin with. There will be no bluesky, or whatever else is out there either.
As it goes for everyone 2019-2023ish has been the worst time for me. I have grown into a toxic and horrible person and lost my passion to do most things like I used to. When I first started here I was someone who would draw something every day in varying degrees of interest and over time I made friends and connections and had the best time here. But soon leading up to then it started to feel like a chore. It killed me inside that it was happening as it was the only thing I truly had going for me (pathetic of me ngl).
And on top of that with lockdowns I started to lose it I guess. I started second guessing everything and everyone and started to think I was just around for peoples sick amusement yet at the same time I hated myself for thinking that because what if no one was? And I was thinking such horrible things about those I cared about and in the end I ended up losing pretty much all the connections I made here some by their own desire to cut ties and some by me forcing myself out in one of these stupid episodes of mine. There are the smallest handful of people here I still managed to keep, I’m happy they are still here. But I still can’t help but miss what things used to be back in 2015.
I haven’t really changed since then, I still have these episodes where I want to just delete everything and run away and block everyone, still think everyone secretly hates and judges me. Too many days laying in bed in the dark with the windows closed as I think about all I have thrown away and lost.
I’m sorry to those that I have hurt. Those that were left confused or sad. I wish I could go back and start all over, but unfortunately this is how it is now.
Once again I won’t be deleting this account or my art account, too many memories yet too many mistakes. Don’t know if it is the same now, but people used to like my art or maybe they were just being nice idk anymore. Either way I’m leaving it all up. Enjoy as my final gift here ig
Maybe one day I’ll come back, maybe I won’t. It depends where I am in the future. Maybe my "talent" will rot away further and I will have nothing to show for myself anymore. Because hell knows I have no personality to make it anywhere without that one thing I was slightly good for.
Anyway, that’s enough of that cry session from me, I got to raw about all this and I apologise but being my final post and to those that are confused, you all deserve an explanation. I hope you are all safe and happy while knowing that people around you love you.
And lastly, thank you. For even befriending 2015 me to begin with, at a time where I had no one, I had those I met though here to take me through the last ends of high school and make me feel valued and loved.
