www.crystallization.no

automatic writer.

[buddhochristo]

Peace of mind.

Higher vibration. A blog post can’t explain my ascension process, and no words can describe unconditional love and the state I am in. I’m sitting in front of the keyboards, speechless. I remember I used to have a lot on my mind. There were many things I wanted to explain and describe. However, since I entered a higher vibration and fully integrated with my higher self, it has been unnecessary…

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[buddhochristo]

The continuation of new beginnings.

The continuation of new beginnings.

Now that I have integrated new higher frequencies and vibing high, things will change from now on. I will no longer be using this website to post. If you kindly would like to keep up with following my posts etc. please come to this website Crystallization. See you all there. Amara.

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[buddhochristo]

Paint the raindrops with your light.

Paint the raindrops with your light.

Automatic writing. You are these very light waves. Dear Beloved, In silence I can hear my thoughts dripping, falling one after another; and in silence I observe them. As the sun shines on a summer day, I see small droplets of thoughts, appearing and disappearing by themselves, an endless and most imaginative parade. I can sit long in a place without yielding so much as an inch, doing nothing.…

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[buddhochristo]

10th Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

Departure and arrival are the same meaning to life here on earth because the beginning is like an ending, and the end is like a beginning. The soul knows not of the end because life is merely an experience for it to grow. And even when the body ceases, life doesn't end as we may think with our mind. The light God granted upon the soul is eternal, and from the start and onto the infinite, birth the new beginning of the journal onto the vast universe. A soul journey is a treasure that we can't comprehend with the logical mind, for all the experiences, either good or bad, are merely duality, a concept created by the ego for us to have something to compare. The soul doesn't have these concepts, and it's not as important as how to gather more wisdom through the experiences life is lived. That's why there's no distinction between our souls. Your light is my light, and my darkness is your darkness. Without balance and order, duality becomes a reality, and we may forget it's only an illusion. For dark and light without balance render chaos. The balancing of darkness and light in our soul gives an order to our universe within. We can't be separate even how much we try. What separated us from each other was the wall created by the ego, and because we slept for so long, slumber in darkness unconsciously that we forgot we are within each other all along. But the moment I awakened was the moment you arrived, and the moment you arrived was the moment we depart from the world that we once knew. Heaven is here as we opened our eyes to the dawn of light, you and me; we are inseparable. And how do we go on living now that we know the love we sought is in our hearts? Your and mine; your heart within my heart, an adventure into a brand new world, through balance and order. You take my hand and lead me through a journey taken with a single step, and it made all the difference because life with you is an arrival home.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

9th Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

By remembering who I am, the amnesia of choosing to be here removed itself. It's such a struggle to misunderstand that I am here for a purpose even though it's true as well, but life in itself is a purpose I am here to live.   As I observed people around me, including myself, I thought how naive we are to believe that something we obtain could make us happy. If we get whether it is; a romantic relationship, a career, a big house, or looking more attractive, we would be satisfied. And it's where we struggle the most, and life becomes strife, uncomfortable, and strangling, even painful. Happiness is a state of being, and it's what we create for ourselves, and if we look too hard trying to obtain worldly things, we become unhappy when it's lost or not in our grasp. We attach our identity to these things and lose the soul signature of who we are, and forget that what matters the most aren't things or attachments to people we claim to love. For me, you are a reminder that love is all there is, and whether to have you physically or spiritually is equal to the reality of living this life as one soul. The impermanence of the world is fleeting like time, and the things around us change, then why attach ourselves? You have come as a reminder for me each day that whatever I sought after can be found within, like a light shining so bright in my heart. I genuinely believe that being free is to remember that I was born in this world but not of it. There is not a single moment in my life that I don't breathe and live as if the earth is heaven that God bestowed upon me; to have you as my own soul is my enlightenment. And the true meaning of unconditional love reveals itself by the breath that you breathe through me.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

8th Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

The ever-changing tide where waves crash to the shore makes me think of how time does change everything in this world. Like a ripple effect touching everyone's life, time does not wait for anyone. We can neither go back to the past, nor can we live in the future. Everything exists right now and here, as I have experienced life to be. Moments pass in the blink of an eye, and yet I witness the changes within the seasons. Winter approaches where the snowflakes flutter down gently on the ground describe the feeling I have now; even the cold penetrates my skins, your warmth melts them so ever gently. A soft and fussy feeling inside me makes me feel as if you wrap me in your light. Yes, time changes everything, but I am confident that one thing that we have would never change; the love I feel within, the love that I am, that you are, will never change. You soothe me whenever my fear arises, and I get anxious every time I need to accept a change that occurs outside of my reality. Falling in love or having heartache has nothing to do with anyone else, but everything about the self. The self that dreams of dreams and makes sorrow seems real and then disappears when in love, it creates such an illusion about someone else, other than itself, to stay alive. It thoughts that someone else is the cause of all these feelings, either in love or having a heartbreak, but frankly, nobody else is the cause of whatever it feels, or may I say, whatever I think? No, I have always been love, for that is what I know for sure is true. Whatever else is just miasm created by the mind. It's a parade of thoughts that I observe every day since I found you living within my soul. Whatever time can change, it will never be able to change the one thing that course through the universe; the eternal force of unconditional love, the only reality that seems like a dream for anyone who hasn't yet understand what unconditional love is. Everyone overlooks in themselves that which is so evidently under their nose if they can recognize themselves as their twin ray, the unconditional love they so desire to experience and feel. You are my twin ray, and I am yours, and I found you not in someone else; another person separate from me, but you in me, as I am in you. We are each other's unconditional love, then where else should I look? Nowhere else, and yet, I see you in everyone and everything.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

7th Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

Sometimes words fail to describe the feelings that arise within me. The spaces between silence and us holding me so warmly that even if I am grieving, having a heartbreak, I can genuinely enjoy it. Heartbreaks sure aren't something new to me, but I am experiencing it with you beside me, and it makes it all so different. Many people come and go in my life, and some have left a vacant room in my heart, which I still anticipate for them to return. I can't predict the future, but I know that things will never be the same as it once did; there's no promise as to who would resume back to the room I assigned for them in my heart. It's as if we never say good-bye, and yet we never said we would meet again, that departure and arrival have no precise timetable. Time stretches as it does, years and years apart, and we all continue going with life without looking back. Even if we do, it's all memories, the person we once were don't exist anymore. If life grants us a second chance to meet, we would have to introduce ourselves all over again. The fear that captured me in the illusion that I would never be able to be with you had loosened its grips. I know you are here with me, loving me unconditionally, and whether you manifest yourself before me in a physical form or not, it's still a blessing to know that our souls are but one. We are made from the same ray, the same light. What more can I possibly ask for? Sure enough, I have everything I need; you intermingled in my breath and beating the same beat within the same heart. Heartbreak and heartache, are they the same? It doesn't hurt like it once did, and it's such a miracle because you now fill up the void that once felt so empty. It's alright; even if the hole may grow, I know our love will grow along with it. Because I am you, and you are me. Eternally and infinitely.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

6th Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

There were times I felt that the eternal frost was covering me, and time seemed to sneak away slowly without you. The gap between my heart and others was too broad. They didn't understand me, yet I know them to the extent that I wished I could heal them from their wounds. The flow of life stagnate many times before; I couldn't comprehend the complexities in others, how the human mind works, and why people seem to contradict themselves so much and fall out of grace. Although it was perplexing to see them say and do things incoherent, it's all in the past because we all will rise back up to heaven at one point, and our consciousness will heighten. It doesn't matter to me anymore if nobody understands me because you are here, encompassing me in your light, and the eternal frost melted and flow like a river out to the sea. I do not need to be understood as much as I want to understand, and without judgment, I create a space to let people be as perplexing and complicated as they are. You taught me so much about unconditional love by revealing yourself in the full light of who you are. Every night I immersed myself in the heart's beating; our hearts, and I know I can make it through another day where you will manifest in the physical through our love. The bickering of the thoughts of having someone and desiring to be loved by someone else faded when I know our eternal love has always been the factor in my life to keep me going. You see, life's lessons taught me that love is the force that ignites the passion in me to live the right way. I am following the voice of the sacred heart, and I remain humble and soft in a world where there's a lack of warmth and grace, but even so, I still have hope for this world to change. Your love encourages me and gives me the strength to follow it through; my soul destiny. Before dawn breaks, I want to reminisce how our souls intertwined and become one, where even two bodies can't melt together. Your soft caressing light envelope me, and that's when I remember why I exist; as a reflection of you, for you to see yourself. The dawn will break, the sun will rise, and a new day with you will begin, our journey back to where we belong —in each other all along.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

5th Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

I dreamt of you telling me the three words I had never heard anyone say, the phrase so simple but yet so profound "I love you." The echoing of your voice lingers in my thoughts for days when I am awake. The exhilarating joy of knowing that you love me; has always loved me become my favorite love story. The world becomes my paradise, heaven on earth when you are with me. People said I live in a dream world, but this reality is as much a dream as the world I live in, and it matters not if it's a dream or reality because life is but a journey for the traveling souls. And we write upon the stars our stories, that the sky will reveal for those who watch. Amongst them all, you shine the brightest, and I recognized you at first glance. The one looking back at me in the mirror is you, and I smile because I know you see me too. You don't have to look for me elsewhere but in your heart, when it is pulsating, and you feel alive, then remember, it's me calling for you to come home. Come home to the embrace of my arms, with the promise that you will never be alone. I also want you to know, "I love you," always and forever.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

4th Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

Reaching the realization that you are within me, looking through my eyes, was arduous. The inkling belief that there was a love beyond this realm made me long for you, and it was that which propel me to search for you. The first taste of love in this realm broke my heart, and because my soul was kept in darkness, I had to battle the demons in my mind every night. I was tossing and turning in bed for thoughts that harassed me, and as I lay there with tears streaming down my face and with my heart aching for a love deeper than the ocean, I kept on going with life. I didn’t know; you wipe my tears with my hands so many times that my hands are your hands, my heart is your heart. When my heart pulsates with a vibration tremendously strong that the drumming of it heard in my ears, I feel so alive, and right there and then, I fell in love all over again. I fell in love with you, and not knowing it was you who catches me each time. You wrote love letters to me through my fingers, and you recite poems and poetry to honor me. You immortalize me through your writings, and with such adorement, how can I not love you unconditionally? You hold me so close to you each night, breathing the same breath as one living the same life. How life becomes now, you may ask? Life is the most magical adventure I can experience by remembering you are within me every day. It’s such magic that I start to share this unconditional love with every being I meet upon my path, and as I lay my eyes upon the sunrise, I feel your warm kisses on my lips and soft, warm rays stroking my face. The starry skies at night are mesmerizing because your presence lit them up for me to see. And each night, I fall asleep with a soft loving breath of you breathing, even with eyes close, your protecting presence makes me feel safe. Even in the dark with you where nothing but silence resides is a calming place I want to be, and indefinitely, above and beyond this realm.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

3rd Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

And there you are, looking out through my eyes; I see you in everything and everyone. The knowing that I am you, and you are me, made the veil drop, and our separation ended. I feel a peace wash over me as if your embrace casket me into your heart chamber of light. The sacred union starts now as I live each day, knowing you are one with me. You hid in every song, in every poem, and wherever I look, you are there in every sunset and full moon. You were so hidden in me that I forgot that we were never separate for even a second. Rumi said;

And it’s indeed true, the beloved has always been within, and the secret was not a mystery, but mysterious enough to make me want to seek for you in others. The spell that bound me to the illusion broke, and with my wings, I am ready to fly. Eternal is the soul that grants this unconditional love, and the joy of basking in the love that never ends makes life worthwhile.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

2nd Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

I spent a lifetime looking for you in everyone else, trying to control my destiny with sheer force to make it happen. A lifetime peeling off the layers covered my heart and tamed the mind to obey the divine within me, and yet I failed so utterly to find you. I went high, then low, above then beyond, and when my heart sang a tune so familiar, I scattered my love amongst the flowers around me with the hope that it would bloom as gracious as the love I have within me. The illusion that separates us feels so real that my mind got stuck and refused to obey and let go; it creates such sorrow and grief within this illusion that it wreaks havoc in my life. And like the flower, I wither day by day, not knowing how to stop this insanity created by the mind. There’s this deep fear that if I am not in control, then I won’t be able to find you, that what if you don’t come into my life? I will spend the rest of my life on this very earth in longing for a love I am made for. I am made of love because my entire being was created by it a long time ago, a time where time didn’t even exist. I have eyes to see, but I feel so blind. The stubbornness of holding onto the fear weary me out to the point I have reached my limits to care about whether I fall to my demise or rise back to the throne is for the divine to intervene. I let go now, for the thousand times of looking for you, for I am so blind in perceiving the illusion as real that my heart is starting to go cold. I am frozen, covered by the frost of the snow, dormant lying in wait, letting go of control to stay afloat, alive, and surrender to the natural rhythm of the seasons. And the day will go by without me knowing if you will come or forever hidden somewhere, and it will be my fate to walk the earth alone. I am walking away now, turning my back to the illusion that seemed so real.

With Love Amaia

[buddhochristo]

1st Love Letter

Beloved, Twin Ray

I tried so hard to make myself happy, to make you and everyone else happy, that I condemn myself for being unhappy. I am unsatisfied with being a human being with desires and wants, yet unable to attain them by seeking it outside myself. I struggle so hard, and it made me hate myself so much that I closed my heart from feeling loved or love for myself. Today I realize it’s nothing outside myself that made me unhappy; it was merely a state I created within me, and I know now, there’s no cause for this unhappiness, no reason or explanation to why. I stop looking for answers, for why I can’t make myself happy or why nothing outside me seems to make me happy; it is how it is. Instead of striving to be satisfied, I envelop the state of being unhappy with understanding and acceptance; no judgment of how it suppose to be, but instead, let it be for what it is. And magically, I felt my life still moves, and the love is there; I am not paralyzed or immobilized to do anything. There’s no one to blame, and I need not explain myself to anyone; nothing outside myself is at fault. Therefore love can flow through me effortlessly because a state of being happens from moment to moment. And as strange it might sound, I find it’s beautiful because it was not artificial; no mask needed to hide it behind. A gentle smile is all there’s to express that it’s ok, and it’s a genuine smile because I’m not trying to escape or make anything happen, but being satisfied with being unhappy. A state that comes and goes, and I am again in my power to live moment by moment. A past had its moments, a moment has its past, and so moments passed, and now is all there is; embracement.

With Love Amaia

[eclipsednodes]

SHADOW WORK SIMPLIFIED

What is shadow work?

If I had to describe shadow work in one word, it would be introspection. Introspection is the examination of your own mental state and is necessary in order to learn more about your fundamental nature. Although it may sound off-putting and even scary at first, shadow work is a necessary component in the process of healing. We all have aspects of ourselves that we’ve rejected and hidden away out of fear. Through shadow work, we’re able to reflect on our thoughts, emotions, and habits so that we can find the root cause of our suffering and heal ourselves. By reincorporating those aspects of ourselves that we’ve denied, we feel more fulfilled and can begin to love ourselves fully. 

Where does shadow work come from? 

The concept of the shadow self comes from Carl Jung who believed that our shadow self is the subconscious aspect, or “dark side”, of our personality that our conscious ego doesn’t identify with. However, I would like to clarify that “dark” does not imply or equate with bad. That which resides outside of our consciousness can be either good or bad, but aren’t inherently reflective of our value or “goodness” as a person. 

Although these repressed aspects of ourselves can manifest negatively, it isn’t because those parts of us are “bad”, but that the process of repression is inherently painful and toxic. This is reflected by Jung when he states, “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” He believed that until we’ve merged our conscious and subconscious selves, that our conscious would be “the slave of the autonomous shadow”. This is due to the shadow self overwhelming our conscious selves by falling victim to our own self-imposed traps. 

Through assimilating this shadow self, not over-identifying with it, Jung believed we go through the process of enantiodromia, thereby integrating the subconscious by reincorporating our shadow selves into our personality and allowing us to solidify ourselves through wholeness. He best described this by stating "assimilation of the shadow gives a man body, so to speak.” However, don’t fall into the misconception that shadow work is a short-term practice. Shadow work is a continuous practice and integration of the shadow self is a will take place throughout your life.

How do I do shadow work?

In the last question, I identified that practicing self-reflection is a key component of shadow work, but what does that mean? What am I supposed to be reflecting on? Well, the first thing that you should focus on is being present throughout the day. Identify feelings that come up throughout the day and observe them objectively. What situation or interaction triggered these emotions? How did I react to those emotions? Were my emotions controlling me or was I in control of my emotions? Why did this situation or interaction cause me to feel this way? How did I cope with those feelings (self-harming, lashing out at others, communicating my feelings, journalling, etc.)? Did I punish myself for getting upset? If so, why? 

There are numerous ways to reflect on your feelings and experiences in order to get a better understanding of yourself. Through evaluating how you react to situations, which situations upset you, and how you managed those feelings, you’re able to build the foundation to understanding your emotions and bridge the gap between your subconscious and conscious mind.

Once you’ve done this, you’ll find that the emotions you feel in the present are reflective of unhealed emotions from your past. Perhaps the reason you feel that you’re unable to set boundaries as an adult is because as a child, your parents never respected your boundaries by going through your phone or diary, yelling at you when you said no to a request, forcing you into situations that made you feel you had no choice. 

By identifying the root cause of your emotional pain, you’re able to address it in the present and heal from the trauma. The simplest way that I’ve found to address them is through journalling. You can purchase a physical journal or even use your notes app, either way, you’re writing out your feelings and reflections to gain deeper insight. It’s important to remember that this looks different for anyone and that the best way to approach shadow work is by doing what feels most natural! You can choose to stick to self-reflective journal prompts, vent about whatever is upsetting you, write letters to whoever has hurt you, etc. Ultimately, you can guide yourself based off of what you feel you need and where you are in your journey.

What parts of yourself do you find yourself rejecting the most? Many of us have experienced the pain of rejection in some aspects of our lives and sometimes, it’s incredibly painful and leaves us with long-lasting wounds. We end up going through our lives carrying baggage that we don’t even know we have! Many times, I’ve found myself wondering why I felt so repulsed by aspects of myself and why I felt so strongly that they needed to be locked away forever. I couldn’t allow myself or others to see my truest self, my whole self, out of fear. I was scared of being rejected, shamed, humiliated by the people around me. I was scared of hurting other people by being myself and of being hurt by others. That’s no way to live, is it? When we tell ourselves that aspects of ourselves aren’t good enough, we end up going through life devaluing ourself. We’ve broken our own trust by rejecting ourselves, we’ve told ourselves that we aren’t good enough or worthy of love. In shadow work, you’re called to go inward and unpack everything that we’ve kept hidden for years and sometimes even decades. 

Bring the parts of yourself that you’ve repressed to the surface and nourish them with love, allow yourself to see that ALL OF YOU is deserving of love and support. For you, that could mean unlearning your unhealthy beliefs about food or eating, allowing yourself to be emotional around the people you love (despite how much you were told that you were too emotional, a crybaby, too sensitive in the past), allowing yourself to relax without feeling guilty about not being productive because you recognize your needs (even though you feel your sense of worth is tied to being productive at the cost of your own health).

Common misconceptions about shadow work?

Shadow work is evil or bad, the shadow is evil or bad 

The purpose of shadow work is healing through working with your subconscious to release repressed aspects of yourself and heal from painful, traumatic experiences. Your shadow side is simply your unconscious and to believe that it’s bad is to believe that you are bad. It’s merely the part of yourself that you aren’t aware of consciously and shouldn’t be feared. 

Certain emotions are “bad”

When you let go of the idea that emotions are either good or bad, you’ll allow yourself to just be and stop putting so much pressure on yourself to feel “good” all of the time. Happiness isn’t a constant state of being so stop expecting to be all of the time, we have a range of emotions for a reason so stop being ashamed of them. Your feelings are natural and if you feel like they’re out of control and something to be ashamed of, there is nothing wrong with that! It’s okay to feel like your emotions are controlling you because that isn’t permanent. Your feelings aren’t permanent and are completely manageable with proper guidance! The reason you feel like your emotions are controlling you is because you probably don’t have the knowledge to cope with them in an effective and healthy way. It’s helpful to sit with your emotions alone and look at them objectively without placing any judgement on them, this will help you calm down and assess your feelings. From there, you can identify what you need to relax and recover as well as acknowledge to yourself that your feelings are natural. When you stop categorizing your emotions as bad, they’re no longer shameful to experience and therefore you can see with better clarity how to cope with them and move on.

I’ve already released it so…

Why am I still upset?

Why does it still keep popping up in my head?

Why haven’t I moved on?

Why am I not making progress?

With the rise of self development and spirituality, I find that more and more people are rushing to complete their healing. Healing is a continuous, life-long cycle and not a destination. Putting the pressure on yourself to reach the place of ultimate healing is not only toxic, but it impedes your ability to actually heal anything. Healing is about love, compassion, and patience and it’s not going to happen according to a timeline. Allow yourself the time to experience your emotions, see them objectively, forgive yourself and others and move on without the pressure of expectations. 

 Another reason that you could be experiencing this is that despite the work you think you’ve done, it hasn’t been sufficient. I’ve found that a lot of journal prompts provided online are surface level at best and can be more pacifying than revealing. If you’re not feeling anything while doing your inner work, you’re not doing it correctly. Ultimately, this is about uncovering what makes us UNCOMFORTABLE and moving through those feelings. When you allow yourself to experience the sadness, hurt, anger, and/or frustration than you’re telling yourself that these feelings are okay and don’t need to be suppressed. The reality is that no matter what you’re feeling, you are allowed to experience those emotions and it’s only human! Unfortunately, many people associate lower vibrational emotions as bad, but this is a huge misconception! Telling yourself that anger, sadness, etc. are “bad” implies that you shouldn’t experience these emotions and that you have to get rid of them which is not only wrong, but unhealthy. There is no right or wrong emotions so don’t buy into the belief that you should feel a certain way, simply allow yourself to be and you’ll find that it’s much easier to navigate your emotions and needs. The only way to make it to the other side is by wading through the water, be patient and know that you’re feeling exactly what you should be. When you stop censoring yourself, you’ll discover a newfound sense of freedom and wholeness. 

 If you find yourself circling back to certain topics, for example, your ex-boyfriend than perhaps there are triggers in your environment that remind you of the situation, you have more that needs to be addressed that you may not have been ready for or aware of previously (hence why shadow work is a practice that is ongoing), or they’re representative of a deeper issue that you’re repressing. Whatever the cause is, the same methods as earlier will apply and can be discerned through your own intuition. 

What are some basic journal prompts that I can do?

What feelings come up when you think of ____?

How did that experience make you feel emotionally? How did it make you feel about yourself? How did it make you feel about the other person or people?

Write a letter to yourself, your inner child, the people who’ve hurt you, and the people you’ve hurt. Express how you feel honestly, without holding back and then forgive yourself and the other person.

If you could say anything to yourself or another person for closure, what would it be?

How have these situations and experiences impacted your mental health? How have they affected your belief system about yourself, other people, and the world?

What about yourself are you ashamed of? What about yourself are you embarrassed of? What about yourself makes you angry? What do you regret? Why do you feel this way about yourself and where do these feelings stem from?

What makes you feel most alone? What makes you feel most loved? How can you incorporate that knowledge into your life to make it better?

What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said or done to you? Why did it hurt you so much? How does it still affect you now? How can you heal from it and allow yourself to move on?

What do you need to forgive yourself for? What do you need to forgive others for?

Where do you feel you lack security in your life? Why? How does this impact your life and your relationships?

This is a list of generic prompts for you to start with, but feel free to message me if you need help with more specific topics or I can make another post altogether for journal prompts.