the devil couldn’t reach me so he gave me BPD only to make my closest friends turn out to not give a shit about me

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@bunnisguts
the devil couldn’t reach me so he gave me BPD only to make my closest friends turn out to not give a shit about me
what stage of grief is trying to get your friends who abandoned you to genuinely be interested and care about you by sending sad songs covered by cats
I love pretending idgaf and then spiraling about it for months
Sometimes I think I am quite literally the worst person to ever exist on this planet. I know that isnt true in comparison to some evil people but I just think I deserve to rot lately
I don't make my partner happy. I dont make my friends happy. Im too much of a coward to take myself out of the equation. What other options do I have? Do I just blindly let my existence ruin other people's lives? I don't have anyone else or anywhere else to go. I'm so tired of existing
What changed between May and October where you went from “I’m sorry your mom died I love you and I’m here for you” to completely ignoring me during the worst year of my life
crazy how trauma isn't your fault but it's your responsibility to heal
the absolute worst thing is when they genuinely believe they've done nothing wrong
makes you feel fucking insane for hurting, doesn't it?
I'm sorry
"You say that a lot"
I feel that alot
They say it gets better, but I have been hearing this since I was 12.
maybe im done being kind now too.
ignoring your friends with bpd feels abusive btw even if you don’t perceive it as abuse it is perceived as so hurtful as if its abuse because I can PROMISE you that no amount of anger you hold towards me will be solved by ignoring me
fuck you
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you WHY AM I THE BAD ONE FOR HAVING EMOTIONS? WHY AM I A BAD FRIEND FOR NOT WANTING TO BE IGNORED? You are a piece of shit and youre a terrible friend and I hate you I love you so much please don’t actually leave me im terrified you hurt me so bad but I’ll do anything to keep you
i miss you
i hate how much i miss you
i still love you
i hate that i still love you
i still worship you
you're still god to me
i wish you still loved me
i wish you hated me
i want to hate you
please hate me
Every time I take a breath, it's like I did every wrong thing. Every time I close my eyes, I'm told I'm selfish for not paying attention. Every time I try to speak, I'm silenced. Everything is my fault, and everyone around me continues to prove it.
On my way to fuck up another relationship while crying that I'm fucking up the relationship.
Would it hurt you if died tonight? Would you mourn me? I have a sick feeling you wouldn't.