Tired but Wired

Book reviews, random stuff, maybe writing tips, idk. She/her

[the-booklovers-den]

The Unspoken Guilt

A weight, a pain,

How else to describe it?

Why oh why

Am I cursed to feel it?

Everywhere I go,

Every corner, every nook,

Always leaving me rather shook.

Around all my beloved ones,

Trinkets and all

It haunts me,

Am I doomed to fall?

Fall into the grasp,

Of this undying guilt,

Building with every passing moment,

And with every tear spilt?

Why oh why,

Even though I try,

My hope shatters

Right before my eyes.

Gloom sets in,

Yet I smile.

Nobody can know,

The dam however fickle,

must hold to stop it's flow.

My conscience is dripping with it,

And i feel rather blue.

Oh how I wish to be free

But I still am captured,

Yippee.

And at the end of the day,

When my battery hits zero

I let it all out,

Done failing to be a hero.

It gushes out my eyes,

And stains my soul.

I wish I could go back to times so old,

Where I was free,

Free little honeybee,

Not knowing my wings would soon break.

[bunny-being-bunny]

#mood.

[the-booklovers-den]

Memes from my bestie. Again.

Sorry if its low-key boring, but I'm busy writing!

[urmomswifesworld]

You ever get tired? Not in the way you feel after a long day, but tired in your soul? Like, constantly fighting with yourself, trying to be something you’re not, trying to live up to some impossible version of who you’re supposed to be? I’m so tired of that. Tired of the constant battle inside my own head.

It’s exhausting, you know? This war we wage, this war I wage, every day. It's like, every time I look in the mirror, there’s a new enemy. A voice in my head telling me I’m not enough, not smart enough, not good enough, not… enough. And I listen to it. I listen, and I fight, and I try so damn hard to be something that I’m not. But the thing is, I never win. I fight and I fight, and all I get is a loss. Another day feeling like I’m failing, like I’m missing something, like I’m broken somehow. And I wonder why I keep doing it. Why do I keep fighting this version of myself that I’ll never be? Why do I make my life harder by holding myself to standards that are impossible to reach?

Life is too short for this. Too short to be constantly at war with yourself. Why do we do this? Why do I do this? Why do we think we need to be flawless, to be perfect, to be something we’re not in order to be worthy? What if we don’t need to fight anymore? What if we just stopped, just... let ourselves be?

I’m so tired of being my own enemy. So tired of feeling like I’m not enough just because I don’t fit into some box someone else made for me. Life is too short for that. You know? I can’t keep wasting my time fighting myself, trying to be someone I’m not. I need to stop. I need to accept who I am, even if I’m not perfect. Even if I don’t have it all figured out. Because maybe, just maybe, that’s okay.

Maybe it’s okay to let go of the battle. Maybe it’s okay to be exactly who I am, flaws and all. Life is too short to be constantly at war with myself. It’s time I realized that.