who: charlotte & anyone
when: december 22
where: coffee shop
trigger warning: alcohol
she leaned back into her chair with the bitter taste of coffee and something stronger lingering on her tongue long after sheād put the cup down. her shoulders dropped lower and lower, her eyelids, hidden behind sunglasses, drooped little by little while her body relaxed into the chair. the wind coming down onto her cheeks felt softer, like a caress. she wanted to fall into it, let down her guards and simply be. but even when she was completely locked, which she wasnāt, she found herself never being able to shed the fear that had taken refuge in the back of her mind like a spider in the corner of a dark room. she watched as witches and wizards milled about the shops, watching as people went on their lives as though they had no concerns whatsoever. her attention was focused on a mother and her kid when her ears peaked with the sound of feat approaching her table from behind her. without thinking, she whirled around, bracing a hand against her boot, where she kept her wand.Ā
who: luna & anyone!
when: january 4th
where:Ā slugs and jiggers apothecary
āNo, no ā Iām sure itās fine.ā It wasnāt a rare thing, to catch Luna Lovegood talking to herself in public. Growing up with little company had made her prone to thinking out loud every now and then ( and then, on the other hand, it made her prone to sinking in her thoughts and zoning out for minutes on end, even when in front of others ), and she had never been ashamed of it, and thus had seen no reason to unlearn it. And so, as she stood in Slug & Jiggers, judging the contents of a bottle filled with Billywig sting slime, she hardly cared that there were others who could hear her. But despite her efforts, she was unable to pass a proper judgement. She needed a second opinion. Eyes moved away from the bottle, and she noticed someone standing near her. Luna looked at them for a moment before talking a step closer and holding the bottle in front of the otherās face. āDo you think this looks cloudy?ā
gaze travelling quickly around her while her head was pulled backwards with the force of her hand brushing through her hair, lottie took in her surroundings; the smell of fresh herbs, the lack of buzzing that often came with an establishment wired with electric equipment, no cameras, no dark forms standing in the corners. she did her best to avoid wizarding establishments like this, and had she had the choice, charlotte would have been happy to keep to this new habit byĀ foregoing the visit to the apothecary to go out into the woods and gather her own ingredients. if only coming by them in the wild wasnāt nearly impossible. sheād known this from the moment sheād started thinking about cooking up this potion at all, and had taken days debating and planning when and how she would come in. having stocked up on some extra items that she was running low on, lottie counted three minutes passed since sheād come into the shop. she didnāt want to spend too much time here in case someone... less than desirable was to enter, and put the last item she needed in her basket when an older woman began to speak.Ā āuhh...ā she took a step away from the bottle that was much too close to her face to look at properly, and studied the woman for a moment before she turned her attention to the bottle itself, studying it for a few seconds before nodding,Ā āa little, yeah. why?ā
nothing about this situation was fair. how was fawn supposed to be there for charlotte? how was she supposed to help charlotte come to terms with her cousins death, when she was still struggling to process her own fatherās death?Ā fawn kissed charlotteās hand and gave it a squeeze before letting go of it. fawn felt so hopeless, but more than anything, she felt guilty. it was not fair of fawn, to drag charlotte down into her pool of grief ā charlotte deserved better, she deserved more, and fawn knew that. charlotte deserved to have her own time and her own space to grieve both neville and her cousin, without having to worry about fawns feelings as well.Ā
she took a deep, shaky breath as she laid her forehead against charlotteās collar bone. she wrapped her arms around charlotteās midsection and sat there for a moment, tangled up with the love of her life, trying to find the right words to say.Ā ā i knowā¦ i know that this isnāt something that we can fix. ā fawn replied with a soft ( almost too soft to hear ) laugh.Ā ā i justā¦ā she trailed off, feeling hot tears begin to well up in the corner of her eyes again.Ā ā i just need you. and i know thatās not fair because you need me too. āĀ
her breath escaped between her lips in time with the hand that brushed fawnās hair downward, tilting her head down and laying a gentle kiss atop her loverās head, trying to absolve both of them of this grief that plagued them both. sometimes, she wished all of this had happened to them while they were children, where death was something they didnāt yet completely understand. if they couldnāt understand what all of this was, could it make all of this better? no. no, of course not. but they could forget, couldnāt they? they could grow up and forget about what grief felt like.
ā itās not unfair at all. Iām-- Iām here, f.Ā Iāll always be here. ā she cupped fawnās cheeks and gently pulled her head away from her chest so that she could look at her. merlin, could she really be here? hereĀ here? she needed a drink, something to numb keep her fromĀ feelingĀ her feelings; to make her numb. she wanted to will her emotions to take a break so she could really be here for fawn, so she could figure out how to make things better for her. couldnāt she stop being so selfish for just oneĀ bloody second?Ā
who: charlotte meadowes
when: 30 november
where: diagon alley
trigger warnings: bigotry, death, self-doubt, murder, dissociation, grief
ā he said, and I quote:Ā ā you clearly didnāt write this with a quill, you therefore forfeited 10% of your grade simply on that account. also, have you ever learned how to write proper english? I have never, in my life, seen such atrocious writing and so many misspelled words! ā itās completely bonkers, ā she said that last part underneath her breath so that only her fellow ravenclaw could hear her, looking over her shoulder as she stepped closer to her friend.Ā ā but obviously I would never be able to fight for a better grade, so I really shouldnāt be thinking about it anymore, but still . ā she started walking alongside her friend as they made their way to their next class.Ā
she really didĀ need to stop thinking about it; there truly was nothing that she could do about it, and yet, it still played around in her mind: she was a failure, sheād essentially failed their last quiz, she was terribly stupid, and no amount of reminding herself that sheād gotten this terrible, terrible grade simply because of her blood status didnāt keep those self-deprecating thoughts at bay. sheād tended to those thoughts since sheād been twelve, and had only just been getting the hang of barring them off when the headmaster died and these cruel bigots took over the school and making sure that she knew how unworthyĀ she was to be here. how easyĀ it would be to be rid of her. merlin, she hated it. hated this. sheād been so proud to be overĀ feeling like she didnāt belong here, and now it was coming back in waves, made worst by grades that she probably didnāt deserve but that sheād gotten anyway.
they turned around a corner as katie asked about how fawn was doing, completely erasing any thoughts of grades from lottieās mind. she felt her chest grow both heavy and soft at the same time, thinking about the girl that had her entire heart, but was weighted down by the grief she was suffering. she didnāt have the words to know how to describe how fawn was, so she shook her head and gave a light, one armed shrug, just as they arrived to their next class.Ā
ā charlotte! ā someone stepped in front of the door. she first recognized the blue of their robes, then recognized the fifth year standing in front of her.
ā whatās the story, rory? āĀ
āuh, someone brought in a letter to the dorm for you. said it was important. ā they extended the envelope toward her, waiting for her fingers to brush against the paper before they turned their gaze upward for a second before walking off down the hall.Ā
she looked down at the letter, twisting it over and searching for any indication as to who had sent it, but found it entirely devoid of any indication of the sender, and even to whom it was sent to. sheād completely forgotten katie was still in the hall with her until she laid a hand on her elbow, but before she could say anything, charlotte shook her head.Ā āitās fine, Iāll meet you inside.āĀ
she held a soft smile and waited for the door to close behind katie before she hurried down the same hall rory had taken, and pushed herself between two pillars, lit only by the dim light of day. she broke the seal of the envelope and pulled out the parchment and softened out the creases, recognizing her auntās hand writing as soon as she opened it.Ā
why had she sent this this way?Ā
but as she read, she understood why it hadnāt come through an owl.Ā
the words were like rocks piled high on her shoulders, her knees forced to bare the weight and shaking with exhaustion. her body was so heavy. and yet, her mind seemed far away. she could feel herself reading the letter, reading the words written by someone whoād been a mother to her for so many years, but felt as though she was far, far away from it all; like she was floating high above her body, watching a person that was also her read a letter that in hands that were both hers and not. she felt completely outside of herself, and felt as though the words brushed passed her instead of registering them.Ā
the end of the letter felt like a release; her limbs became tangible just as she crashed into the floor, her knees giving out beneath the weight of this knowledge she now found herself knowing.
five days ago.
five days ago, ella had been found dead, and was only toldĀ now. she felt an anger fester in her as she thought about how the administration had kept her from knowing that her cousin was dead; kept her from her family. her family who had been forced to endanger themselves by going throughĀ āillegalā channels to get this to her; so that she would know what had happened. they couldāve not told her, she thought, and her anger turned against her family. they couldāve just let her go on without the burden of knowing this, she thought. merlin, it wouldāve been so much easierĀ if she didnāt know! she was fine, she reminded herself. sheād been sad about the headmaster, but she was fine, she would have beenĀ fine. everything wouldāve--
her breath hitched in her throat and her cheeks grew warm with salt water staining her skin. she couldnāt-- couldnāt do this here! but she couldnāt move. merlin, she couldnāt breathe! what-- she...Ā
āuhm, well, I hate the fact that Iām so behind everyone else. obviously fawn has been a lot of help, but I still havenāt exactly caught up with the rest of my classmates, which makes me feel Iām rather stupid.ā
š do you think you could kill someone if it came down to it?
āIā¦ donāt know, honestly. Iād like to think that I could if I had to, but itās easy to think about having to kill someone rather than actually doĀ it.ā
š what do you think fawn would think if she knew you joined the erinyes?
āI donāt know what sheād think, but I think it might hurt her. I thinkā¦ā she licked her lips and looked up,Ā āwhen she finds out, whenever that is, I thinkā¦ I think sheāll put up a good front, but sheās going to be hurt that I didnāt choose the knightsā¦ among other things.ā
āof course! Iāmāā lottie stepped back, eyebrows furrowed so close together they could be attached to each other.Ā āI could never stopĀ loving herāā she shook her head. the idea that she could ever not be in love with fawn was so foreign to her, she was shocked anyone could ever think otherwise.Ā
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