thinking about how so much of shane is isolation.
hes the best hockey player in the world and has been excellent since he was a child. no one can compare. he has always been simultaneously resented and revered by his coaches and teammates and peers.
hes half asian, half white. too asian for the white kids, too white for the asian kids. the white kids and coaches didnt think he belonged, and the asian kids resented his proximity to whiteness and the opportunities that gave him. hes still too asian for the mlh.
hes autistic and doesnt know it. everyone else seems to have gotten a script for how to be a person and somehow shane never got a copy. he doesnt always get jokes quick enough or make conversation or go out with people. everyone thinks hes weird and uncomfortable to talk to so they avoid him.
hes gay but doesnt realize that for most of his life. whenever his teammates talked about girls he was bored and never had anything to contribute. when he realizes it, he cant talk to anyone about what that means or even simple things like his type or first crush.
shane hollander has been a little island since he was just a few years old, and when the opportunity comes to let someone onto his island, he doesnt know how. he runs when ilya tries to deepen their connection because no one has ever wanted to truly know him, and those that have caught glimpses of the real shane have rarely liked what they saw.
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