This was forwarded to me by a former colleague who attended a course on how to publish/edit a book. You probably already know most of these tips, but there might be something you’ll find helpful, who knows…
QUESTIONS TO ASK DURING FIRST PHASE OF EDITING
GENERAL STRUCTURE OF THE BOOK (what the story is and how it is being told):
What is the book about? What is the driving force behind the narrative?
Who is the audience for this book?
Is it based on real experience?
Does the story work? Are there any parts that feel unconvincing or where the narrative drags?
Are there any parts I don’t understand?
What is the trajectory or the shape of the story?
Does the story start in the right place?
How quickly do I become immersed in the book?
Are there any points where my immersion in the story is broken, or I lose interest?
Do I believe in what I’m reading?
How satisfying is the ending? Does it feel inevitable?
Does it feel like anything is missing?
Is there anything extraneous (characters, detail, unnecessary plot points)?
What is the narrative point of view (first person, second person, third person)? Does it change? Is it consistent? Does it work? What might be lost or gained if the story were told another way?
Is the tense consistent? If it changes, is it necessary?
Does coincidence feature as a plot device? If so, is there another way to engineer the same events?
Comfort was the first hint of his mistake, a deep comfort he hadn’t felt since he had agreed to this job. The next was the heady smell of an alpha and the hint of breakfast cooking.
Will never let it get this far, he would stay curled against Matthew’s chest until he felt his breath even out in sleep. Then with unspoken apologies trembling on his lips he would leave before it went any further.
He’d always felt that their relationship wasn’t the type to survive well the warm glow of sunlight. That it would show how hollow all their touches were.
Or were they?
Lately he didn’t know, the alpha was confusing him, at first he’d thought Matthew had wanted him like a prize, fucking the trainer. Now though he felt the kisses against his neck while they rutted, and he couldn’t completely ignore how Matthew would hold him while they were knotted together. The words he had thought were bullshit, mumbled promises of forever, were slowly becoming so real.
The confusion was brushed off with the heavy weight of the blanket.
He couldn’t avoid it forever, and if he got dressed he might be able to make it out the door without Matthew seeing him.
Will couldn’t find most of his clothing, his shirt and underwear had disappeared from the face of the earth, so he stole some of Matthew’s. He could sneak it into Matthew’s gym bag the after the weekend. It was better than going out half dressed.
He wasn’t going to admit how good it felt to wear his alphas- No; an alphas clothing.
Not allowing his mind down that road distracted him and when he tried to make it past the kitchen he was caught.
“Hey, I made bacon and pancakes.”
He looked at the alpha, wearing only sweatpants and an apron, his face lit up with hope and excitement. He looked shiny new and young, for once not showing the wear of his life. Matthew hadn’t realised it was a mistake; he thought Will had decided to stay.
His mouth opened, but like the apologies the words died in his mouth, he wasn’t going to be the one to take the shine away from Matthew, not today. Instead he slinked over to the rickety little table and seated himself.
“Smells good.”
Matthew walked over to him and dumped the three pancakes in the pan onto his plate. He leaned down and took a sniff near his cheek, following it with a soft kiss.
“So do you.”
Will didn’t think as he tilted his head to show his neck, but he caught the movement before it was finished. He felt flustered, his omega side feeling more present this morning, Will had pushed it down for years, and it was hungry.
Matthew was frozen in place the hot pan in his hands, and Will realised the warm sunlight wasn’t revealing how hollow their relationship was, it was showcasing the depth that had built up without him noticing.
His body betrayed him, his cheeking heating up as he looked down at the plate grabbing the fork and shoving the food into his mouth without any dressing.
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Matthew straightening up, his chest puffed up. When he turned back to the stove despite himself Will smiled, and allowed himself a full look.
His back was bare except for the bow of the apron, and Will could see his nail marks. Little half-moons he had dug in as Matthew fucked into him. Although it made warmth pool in his stomach it was the bow that forced the small laugh from his lips.
Matthew turned around, his face still beaming to match the sun of the day.
“What?”
Will shook his head, trying to convey that it was nothing, but it wasn’t nothing. He was falling for the alpha.
Matthew was on the porch reading in the warm sun the first time he noticed the problem. Will was coming to lay in the shade next to him, in the dog bed that Matthew had laid out to give him a more comfortable spot to rest, and he stopped at the stairs.
Will was too proud to admit that the stairs were difficult or to accept any help that Matthew could offer. Instead he gave an indignant huff and struggled up the last few before waddling over to the bed and lying down. He moved like he was tired and Matthew could see it cost him effort.
Before he could only read Will when he was also a wolf, other than the obvious, but now he understood Will’s wolf form as well as he knew the human.
This sight happened a few more times as the week past and Matthew knew he could no longer ignore his mates struggle. He watched the wolf and often saw how he laid on the porch now to avoid the stairs.
Matthew wasn’t going to watch Will suffer for the last few weeks of his pregnancy needlessly, but he understood his need for dignity.
He spent the day trying to think up a reason why they would need a ramp, but he never let Will know. Instead in the time he spent with Will he just brushed his mate until he fell asleep and rubbed his sore hips. Matthew could always tell when Will feel asleep as his mate had picked up a rumbling snore in the later weeks of his pregnancy.
In fact it was the slight moving of his belly that finally gave Matthew the idea. The puppies. They would also have trouble with the stairs once they were born, they would be much too small to be able to take the big steps.
It was all the excuse he needed, when Will rumbled deep in sleep he left for the hardware store.
By the afternoon he had a ramp that fitted on to the stairs and would be removable once the puppies were big enough.
It was half an hour later when Will arrived in the doorway. His large white head snapping to look at him as soon as he noticed the ramp.
“I don’t want the puppies to struggle with the stairs.”
Matthew spoke quickly, wanting to avoid a nip from an angry mate. He had learned that Will’s wolf form had a short temper and that was before the soreness that he was experiencing now. In the last week alone Matthew had already earned half a dozen nips.
The wolf looked at him a moment longer and nodded, approval of his excuse even though they both knew better. Matthew could almost see him wrapping his dignity around himself before he descended the ramp, his large belly swaying from side to side.
He’d asked for a double, or lighter on the vermouth at least. It didn’t sting, didn’t saturate with the burn he delighted in. But the idea of haggling with the bartender over the order wasn’t appealing. Not when the person two seats down kept flicking their gaze over to him. It held a burn much stronger than anything delivered by a glass.
To be fair, the drink wasn’t that bad.
He finished it, throat muscles convulsing with the remnants of acidic aftertaste. Missed opportunities were regrets in the making. He tossed money next to the empty glass and stood, covering the handful of steps to his neighbor.
“Have we met before?” he asked.
The person, a woman with strong features and firm arms, turned to him. “I don’t think so. I’d remember someone who looked like you.”
“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked.
“Is that the line you always open with?” The smile on her face was pursed, pushing amusement inward.
“Most of the time I open with a handshake and my name.” He motioned the bartender to her drink.
She crossed her ankles, dress riding up on solid thighs. “Alright, tell me your name.”
He paused, tongue sliding against the roof of his mouth. The woman raised an eyebrow and he cleared his throat, “Bond, William Bond.”
“What a fetching name,” she said.
“Are you going to return the favor?” He leaned against the bar counter top.
The woman picked up the refreshed drink. “I guess I might as well. My name is Matty Goodhead.”
There was silence between them for a few seconds and Matty tilted her head. “Is there a problem?”
“Uh, no,” William said. “No. It’s a lovely name.”
“So, mister Bond,” She stirred the thin straw around in her glass, “What brings you all the way out here?”
“Business,” he said, perching on the end of the barstool.
“So you’re a business man?”
“You could say that.”
She traced a finger along the wooden counter top. “I bet traveling gets pretty lonely.”
“I usually find pleasant company to spend time with,” he said. “I don’t experience loneliness that often.”
She leaned back. “No one waiting for you back home?”
“Not with my line of business.” William scratched the side of his jaw. “Having someone waiting on you is too much of a liability.”
He could have sworn that he’d witnessed the beginning of an eye roll.
“A bad boy, huh?” She licked her lips. “Well, you’re in luck, mister Bond. I’m feeling like something outside of vanilla tonight.”
“Does that mean I might convince you to be the pleasant company?” He slipped off the stool, offering his arm to her. She closed her hands around his arm, a firm, tight grip, and stood off her stool.
“You look like a man who enjoys surprises,”” she said, “So why not.”
“A surprise? That sounds promising.” He paid for the drink and they walked away from the bar. “Now, whose territory would you prefer? Mine or yours?”
“How about yours?” She leaned against his arm. “Judging by your suit, your room must be good quality. I’d like to trade up for once.”
“My room it is,” he said.
The elevator ride made the whiskey he had earlier seem bland, watery. Her body fit against his with ease, curving to lines against planes. Lips catching one another, offering a taste of each’s preferred beverage. He pushed her up against the wall, fingers straying along stocking clad thighs, and upwards until her hand caught his.
“You need to behave,” she breathed against his lips, “You’ll get your surprise.”
The elevator doors dinged and he straightened his suit jacket and the front of his pants before stepping off. She followed beside him and a step behind, hand ghosting over his ass occasionally.
“Now who needs to behave,” he muttered.
He could have sworn that he heard a snort.
As soon as his door was unlocked, the tumbled inside. William pushed her up against the door, hearing the satisfying click of the lock. His tongue traced along hers, hands sliding down her waist and onto her hips. Matty’s hand slid up along his thigh and inward, palm pushing against the bulge in his trousers. His muscles tensed at the contact and his hips pushed forward.
She grabbed one of his hands and guided it down her hips and onto her thigh. He squeezed the skin, finding it to be toned. Matty slipped his hand under her dress, crawling up the space of her thing until his fingers came into contact with something definitely felt like a dick.
“Surprise,” was whispered against his neck.
His hand found its way into the thin underwear and he gripped the hardening member. “I was hoping that would be the surprise,” William said.
Matty only laughed as they drew away from the door and stumbled onto the bed, pulling clothes off in a flurry. William caught the stockings in his face when she threw them and quickly pushed them away, moving to crawl over the inviting body in is bed. He took a moment to revel in another long, drawn out kiss, mapping the area of her mouth. Matty grabbed his ass and squeezed, guiding him to be kneeling over her chest. Her lips grazed his balls and he jerked, heart beat thickening inside of his ribcage. She mouthed around on them, wetting the wet before moving onto the heated skin of his dick. His cheeks felt mottled and hot, fingers clenching and unclenching as her tongue slid along him.
William reached down and put a hand over her mouth. “No more,” he said, leaning over and retrieving lube and a condom.
He moved and settled between her legs, pushing them apart. Once his fingers were slicked up, he slid one in, glancing up to catch her gaze. She tossed a smile at him, relaxing back onto her elbows. She gripped his fingers tight and he swallowed.
When three fingers were a comfortable fit, he pulled them out and went to open the condom. Matty leaned forward and snatched it from his fingers, tossing it aside.
“Safety-”
“I’m not here to be safe,” she said. “I’m looking for a bit of danger.”
He watched her for a moment. “Alright, fine.” He opened the lube and applied it to his erection, then tossed the bottle aside. Once again, he settled over her and pulled her hips up. A soft groan escaped his lips as he slid in, felt her thighs tightening around him.
There was no build up, instead William started the pace roughly, the response just a deep, throaty sound that ended with something like ‘yes’. His teeth scraped against her neck, and her fingers dug into his back.
“You’re not really a business man, are you?” she whispered in his ear.
“Ser-”
“Are you?” The fingers dug in harder.
He took a breath, finding a steadier voice. “No, I serve the government. Espionage.”
A tongue flicked against the shell of his ear. “Exciting.”
The next option was a silencing kiss and to push harder. It was effective.
His hand brought her off first, and when he was about to tip over, he moved to pull back, but her legs held him in place. This time, he almost rolled his eyes. He spilled into her, waiting until he was completely done to pull out.
“You’ll have to clean up.” He could see a little bit trailing out already.
“That’s fine,” she said, panting, but there was still a smile on her face.
William sighed and flopped down next to her, letting his heart beat and the pulsing in his veins slow down. They were silent, listening to each other’s breathing and the occasional footsteps outside in the hotel hallway.
“You’re terrible at this,” Matthew said, turning to look at Will.
“I told you I would be,” Will replied, closing his eyes.
There was a soft sound of amusement to his right. “You tried though.”
“Of all the things to pick, why this?” Will opened his eyes and turned his head. “We could have just stayed home.”
“It seemed fun.” Matthew grinned. “Come on, you had a little fun, right?”
“I won’t say it was all terrible, but next time, I get to choose.”
“Alright, alright.” Matthew moved onto his back. “Whatever you like, Mister Bond.”
Will couldn’t completely stop the smile that etched the sides of his mouth.
Even stuck in his wolf form, Will still came to bed. In the last two months while his dusty brown belly had grown he had slowly became lazier. Lounging around the house and only getting up to eat or snap at Matthew.
Matthew had learned to walk softly around his mate, his arm still ached from when the vet had felt Will’s belly and announced that he was going to have four puppies. Will had moved so fast that Matthew couldn’t have reacted in time. Even with his speedy healing he had learned to give Will a wide birth while he was pregnant.
He brought him food when Will pawed at the fridge, and would brush his thick fur when he was calm. He found that it was good for both of them. Each relaxing stroke through his fur cleaning and removing any dirt or excess fur caught in it.
Matthew had never spent more than a week in his wolf form, so it was a learning experience with Will. What they now needed to do since he could no longer shift when he needed to clean.
It had felt odd looking on the internet to find out what to expect, but he knew that his people avoided mating when in wolf form for a reason. At least with the research he knew what was happening when Will started acting antsy.
The wolf started by grabbing all of the sheets and blankets off the bed and making a little bed in the closet. He would crave darkness and comfort for when he was whelping.
Matthew mostly tried to stay out of the way, but he was nervous. He couldn’t stop watching Will from the doorway. He knew it would be a while, that Will would be preparing for what was about to happen.
He wasn’t sure if he should call the vet, but he managed to wait six hours before he started to panic.
It was when Will laid down and started making little groans that he realised that he was starting to whelp.
He had the phone in his hand as he called into the bedroom. His voice was still soft, but he couldn’t hide his anxiety about becoming a dad to four.
“I am going to call the vet.”
There was a deep growl from the closet. It helped Matthew decide to put the phone back on it’s stand.
He hovered for a while before he heard a whine, and then he couldn’t stay away. Matthew stayed in human form, knowing that another wolf around would make Will nervous. They may have been more conscious than a real wolf, but after two months as a wolf Will would be closer to that than a human. He didn’t want Will to have to worry about protecting their puppies from him even if nothing happens.
Children
Matthew had to correct himself.
“I’m going to come in.”
There was a sound he could only take as agreement and he tried to fit into the closet. Will lifted his big head and gave him the room to fit.
He felt almost shy when Will’s large head rested on his arm and he felt a huff of air.
“I know baby.”
He rubbed at Will’s hard flank, and the wolf groaned.
Even as a human his hearing was sensitive and he heard the rush of water. Will started to pant again and after a few minutes he lifted his head and leaned behind him. In the darkness of the closet he couldn’t see much, but he knew. It was his first baby.
Matthew didn’t dare try and touch the pup, letting Will rip the membrane off and lick it clean. Only when he was sure Will was finished did he lean forward and carefully move the puppy to his belly. It felt so tiny and only had the smallest about of fur on it’s damp body.
“Should I get a towel?”
Will seemed too distracted to answer so Matthew just stayed with him, talking to him and petting his head and flank as he puffed.
It was almost two hours later when the fourth puppy was moved to his belly, and Matthew felt himself start to relax. Even though he knew birth was easier in wolf form, he also knew how energy intensive it was as well.
He kissed the top of Will’s furry head between his eyes, feeling proud of how well he had handled it.
“You’re all done. I’ll give you a minute and then I will bring you a nice clean blanket. I can even toss in it the dryer so it will be warm for you and the children. ”
Will shook his head and lightly nipped Matthew, letting him know not to leave.
“Okay we can stay here for a little longer. You’re probably too tired to move.”
Will shook his head again, but Matthew didn’t understand what he wanted. It wasn’t until almost another hour later when the process started against that he realised that Will wasn’t finished.
He remembered the vet had said four, that there was only going to be four puppies. Matthew felt a hint of panic when he thought of five. It was only one more, but it would still be a lot. When they started shifting five would feel like ten, hell maybe even twenty.
Matthew had to keep calm for Will, so he started breathing deep and slow.
“It’s all good, we can add another bed to the nursery. We have a lot of money saved up between us, one more will be perfect.”
It was when Will finished cleaning up the puppy and yet wasn’t ready to leave that Matthew realised he still wasn’t done.
“Six is probably better. That way it’s an even number. It will be easier, everything comes in packs of six.”
Matthew tried to reassure Will and also himself. They would need to make a second nursery for them the kids started shifting into humans, he was only thankful that it wouldn’t be for a while yet.
He felt how small and sweet the puppy was as he started to move it to Will’s belly. In the end he brought it up to his lips and kissed it, nuzzling it gently before setting it with the other pups.
He looked over each one, they were in different shades and colours and their little eyes were still closed tight. Even the worry couldn’t touch him as he looked at them. He was proud of Will and of the perfectly formed pups that were nuzzling at his belly to feed.
“I’ll go get the new blanket now.”
There was a shape nip on his already sore arm and Matthew froze.
“Sorry I won’t leave.”
It was hard to know what to do so he stayed, rubbing Will’s face and kissing his muzzle. He didn’t realise what was going on until Will started panting again. Will still wasn’t finished.
This time it was a lot harder to hide his panic as Will worked on birthing the next one. He was praying that it would be the last one, that they wouldn’t be getting an even number after all. Matthew didn’t even know how they would transport the children when they shifted. They would have to buy a church bus.
Will kept licking at the last pup and then he heard another long whine before he nudged him with his nose. Matthew understood, something was wrong with the puppy.
Matthew leaned over and picked it up, it was limp in his hands and he could feel it wasn’t breathing. He started rubbing it between his hands until he felt the little breathes. Even then he held it for a while. His heart pounding in his chest. Seven was a lot, but he didn’t want to lose a single one of them.
“Can I get a blanket now?”
Matthew asked, almost not daring in the fear that he would jinx them and that there would be another one.
Will gave a sloppy nod and Matthew got up. His entire right leg was completely numb and he shook it out for a few minutes before he dared to step on it. He had yet to put the puppy back at Will’s belly. He needed to be reassured that the puppy was breathing alright before he did that.
He grabbed the spare blankets that they used in the winter and set it on the bed in a nest. Because one hand was full of a very small puppy, he made another two trips to bring warm water and a towel.
Will stood up slowly and Matthew washed him down, cleaning up anything that he hadn’t licked away. Only when he was finished did he help Will move all the puppies onto the bed. By the time Will was curled around them, Matthew started take care of the blankets that he had whelped on. It took almost no time to get it in the washer. He was so tired, he could hardly guess at how Will was feeling, but he knew enough to make a dish for Will to eat, to help him make milk.
He would be starving.
Matthew put a lot of liquid in the dish before he brought it, setting it on the bed.
He trusted Will not to slop on their bed.
Matthew climbed up beside Will, curling around his furry back and slipping a hand over his side so he could touch the small pups.
“Seven babies huh?”
There was a grunt and then the large wolf head turned to look at him. For a second he thought he was going to get half his face bit off, but there was only a snuff and the sandy feeling of the large tongue rolling over his cheek.
Matthew’s face changed to hold a warm smile as he looked at the person he was so in love with. Even as a wolf he was still who he wanted.
“I love you too Will.”
Jordan finished the walk to the bed, surprised that Adam didn’t have one last go with her, the sheets smelled clean. He started to take off his shirt while Adam finished his drink.
He always watched Adam; he was something dangerous, it was better not to take his eyes off him.
“I was thinking of something a little different this time.”
“Oh?”
Jordan wasn’t going to let himself get hopeful and think that Adam was going to settle for money, if he wanted to something else, there was a good chance it was going to be worse.
“Although I always enjoy your body, I think I want you to enjoy mine.”
Jordan didn’t understand what he wanted; only that it was the same as always. He was right not to get too excited.
“I thought it was obvious that I wasn’t enjoying it.”
“How about you use that sharp tongue for something else?”
Adam must have thought he was clever because he laughed again.
