AI worries me more and more everday, but i fear any of my alfie buttle based mutuals and followers need to see this video of nobody has yet..
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@buttlesbaby
AI worries me more and more everday, but i fear any of my alfie buttle based mutuals and followers need to see this video of nobody has yet..
TikTok - Make Your Day
we got mr giggleshits over here …
"reblog if mutuals can dm you!" my mutuals could kidnap me and i'd be like yay! yayayay yippee woo yeah!!
name change y’all, i am still me but i fancied a name change as i hated my other one!
i love how everyone’s collectively up thinking about alfie’s “soft launch” insta and snap story, like im loving talking to my tumblr girls about this..
anyone voting reform may 7th? lmk so i can block u xx
well i wasn’t aware that this was an option. his eyes look so beautiful and green in the first part holyyyy.
i’ve has this tumblr account for a little while now, and ive been debating writing for alfie, but i’m not sure yet, but if you’d definitely read them and if everyone thinks it’s a good idea then please give me some post ideas, as i’ll try my best🫶🏼
- amelie xo
YOU’RE DOING GOOD ── a.buttle ౨ৎ ⋆。˚
summary: alfie is always there to comfort you on the days you don’t feel the best
content: dad!ab , established relationship , angst with comfort , bodily insecurities after giving birth , feelings of insecurity within being a mother
notes: i know i said my next post would be a forced proximity chapter but … i lowkey started this and a dddne smut tonight because i couldn’t focus on just one thing so … FP chapter tomorrow instead? ☺️
IT TOOK ALFIE a lot of convincing to manage to drag you out of the house with your makeup and hair done all nice and elegant.
The first eight weeks of motherhood had been an absolute whirlwind of emotions. You felt like an entirely different person, and in all fairness you probably were. You were learning new things every day, and with that, came a lot of emotional responsibility and exhaustion. You passed out basically every night, with no time to pillow talk with your boyfriend, only to be woken up three hours later to your baby’s loud screeching cries.
Alfie had been an absolute godsend during these moments, because he was up before you could even blink back the bleariness in your eyes, tending to your daughter.
“I know, I know, life is so hard as a baby.” He spoke sarcastically to the newborn, cradling her in his arms.
At seven months, you’d moved out of his one bedroom London apartment and to one in the same building as Liv and Isaac. It was more homely and had numerous bedrooms that were perfect to use. One of the rooms became a nursery, and the other was a storage holder, an absolute mess and explosion of PR packages and YoungLA boxes.
Though the move was much needed and very convenient (especially since Arabella had been born) it really began to highlight how every little thing in your life had changed. Alfie’s trip to the Fellas Studio was different. The casual walks that Arabella now tagged along in in her little pushchair was different. The local shop you went to in the middle of the night when you needed something was different.
But it was all worth it when you looked down at the little bundle of joy in your arms.
Speaking of the little one, she was currently laid on her back on your large bed while Alfie tickled her sides and blew on her stomach, causing loud cackles to ring through the apartment.
You were sitting at your vanity, applying your first full face in over two months. You hadn’t forgotten how, but you were certainly taking your time with it.
You’d pumped a whole lot of milk earlier, hoping that it would be enough to last over the night.
Oh, yeah.
Chip and Sabina had invited you, Arabella and Alfie out for the night at a decent restaurant with a couple other friends. You were quick to turn them down, not quite ready to show your face yet, but your boyfriend had convinced you.
“Nearly done, girl?” Alfie asked, holding Arabella up close to you before putting on a high-pitched voice, “Mummy hurry up!”
She whined and fidgeted uncomfortably as the volume hit her ears.
“Alfie!” You scolded gently, “That’s no good on her ears.”
“Sorry.” He mumbled, holding the baby closer to his chest, “Sorry munchkin.”
You sighed, standing up and looking at yourself in the mirror.
Your body didn’t look or feel the same anymore, something that left you feeling more self conscious than ever.
Every curve looked different, thicker. Your features were softer in a way that weighed on your heart a little. Your top seemed too tight, though it would’ve fit you perfectly this time last year, and your jeans clung a little too tightly around your thighs and bum.
“Hey.” Alfie muttered, arms slithering around your waist and lips finding your neck, “You look beautiful.”
“Yeah, but I don’t feel it.” You muttered, running your hands over your stomach.
“Oi, none of that.” He frowned, pulling your hands away and interlocking your fingers with his, “You carried a whole baby inside of you. Our baby. You’re allowed to not look the same.”
“I don’t wanna go.” You exhaled heavily, resting your head back on his shoulder.
“Too bad, sexy.” He slapped your thigh playfully, “You look fucking gorgeous, and I wanna show you off to everyone tonight.”
“You’re only saying that because you’re obligated to.” You mumbled, meeting his eyes through the mirror.
He shrugged, “Obligated or not, I’ll say proudly that I think you’re the most beautiful, sexy woman on this planet. Plus, I’m your boyfriend, so you kinda have to listen to me.”
You scoffed out laughter at his words, digging your elbow back into his ribs, making him exclaim loudly.
Before you left, you caught another glimpse of yourself in the mirror, but Alfie snatched you up by the wrist, dragging you away before you could let any more self-critical thoughts loom over you.
Everyone was fairly excited to see you when you walked up to the reserved table with a pushchair in front of you.
“Reader!” Sabina’s face lit up, as she stood to hug you, “How are you?”
“I’m okay. Tired all the time, but okay.”
“Alright, bro?” Chip dapped Alfie up with a little shoulder hug as you made your way round the table to greet Arthur, Flo, Bach and Liv before taking your seat at the very end next to Sabina, so you had room for Arabella’s pushchair.
All the boys were sat opposite the girls, so Alfie took a seat opposite you and next to Chip.
“Readerrrrr,” Liv sang out before handing you a bottle of your favourite wine, “Ordered this for the table.”
You faltered, “I don’t know if I can.”
“Why?”
“I’m breastfeeding.”
“No, we searched it up before ordering. We did it with you in mind. You can have two glasses and then wait until tomorrow to feed again.”
You nearly got emotionally at the thought of them all taking you into such consideration.
“Thanks.” You took the bottle, pouring yourself a glass.
As the meal went on, the topic of conversation began to drift slowly away from you, and more so towards Arabella.
“Is she asleep?” Arthur asked.
You peered into the pushchair and shook your head, “No, she’s awake.”
“Can I hold her?”
“Yeah, sure.” You nodded.
Arthur made his way over, carefully lifting Arabella out of her comfort zone and into his arms.
“Hi, Bella. How are you?” He cooed.
She grinned at the sight of him, her gummy smile on show.
“Oh, you are so precious. Aren’t you?”
She giggled, dramatically throwing her head back.
You moved on instinct, but Arthur caught her quicker.
“What’s that for? So silly.” He tutted playfully, tickling her cheek.
She began getting a little restless and whiney after a while, wriggling in his arms.
“It’s not you. She’s just proper hyperactive.” You swallowed some garlic bread, taking her off of him.
She was supposed to relax in your arms, but she didn’t.
She whined even louder, quickly descending into high-pitched cries.
“What’s wrong, baby?” You frowned, patting her back as she wailed down your ear.
“Has she done a poo?” Alfie asked, scooting his chair around the table to be closer to you.
You shook your head.
“Bells.” Alfie whispered, stroking her back and holding up the little half-blanket, half-teddy that was in her pushchair, “Look.”
That did absolutely nothing to help.
In fact, it might’ve just made it all the lot worse.
“Bella, can you stop crying?” You cooed, kissing her cheek as you began to notice the mix of glares you were getting from other tables.
Some people looked annoyed, some looked disturbed, some looked downright disgusted.
You were incredibly grateful for all your friends around you.
They were all calling her name, trying to distract her with little words and phrases.
“Is she hungry?” Flo asked, and Alfie was already pulling out her milk bottle from the little bag slung over the handles of her push chair.
You took it from him, offering the squishy end to your baby with a gentle coo.
She screeched loudly, turning away from it and swatting a hand out, sending the bottle flying across the table and spilling all over the cloth, your food, the floor, and your jeans.
“Arabella!” You snapped, standing swiftly as the milk hit your jeans.
“Oh, fuck.” Alfie muttered, as everyone scavenged around for napkins to dry it up.
Your harsh tone only made her cries louder, attracting even more unwanted attention.
“I’m taking her outside.” You muttered, choosing to remove yourself from the situation.
The cold air was bitter on your cheeks from the moment you stepped into it, and it most certainly wasn’t doing you any favours in trying to calm Arabella down, but you were at a loss here.
You didn’t know whether or not to just call it a night and go home, because no matter what you did, she wouldn’t stop crying.
It was beginning to affect you too.
“Bella, please stop.” You croaked, sniffling as you bounced her in your arms, “Please?”
She didn’t.
Alfie joined you outside with the pushchair and that’s when you started sobbing.
“Hey, hey.” He sighed, placing his hands on your shoulders, “Don’t cry. Reader, it’s alright.”
“It’s not, Alf.” You hiccuped, “She won’t stop and I don’t know what to do and everyone in there was giving me horrible looks.”
“Who was?” He frowned, protectiveness rolling off of his suddenly rigid body.
“Everyone!” You cried, your emotion only making Arabella’s worse.
“Alright, alright.” He took Bella from your arms, holding her to his chest and laying a soothing hand over her back while pressing kisses to the top of her head, “Calm yourself down, it’s okay.”
You leaned against the wall outside, the length of your thumb pressing beneath your eyes and trying to soak up your salty tears before they fell.
The feeling of being a failing mother weighed on your mind constantly, and to see all those strangers glaring at you in such a horrible way because you couldn’t console your daughter had done nothing but confirm your worst fears.
Especially as her tears stopped after a couple of minutes in Alfie’s arms.
He settled her down into the pushchair, as she’d weared herself out from all her wailing.
“I feel like a failure.” You whispered, voice broken and small.
“No, no you’re not.” Alfie shook his head firmly, cupping your face and wiping your tears. “You can’t fail at something you’ve only been doing for two months — okay, you can, but not when it’s something like this. Being a parent takes time and a lot of learning and adapting. You’re not gonna get it right away, and neither am I. Lord knows I fuck up on a day to day basis.”
“Yeah, but you can calm her down. Why can’t I? I’m her mummy. She was inside of me for nine months, why doesn’t she feel calm around me?”
“You can’t look at it like that, angel.” He sighed, continuing to caress your face with his thumbs, “She does feel calm around you. Look at how she was giggling at home earlier. She wouldn’t act like that if she didn’t feel calm.”
You shrugged, having no actual response to his words.
“See.” He smiled, kissing your forehead, “I already paid our half of the bill, told everyone we’d leave. Let’s get going, yeah?”
Alfie pushed the pushchair on the way home, letting you walk without having to be worried about steering or jostling the baby too much. He also carried it up the stairs, which was his designated job anyway, but it still helped to see him so dedicated.
Back inside your apartment, you were quick to get into your pyjamas, while Alfie got Arabella into hers before handing her to you briefly so he could get down to his boxers.
You sighed as you sat up in bed, the newborn resting on your chest with her fingers in her mouth, finally quieted down to nothing but a few warbles and coos every few minutes. You dragged your hand lightly over her hair, smoothing out the soft whisps.
“Let’s get her to bed, then.” Alfie lifted her out of your arms, letting her rest against his bare chest.
He began to pace your room leisurely, the motion gradually lulling Arabella into a deep sleep.
He smiled triumphantly when he’d looked down to see her eyes shut and lips parted softly.
“I feel like superman whenever I get her to sleep. Nightmare.” He commented, making you chuckle softly and slide down so you were properly reclined in bed with the covers up to your chin.
Alfie disappeared briefly to lay Arabella down in her cot in the neighbouring room, before returning, setting up the baby monitor on the bedside table on his side of the bed, meaning he should theoretically be disturbed in his slumber first.
He shut all the lights off before crawling into bed behind you, arms wrapping around your waist as he pressed a number of kisses to the back of your head.
“You’re doing good, darlin’. Promise.” He hummed sincerely.
You moved, turning over to face him, “Promise me you’re not just saying that because you have to?”
He tutted, swooping down and stealing your lips into the softest kiss you’d felt in a while. It might not have been aggressive and hungry, but you could still feel the passion and love he poured into it.
When he pulled away, he brushed his nose against yours, “I promise, angel.”
You pushed yourself further into his chest, cheek resting against his skin and legs around his waist.
And in his hold, you drifted off, body slumping against his as all the stresses and downsides of the day were brushed off as ‘just another bad day’.
He continued to press gentle kisses to your hairline even when he knew you were asleep, simply because it was habit.
Caring for you was a habit.
And it was one he never wanted to lose.
AYY THIS IS PERFFF. i love this SO much
im begging all my alfie buttle writers out there to create more posts about dad!AB, especially fresh dad AB with a freshly newborn baby like aw,
dare i say… baby daddy ex AB also?
MY BOYFRIEND, THE BARTENDER ── a.buttle ౨ৎ ⋆。˚
summary: you were invited along for the fellas restaurant vid, so you brought yours and alfie’s daughter along too.
content: established relationship , dad!ab , sexual innuendos , swearing
notes: finally bringing this to you all xx
YOU WERE SHOCKED at the production value of the Fellas Restaurant video. Though your boyfriend had been a member of the Fellas Family for a good few months now, it still felt unreal to see the amount of energy, time and expenses that were put into one video.
You and Sabina turned up to the shoot together, little 14-month-old Arabella sat on your hip, toying with your hair.
“Oh, there’s a little rocket out there!” Chip commented at the sight of his fiancee. “And little Arab! Hi!”
“Stop calling her that.” Alfie scoffed, “Bella is fine. Always gotta be complicated.”
“Josh, can we get special treatment?” Sabina asked.
“No, fuck off. You lot are stressing me out already.”
“No swearing around the baby!” She gasped, covering Arabella’s ears, making the baby giggle.
“Her dad’s AB, she’ll be fine.”
“Dada!” Arabella exclaimed.
“I’m here, girl, what d’you want?” Alfie poked his head out from the kitchen, “Gotta detach from daddy today, he’s on bar duty. Putting in a shift.”
“Well, yeah, Alf, you’re at work.” You sassed.
He waved you off, taking Arabella and tickling her sides.
She screeched loudly, giggling and writhing in his arms.
“None of that.” Cal said, “Immediately cut that shit out now.”
“Talk to my kid like that again.” Alfie snapped playfully. “She doesn’t even cry in public. She’s well-behaved.”
“Stan! See these rockets to their table!” Chip snapped his fingers.
The younger boy came rushing over, already sweating and began guiding you to your seats.
“Hi Bella.” Stan waved, making her grin at him, smacking a hand at him as a way to say hello.
You and Sabina sat down, and Flo and Liv arrived a few minutes later.
“Oh my God!” Liv exclaimed at the sight of the baby.
“You brought her with you?!” Flo gasped.
“Yeah, no point driving all the way up north to drop her off and then come back. Might as well just bring her to the shoot.” You said, having her perched on your lap.
“Hey Bella!” Flo cooed, “Can I hold?”
“Of course, yeah, yeah.” You held her out, allowing yourself some time for your arms to rest.
“What drinks have they got?” Liv asked.
“Alcohol or diet coke.”
“Is that it?” She barked out laughter.
“Yeah, you can probably ask for non-alcoholic, but Alfie’s behind the bar, so do with that what you will.”
“Oh, God, we’re not getting non-alcoholic drinks no matter what we order.” Flo groaned.
“Reader, did you bring Arabella?” Reev piped up from a few tables away.
“Yeah.”
“Can I say hello?”
“Yeah, ‘course!”
He came over, bending slightly at the knee to get face-to-face with the baby that was still in Flo’s arms.
“Hi!”
Arabella grinned, her chubby fingers reaching out and squeezing Reev’s chin.
“Thank you very much!” He laughed, making her giggle loudly. “Wait ‘til Theo comes back.”
“Where’s he gone?” Flo asked.
“Blank Street down the road.”
“He’s gone to Blank Street?!” All four of you exclaimed at the same time.
“‘Ank See!” Arabella tried to copy what you’d all said.
“Yes, Bella. How rude of Grandpa Theo to not offer to get us a Blank Street.” Sabina nodded, pouting dramatically at the baby.
“See you in a bit, Bella.” Reev waved before returning to his table.
—
You had ordered and received your drinks in the same amount of time that it took for Reev and Theo to get their food, making all of you girls start complaining.
“Here’s another drink from Alfie.” Stan rushed out, putting the glass down in front of you, “He said it’s meant to fizz like that.” And then he was off to serve another table.
“Alf!” You shouted out, shaking your head at his inappropriate joke.
“It’s lemonade, chill out, darlin’.” He winked at you.
“I wanted alcoholic.” You pouted.
“Oh, fucking hell, then.” He huffed, starting to make you another one from scratch. “D’you want spit in it?”
“As long as it’s yours.”
“Say nuttin’ darlin’.” He smirked whilst using his strange, deep voice, pretending to spit into the glass.
Arabella reached her hand out for the glass, but you were too focused on having a conversation with Alfie across the room.
“No!” Liv exclaimed, taking the glass and quickly moving it to her side of the table.
“Oh, shit, thanks, Liv.” You laughed.
Arabella’s bottom lip began to wobble, tears welling in her large round eyes that she most definitely inherited from you.
“Oh, no, I wasn’t shouting at you, babe.” Liv gasped, feeling awful.
She began crying lightly, not loud wails, but large globs of tears were streaking down her face.
“I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”
“It’s okay.” You shook your head, “She’s just like me, she cries when anyone raises her voice in her direction.”
You shifted the baby’s body so that she was turned into you, face buried in your chest which was muffling her sniffles and coughs.
Alfie came over, leaving the freshly made drink in front of you, “Why’s she bawling?”
“Liv shouted out about her nearly dropping a drink off the table but Bella thought she was shouting at her.” You explained.
“I feel so bad.” Liv frowned.
Alfie grunted as he picked his daughter up, patting her back, “Quit the tears, darlin’. No need.”
“Dada.” She whined, clutching onto his shirt tightly, finding comfort in his large arms.
He bounced her lightly, kissing her cheek and swiping her tears away with the pad of his thumb. She calmed down a lot quicker in his arms than she did in yours, which was probably because he was incredibly nonchalant with her, getting her to stop crying and telling her that it didn’t matter because he was here now.
“Can we just say, we’ve been here 20 minutes and haven’t gotten any food.” Sabina said, “Reev and Theo have had all of their courses already.”
“They haven’t had dessert.” Alfie quipped.
“AB!” Chip shouted from the kitchen, “People want drinks!”
Arabella’s head also perked up, craning to see who had called her name.
“Shut up! I’m dad-ing right now!” Alfie snapped.
“That’s not part of your job description!”
“Aw, nah, he’s pissing me off.” Alfie grumbled for the bit as the camera was pointed at him, putting Arabella back in your arms once she’d calmed down, “In a bit, girls.”
“Wait, does she respond to AB too?!” Liv laughed.
“Yeah.” You chuckled, letting the baby gnaw at your finger, “Try it.”
“AB.” Liv cooed, “It sounds so weird saying it in a baby voice.”
Weird or not, Arabella lifted her head, blinking at Liv as if expecting a follow up question or an offer of food.
“Does he call her AB at home?” Flo questioned, and you nodded.
“He thinks it’s cool because he’s got, like, a successor, or whatever. She quite likes it too, it makes her giggle.” You replied, stroking under your baby’s chin.
—
Once the food had arrived, you were already starving, but it was surprisingly good. You weren’t expecting such a good turn out in the taste.
Except for the burger.
That was god awful.
You and Flo mutually agreed that it was way too onion-y.
You spat it out into a napkin, handing it to Stan.
“Give that to Alfie and tell him that him and his boys need to sort their shit out. That’s got way too much onion in it.”
“What? Er!” Stan exclaimed at the barely chewed beef and bun mixture in his hands.
He rushed to the bar, putting the napkin in Alfie’s hands.
“From your girlfriend. She said you lot need to sort your shit out ‘coz it’s too onion-y.”
Alfie frowned, scrunching his face up at your words and putting the food in his mouth.
“Has he just put that back in his mouth?” Theo gaped in disgust, his eyes flickering from Alfie to you.
“They have had a whole kid together.” Reev pointed out.
“Oh yeah.”
“It’s fine, Reader, what you whinging for?!” Alfie scoffed.
“It’s awful! The pizza’s good though.” You shrugged, feeding Arabella little spoons of guacamole.
It had smudged down her chin, and Sabina was very happily on the clean-up job, a scrunched up napkin in her hands to get rid of the muck when it built up too much.
—
Somehow, Theo, Reev and Charlie had come to join you and the girls, seven of you squeezed around one circular table with a camera man hovering nearby considering you, as a group, were providing the most content.
Liv had sat on the floor, cross legged, with Flo opposite her and Arabella in between. She was waddling between them, occasionally tripping onto her hands and knees.
“Whoopsies!” Flo would coo instead of causing a fuss.
“Why’s my yute crawling around on the floor?” Alfie commented, peering over the bar and watching from afar. “Hope she’s not putting those hands in her mouth after touching that grubby floor.”
“Why are you actually being such a ‘dad’ right now?” Chip chuckled, sipping the drink he’d had made for him.
“‘Coz I am now, bro. You’ll get it one day, unc.”
“I should’ve got it before you!” He argued, “Fuckin’ youth of today, popping out babies like this.”
“Chill.” Alfie reeled his arm back, pretending that he was going to punch his friend, “We’re responsible.”
“Clearly. Your mrs is on the bevs while your little one is scrounging for scraps on the floor.”
“One, Reader’s had two drinks. Two, Bells is not scrounging for scraps, she’s not even on food like that—“
“No way she’s got your food palette!" Chip cackled.
“She doesn’t. It’s just weaning her into solid foods is hard. You’ve gotta force ‘em to like it. It’s bare jarring actually, ‘coz she’ll just cry until she gets a slice of pear. It’s like, ‘nooo girl you’ve gotta have some, fuckin’’ … I dunno, whatever type of shit she doesn’t like.”
Chip was leaning against the bar, laughing hard as if he didn’t have two orders of pizzas that were waiting to be made.
“Bella.” Theo cooed, stroking the top of her head.
The baby’s head nudged upwards, looking at Theo with curiosity.
“Hi! You want food?” He hummed, holding the bowl of mashed avocado, “Nom nom?”
She nodded, opening her mouth.
He put the little spoon in her mouth, taking some of the food before wobbling off towards Liv.
“No, she’s so cute.” Theo gasped at you, making you laugh at the sheer joy on his face.
“Oh, shit! Got Grandpa Theo feeding Arab!” Chip exclaimed.
“Bro, seriously. What is with that nickname?” Alfie scoffed.
“Her name’s Arabella. Arab for short. It’s quirky. Niche.”
Alfie turned to the camera, “Bro learnt the word niche last night and won’t stop dropping it. Buzzword final boss.”
“You call her AB, you really can’t talk.”
—
“Your boyfriend is very aggressive.” Charlie commented as he walked by your table, “I asked for a smash burger and he’s actually just punched the entire thing!”
“It’s smashed, no?” You tilted your head.
Charlie looked to the camera with a ‘seriously?’ look.
“I’ll talk to him if you really want.”
“Please. I’m feeling quite— quite, unwelcome here.”
“Take that up with the chefs not me.” You shrugged.
“Alfie?” You called for him when he was at his busiest.
“Not right now, girl!” He responded, pouring two drinks at once.
“Alf!”
“Shut up, Reader! Fucking hell, I’m busy!” He snapped jokingly, throwing a dramatic hand into the air. “Honestly, I’m gonna spit in your food.”
“In my mouth first.” You snorted.
“Shut up, man!”
“AB!” Flo gasped out, adding to the banter.
“Mama shut!” Arabella repeated.
“Oh my God!” Sabina burst out laughing.
“No!” Alfie cursed, rushing over, “No, Bells, we don’t tell mummy to shut up. It’s not nice.”
“Dada shut.”
“Yes, good.” Liv nodded encouragingly, making you laugh.
“None of that.” Alfie frowned, nose scrunched up.
Arabella copied his expression, wobbling her head at the same time.
—
“Are you making the editors blur out her face?” Theo asked you after multiple rounds of peekaboo with Arabella.
“Yeah.” You nodded, “She’ll be in it but not her face. Well, they fucking better.”
Cal dropped by, “What’s this?”
“Saying how your editors better blur Bella’s face out.”
“Oh, nah nah they will.” Cal nodded adamantly, “How’s the food?”
“Did you make the burger?” You mocked him.
He panned to the camera with a bored look and then back to you, “Yeah, I did actually.”
“It was awful.”
“Okay, well you’re the only person who’s said that so you can fuck off.”
You laughed.
“Also, make another ‘burger’ or ‘stinker’ joke and I’ll rip your fellas ballsack off, cook it and serve it to you. No more kids.”
“Doing us a favour.” You shrugged, “Just means he doesn’t have to pull out anymore.”
“I can’t deal with you two. Seriously.” Cal pinched his nosebridge.
“Who’s pulling out?” Alfie asked loudly from the bar.
“Not you anymore, apparently. Cal’s gonna rip your nuts off.” You answered.
“He’s fucking not ‘coz I’ll dip ‘em in his fucking woke horse radish sauce and he can sued for having bollock sweat in his food. Gimp.”
“Why are you both ganging up on me?!— Nah, y’know what? Fuck the both of you.” Cal huffed, making his way back to the kitchen.
“Alf, are your balls actually sweating?” You frowned, just now catching onto what he’d said.
“Eurghhh!” Liv groaned.
“Balls, gooch, everything, girl!” He shouted, “Do you have any idea how stressful this is?!”
“Do you want relief?” You tilted your head.
The way his face lit up was amusing in itself, but his next words were even more so, “If you’re offering up bathroom slops, I’ll actually take you up on it.”
“No, that’s dirty.” You screwed your face up.
He looked gobsmacked, “You wanna talk about dirty!?”
“Shush! We’re in public!”
—
You, Sabina, Flo and Liv had ventured over to the kitchen to watch to food making process, as you were completely unconvinced that Cal and Chip were actually the ones cooking.
“Alright, Arab? Come ‘ere often?” Chip jokingly struck up a conversation with Arabella while she was on your hip.
She blinked at him, expression empty and confused, making you and the girls chuckle.
“Josh, you look really good in a chef’s hat.”
“Chill out, don’t even know you, girl.”
Sabina’s jaw dropped as her fiance jokingly dismissed her.
“I get this so much from the girls. Allllll the time.”
“Chip, you’re lucky you even pulled Sabina.” You chuckled.
Chip covered his face as he laughed and nodded, “It’s true, it’s true.”
“Ip!” Arabella practically barked, “Ip! Ip!”
“Is she trying to say Chip?!” Chip gasped, making Cal come over.
“There’s a ‘ch’ sound, honey.” Sabina explained gently, “Chip.”
“Ip!”
“Good enough.” Chip shrugged.
“Uncle Ip.” Alfie poked fun.
“Dada.” Arabella cooed.
“What? You want a bev? Horse tranquilliser?” He joked.
“Oi, Reader, will she eat cheese?” Cal asked, holding up a square of that burger-specific cheese.
“She’ll eat anything. Unlike daddy, isn’t that right, Bella?” You cooed, stroking her cheek.
“Why am I being slandered in my dad’s restaurant?” Alfie scoffed.
“She would eat it but she shouldn’t.” You finally answered Cal.
“Oh, alright.” He slapped the slice back down on the counter. “Nevermind then. Picky fucking baby. Just like your dad.”
“Bro!” Alfie laughed, sharp canines on show.
—
Desserts had come around, and it turned out it was just ice cream with a variety of different toppings. Rare ones too, like … jalapeños and wotsits and melted cheese.
“That’s disgusting.” Theo grimaced, looking at the wotsit dust on his vanilla ice cream. “Arabella, come eat this.”
Arabella, ever the innocent and curious one, crawled out of Reev’s lap and towards Theo.
“Theo, don’t.” Liv sighed disappointedly.
“It’s just ice cream, promise.” He held his hands up, “Also with the wotsits its actually nice.”
“You’re lying.” You scoffed, “If you like that, you’re honestly disgusting.”
“Shush. Bella, come eat this from Uncle Theo.” He whispered.
“Grandpa Theo.” You corrected.
He looked up at you, half-disturbed, half-upset.
Chip had dropped off a few more ice-cream servings at the table, a lot of them consisting of more whipped cream than ice-cream, and an array of awful additives.
You groaned in disgust at the hot honey drizzle on your ice cream.
“I’m stealing your child.” Chip said, picking Arabella up and whisking her away to the kitchen.
You just watched, hands thrown up before slapping them back down on your thighs in defeat.
Arabella’s loud cackles and screeching giggles echoed through the room.
“Why’ve you kidnapped a customer's child?!” Cal gaped as Chip came into the kitchen holding her.
“Got a new chef, lads.”
“You wanna make ice-cream?” Cal asked her gently, handing her the scoop. “Can she sit on the counter? Is that a health and safety thing?”
“Where the fuck is AB? He should fucking know.” Chip poked his head out the kitchen entry way, “AB!”
“Ip?” Arabella tilted her head.
“Not you, Arab. Your useless father.” Chip booped her nose before shouting again, “AB!”
“I’m fucking coming! Jesus!” Alfie huffed, leaving your table and coming back, “Why is Bells here?”
“Dada.” Arabella grinned, holding up the ice cream scoop and accidentally bonking it off of her head.
Cal turned away, his hand cupping his mouth as he tried not to laugh.
“Ouch.” Chip winced.
“You okay, Bells?” Alfie rubbed her head where she’d hit herself.
She looked up at him with wide, wet eyes.
“No crying, you’re okay. See, look at daddy and Uncle Chip.” Alfie took the scoop and hit Chip lightly on the head with it, “Bonk!”
Chip, always the one that needed to make her laugh, dramatically fell to the floor cupping his head.
Arabella cackled loudly at the act.
They got back to work in preparing the desserts (if they could even be called that). Arabella held the scoop at the end, thinking she was doing all the work, when in reality, Alfie was doing it all.
“Good girl!” Chip high-fived her. “What do you want on your ice-cream?”
“No, she can’t have anything else. Just ice-cream. Otherwise it’s too sweet.” Alfie said.
“Life must be so boring as a baby.” Cal sighed, “Just plain ice cream and guacamole? Nightmare.”
Theo appeared then.
“How’s the dess—“
“Which one of you thought it would be a good idea to give the girls cream pies?”
The boys burst out laughing at the way Theo had explained the randomised desserts, and Arabella cluelessly joined in.
“I did. How do you think I wound up with a little yute?” Alfie jabbed his finger down to point at his daughter, but ended up accidentally prodding her in the head harshly.
He dropped the scoop the moment she started wailing loudly, picking her up, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, darlin’, I didn’t mean to.”
“Abusing your kids now?” Chip tutted.
You wandered over, “Why can I hear her crying from the table?”
“AB poked her on accident.” Cal sighed.
“… So?”
“No, like, really hard.”
“Alfie!” You exclaimed.
“It was an accident!” He defended himself.
“He’s getting a bollocking.” Chip laughed.
—
By the end of the shoot, you’d unfolded Arabella’s push chair and sat her in it, gently rocking it back and forth as she dozed off. She had a habit of falling asleep gripping something, so Flo had crouched down beside the push chair and offered the baby her finger.
Even now, fast asleep, she was still gripping it.
“Oh, my baby’s asleep. Siiiick. Gonna be a nightmare waking her up for the taxi ride back.” Alfie groaned, scratching the back of his head as the three ‘chefs’ walked over.
“Rate our food and service.” Cal demanded.
“2.” Liv said bluntly.
“Out of 10?” You asked, “4-5.”
“Both of you get the fuck out.”
Alfie had crouched beside Flo, tickling Arabella’s chin lightly.
“Bells.” He whispered softly.
“Alfie, do not wake her up.” You hissed.
“She’s gonna wake up when we get in the Uber.”
“That’s not for, at least, another one or two hours. Just let her sleep, please. She wouldn’t stop whining earlier.”
“Okay.” He muttered, kissing his daughters head and then standing to his full height.
“Reader, can we get Arab on the pod?”
“Stop calling her that, and no!”
chip calling her arab is such a chip thing to do, i was howling. i need more dad!ab
do you think alfie’s mrs would get along with the girls of ukyt ie liv, yasmin and sabina, and flo? and if so how do you think she met each one/how they were introduced to each other, i HAVE to know.
yes!! they’re all really close x
her and sabina are like big sis little sis
her and liv are twins coz they’re both weird as fuck when you get to know them
and her and flo are close because they’re both quite quiet and reserved but come out of their shell around the right people
her and yasmin bond over pissing their boyfriends off all the time and send each other videos of the pranks they pulled
i think they all would’ve met her on a night out together and alfie brought her along and they all clicked instantly x
ugh @headinthewalls posts hit EVERY time.
FORCED PROXIMITY #1 ── a.buttle ౨ৎ ⋆。˚
summary: walking into INSIDE, you did not expect to see your ex-boyfriend there too
content: exs to lovers , swearing , light angst , mentions of sexual experiences
notes: chapter one !!! wahoo !!! i did sack off anna just for this, but now i feel like it should’ve been lydia ‘coz she was kinda irrelevant … oh well
THE LAST THING you thought you were going to see when you first crossed the threshold into the INSIDE house, was a very attractive man behind a glass wall.
Admiring your surroundings, you noticed how it was only slightly different from the last season, as they previously had no one to greet and instruct them. You adjusted your brown flared leggings over your stomach and untwisted the strap of your white tank top.
“Hello.” You smiled, waving at the man and wheeling your suitcase forward.
He nodded at you and then gestured to the conveyor belt, “Luggage on there please.”
You grunted as you heaved your brown and pink polka dot suitcase onto the platform, watching it disappear.
“Do I get my stuff back?” You asked.
“It’s filtered through to make sure you’ve got no contraband.” The guard-guy explained.
“Filtered through? I’ve got underwear in there!” You scoffed, “I always knew the Sidemen were perverts.” You tutted.
“Through the doors please.”
“Bye, sexy guard-guy.” You muttered, opening the door and walking through the halls.
Nerves and excitement rushed through you simultaneously, making you glide your nails along each other as you moved, creating a soft clacking noise. The fact that it was silent had you thinking you were the first one there.
That was until you saw a distressed grey jumper and light grey joggers on a very tall and well-built man, sitting at the table in the communal area.
“For fuck’s sake.” You muttered, freezing in your spot.
His head turned to you, and you could’ve sworn time slowed down.
You hadn’t seen Alfie in about 10 months when you’d gone round to his to pick up the last of your stuff, and when you had, it was an emotional time where he tried to convince you to stay for a little longer and his pleading had you breaking down in tears in the car on the way home.
“Oh, hi.” Alfie said, standing up.
“Hey, Alfie.” You shuffled towards him. “Are we the first ones here?”
“Yeah, unless someone’s hiding.” He joked, and you let out a barely-there chuckle. “C’mere, girl.”
You sighed, accepting his arms around you.
You would be lying if you said you didn’t relax into his hold. Your own arms came around his waist, your cheek to his chest.
“How you been?” He asked, pulling back.
“Okay,” You nodded, dropping your arms back to your sides, “You?”
“Yeah, good. Moved to London, third podcast host … feelin’ good.”
“Yeah, I saw.” You hummed, “What’s the bedding situation?”
“Uhh, c’mon, I’ll show you.”
You followed him through to the bedroom, where there were 12 individual beds.
“Which one have you got?” You asked.
“One in the corner.”
“Right.” You hummed, taking your box of clothes and settling them on the bed furthest from his.
“Fuckin’ell, I’m not that bad, am I?” He snorted.
“Shut up.” You giggled back.
The pair of you made your way back into the main room, sitting on the extremely uncomfortable bench. He was on the bend, you were perched on the main stretch, zoning out at the wall across from you.
This couldn’t be happening.
You could not possibly be spending the next week in a house with your ex-boyfriend.
“So … You excited to be here?”
“Yeah.” You replied, “Will be interesting.”
“You’ll be good about the money spending. You won’t do too much.”
“Thanks.” You smiled awkwardly, “You won’t.”
He cackled, scratching the inner corner of his eye with his thumb.
“You’re gonna meal upgrade every day.”
“Probably.”
“Alfie.” You sighed, looking up at him and tilting your head with a scolding but amused glint in your eyes, “You can’t. Be sensible. You can hack rice and beans for a week. You don’t eat anything with flavour anyway.”
“Jesus, stop shitting on me, girl.”
Another head popped around the door at that moment, tall and tanned in grey joggers and a white t-shirt.
“Oh, shit!” Alfie laughed, standing up to greet Marlon.
“Nice to meet you, bro.” Marlon hugged him.
You stood up, hugging the newcomer next.
“Hi, I’m Reader.”
“Yeah, I know you. You did the uh- uh- PLT shoot, right?” Marlon said.
“Yeah, weren’t you doing the Nike shoot at the same time? Like across the warehouse.”
“Yeah, yeah. That was a busy day, man.” He chuckled.
Alfie sat himself on one of the stools as you sat on the end of the rock-hard sofa, watching the two men get giddy about seeing each other. You chuckled at their enthusiasm.
“Where’d y’all put your clothes at?” Marlon asked.
“On my bed— Oh, yeah, claim your bed.” Alfie answered, getting up to walk him through to the bedrooms.
You didn’t bother going with them, keeping your spot on the seat and gnawing on the tip of your acrylic nail.
This was hell.
It truly was.
You didn’t think INSIDE would be too hard, but now seeing that you would have to be here with Alfie, you were coming to the conclusion that you’d severely underestimated the psychological warfare that this experience was about to put you through.
Every time you looked at him, you were overwhelmed with warm flashbacks of the two of you. Ones where you were giggling in bed together at night, ones where you were throwing food at each other while trying your luck at baking, ones where he would hold you while laughing because you were crying over something silly.
Perhaps you would just have to ignore him for seven days.
If you even made it that far.
They came back from the bedrooms, sitting on the right of you.
“Reader, do you do just modelling or?” Marlon striked up a conversation.
“I do beauty content on TikTok and Instagram.” You answered, “Also I kinda went a bit viral for just ranting about shit. I had a video where I was in my bathroom just sobbing and shouting about not running out of time and stuff, it’s actually really funny looking back on it.”
“Running out of time?” He laughed.
You noticed Alfie’s eyes cemented on you as you spoke, not even giving Marlon a glance when he was speaking.
“Yeah, I felt like I was constantly being rushed in life and it sent me into a crisis where I realised I wasn’t— like, there was no need to be rushing. Anyway, yeah. That blew up. Clearly the people related.”
“So you’re famous for influencing and crashing out, got it.” He joked.
You laughed at him.
A bright pink tracksuit caught your eye as another contestant walked in.
“Indiyah!” You screamed, running up to her and hugging her tightly.
“Reader!” She grinned, hugging you back. “I did not know you were here!”
“I didn’t know you were gonna be here either!”
“Ah, yeah, Love Island.” Alfie said, greeting the girl with a hug, “I’m Alfie, nice to meet you.”
Gradually, the other contestants joined the house until you were in a full house of 12. You were all congregated on the ‘sofa’, you sat between Chian and Marlon, talking with the girls with your back to the boys.
Out of sight out of mind.
“What’s the minimum that you would like to go home with at the end of the day?” Eddie asked the group.
“How about this! How about this, nobody has ever gone home with over 500. So we can really—“ Marlon said.
“Set a record.” You added.
“Yeah!” Chian gasped.
“So if we all really lock in that we gotta be over 500,000, I think that’s reasonable.”
“It’s not gonna happen, but we should try.” Alfie commented.
“Yeah, not with you here.” You muttered.
“Oi!” He exclaimed, frowning.
“Do you two know each other?” Chloe asked loudly.
You nodded slowly.
Awkwardly.
“Did you used to date or something? You’re acting so awkward.” Alhan asked, analysing your body language.
You glanced over at Alfie, but he just stared back at you, as if expecting you to speak.
“Nah! You definitely did!” Chloe exclaimed, “Really?! Oh my God! Why did ya’s break up?!”
You huffed, getting up and removing yourself from the room.
That was not a conversation that needed to be had in a room full of strangers.
You ended up sat in the dressing room, busying yourself with fixing your makeup and running over the same mantra fifty times in your head.
‘It’s not that deep, it’s just for a week’.
“Reader, you okay, lovely?” Indiyah’s voice chimed sweetly.
You turned around, giving her a tight lipped smile and nodding.
“You sure?” She sat on the stool next to you.
“Yeah, it’s just that that’s not a conversation I wanna talk about, y’know?”
“Totally.” She nodded, “You don’t have to tell anyone your business with Alfie. She shouldn't have asked that in front of everyone, but I don’t think it was done maliciously.”
“Oh, no, me neither, but … still kinda annoying.”
“He did shut it down, by the way. When you left, he just told everyone to move on and not bring it up again.” She informed you.
“Yeah, but I didn’t what it being known because now I feel like it’s gonna cause unnecessary tension within the whole group, like, that’s between me and Alfie and it’s how I wanted it to be kept, but … oh well.” You shrugged.
“Well, even if it does get brought up again, we can just shut it down. Nope, nope, nope. Not a conversation that needs to be had.” Indiyah reassured you with a hug before managing to convince you to come back to the communal area.
Eyes were on you but you didn’t care, placing yourself between Chian and Indiyah this time, keeping yourself another person away from Alfie.
Just as you sat down, the Sidemen came into the room with loud hollers and cheers.
“Welcome to INSIDE!” KSI shouted, making everyone clap.
“Your prize fund starts at one million pounds!”
“But! There can only be one winner … So trust no one.”
Everyone shared guilty or suspicious looks.
“The shop is now open!” Tobi announced.
Immediately, Marlon, Expressions, Chloe and Alfie were rushing to the shop, whereas everyone else followed behind leisurely.
You felt a firm, large hand on your shoulder. When you turned your head, you saw Eddie.
“Hi.” You smiled softly.
“Hey, you alright?”
“Yeah, all good.”
“Just so you know, don’t feel pressured to answer anyone’s questions about your relationship with Alfie. That’s your privacy, no one else needs to know.” Eddie told you gently.
Considering the sheer size of him combined with the intimidating factor, he was actually very sweet.
You nodded, “I know. Thanks.”
In the shop, Alfie was up to the camera in the corner, muttering to it.
“Reader! Share crisps with me!” Indiyah grabbed your arm.
“If you’re buying them, okay.” You nodded, watching her go and speak to the camera, confirming the order.
Alhan began speaking then, “It’s the first day. Fuck the cushions, yeah? Just be smart with your money, put it towards your meal upgrades. Imagine a prosecco later.”
You raised your hand, wanting to speak.
“Oi, let Reader speak.” Alfie cut in through Chloe’s whining about wanting an alcoholic drink.
“If we keep this whole ‘saving money for meal upgrades’ going, then surely they’ll just raise the price of a meal upgrade? It’s, what? £5,000 now? Tomorrow, it could be £10,000 just because of our plan.” You theorised.
“It won’t be 10 grand, blud.” Expressions tutted, shaking his head.
“Cushions already are.” Saffron backed you up, “And we’ve been whining about getting them already.”
“I get what you’re saying. That’s smart. That’s smart.” Marlon nodded at you.
After everyone had order what they wanted, you all went off separately, the girls congregating in the bathroom.
“I don’t trust the boys.” Chian said immediately.
“Trust the boys about spending, or?” Lydia blended her lipliner in with her finger.
“Be careful, though, you don’t wanna create a boys versus girls thing already ‘coz that just gets messy.” You reasoned, “I think the boys will be good in challenges. Alfie will be, just saying, he’ll just force himself to lock in, but he’ll be shit when it comes to food.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he’s a proper fussy eater, so I’m just saying, he’s a guaranteed meal upgrade for every meal, that’s, what? Minimum £15,000 a day?”
“Can you talk to him about that? Get him to not?” Lydia asked.
“I can try.” You shrugged.
“I think boys … like, they need the energy.” Chian said, “So they’re not going to be stupid in voting the girls out.”
In the living room, the boys were having a very similar conversation.
“I think they’re smarter than us, bro, they’re smarter.” Expressions tapped the side of his temple.
“I don’t know, they’ve got Chloe from Geordie Shore and Saffron Barker. I dunno how much smarter—“ Alhan scratched his beard.
“Nah, Reader’s smart. She’s very smart.” Alfie but in.
“She is?” Ben hummed.
“Yeah, and her and Indiyah are already friends. Those two are a guaranteed duo.”
“Will Reader betray her, you think?” Marlon asked.
Alfie pulled a ‘meh’ face, scratching his beard, “I dunno— Nah, nah, she won’t. She’s far too loyal. I think— I think if it’s one of them to betray each other, it’ll be Indiyah betraying Reader. She’s too soft.”
“Reader’s soft?”
“Have you seen her, bro?” Expressions laughed, “Left the room when someone asked about her relationship with Alfie— What’s that about?”
“I don’t wanna get into it without her being here, but essentially, I was just a massive prick.” Alfie admitted awkwardly.
“Damn, bro.” Marlon tutted.
When lunch rolled around, a lot of the guys were in uproar about the pathetic meal of rice and beans, whereas you just took the styrofoam container and began eating out of it.
“Is it good?” Lydia nudged you, and you nodded.
“It’s just a bit boring, is all.” You hummed before skipping into the main room to sit at the table and eat in peace.
Everyone joined you after a while, Alfie (for some reason) stood directly beside you with his meal upgrade next to your basic one.
“D’you want some?” He asked softly.
You looked down at the sandwich seemingly composed of meat, vegetables and cheese, and shook your head.
“What, you being sensible?” He smirked, picking the meat out to eat.
“Well, yeah, not spending 5 grand on a meal upgrade when I can just hack rice and beans.” You shrugged, your reply blunt and dry, a bit like your rice actually.
He gave you an awkward smile and nodded, taking note of your bored tone.
Since he saw you for the first time in 10 months, Alfie was really hoping that he could reconcile with you in here. Surely the forced proximity would be good for him to make a move and try and fix things, but that wouldn’t be possible if you kept avoiding him or being dry. He knew that he fucked up a year ago, and he knew that you probably hated him, but he was still desperately in love with you, and he was 99% sure that would never change.
He needed to get you back.
He would do anything to have you back.
After getting changed into the blue tracksuits they’d provided you with, you were sent to the challenge arena for the first official challenge of the season.
KSI and Simon were stood either side of a wooden box that had a clear one on top of it, and holes for what you assumed was your head to go into.
“This is Too Close for Comfort.” KSI introduced, “Every round, two Insiders will be paired and asked a juicy question. In order to complete the challenge, they must truthfully answer each question. However, whilst doing so, a few distractions will take place. If the distraction is too much too handle, they can press the red button and step out of the challenge. But, doing so, will cost the team £10,000.”
The first ones to go were Lydia and Expressions, in which they were asked ‘Who do you think has a zero chance at winning?’ and ‘Shag, marry, kill’ with different footballers, all whilst cockroaches roamed their head and the box.
They did it successfully, and everyone else began having their go, Indiyah being the only to opt out once rats were placed in the box with her head.
“Okay, the final round. Reader, AB.” Simon announced, making you huff. “This time, you’re not gonna be facing the tank.”
The pair of you were whisked off and told to put on swim wear, him in black trunks and you in a black one-piece.
When you came back, the tank had been replaced with an ice bath.
“For fuck sake.” You muttered, looking down at the water.
“You have a very cold bath.”
You both took your robes off.
“Reader, you got this.” Indiyah cheered you on.
You held onto the rim of the tub, placing one foot and then the other, screaming at the cold.
“Shit! Shit!” You hissed, lowering yourself slowly out of fear of sending your heart into shock, “It’s so fucking cold, I’m gonna pee!”
“This is a joke.” Alfie sat across from you, teeth chattering as he gripped the edges of the tub, “You good?”
“Fuck, it’s so cold. What’s the questions, just go.” You flapped your hand.
“Uh, yeah, let’s bring in the eels first.”
“What?!” You screamed, immediately standing up, your knees knocking together from the cold.
“If you get out, that is 10,000!” KSI shouted.
You whined.
“Reader, Reader!” Alfie spoke to you, knocking his hand against your thigh, “Sit down, c’mon. It’s fine.”
“No, it’s fucking not!”
“Oi, oi, chill.” He tried to calm you, “Just sit down, don’t get out.”
You huffed and lowered yourself again, squeezing your eyes shut and not even watching as the eels were placed in the tub with you.
You screamed when one brushed your leg.
“Ay, ay, ay.” He patted your hand.
You unclenched your eyes, looking at him as he offered you his hand.
You took it without thinking, squeezing his fingers tightly.
“AB. What is your most embarrassing moment?” Simon asked him.
“Errr—“ He looked across at you, “Can I say nutting too early?” He said it knowing it would cause you to laugh, which it did.
You let out a little chuckle, eyes still clamped closed.
He was happy to have relieved you from stress for a quick second.
“I’ll take that.” Simon nodded, “Name drop of who it was with—“
“Alright, chill out.” Alfie scoffed amusedly.
“Reader?”
You hummed, nodding.
“You’re fairly open on TikTok about sex and the whole ‘big sister’ mode.”
Again, you nodded rapidly in a panic about the eels slithering around you.
“What’s your biggest kink?”
Your head snapped towards them, mouth gaping open.
The rest of the contestants laughed while Alfie rubbed his thumb over your knuckles.
“I can’t say that on Netflix.” You laughed awkwardly, “You’ll all get into trouble for airing it.”
“Yo, what?!” KSI cackled, “What the fuck is it?!”
“AB, say it for her!” Alhan said.
“No, then we’re all getting into trouble.” Alfie exclaimed.
“Size difference!” You shouted, “Can I get out now?!”
“I think she’s lying.” Simon spoke to KSI. “That’s quite tame, no?”
“Please please please can I get out?!” You squeezed Alfie’s hand tighter.
“We’re gonna have to push you for a better—“
You whined loudly, teeth chattering.
“I don’t know what you want me to say without getting you into trouble with the big Netflix guys!” You huffed.
“Is it that bad?”
You gave them a challenging look.
“Okay, okay, we’ll accept size difference, you can get out.”
You wasted no time hurling yourself over the edge of the tub and wrapping yourself in a robe and putting slippers on.
“Fuck the both of you.” You shivered.
In celebration of the challenge being complete, you were all given cushions to make the sofa a hell of a lot more comfortable.
Back in the main house, everyone set the cushions up on the couch and dinner was ready.
Once again, a dish of rice and beans.
Unfortunately, over half of the contestants ordered a meal upgrade.
Eddie ended up taking the steak whereas the rest of them got a burger.
“Do you want some steak?” He asked you.
“No, I’m okay, thanks.” You smiled gratefully regardless.
“Reader, why are you bare good? Like, proper goodie-two-shoes.” Expressions said, sat across from you.
You kinda blanked a little, not expecting such a spontaneous question.
“Ummm—“
“Clearly she’s not! Did you not watch that last challenge?!” Alhan laughed.
You blushed furiously, taking another spoonful of rice into your mouth.
“Yeah, what’s with the no-spending?” Chloe asked.
You shrugged, “I’m just not arsed. It’s rice and beans, better than what some people get. I can take it for seven days if it means I get to go out and have an entire, like, banquet afterwards.”
“Burger.” Alfie muttered, dropping half of one in front of you.
“I don’t want it.” You muttered.
“Oi,” He muttered under his breath, “Eat it.”
“No. I’m not following your money spending scheme.” You tried to joke out of it, picking it up out of your box and handing it back to him.
He sighed, not trying to create a scene in front of everyone and took it back, eyeing you as you leisurely ate your rice and beans.
At the end of the day, when you were all gathered around on the sofa, relaxing into it now that it was comfortable, the money showed on a screen, the number lowering and lowering until it was at £934,250.
You scoffed out laughter, “That’s so much in one day!”
Everyone was sat around trying to figure out what was the main reason, and it was decided on meal upgrades. You gave a disappointed look to Alfie.
“What?”
“You need to stop.” You said honestly.
“Stop what? Upgrading my meals? You know I can’t hack boring shit.”
“You eat plain chicken nuggets every day, you can deal with rice and beans for seven.” You pulled a face.
You were wandering the halls with a makeup wipe, taking off whatever was caked onto your face when you saw Alfie slipping out of Room 19.
You frowned at him and he smiled awkwardly at being caught.
“What are you doing?”
“I bought something and it told me to go to Room 19.” He replied.
“Alfie!” You hissed, “Stop spending money!”
“It was spontaneous! I won’t do it again, promise.”
“Liar.”
It was quiet between the two of you until you asked the right question.
“What did you buy?”
“Uhhh … Promise not to tell anyone?”
You held your pinky out for him.
He laughed at the childish action, knowing that you didn’t play about pinky swearing as he hooked his to yours. He stepped closer, and you were practically chest-to-chest, you gazing up at him.
“There’s an elimination tomorrow, I’m safe from it, and I got to pick another person to be safe with me, while picking three people to be nominated for eliminations.” He whispered.
Your hand slapped over your mouth.
“Did you pick Marlon?
“For safety?”
You nodded.
“Nah, I picked you.”
Your expression softened, hand falling away from your face.
“Alfie …”
He didn’t let there be any time to dwell on it, “Anyone you don’t like? Gotta pick three to eliminate so give me some names, girl.”
“I’m not doing that.” You shook your head, moving to walk away until he grabbed your arm and pulled you back.
“Reader.”
He said your name with such softness that you couldn’t help but stay.
“Can I at least tell you my plan?
You exhaled sharply but nodded.
“Indiyah spent 10K in the challenge, Chloe and the booze … but I dunno who else.”
“Expressions, but you didn’t hear it from me.”
“He pissing you off?” Alfie smirked, reaching out for your hand and rubbing his thumb across your knuckles.
“He’s just loud. It’s not even that he’s got energy ‘coz he’s not bouncing off the walls. He’s just jarring.” You shrugged.
“Look at you, my little angel but you’re chatting shit.” He chuckled.
“Shut up.” You scoffed, hitting him back and consequently having his hand drop from yours. “Also, don’t call me that.”
“What?”
“Your angel.” You murmured, “I’m not yours anymore, Alfie.”
He sighed, scratching the back of his neck, “I know, I know. Just … haven’t spoke to you in ages, it was an accident, sorry.”
You hummed, nodding, “Okay.”
“… How’s your mum?”
“Alfie …”
“Just conversation, girl.”
“It’s not one that needs to happen.” You whispered, ending it before it even started and walking off.
A lot of conversations that haven’t happened.
A lot of conversations that might still happen.
Who knows? Time will only tell.
holy fuck, i need more ASAPPPPP
it’s a divas birthday. heheh, since it’s my birthday does anyone wanna come out with some good AB or george clarke birthday fix’s. begging.
songs i think fans would edit alfie and his mrs to:
‘03 bonnie & clyde - JAY-Z ft beyoncé
candy - paolo nutini
wicked game - chris isaak
rein me in - sam fender ft olivia dean
pov - ariana grande
art deco - lana del ray
champagne coast - blood orange
i love you - fontaines dc
favourite - fontaines dc
bonus: they edit his mrs to gap tooth smile - djo (it’s her favourite edits ever)
feel like alfie’s mrs is the type of girl to chill with alfie’s fingers in her mouth lowk, sometimes not even in that kinda way, she’s just chilling with it - fic? 🤞🏽
yes yes yes and yes.
if there are no oral fixator’s left, she is dead, best believe it.
they’re chilling on the sofa? his fingers in her mouth.
in the shower? his fingers in her mouth.
lounging around in bed? his fingers in her mouth.
it’s not always a sexual thing, it’s genuinely just a soothing tactic for her because it keeps her calm and grounded.
they know it’s not social acceptable to do in public, so he always carries gum for her so her mouth has something to mess about with
ugh mf yes please.