trash king

I’m Zoe, i'm 27, and i like movies, reading, and hockey (she/her)

[wuntrum]

i am nooooot locked the fuck in. im locked the fuck out. call the locksmith

[cdplayer]

"sound of the summer is this song" WRONG. its cicadas

[cdplayer]

for the 40th to 200th million summer in a row

[albertnatural]

i got bit by a snake! quick!! you have to jerk me off to get the poison out! and pinch my nipples a little, too. and call me good boy! yeah that’s the only antidote I looked it up on Internet Explorerrrrrrr

[albertnatural]

i didn’t post this. i was hacked and this is all they posted #promise

[chilewithcarnage]

can you tell the hacker to come back

[multiverse-of-multifandoms]

Viola Hastings + Fave Quotes She's The Man (2006) Dir. Andy Fickman

[stabbydragon]

"Love/sex is what makes us human" Wrong. It's the obsession with rectangles. look around you and count the number of rectangles you see.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#looked up and thought ‘that can’t be hard’#and then my eyes widened with horror as I realized the sheer number of rectangles everywhere#I’m . I’m horrified

It's a good shape!

[wizardarchetypes]

you have to keep your boyfriends in separate critter catchers or they'll eat each other's pussies.

[ryelandgrace]

Imagine for a second that you're an interstellar microorganism. I'm not doing that.

Project Hail Mary (2026) dir. Phil Lord & Chris Miller

[nessa007]

[evilnicegirl]

this would have got 100k notes as a tumblr post in 2018

[furryprovocateur]

mature content warnings on text posts of nothing but letters on a screen. . . remember when you were allowed to post like an adult and not be shamed or silenced for it

[furryprovocateur]

there is no acceptable explanation for this post being given a mature content warning outside of saying that you are an adult baby on the cyber nanny website!

[punkrock-bottom]

They hate me for being a horny pervert but I have warriors defending my honour across the globe

[jakciekennedy]

sometimes i forget how good romeo + juliet 1996 is and then john leguizamo comes on screen and it’s like. oh yeah, this really is like the best adaptation ever. and then harold perrineau comes on screen and you’re like, yeah actually this performance should define the role forever. and then when doves cry starts playing at the wedding and you’re like, okay, yep, no one else will ever do it like this. incredible

[phantomrose96]

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

[phantomrose96]

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?

[nicostiel]

Eddie Munson + Text Posts ♡

[wonderstruck]

If you see this you’re legally obligated to reblog and tag with the book you’re currently reading

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

update: three four people

[blckgirlacid]

I need my weird alone time or I will explode

[boltlightning]

I DONT CARE HOW MANY BEDS THERE WERE. WHAT IS YOUR BOOK ABOUT

[trekkiesagainstchastity]

(tearfully) w- working at the mattress store

[boltlightning]

i'm so fucking sorry. can you ever forgive me