cancriGnosticism

Name: Kasmin Vantas Mood: Highly confused

[intoxincated]

movin' on

[intoxincated]

_

Roxy couldn’t help but laugh at his butchered pronunciation of Mario Kart, but really, it just made him that much more endearing. “It’s a video game! Like Tetris or Pong, except you play with your friends. It’s all about racing to the finish line.” Whether or not that was a sufficient explanation, Roxy had no idea, but it seemed like the conversation was moving forward and she wouldn’t have to try to explain the logistics of video games and how they worked to him.  Biting her lip, she chewed on it a little as she listened to the speech he launched into. It was all pretty heavy, not exactly the kind of conversation she enjoyed having, but it looked like there was no way out of it. Taking a deep breath, she sorted her thoughts. His hurt was plain to see, and for a moment, all she wanted to do was hug him and tell him it would all be fine.  What she did instead was nod. “Yeah — thanks…” What? No, that isn’t at all what she wanted to say. The words she wanted were just not coming, “I mean…” She took another deep breath, shaking her head slightly. “Just seems like you care a whole lot about me, and I don’t wanna mess it up. I wanna live up to…myself, I guess.”

[burningshackles-blog]

He nodded, believing he understood exactly what Roxy had just explained to him. They had nothing like that on Alternia but thats no matter, he didnt find it too important. 

After his mini speech he watched her and let out a small breath, waiting for her reply. Kasmin's chest constricted when he noticed her moments hesitation, believing something was there, a desire that she forced away. At the first part of her reply, a simple 'thanks', his ears fell back a bit, more or less shocked rather than hurt, but it was quickly chased away when she continued. 

The Cancer shook his head and went back to skinning the animal in his hands. "Roxy, you cant mess anything up in regards to your own image to me. You are you no matter what incarnation or what you remember. You cant live up to yourself because theres nothing you could do because you are you, theres no need to try. Whether you know it or not." 

Switching hands with the knife he held it in his right hand to flex out his left hand. "I guess what I'm saying is, is that you can only do so much and it doesnt matter because when it comes to living up to yourself only you can do it." He wondered if that even made sense, probably not, he just hoped he didnt say the wrong thing. 

Kasmin glanced to the fire and then to the human in front of him. "I dont want you to try because I love you anyway. I love you no matter what you do no matter if you think youre 'doing good enough' or not to compare to your past self. Its pointless and much more of a headache than it is helpful. I know from experience."  

[burningshackles2-blog]

[intoxincated]

movin' on

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Roxy nodded slightly, a little sigh of bad memories escaping her at the prospect of having to explain the game to Kasmin. “Yeah, ‘n I’m not talkin’ Mario Kart, either. This was the real deal. It was gonna bring us all together, yanno? At least, there was a small chance. Even if it didn’t work it was worth a shot.” She gave a shrug, her eyes gravitating to the fire. "In the end, all it really did was fuck everything up ‘n get a buncha people killed," she murmured, not really bothering to fill in the details that went in between. "So yeah, me ‘n my friends all got to meet in person, but I’m not sure it was worth it. Now I won’t even know if it all worked out ‘cause I’m stuck here." There was a long pause, but when she looked back up to him she was smiling. "But hey, at least I’m in good company, right?"

[burningshackles-blog]

Kasmin paused from his work, looking up at the other, confusion clear on his face. "Wh-whats a mary-oh curt?" A smile touched his lips as he realized just how badly he fucked that up. He was still curious on what a Mario Kart was and if it was an enjoyable family bonding game that everyone liked to play together just like Troll Monopoly. That game is great. Well she did say it was supposed to bring them all together so maybe he was right. 

Ears falling back at the sadness in the others voice as she spoke about the game they had played. His chest hurt a bit thinking of what they must have gone through. About to say something he was greeted by her bright eyes and smile. Without able to contain it he smiled himself and nodded, "The best company other than my matesprite." 

He wanted to hug her, to hold her and try his best to comfort the human; it hurt him to see her force her feelings down and do this to herself. Shaking his head to himself, he let out a breath and went back to skinning the animal in his hands. 

"Listen, Roxy. I know you dont remember me, you probably never will remember what happened back then, and I dont blame you for that at all, you probably felt the same way with me. I just want you to know that I wont ever forget what we had and I still love you in the palest way possible and it sucks because of whats happening-" He gripped the knife harder as his hands stilled and he shook his head, no, this wasnt about him. "Just please, dont worry about not having someone to talk to... Ill always be here. No matter what kind of bulgebiting shit that happens out there." The troll lifted his hand to point outside where it was getting dark. 

[intoxincated]

movin' on

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Roxy frowned slightly, giving a barely-visible nod. “Yeah. It wasn’t… I mean, he referred to it like it was someone else, but I’m… I’m pretty sure it was me. The whole thing was fuckin’ surreal. I don’t know why I didn’t just cut and run. He just looked so lonely, yanno? Like no one else was gonna come tell him to get rid of the smelly dead thing and bathe himself and snap the fuck outta it.”  Shuddering slightly, she curled into herself, staring at the fire for a moment before looking back to him and smiling. “I’m glad to be back too, I think. Not that I really remember bein’ gone or whatever. But bein’ here isn’t so bad. S’almost better than the place I came from, ‘n that’s really sayin’ something.” A snort of laughter escaped her. “Maybe things’ll get better in the game, but man, hangin’ out on that rock all by myself wasn’t much better than hangin’ out on this rock with people.”

[burningshackles-blog]

The mutant grimaced and let out a sigh, "Im still sorry you had to deal with that the first thing, had to be rough." Shaking his head lightly he used his wrist to wipe under his eye, trying to scratch an itch and not get blood on him. "Well at least Eridan is... back to normal as hes gunna get, and, hopefully, you wont have to deal with that again." 

When she continued he glanced up from his task of skinning the animal, and trying to save all its fur. In a flash he remembered Roxy not wanting to talk about where she had come from when they first met, so it must not have been constant. "Game? You were playing a game before this?" 

Kasmin forced himself to look down at the animal so that he could execute his task and not fuck up royally. Hed done this a few times but he was with a group of people who knew what they were doing, and that was a long time ago considering. 

[intoxincated]

movin' on

[intoxincated]

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Roxy frowned slightly at the blatant distress in his voice, a wave of guilt and empathy washing over her despite the fact that there wasn’t much she could have done about it. All things considered, she wished she could remember him, remember what it was that they had before she had — died? She didn’t remember dying, either, but the impact of the death she wasn’t aware had occurred spread far and wide over wherever this place was. Thankfully, another question was soon posed, and she didn’t have much time to dwell on the implications of her current existence here. For a moment she looked thoughtful, trying to gather up the mess of half-thoughts in her mind. “When I first got here I found a cave with a dude named Eridan. It was the weirdest shit to ever happen to me, I swear. He was goin’ on about how he loved me ‘n junk, and it was so fuckin’ scary — he had this dead body in there. I think it might have been mine? I-d-k. I talked him into buryin’ it, though, so hopefully he stops bein’ such a creep.” A slight shudder wracked her and she pulled the blanket tighter around herself, her eyes focusing on the fire. “Then there was this guy Gamzee. He was a troll too, ‘n I guess he was less blatantly murderous-lookin’ than Eridan, and he was actually p chill when I talked to him, but somethin’ seemed off about him. I dunno what it was, it was just…” She sighed, shaking her head and not bothering to finish the sentence. “Then there’s you. You seem p normal, though, and I’m not gettin’ any negative vibe-age or whatevs.” A grin flashed across her lips, the relief of how true that statement was showing plainly in her eyes.

[burningshackles-blog]

Eridan. So she met with him first, by chance or not it worried Kasmin for her, Eridan and her had bumps and he could have easily taken advantage of he- 

Wait, what? "He had your dead body?" Kasmin looked up and raised his brows, a bit shocked and more than a bit mortified. Well it explains why no one could find Roxy's body. It gave the adult chills thinking of Eridan hoarding that body away. Then came Gamzee, he didnt recognize the name but it didnt mean much. She looked ok so he didnt worry about the other. 

Standing carefully he carried the animal to the entrance to the cave and set the knife down to clear out the inside of their next meal. Grimacing at the blood on his hand he blinked and stared at it for a moment as he realized the color matched his own. Tipping his head curiously he walked back to hear her talk about him. 

"Oh- I- Do I?" The Cancer looked up at her and caught her smile, letting one settle of his own. "Well I'm glad I dont have any 'negative vibe-age'." He copied the female and chuckled, The warm fire began to spread its generous heat through the cave and the light from it bounced off the troll's eyes. "Im just glad youre back, Roxy." 

[burningshackles-blog]

I think I got the right guy, the one who i've heard Jane talk about sometimes, if not I apologize about the try, didn't mean to waste your time. But your name, is it Kasmin? Because you've got some fame.

9H, YES, MY NAME IS KASMIN. 

Y9U KN9W JANE? IS SHE ALRIGHT? I HAVENT HEARD FR9M HER IN QUITE S9ME TIME. 

WH9 MIGHT Y9U 6E IF SHE SPEAKS A69UT ME T9 Y9U? 

[sawbro-deactivated20201023]

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Jane and Roxy? A long time. I was made originally by a good friend of their’s, my knowledge of them programmed in, I checked on Roxy to see how she fared, and would be told of Jane and how she’d been. I’ve known them for years, but not here and not how I am, I haven’t seen Roxy much I fear. How long have you known them?

[burningshackles-blog]

PR9GRAMMED?

6UT, I’VE KN9WN R9XY FR9M A FEW M9MENTS AFTER I W9KE UP HERE AND APPARENTLY BEF9RE THAT. JANE CAME IN LATER; THR9UGH R9XY.

S9 THATS P9SSI6LY A FEW WEEKS AFTER C9MING HERE.

Y9U STILL KN9W THEM FAR M9RE THAN I,M9ST LIKELY, I WILL ADMIT. THERES N9 C9NTEST.

… IM CURI9US, WHAT HAVE THEY SAID A69UT ME?

[burningshackles-blog]

I think I got the right guy, the one who i've heard Jane talk about sometimes, if not I apologize about the try, didn't mean to waste your time. But your name, is it Kasmin? Because you've got some fame.

9H, YES, MY NAME IS KASMIN. 

Y9U KN9W JANE? IS SHE ALRIGHT? I HAVENT HEARD FR9M HER IN QUITE S9ME TIME. 

WH9 MIGHT Y9U 6E IF SHE SPEAKS A69UT ME T9 Y9U? 

[sawbro-deactivated20201023]

  I think Jane’s alright. She’s a tough girl. She’s got a good fight or flight.

And i’m glad to hear you took care of them, both of them mean something to me, as i’m sure they do to you Kasmin. You seem like a nice enough person, so i’m glad they had someone like you.

[burningshackles-blog]

WELL IM FLATTERED. 

R9XY WAS MY M9IRAIL AND JANE L99KED UP T9 ME, I HAD T9 TAKE CARE 9F THEM. I WAS RAISED T9 HELP 9THERS; ITS WHAT I STAND F9R. 

IM SURE S9ME9NE LIKE Y9URSELF IS FARE M9RE CAPA6LE THAN MYSELF, H9WEVER. 

H9W L9NG HAVE Y9U KN9WN THEM?

[intoxincated]

movin' on

[intoxincated]

_ 

Following him into the cave, a quick glance around was enough to register in her mind that yup, it was a cave. Not much to see here, except the few belongings of Kasmin and anyone else who might have been staying here. Then, of course, her gaze was back on him, whom she was ultimately curious about. Surprise lined her expression when he offered still more kindness. It took her a moment to accept his generosity, but once she did, she was almost immediately burrito-wrapped into the thing, warmth soaking still further into her skin. “Thanks,” she murmured, not sure how else to respond. A few more steps into the cave, she was already unsure of what to say. Not that it mattered; Kasmin was doing enough talking to keep the silence at bay, anyway. His words were smooth caramel, calming her nerves and keeping her warm just as much as the blanket was, though in a different way. By the time he finished speaking, she had a small smile on her face. “I still feel p shitty about it though,” she said, genuine concern in her voice. “I wish I could remember. You seem like a really chill dude. Way more chill than the other dudes I’ve met, anyway.”

[burningshackles-blog]

As the troll struck the flint to light the last of the truly dry wood they had, he chuckled and smiled back at her. "Dont worry about it, I wouldnt expect you to remember me. I guess it just... works out that way." A bit of a bitter sadness laced his voice at the last few words but he shook it off, not wanting to mess anything up. 

Once the wood caught Kasmin turned around and fished a knife from his backpack. Standing and walking over to drag the fox he caught back towards the fire light he sighed and settled back in on the stone floor. 

"So who all have you spoken to since waking up?" He wanted to distract himself as he had to clean the animal he caught. He was hungry but watching everything he was about to do would surely ruin his appetite. 

The knife cut through the skin of the animal easily, at least it was fresh and didnt smell horrible. In a quick motion the mutant cut open the fox's stomach with the belly facing up so he could easily dispose of the unwanted parts outside.

[burningshackles-blog]

I think I got the right guy, the one who i've heard Jane talk about sometimes, if not I apologize about the try, didn't mean to waste your time. But your name, is it Kasmin? Because you've got some fame.

9H, YES, MY NAME IS KASMIN. 

Y9U KN9W JANE? IS SHE ALRIGHT? I HAVENT HEARD FR9M HER IN QUITE S9ME TIME. 

WH9 MIGHT Y9U 6E IF SHE SPEAKS A69UT ME T9 Y9U? 

[sawbro-deactivated20201023]

The name’s Sawtooth, be sure to tell you the truth, I haven’t heard much from Jane these days myself, but I won’t just put her on a shelf. She’s said she was with you, when that entire Maze happened, you making sure to take care of her, and with Roxy too. 

[burningshackles-blog]

THE MAZE? I- I RATHER N9T TALK A69UT THE MAZE. 

6UT THATS C9RRECT, I WAS WITH 69TH 9F THEM AT THE TIME. I T99K CARE 9F THEM AS MUCH AS I WAS A6LE T9 SAWT99TH. Y9U HAVE MY W9RD. 

D9 Y9U THINK JANE IS ALRIGHT, C9NSIDERING? ITS N9T VERY G99D WEATTHER 9UTSIDE F9R ANY9NE. 

[burningshackles-blog]

I think I got the right guy, the one who i've heard Jane talk about sometimes, if not I apologize about the try, didn't mean to waste your time. But your name, is it Kasmin? Because you've got some fame.

9H, YES, MY NAME IS KASMIN. 

Y9U KN9W JANE? IS SHE ALRIGHT? I HAVENT HEARD FR9M HER IN QUITE S9ME TIME. 

WH9 MIGHT Y9U 6E IF SHE SPEAKS A69UT ME T9 Y9U? 

[notallfairiessparkle-deactivate]

[notallfairiessparkle-deactivate]

_

Once the diamond had been formed, Mirius nodded in approval. Despite just meeting, the bronzeblood couldn’t have thought of someone who would be a more suiting moirail. Seeing Kasmin smile after all the distress and tears certainly did make one form on the...

[intoxincated]

movin' on

[intoxincated]

_

Roxy tilted her head slightly, the warmth of his cloak sinking into her skin in the most pleasant feeling she’d had all week. The shivers wracking her shoulders lessened in seconds and she seemed to be calming down, if nothing else. Something about the other’s presence was relaxing to her, despite what he was saying. At the very least, he seemed to be in his right mind. All that still didn’t stop the frown from crossing her lips when she heard him say that they had been close. Just what had she apparently been up to here? Apparently, she’d been around the block more than once. Giving a small sigh, she listened to the rest of what he had to say, nodding slightly as things sounded familiar, like things she might do.  Relief came as a tidal wave when he offered warmth and food. Somewhere in the pit of her stomach she felt pangs of guilt for what she now recognized as sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she blurted, nigh-unintentionally. “This must be really hard for you. I can go — I mean, you don’t have to be around me. It probs sucks knowin’ I don’t remember any of that…”

[burningshackles-blog]

Without thinking as he stepped inside the cave and out of the elements he snorted at her comment. "Well thats exactly what I thought, but you stayed with me anyway." Shaking the snow free from his hair he set the beast in his arms down before offering her his sleeping bag. "That'll warm you up till I get a fire." 

Kasmin was sure this is what it must have felt like when Roxy did this to him, but he also had the feeling he was being too forward. Chewing the inside of his cheek as he worried, the Vantas gathered what he needed and began to work on getting the fire started. 

"I was such a mess but you didnt care, you said we were family before, when you had come from somewhere else before this. I didnt get it at the time but it still makes sense why we would have been-- or were, I guess, family." Swallowing thickly he shook his head again, lightly and more to himself. 

"It doesnt even matter, youre your own person and no one can force you to remake a relationship with them. You can pull your own strings and handle yourself, dont let other people chain you down." As the words passed his lips a sharp pain in his stomach shot through him as he said a line from one of his old sermons as easily as stating 'its cold outside'. 

[intoxincated]

movin' on

[intoxincated]

_

The sound of her name almost made her flinch, especially when combined with the sound of yet another unfamiliar voice. When she looked to him her expression was nothing if not fearful, terrified that she might find yet another crazed ex-lover or something of the sort. Swallowing hard, she shrunk in on herself slightly. Her first steps toward him were shaky and unsure, but the friendliness and caring in his voice calmed her nerves slightly. Her hand stretched out unsteadily to take the offered cloak. As afraid as she was of who this strange troll might turn out to be, she was in no position to turn down any semblance of warmth. “Thanks…” she murmured, wrapping the cloak around herself. Again her hand moved forward, this time to meet his in what was probably the most awkward handshake she’d ever partaken in. Thankfully it was over quickly and her hands were back at her sides. “I’m freezing,” she admitted with a nod, a shudder accentuating her point. “My name’s Roxy, by the way. …Guess you knew that though, huh?” A little snort of almost-bitter laughter escaped her. “Seems like everyone knows who I am, but I don’t know any of them. Speakin’ of which… What’s your name?”  That Kasmin was about to cry didn’t really occur to her; his breathing and stuttering were attributed to the cold, and she took his smile to heart, returning it with one of her own. 

[burningshackles-blog]

The fabric was still warm from his body and did enough to keep the deepest chill off her. When Kasmin had held out his hand he wasnt expecting a handshake, but not one to force anything on anyone he took it and gently rubbed the cloth covering his writs. 

Lost in his thoughts for a brief second he almost missed what he said before taking a step towards his cave, still looking over his shoulder to her. "Yeah, I know. You were popular around here, almost everyones friend." Giving a small shrug before bending down to pick up his kill. "Not afraid to make friends." 

A shudder went through him as this seemed too close to when the tables were turned all those months ago and he was the lost one, the one confused and scared. "My names Kasmin, y-you dont remember me but we were close..."

Throat tightening, the mutant had to clear his throat before continuing on. "Before you went missing, you and I were moirails. You were the first to find me when I woke up and told me about your past experience with me." He shook his head and held the fox in his arm, its fur soft against his chest, "You had helped me figure out was going on and filled me in... We had been moirails before my reincarnation and were moirails again." 

Kasmin looked up and saw the opening to his cave, letting out a sigh of relief at the thought of home and fire he looked back to Roxy, making sure she was keeping up physically and with his words. "Sorry if this is a lot. Lets just get you warm and fed." 

[intoxincated]

movin' on

What a fucking week. Trolls everywhere seemed to know her, and the one human she had run into was a stranger. The promise of Dirk and Jane still hung in front of her like a carrot on a stick, but even that was getting dim. She hadn’t had the chance to talk to either of them yet, and she wondered if she ever would. Now was as good a time as any, she figured, but first she had to find a safe space out of the open. Maybe even somewhere warm. Wanderlust had long since worn off and lately, walking was more of a chore than an adventure. Especially with snow painting the entire landscape all the same. A deep breath escaped her, visible in the chill of the air around her, and she started heading in the direction she thought was the forest she’d been in not that long ago. By the time it had been five minutes, blotchy red colored her nose and cheeks, a testament to the frigidity of the air and her recent lack of shelter. Her breath was coming shallowly, but still she pressed on, squinting into the horizon in the hopes of a treeline appearing over the edge sometime in the near future. “Fuckin’ cold…” she murmured, a harsh shiver overtaking her.

[burningshackles-blog]

Signless left his cave to go out hunting after a while of healing. Too long in his opinion. After being treated by Iibron and Miruis, Kasmin was more than ready to act on his own. Now with Miruis working as his moirail the emotional pain in his chest was far less than it had been the last few months. 

Walking through the snow, his cloak gently catching the wind as he stalked through the icy, open area, his eyes caught movement. Freezing and trying to catch it once again he was nearly ecstatic to see a white fox doing just the same as him; hunting. 

Stalking the creature as silently as he could he was happy for the sound of snow falling all around them to cover the sound of the trolls footsteps. Making sure to keep down wind he crouched as the beast began to dig into the snow for sleeping prey. Kasmin hated killing anything but he knew without food they would only go back in health. A little clumsy on his feet he merely pinned the animal down and applied enough pressure to snap its neck. 

Standing and shivering he picked up the kill and hefted it over his shoulder, only to turn and hear an all too familiar voice all too soon. Walking towards him was his departed ex-moirail. 

"R-roxy...?" Breath clouding in front of him his stomach clenched painfully before the Vantas forced himself to walk forward. Once the first few steps were taken he was almost rushing towards the other. Unclasping his cloak at the shoulder he took it off without hesitation and held it out to the human. 

"You m-must be cold, I have a fire back in my cave i-if you want." Slow down, Kasmin, slow down. Taking a deep breath he held back tears and offered his hand to her. A friendly half smile was all he could muster, anything more would cause a mental breakdown.