Today’s post is dedicated to small children. Because, when they’re not screaming, they say some of the best things and honestly just make my day.
1. A little girl and her father came through my line. He was buying fresh sushi, and asked her if she was sure she didn’t want any of her own. The girl gasped, horror-struck.
Girl: “Sushi is made out of GOLDFISH, daddy!”
Man: “No it’s not, honey, I swear. It’s made out of fish from the sea. Your goldfish came from a pet store.”
Girl: “Fish from the sea…. LIKE NEMO AND DORY?!?!?!?”
Man: “No, honey, I swear, not Nemo and Dory–”
The little girl then looked up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes, and whispered: “My daddy is a monster.”
(I had to cough to cover my laughter).
2. A woman was pushing three little boys around in the main basket of her cart. An older gentlemen asked the boys humorously, “So what aisle did she find you fellows in?”
One little boy bellowed back, “THE PREGNANT AISLE!”
3. Every now and then a little kid comes through clutching a toy that their parents are buying them and are so excited about it that they don’t want to let it go for even a minute for you to scan it. And as soon as you do scan it, they want it back in their hands again, bag be damned. And I completely understand—I remember being the same way as a child.
But I really wasn’t expecting the same response with a little girl and a bottle of toothpaste. As soon as it was scanned, she victoriously snatched it back up and clutched it close to her chest, caressing the box lightly with her fingertips.
Her mother just smiled fondly. “It’s her favorite brand.”
4. As I was ringing up a family’s groceries, one little girl complained to her mother about being “hungry enough to eat pig.”
Her mother responded, “Honey, I think you mean pork.”
The little girl muttered cryptically, “Not if you eat the whole animal.”
5. “Potatoes are my favorite vegetable!” one little boy exclaimed as I rung up his father’s bag of potatoes.
I could already tell by the light in the father’s eyes that he saw this as a Teachable Moment ™, which was confirmed when he said, “No son, potatoes are actually tubers.”
The boy screamed, “SO WE’VE BEEN EATING CANCER??!?!?!?!?!”
I smiled for the rest of my shift.
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