Call me Bunny/Bun/Fox Commisions: OPEN Support me? https://ko-fi.com/bunnyinfoxclothing She/Her 24 If you read anything I write you can probably figure out my mental illness
it was @bunnyinfoxclothing 's bday a couple days ago so I had the idea to doodle smth inspired in her user? i didn't know which way to go so I made different versions (+ just a bnnuy)
btw im once again telling you to go read her fallen angel vaggie fanfic
OMG this is amazingly beautiful. Everyone meet the artist for my new profile photo LOL!! @sugerblu is an amazing artist. Seriously he has been an amazing inspiration for me to continue writing. She is so amazingly talented and I urge you to check out their other art.
And thank you for the fic shout out!
I figure i'll also use this as a time to talk a bit about myself and the origin of my name.
As much as I love the second photo and it very much gives me Susan vibes (iykyk), the first one is a more accurate representation. Bunny in fox clothing is a play on wolf in sheep's clothing, except i'm not really a violent predator trying to get in the herd.
I pretend to be clever and smart, like the fox, but in reality i'm a soft sensitive bunny that is very much a prey animal. But hey, fake it till you make it. I will say I have gained a lot of confidence through this username.
As for random facts about me. I just turned 23. My favorite color is purple. I am deaf in my left ear. And I am exceedingly short at a grand total of 4'11. And I will be cycling through all three of these as pfps. <3<3<3
they should invent new gender affirming surgery to give me sharp teeth and venomous saliva. i think if i bite a girl hard enough she should lose motor function for like, 20 minutes minimum
they should invent new gender affirming surgery to give me sharp teeth and venomous saliva. i think if i bite a girl hard enough she should lose motor function for like, 20 minutes minimum
Two Headed Calf Rumi AU snippet!!
Introducing:
Twice as Many Reasons to Live
The first time Rumi realizes what sheās looking at she throws up. Sheās nine and finally connects the markings on her skin to the patterns Celine talks about. Rumi doesnāt know what she is, but she knows it's not something good.
Rumi was sitting on the floor, Celine on the couch doing her hair. On the tv there were lions running a library. Rumi loved the way the characters physically popped off the pages, she loved Cliff Hanger, always wanting to know how his story ended, why he always ended up hanging from a cliff.
This episode followed Leona teasing her brother Lionel, because she had the better nose between the two of them, and was always able to sniff him out in a game of hide and seek. They help pronounce some English words. Celine says sheās getting better, but sheās not sure she believes it.Ā
She doesnāt fully understand what they are saying, but she likes how they look.
āRumi! āāTto sijak-ida! Tto!ā Rumi sits ramrod straight. Recently Rumi has gotten into the bad habit of tilting her head to the side while watching tv. But that usually comes with the admonishment āTtokbaro anjaraā and a light smack to the side of her head.
So Rumi turns to Celine who is instead staring at her arm. It had ridden up when she was scratching at it, she hadnāt noticed. Little lines of purple peaked out and Celine quickly reached over to pull her sleeve down.
Itās a rough action and it pulls the other side too much, and now the shirt is digging into her other armpit roughly. Rumi hates it. She moves to fix it, but Celine's arm catches her. She tells her in no uncertain terms that the purple marks shouldnāt ever be seen.
Rumi doesnāt fully understand but she nods. Celine waves her off to get ready for training and Rumi decides that it means finding a looser shirt, something that doesn't feel like itās pinching her armpit.
Training goes the same way it normally does. Itās a lot of Tai Chi to help her focus on her balance and movement. The few moments of sparring that they do include a lot of padding and gloves.
Rumi is still getting used to the sting of impact and knows she would be on the floor if not for the thick cushion. Idols donāt have calluses. Or any amount of rough skin. This is a pain she must learn to endure.Ā
Celine has let her practice three different takedowns on her today. She gets walked through what to do step by step and then repeats the action with increasing speed until Celine gives her an okay to move onto the next lesson. Once she has the approval of all three it then becomes a game of Rumi to remember what to do when Celine calls to do it.Ā
The sun starts to go down and Rumi is still panting just a little bit. Sheās not as winded as the days before. āYou did good today Rumi. You should be proud.āĀ
Warmth fills her chest. āThank you Celine.ā She bows and lets out a relaxed breath.
āItās time to go inside. I can clean up today.ā Celine doesnāt look at her when she speaks. Sheās looking at the mess of padding and mats and the sky. Rumi can see her frustration along with something else.Ā
A thought sparks in her chest. I can do good today.
She can ease some of the pressure, because Celine is a demon hunter. The only demon hunter. Thatās why sheās training Rumi. Itās why Rumi must work so hard. Because there should be three and today there is only one...Ā
There has only been one for as long as Rumi can remember.
āItās okay. I can help.āĀ
āNo, Rumi.ā The response is sharp and painfully direct. Rumi can feel the warmth leave her chest replaced by something cold and tight.
Neither one of them has a chance to respond. They are both caught off guard by a growlly laugh that is startlingly female. āIs this what is left to defend the world? A lone hunter and a child. Pathetic.ā
āRumi! Go home! ā Rumi barely hears the order, she canāt make out what is being asked of her, she only understands the pounding of her heart and where she knows sheās safe.Ā
Iām scared.
She rushes to Celine's side. Sheās never heard a demon before, never seen one. She can only recall Celine's numerous stories about how they steal souls and ruin lives.Ā
I donāt want to die.
Celine pulls at Rumiās hand as it tugs into the bottom of her shirt and the side of her pants. Sheās pushing Rumi away. Rumi only clings harder.
Please. She thinks, please donāt let them take me.
Itās only when they hear footsteps, getting closer and closer, that Celine summons her weapon. Ssang-Saingeom. Rumi marvels at the twin blades, sheās seen them many times, Celine has even let her hold them and go through forms once or twice. Rumi once measured the blade against Celineās arm, it runs from her elbow to the tips of her fingers and curves towards the end.
Rumiās eyes sparkle and her grip loosens just a bit. Sheās safe.
Rumi breathes a sigh of relief and the butt of a sword goes into her nose. She falls to the floor as Celine charges forward towards the demon that was far too close.
It burns. Rumi curls into the floor clutching her face. Tears spring to her eyes at the first impact and all she can do now is cry. She tries not to make noise, she doesnāt know why.Ā
Itās not just her face that hurts.Ā
Her upper arm scrapes the unprotected ground and the softness of her skin tears away. Itās not bleeding but it stings in a raw way. There's also a pain in her elbow and hip where she tried and failed to catch herself. Her whole body pulses with the heartbeat of living pain.
Rumi only gets glimpses of the fight through watery eyes. It isnāt just one demon. A breach is never just one demon, not when the Honmoon is this weak. Rumi catches snaggly teeth that peek out from corners of mouths.Ā
Rumiās nightmares about the descriptions of the demons Celine used to tell her about seem entirely too simple now. Itās not just the two jutting fangs. Itās the rows of sharp teeth that seem only useful for shredding through flesh. Like a pair of forks ripping apart soft meat.
She wonders if a bite wound would be stitchable.
She catches another glimpse, this time of claws. They arenāt as long as she was expecting. They are shorter than some of the nails she has seen on people. Longer than her own, and longer than Celine's though.
She wonders if she would be allowed to file her own nails to the same pointed shape. They donāt seem all that special to her. And then she sees one cleeve through the branch of a tree. It hits the ground with a thud and the leaves shake with the impact.
Rumi knows sheās not as durable. She imagines how a swipe to her leg could mean one less leg for her. This is fatal, she decides. She would not survive a blow to her center. If she did survive, the tummy ache would kill her.
She catches a glimpse of purple and finds something startlingly familiar. The lines go all the way up the demon's arms. She sees more when their shirts ride up with their jolting movements.Ā
Itās everywhere.
Thereās something about it that stalls Rumiās mind.Ā
Sheās never really been good at thinking, Celine has lectured her many times over about asking questions.
āWhy didnāt you ask why the answer works, not just what it is?ā
āDidnāt you think to ask if they needed help?ā
āDidnāt you think about who would clean it up afterward?ā
āWhy didnāt you ask if you were allowed to do that?ā
āDidnāt you think to wonder how your choice might affect someone else?ā
āWhy didnāt you think to ask what to do if the problem looks different next time?ā
āWhy didnāt you think to ask if I was happy?ā
Each lecture always ends with a strong, āThatās what you should be wondering.ā Or a disappointed, āwhy donāt you ever think before you act?āĀ
Celine wants her to think.Ā
Rumi thinks that it is a lot to have to remember to wonder about.Ā
Celine wants her to ask questions.Ā
But questions donāt pop up in Rumiās mind.
This time one does.
Whyā¦
The demons close in before Rumi can breathe. Celine is the only thing that stands between them and her. Celineās twin blades hum in the night air as she begins to sing. Itās not a song Rumi has heard, there arenāt even any words, just vocal scales that feel like a century old lullaby.
The bells tied to the swordsā guard ding in time with her swings, with the beat, with her singing. Sheās beautiful.
The first demon lunges low, Rumi sees his arms extend running like an animal, if he can get two strides in, heāll reach her.Ā
Celine meets it mid-motion; her right blade snaps upward, a single clean arc that severs the shadow from its own momentum. Rumi sees his face contort into something fearful, something in pain. The shape unravels, scattering like ash in wind. Thereās no blood but Rumi feels it coat her hands and face in violence.
Whyā¦
The second comes from behind. She pivots, both swords crossing behind her back. The clash sounds like thunder cracking marbleāthen silence, except for the soft hiss of a form dissolving into nothing. Rumi flinches at the noise. It sounded like a broken bone, but worse. She, the demon, screams and it rattles Rumiās chest.
They act likeā¦.
The last one hesitates, itās taller, heavier, but fear flickers through its glow. It takes two steps back before every muscle in its body tenses, contorts, hyperextends. Celineās eyes donāt waver. She steps once, twice, and by her third the demon seems to have resigned itself. There is sadness and fear in its eyes as it raises the club.Ā
Celineās footwork is calm as a heartbeat as she drives the twin blades forward. It never swung down, just made an opening for the hunter, for Celine.
The demon doesnāt fall so much as itās erased. Its body wrenches and twists, the space it occupied shredding into slivers of motion. The air howls as if itās been ripped open, it howls with the scream of pain, itās loud and sharp and full of anguish, enough to make Rumi cover her ears.
What remains are the purple glowing lines of an injured honmoon, writhing once before winking out ā like something screaming without a mouthā replaced by blue.
When itās done the silence feels wrong. The ground hums with the actions that have just passed. Celineās blades settle at her sides as she takes a deep breath, eyes still vigilantly scanning everywhere.Ā
She drops them and they return to the honmoon before they ever hit the floor. Sheās racing towards Rumi who is still on the floor one hand clutching her face.
āRumi!ā she screams and her voice is so worried. āRumi! Are you okay? How is your face? Let me see. Let me see.ā She pushes Rumiās hands away.
She pushes at Rumiās face and a few places sting.Ā
āWhy didnāt you run when I told you? You need to listen to me Rumi. What if they had gotten to you?ā Rumi nods and she feels a familiar guilt curl in her chest.
āIām sorry.ā
Celine sighs. āIām sorry I hit you.ā
āItās okay, you need the space to move.ā Itās one of the first things they do when they start training. Clear room for their mats and equipment. They space out their own areas, a spot for Celine to demonstrate and a spot for Rumi to copy. Itās important so they donāt accidentally hit each other.Ā
āNo,ā Celine cuts in and her voice is tight.Ā āI needed you where I could protect you.ā
Rumi nods, pretending she understands. She still has the question from before. Rumi hesitates only slightly, but Celine wants her to ask more questions.Ā
Celine had told her not to show anyone, but still she rolls up her sleeves.Ā
Celine's breath hitches as Rumi asks the question.
āWhy does it look similar?ā
Rumi asks Celine, but she doesnāt seem to like this question.
And Celine does answer, but Rumi doesnāt like what she learns.
Rumiās breathing gets fast and tears run down her face and she rubs horribly at it with her fist and forearm. Her body still hurts but she finds that she doesn't really care. She tries holding her breath and ends up gasping even harder. Celine is at her side trying to get her to take deep breaths, but Rumi doesnāt hear a word.
On another round of hyperventilating Rumi turns from Celine and retches onto the floor, she stumbles and itās only Celineās tight grip on her arm that stops her from falling into it.Ā
It will bruise tomorrow.
Celine rubs her back and sighs at the mess on the floor.
āIām sorry.ā Rumi apologizes, iām sorry, scrunching her nose as the smell of her own bile. Thankfully she is calm now. Iām sorry. Tears still flow down her face, but her breathing is a little more normal.
Iām sorry.
āItās okay. Why donāt you go brush your teeth and Iāll clean up.ā
Celine had always been one to tell her about the dangers of the world. She knew the definition of āa strangerā and why to not talk to them. Why she should hold her hand when crossing the street, why she should never wander off in a crowd.
Why she should lock the doors at night, and always look both ways before stepping out.
Why she should keep her voice steady even when sheās scared, and never let anyone see her cry unless she trusts them.
Why kindness mattered, but caution mattered more.
Your faults and fears must never be seen. Rumi doesnāt fully understand what it means, but she repeats it anyways. My faults and fears must never be seen.
Rumi learned what trafficking was before she even got her first period. She knew what happened to people if they got taken away. Sold. Used. Discarded.Ā
Rumi learned the world was a dangerous place a long time ago. But, nobody told her that maybe she was dangerous too.
Rumi decides she doesnāt like thinking.
--------
So before I go, I have decided to open a KoFi for anyone who feels inclined to donate. <3
I am going to be applying to grad school soon, for Creative Writing, my passion! However the Fee is $135 just to apply so I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask for a bit of help. Donate if you want, but no worries if not! I will keep writing either way!
But I am also opening writing commissions as a second option, all the information is located here: https://ko-fi.com/bunnyinfoxclothing
I'm just thinking about all the different possibilities of this. It's not really a headcanon, more of an AU than anything, but just picture the hilarity and angst of hating a version of yourself that sometimes takes control of your body.
Demon Rumi: *Takes off shirt and struts around in her sports bra* It's so hot outside, why is she always wearing turtle necks it's like she's trying to get us killed.
Also Demon Rumi: *Sees herself in the mirror and flexes with a smirk.*
Human Rumi: *Running back to her room* She's such a peacock, we share the penthouse with other people, have some respect.
Also Human Rumi: *lowkey overworking herself to the point of starving.*
Demon Rumi: *Slicing and pealing apples the way Human Rumi likes* When was the last time you ate, you whore.
Human Rumi (wandering in 5 minutes later): Oooooh Apples! Thanks Girls!
Mira and Zoey: *equally oblivious and lowkey worried that Rumi is schizophrenic* Hey, when was the last time we had a checkup? Or a brain scan?
Yes. They absolutely just see Rumi go through random fits of swearing and self hatred. The only reason they allow it is because it seems to be the only way she stays physically healthy.
They are convinced that Rumi has 2 settings.
Sheās either visually healthy mentally but running herself into the ground.
Or verbally abusive to herself but physically caring.
Plot twist there is not a single ounce of mental stability in her.
Do they think she has DID (genuine question) because girl only has two sides and is giving ZoeMira whiplash because HELLO?? ššš
Now I'm imagining Rumi hissing insults towards herself under her breath while taking care of herself, and then minutes late WOOPS I'M GONNA RUN THIS BODY DRY BY OVERWORKING LIKE A DOG WITH NO STOP COMMAND
Genuinely they don't know what to think because while she has some of the symptoms she is also missing some major ones. Like they are compiling a list like
Gaps in memory... check
unusual behavior and mood swings.... check
Anxiety.... double check
But then they get to things like identity confusion and it's just like. Nope they are both Rumi.
Delusion? Nothing out of the ordinary.
Amnesia in terms of important personal information? Nope rock solid memory of who she is.
So they just sit there like, this... this isn't normal is it???
And Rumi going from self deprecating self care to peaceful self ruin is exactly what she does. Those are her only two modes.
This specific situation is pre canon but I don't think much changes post canon LMAO
Celine does know but she's just like "well... if it works it works." She just smiles and is like "that's just Rumi's weird little quirk. She's had it since childhood."
Rumi wasnāt really sure if she liked people days. People days were fun, but hard.
Once a week on a Friday, Celine would take her out to see the world. Celine would brush her hair and tie it tight behind her backātighter even than during Rumiās training days.Ā
It made her scalp ache when she undid the braid, pain blooming as she ran her fingers through it. She quickly learnt to scrunch her eyebrows and pull them down, just enough to ease the pull on her temples.Ā
Once she tried to pull down on her own forehead while Celine worked, just to help ease the ache, but Celine swatted her hands away.Ā
Rumi doesnāt complain anymore. She just lets Celine check the collar of her shirt for the third time.Ā
Before people, there are plants.
Rumi doesnāt know what Seunim are, but Celine makes the too long drive farther away from the city. Sometimes she sleeps, her body unused to waking up at three am, four hours earlier than her normal wake up time. Sometimes she looks out the window and watches the mountains roll as Celine drives, she pictures a woman climbing up trees, jumping from branch to branch and sliding down hills.
They arrive at five and Celine drops her off with a woman with a shaved head. She has a soft smile and a clean robe and Rumi can only look over at Celine nervously the first time they meet.
She doesnāt smell like anything Rumi is familiar with and she hates it.
Rumi grows to love Ye-Jun. The womanās hands were always faintly brown from the soil, her fingernails soft-edged from pruning shears. She smelled a bit more familiar these days, like damp earth, like rain after it hit concrete and her skin was so soft.Ā
Years later Rumi will cringe at the memory of tracing the woman's wrinkles on her soft hand and pulling it up to her face to breathe her in.
The first day, she showed Rumi the rows of orchids. āThis oneās called Sena,ā she said, tapping a pot where a single stalk carried narrow leaves like blades of grass. This was tradition, she would introduce Rumi to the plant, she learns their name, before she learns anything else. Itās not the plantās species, but their name.Ā
Like how Rumi is Rumi before she isā¦ something else. Something not whole. Half, maybe even less.
Rumi learns a lot of new words this way. āģø (se), for world, and āė (na), for me. World-and-me.ā Rumi catalogs it in her mind as Ye-Jun speaks.
āChunlan ā we call her Korean orchid here. Very old, very respected. But not easy. Too much sun, she withers. Too much water, her roots rot. You have to listen to her. Pay attention.ā The woman would repeat things a lot.Ā
She already knew to sit and listen, she already was paying attention, but it didnāt irritate her.
It is meant to teach her patience, teach her to be calm. To think before she acts. To focus. Rumi knows with the way Celine looks at her, the way Celine talks to her, the pointed questions asked after every session.
Thatās not what Rumi learns. Rumi learns plants.
They are beings of effort. Any plant can be saved if you have the patience and will to do so. There are rules and things to look for, each little visual gets categorized. Cause and effect. Almost anything she does wrong can be fixed. She likes it.
Thatās how it starts. Something easy she can control.
Later itās her only peace. Proof she is capable of creating something good. Something she wasnāt born for.
On good days she will pretend to ignore the bad thoughts that had come before, she will focus on the beauty and the softness of the dirt and the smell of the scentless plants.Ā
She will smile at the blooming bulbs and patiently wait for the frost to thaw trusting that the plant will live through winter.Ā
On bad days she will pick under her nails. Cleaning them over and over, knowing that she will have her hands back in the dirt. When she dies, if there is a body, she wants it to nourish her plants.Ā
So I have officially started this fic idea. Original idea here
Here is a small small snippet of what I have so far!
She catches a glimpse of purple and finds something startlingly familiar. The lines go all the way up the demon's arms. She sees it when their shirts ride up with their jolting movements, it covers their whole body.
Thereās something about it that stalls Rumiās mind.Ā
Sheās never really been good at thinking, Celine has lectured her many times over about asking questions.
āWhy didnāt you ask why the answer works, not just what it is?ā
āDidnāt you think to ask if they needed help?ā
āWhy didnāt you think about who would clean it up afterward?ā
āDidnāt you wonder where that number came from?ā
āWhy didnāt you ask if you were allowed to do that?ā
āWhy didnāt you ask how your choice might affect someone else?ā
āWhy didnāt you think to ask if I was happy?ā
āWhy didnāt you ask what to do if the problem looks different next time?ā
āYou never asked why this rule matters in real life.ā
Each lecture always ends with a strong āThatās what you should be wondering.ā Celine wants her to think. Rumi thinks that it is a lot to have to remember to wonder about. Celine wants her to ask questions. But questions donāt pop up in Rumiās mind.Ā
This time one does.
āWhy does it look similar?ā
And Rumi does ask Celine this time, but she doesnāt seem to like this question.
And Celine does answer, but Rumi doesnāt like what she learns.
I'm just thinking about all the different possibilities of this. It's not really a headcanon, more of an AU than anything, but just picture the hilarity and angst of hating a version of yourself that sometimes takes control of your body.
Demon Rumi: *Takes off shirt and struts around in her sports bra* It's so hot outside, why is she always wearing turtle necks it's like she's trying to get us killed.
Also Demon Rumi: *Sees herself in the mirror and flexes with a smirk.*
Human Rumi: *Running back to her room* She's such a peacock, we share the penthouse with other people, have some respect.
Also Human Rumi: *lowkey overworking herself to the point of starving.*
Demon Rumi: *Slicing and pealing apples the way Human Rumi likes* When was the last time you ate, you whore.
Human Rumi (wandering in 5 minutes later): Oooooh Apples! Thanks Girls!
Mira and Zoey: *equally oblivious and lowkey worried that Rumi is schizophrenic* Hey, when was the last time we had a checkup? Or a brain scan?
Yes. They absolutely just see Rumi go through random fits of swearing and self hatred. The only reason they allow it is because it seems to be the only way she stays physically healthy.
They are convinced that Rumi has 2 settings.
Sheās either visually healthy mentally but running herself into the ground.
Or verbally abusive to herself but physically caring.
Plot twist there is not a single ounce of mental stability in her.
Just realized I never posted a snippet of my KPDH fic here. Sorry not sorry.
----
One of Rumiās first memories was looking in the mirror. It was the first time Celine let her try and get dressed on her own, watching from where she leaned against the brightly patterned sheets of her bed. Rumi had pulled off her shirt and ran to grab one from her dresser, passing the short floor mirror that leaned against the wall. She skidded to a halt when she saw the bold color on her skin. It was lavender, and streaked across her shoulder with a single line tracing below the bone that stood out between her chest and neck. Was she hurt?
It looked so cool. Rumi stopped to stare at it a little closer. The lavender lightened even further. Her momās favorite color, Celine once told her. She was an immediate fan. She had painted her room the color, and had asked for bed sheets that color too. Her entire room, her pencils, most of her clothes; she wanted to be surrounded by it.Ā
Her hand reached up and touched the color. The skin was soft and it didnāt hurt to press on. One finger traced the line in slow clumsy strokes. It seemed like proof that if her moms favorite color could paint her skin overnight, maybe she was watching over. Maybe she could be her moms favorite too.
A shirt was pulled over her face and Rumi made a noise, panicking at the loss of sight and the sudden movement that pulled her backwards. She lost her balance and fell into Celine, who was quickly whispering in her ear while still fixing the shirt to cover the quickly darkening marks. āItās fine. Itās okay. We can fix it.ā She spoke in the same tone of when Rumi was hurt. But this didnāt look like the purple shade of her bruises. It didn't hurt. āItās not you. Itās okay. We can fix it. Donāt be scared. Thatās not you.ā
Why would she ever be scared of something that reminded her of her mom?
---
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
I'm just thinking about all the different possibilities of this. It's not really a headcanon, more of an AU than anything, but just picture the hilarity and angst of hating a version of yourself that sometimes takes control of your body.
Demon Rumi: *Takes off shirt and struts around in her sports bra* It's so hot outside, why is she always wearing turtle necks it's like she's trying to get us killed.
Also Demon Rumi: *Sees herself in the mirror and flexes with a smirk.*
Human Rumi: *Running back to her room* She's such a peacock, we share the penthouse with other people, have some respect.
Also Human Rumi: *lowkey overworking herself to the point of starving.*
Demon Rumi: *Slicing and pealing apples the way Human Rumi likes* When was the last time you ate, you whore.
Human Rumi (wandering in 5 minutes later): Oooooh Apples! Thanks Girls!
Mira and Zoey: *equally oblivious and lowkey worried that Rumi is schizophrenic* Hey, when was the last time we had a checkup? Or a brain scan?
I adore your new KPOP Demon Hunterās fic. Thank you so much for sharing that fic and for your hard work. I am enamored by the way you wrote that first chapter and canāt wait for Rumi to share and get the support and catharsis that she needs from her girls.
New reader of yours here š
What inspired the fic? What are your thoughts and feelings about KPOP Demon Hunters? Do you have a bias or fav when it comes to Huntr/x?
Hope you have a great day.
OMG Hi!!
Thank you so much for reading. I am so glad you like it so far! It is truly an honor to receive this from a reader. I hope I am still living in your head! I'll pay rent I swear!
What inspired the fic is honestly a series of questions I myself had about Rumi like who her father was, did her mom know he was a demon (because they can disguise themselves, Mira and Zoey were tricked when they thought Bobby was kidnapped.) From there I just considered, what if not even Rumi knew the answers to those questions, that would be sad.
This then started me down a rabbit hole of sadness. I knew I wanted something major with Celine. We don't get much of her in the movie and I did want to make sure I turned her into a complex character. She wasn't the perfect mother, but she also never asked to be one. She was given a child with 0 preparation. Then was told to raise a demon, after being trained that they are all evil.
I like to believe Celine tried her best, but she was underprepared with little resources and Rumi must suffer the consequences of that. (I also really wanted to be able to write about my own trauma of having a Korean mother and this was too perfect not to).
The perfect thing about children is that they are more aware than most of us realize. It doesn't take much for a child to change the way they think about themselves in a bad way, they can often pick up on a lot of subtleties.
The third thing that really interested me is psychology. More specifically how each of the girls seem to react to stress and possible traumas they might have/are working through.
This specifically is looks sort of like this. Rumi is a survivor. Her personality is based on control, shame and worth. This is mapped out pretty clearly in the movie. Some parts a little more clearly than others. Shame being them most obvious.
Control is something I contracted as an early developmental block for Rumi. Rumi is the daughter of an idol with a mysterious early death. People are likely to be interested in her. Not only that but she was taken in and raised by a fellow idol in the group. Not family. This is very fascinating in the real world and would be cause for intrigue.
We even see in Rumi's intro that Celine has taken Rumi to public appearances when she was very young. This is a huge.
So for me I took this thought and came up with this idea for Rumi's sort of core trauma.
Rumiās entire identity has been shaped byĀ conditional loveĀ andĀ public control.Ā As a child idol, she was rewarded for obedience, silence, and perfection ā her sense of self became contingent on how others perceived her. Celineās mentorship cemented this pattern: affection was tied to performance, image, and usefulness.
This is how we can get lines like "How can I fix the world if I can't even fix me?" Rumi has a desperate need to feel useful. And when she can't it's why suicide seems like an option for her.
Core belief:Ā āIf I am not perfect, I am disposable.ā
But I really want to delve into the psychology of these characters, so I take it one step further and try and create an entire psychological profile on them.
Attachment style:Ā Anxious-avoidant. She craves Celineās approval but fears the intimacy that comes with it ā she wants safety but equates it with surveillance.
Behavioral patterns:
Masks emotions through professionalism.
Deflects concern with polite competence.
Guilt is her baseline emotion ā she believes she contaminates what she touches.
Current psychological arc:
Rumiās āpatternsā are both literal (markings) and metaphorical (trauma cycles). Her journey is about learning that control doesnāt equal safety ā and that being seen doesnāt have to mean being judged. Sheās haunted by the idea that exposure = punishment.
Coping strategy:Ā Overcontrol ā of body, emotion, and environment.
Primary defense mechanism:Ā Dissociation through productivity and ritual (disipline)
Self-perception:Ā A tool that broke. She canāt separate failure in performance from failure as a person
Now all of this is just Rumi and I would be happy to go into the profiles I have made for Zoey and Mira if you or anyone would like as well!
But this helps me with every decision the girls make.
And together, they form a triad of trauma responses āĀ control, vigilance, appeasementĀ ā all rooted in fear of loss and rejection. They are all deeply interlocked and as for right now, they are all stepping all over each others trauma triggers causing communication issues and hurt.
But when they do manage to communicate it will be glorious.
Do I have a Bias? yes. Surprisingly it is Zoey. I just love putting Rumi in the blender, she is so smoothie shaped. Don't worry tho. All the girls get their turn in the blender.
I do hope that you enjoyed this and it wasn't a boring read. Or at the very least it answered some questions. If you have any follow ups I will be happy to tell you more!
I hope I was able to bring a bit of joy to your day/night!
Thinking of the poem The Two-Headed Calf in relation to Rumi. I just know she would have read this and weeped.
Do you think she reads āfreak of natureā and thinks of her half whole nature? Or that she looks at stars and wonders if her patterns hold that same double beauty?
I know this wouldnāt be something she finds naturally. For me this is something that is told or shown to her. I picture Zoey talking poetry to Rumi and Mira and reading this out while rumi pretends she isnāt completely ruined by it.
It is something common for Zoey. She loves discussing things that she loves to her girls. Rambling on and on about things she finds. This particular one was a poem from her childhood. Zoey didn't understand it then, only knew that it made her sad. So she shares it now.
I picture Rumi wondering if she were born with patterns or if they one day appeared. For they are all she has ever known on her skin. She knows Celine will not tell her.
She wonders if her mother held her like something cherished.
If she was brought before the hunters tree, like the mother with her calf.
If she was a daughter before she was a hunter.
Or if she was always meant to be something strange and studied even in death.
She likes the thought of being wrapped in newspaper and preserved. To be held like something precious and fragile.
She doesnāt tell Mira or Zoey and the two never think of it again. But one day rumi spots a lamp where the calf heads each have their own lights and fill the room with stars. Itās an ugly thing. Itās lovingly made but has a poor design. It doesnāt sit stable on anything.
It is perfect and Rumi buys it.
Zoey recognizes it immediately, but says nothing.
Rumi keeps it in her room and doesnāt really ever turn it on.
Itās a bad lamp. It doesnāt provide much light. The wiring has it flicker sometimes and it sparked a little when she first plugged it in.
But she loves it regardless. She thinks that if she can love something that fails at its purpose maybe she can be loved too.
Later Zoey and Mira get her a plush.
She cans see the handsewn lines where the two heads connect into the body. Two slightly different colors, neither of which match the body. The spots are traced with pastel markers in light blues, greens, purples, pinks; so many colors. Just like her patterns.
She doesnāt cry. She just holds it. She holds them.
With Charlie redesigns do you prefer her to be more goat like or more doll like?
So, I am very mixed on this. I do enjoy Charlie's current design which has her a bit more human and I guess by extension more doll like.
Like I do the enjoy the idea that Charlie looks a bit more like a cracked doll face the angrier she gets, adding that bit of scare factor, but at the end of the day she's not really a scary person.
That being said...
I think I like Charlie a bit more goat designed.
I think it's more fitting to have Charlie take after a goat she's fluffy and cute. It's easy to forget that she's the Princess of Hell because she's just so soft.
Very similar to a goat that can ruin your whole life if you forget that they have horns. A goat is a creature well on its way to domestication. Some already are domesticated. (you can tell based on whether or not they have floppy ears.)
It is cute and some people keep them as pets. Smaller goats are even sometimes used for things like goat yoga. Small. Cute. Easily forgotten that they can be dangerous.
Charlie is similarly not taken seriously because of the way she acts and is considered cute and harmless. But piss her off... and just like goats she can fuck up your whole life and stab you.
Now if we were to include other options... my favorite is the more lion based redesigns. I am obsessed with the idea that depending on the sin Charlie looks different and wrath is a lion. (I know pride and lion goes so well together but no.) Because think of it, not as wrath just as a sin, but Charlie's wrath as a sin. Charlie's wrath is a protective thing.
"These sinners are my family!"
Charlie's wrath is based on community. And while plenty of animals are community based, the way Charlie's hair moves when she goes demon mode makes me think lion.
