tried to pretend.

home of: aisling, henri, mercy lynne, morgan & nils AT THAT RATE i'll be dreaming you the same sun in a different place that i wanna go to with you oh my, the traffic was a bad one AT THAT RATE my wrinkles will smile because of yours, AT THAT RATE I'll be the grass blowing on the same night we met

[bvttlebcrn]

a moodboard about our muses’ relationship ( @gracexbachmann )

[bvttlebcrn]

kellanxmurphy​:

-

Kellan sighed when Henri left the room and ran his hands through his hair in frustration, wanting to rip it all from his head. He couldn’t just smile and tell Henri he loved the gift… No, he had to ruin it. 

He knew he had to say something… Do something. He could feel Henri slipping from his fingers, it seemed like no matter what Kellan did, he always fucked it up. Every time he thought about what he was truly scared about, he was brought back to a specific moment in his life as a vampire.

Before Kellan had even met Sofia, he and Henri spent a lot of time together. Going to lunches together… travelling together… they were a pair that was rarely separated. Kellan knew how it looked on the outside and he tried to surround himself with more women as time went on to advert people’s gazes. 

One night, Henri was sitting in a chair waiting for him to get back to their shared apartment. Kellan was pissed, as usual. Not much different than now. When he started asking him what was wrong, Henri told Kellan he was worried about him. They fought. Kellan kissed Henri… It was only for a second but the damage was already done. He had pulled away and rushed off to his room and for the first time since Kellan had turned into a vampire, he cried himself to sleep. 

When he woke up in the morning, he packed his bags and left. This was the first time in his long miserable life that he would start disappointing the one person that had always looked out for him. Lorcan had brought them together but Kellan and Henri were inseparable since the first day they met. 

Kellan shook his head and snapped out of the memory. He couldn’t leave this time. He wouldn’t disappoint Henri again, he couldn’t. Huffing again, he walked quickly towards the hallway and paused to see him trying to hide the gift. “Stop.” He said sternly. 

Kellan held out his hand and softened his expression. “Henri… Please, give me the gift. I didn’t… I wasn’t…” He sighed and cleared his throat. “I don’t know what I’m doing. Everything I do is wrong and I just… I wish I could be enough for you… it seems like at every turn, I’m making things more difficult for us.” He kept his hand extended and lowered his head, staring at his feet while he spoke. “I’m just.. I’m scared. I love you and I think I’ve always known that… I’ve tried to push it down for so long, so many… fucking missed opportunities… So many fucking mistakes. I’ve taken out my pain on you… on us… It’s not right. It’s fuckin’ idiotic.” He shook his head and sighed. 

He could feel his eyes start to water and blinked repeatedly to get the tears to fade. “I can’t… I can’t promise you anything because I don’t even know if us being together will fix anything but… I just need to know I’m not… I’m not going anywhere, even if it fuckin’ seems like I am.” He admitted. “I’m just… I’m doing my best.” He whispered. 

His hand was still extended, palms facing up, waiting for Henri to give him the gift again or offer his hand. He hoped it would come but Kellan didn’t dare raise his head. He had made enough mistakes and he wanted this to be Henri’s decision. 

-

henri froze when kellan told him to stop, embarrassed that he had been caught. kellan had let so much go before––but now, when it might have spared henri some humiliation, he wanted to have a conversation about it. wasn’t he the one so unable to face the gift that he had to go and get a drink? henri felt like some schoolboy, scolded by his teacher––a teacher he had a crush on. at least, that’s how impossible this relationship was starting to feel. 

“please don’t,” he begged when kellan began asking for the gift back, shaking his head. he wore a smile, anything to hide the crushing grief he was feeling, but the tears shown brightly in his eyes. “please don’t try to spare my feelings. it’s worse that way. hurts more.” henri blinked away the tears as best he could, smile that couldn’t quite reach his eyes faltering only a bit. 

despite his request, kellan kept going, even going so far as to hold his hand out for the box. henri laughed incredulously, the sound breaking near the end as his emotions grew bigger and bigger inside him, barely contained. “you wish––“ he had to pause and swallow the lump that formed in his throat. “you wish you could be enough for me?” henri shook his head, his smile turned sarcastic. “i wish you’d stop using my worth as an excuse to be a coward. you’ve been enough for me for the past six hundred years, kellan. i’m starting to think you just don’t trust my word.” when kellan kept on, henri cradled his head in his hands. his fingers raked through his curls and his nails scratched against his scalp. 

i’m not going anywhere. henri bent over himself, him too overwhelmed with an onslaught of memories, all kellan leaving for once reason or another. many of them because of sofia. “i need to know. please, kel. i need to know,” his voice wavered and if kellan hadn’t been hiding his face, he might have been able to see his tears, “are we doing this or not? because i’m starting to realize i love you doesn’t mean much if you’re not willing to act on it.”

[bvttlebcrn]

nctgold​:

-

“You’re not.” Theo shook his head. “Yes and it’s slowly been getting better, because I’m getting better at the this whole poly relationship thing we’ve all got going on here.” He gestured generally. “It was weird at first, but we’ve been working on that, right? For things to be less weird and more relaxed, I hang out with you guys now don’t I?” He put his hands in his pockets. “I love Toulouse too and want to live with him, so this is the solution, I live with both on and off every week. We’re still fine, I promise.”

-

“okay, okay. yeah.” henri wasn’t going to voice any sort of jealousy he might have that theo gets to live with two of his boyfriends, and he had to go home to his big empty penthouse every night. it wasn’t theo’s fault, nor emery’s, nor anyone else’s. henri was the one who had made the decisions he had made. “yeah. i know. i just, uh, i just want you guys to like me, is all.”

[bvttlebcrn]

judahxbachmann​:

~

Judah frowned faintly as he listened to Nils talk about where he grew up. He realized he really knew very little about Nils and where he came from. It didn’t really matter that much, since he was here now, but he couldn’t help but be curious.

Perhaps unlocking tragic backstories wasn’t a good idea for a first witch/familiar session, though. 

“It’s okay,” he said, returning Nils’s smile. “I have you now.” He reached over to gently give Nils’s shoulder a squeeze. He moved past him, then, picking up his backpack to pull a book out of it. “I don’t have my own spell book, they’re usually passed down through witch families or familiar families, but there hasn’t been a witch in my family for at least a hundred years, so I’ve had to buy some from Hex to study them. I figured we could start with something small and work our way up to the big stuff.”

He opened the book to the front few chapters, knowing these were spells most witches knew by the time they were in primary school, but they were both new at this, Nils more so than Judah, but still.

“Okay, this is a levitation spell. Levitation comes really easy to me, most of the time I don’t even need a spell, but I can only lift one or two things at a time usually, unless I concentrate really hard. Even then it’s like, small stuff you know? Maybe with your help, we can lift everything in the room. It’d be pretty cool, right?” He grinned, holding his hand out to Nils. He didn’t know how to tap into Nils’s magic without holding hands, he’d have to ask Elijah or Murph about it, but so long as Nils was okay with holding hands, it was much simpler this way.

-

nils purposefully averted his gaze when he recognized the curious look on judah’s face. he so desperately did not want to be asked about that just yet. he hadn’t ever told the story to someone outside of the whole thing, except for  well, joshua, and he was usually high when he was around him. nils hadn’t even tried to think of a paraphrased version, one a little nicer, in case judah ever asked. he wouldn’t even know where to begin. 

nils nodded when judah mentioned having him, feeling that spark resonate between them when his shoulder was touched. “i’m sorry i don’t have any of my own,” he said quietly, shaking his head. he could be useful, to a point. he couldn’t even provide judah with spells. “then you must be special, right?” nils said with a teasing grin. “well, you and grace, i guess?” that was the only other bachmann witch he knew of. “it’s cool. the levitation thing. it’s kind of funny––i’m a bird, and you can levitate easily, so like . . . we both kind of fly? ah, that was lame.” he laughed uneasily, taking judah’s hand when it was offered. “do i, uh, concentrate or something?”

[bvttlebcrn]

emerywoods​:

Worry and panic rose in Emery when Henri sank to his knees, but he tried his best to keep steady for him, because his boyfriend needed him right now. He kept his arms around the vampire’s shoulders, his heart shattering at the very sight, the mere sound of the other man’s sobbing. “Oh, baby…it’s okay,” he whispered, softly kissing the top of Henri’s head, letting him cry till he heard a faint answer. “Kellan?” His eyes widened, anger rising up in him almost immediately. “What the fuck did Kellan do?” 

henri shook his head against emery. “my fault,” he whimpered, the last thing he wanted was emery mad at kellan. god, that would make things even more complicated, and right now he just felt so lost. “please don’t––” he hiccuped another sob, “don’t leave. don’t go yelling at him. just stay with me.” henri managed to peel himself away from emery, no matter how reluctant he was to do so. emery felt safe and warm. there was a thrumming between them ever since emery had started to be rougher with him in bed, when he fed . . . henri understood the risks, but he finally felt like he had something of a bond with emery, even if it was dwarfed by all of emery’s others. “please?” he whispered, head tilted back to look at emery. he couldn’t even be sure of what he was asking for. 

[bvttlebcrn]

beauxnavarre​:

Beau wasn’t sure what Henri wanted to talk about. He’d already spilled his guts about Leif and all the confusing feelings there, and he didn’t think there was anything going on on Henri’s end because he didn’t really pay much attention to Henri’s other relationships. He had to force himself to keep his nose out of them because he knew he’d try to sabotage them out of jealousy if he did, and that wasn’t fair to Henri. He wanted Henri to be happy, which begged the question of why he was with Beau, but he’d tried and failed to push Henri away several times for the vampire’s own good so by this point he just tried to go with it since the guy still wanted him for some reason.

“What’s going on?” he asked curiously after shutting the door. 

-

henri cautiously reached out and took beau’s hand. “i brought wine,” he said with a warm smile, waving the bottle in the air. “your favorite, too.” henri lifted beau’s knuckles and kissed them gently, knowing it might be his last. he let the other’s hand go to bring the bottle over to the kitchen and set it down. “things have been tumultuous lately, and i was struggling with how to tell you,” he admitted quietly, taking a seat at beau’s table. “i didn’t want to insert myself when you were going through so much. i . . .” henri took a bracing breath. “things are still up in the air, but kellan has . . . he’s confessed feelings for me.” henri pointed his head down. “and you have to know, beau. you have to know, it doesn’t take away any sort of love i have for you.”

[bvttlebcrn]

rhysxsolak​:

-

Rhys sighed and shook his head. “Nils, please.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m not. When I left, they were still picking up the mess I made.” He told him. “They didn’t have time to do that to me.” He told him honestly. “I don’t think they’ll be looking for us for awhile. I promise you, I made sure of it.” He told the other man. “I saw Leif the other day… He’s doing well, I figured you were here… Since you two never leave each other’s sides.” He joked. “Whose that?” Rhys asked, motioned towards the blonde walking away, flashing him a smile. 

-

it was hard to change nils’s mind once he came to a conclusion about someone. to be fair, there weren’t a lot of people he trusted that didn’t hurt him. things seemed to be changing on that front in wildemount, but he couldn’t know for sure that rhys was safe. leif––leif he knew immediately. his best friend held a special place in his heart that meant nils would alway trust him. rhys? rhys was an enigma. he hadn’t been raised there like the two of them had, and he had always seemed to flit in and out. he narrowed his eyes and grabbed onto the front of rhys’s shirt, pushing him into an alleyway right next to where they stood. “why do you fucking care? going to use her against me? did they fucking send you?”

[bvttlebcrn]

happy birthday grace. (on the rooftop, french imported cigarettes, café au lait, french wine, croissant, baguette,  and enough money for whatever tattoo she wanted and whatever tattoo she wanted on him) ( @gracexbachmann ) it’s no paris, but it’s as close as i can get right now.

[bvttlebcrn]

🏠 - henri

found here.

[bvttlebcrn]

💛 - emery/henri

found here.

[sxsxsydney]

Sydney enjoyed his walks with Mercy. She was familiar and kind and had a baseline understanding of what he was going through. She knew what it was like to feel outcast. It grounded him to know be wasn’t alone.

“Mercy... Do you remember when you first walked by the funeral home? I invited you in for tea.” He glaced down at his cup, “...I noticed you didn’t touch the walls. — I’m glad you didn’t.” A sheepish shrug, “I wouldn’t want to know all that they’ve seen either, if I’m honest. I know too much as it is. It’s all very... heavy.”

He glanced at her, the gash on his forehead had healed up nicely but left a little scar over his brow, “...D’you know for a while I wasn’t expecting to stay here (considering how abysmal my work situation is at times). But now... I think... I might. Can’t figure out why though, not really. Just a feeling. Like there’s something drawing me here now. Does that make sense?” A pause as they walked by a flower stand, “I was wondering if you could see anything. In my future, I mean.” handing over his card and telling the clerk, “— Whatever she wants.”

@bvttlebcrn

[bvttlebcrn]

sydney had very quickly become a close friend. they both shared an experience with magic she wasn’t sure peyton or evani could ever totally understand. mercy both loved it and feared it, all at the same time. syd just got that. he didn’t give her weird looks when one moment, all she wanted to do was immerse herself in the warm feeling of her magic, and the next moment, wanted absolutely nothing to do with it. 

she especially enjoyed their walks together. sometimes they didn’t talk the entire time, just their feet moving at the exact same pace as they took in the world around them. sometimes, they couldn’t stop talking about whatever came to their minds. sometimes, it was like today, where their conversation lulled into a comfortable silence, and then picked back up later. “mhm,” she hummed brightly, tilting her face up towards the warm sun beating down on them. 

she opened her eyes when she heard him continue, eyebrows furrowing. so her instinct had been right. she walked closer to sydney and wrapped both of her arms around one of his, listening to him speak. “i understand.” she reached up to brush her fingers along the scar. “i can look. we should head back to my house for the magic room, though.” she turned to the flower stand and picked out an arrangement of flowers, grinning brightly.

[bvttlebcrn]

gracexbachmann​:

Grace wandered into Judah’s house, hoping to find her aunt there. Instead, she found herself face-to-face with Nils. She nodded and smiled, reaching for one of the latkes on his plate. “So I see you’ve made yourself at home then, ya?” Grace let out a small laugh. 

She bit into the snack and smiled at him. “So, how are you?” The blonde asked. “You just being practicing magic with Judah?” Grace smirked. “Sounds… fun. I hope he’s showing you something cool. I mean, I’m sure it is. He’s a good witch.” Grace told him. She frowned for a moment and smirked. “Is he here?” She asked, glancing around the room.  

he pushed the plate of latkes towards her when she reached for one. nils tried not to seem too eager to talk to her, biding his time with a sip of his drink while she spoke. “i guess i have. she insists on feeding me every time i’m here, even though i can actually afford my own meals now.” he stretched back in his seat, shrugging in response to her question. “yeah, i guess. i’m still not too practiced at it. sort of feel like the dumb ass sitting in the corner.” nils rolled his eyes when she commented on how fun it sounded. judah was sweet, and his witch, and he was happy to help even if he felt completely lost. 

“no, he’s not. i was sort of waiting around for him, since it’s my day off. he’s probably run off with hagen or whoever else.” nils shrugged, trying not to feel bitter about it. after another beat of silence, he leaned forward on the table, tapping his fingers against it. “so, hey. i heard your birthday was coming up, and i kind of got you a gift.”

[bvttlebcrn]

bean-damnaithe​:

-

“I was going to run. I had a plan before I was caught. I was going to run away. In hindsight I know it was foolish. He was married so I had no real assurance it would work but I was… I was in love and I wanted you to be loved by him.” Briana remembered the plan. She was going to slip out at night, travel to Mack’s homestead and plead he keep her safe. The woman she was now would have branded her human self a fool but she hadn’t lost everything yet.

“None of them knew.” Briana confirmed. "I was locked away before I breathe a word of it. No one even questioned it once the news of the affair was out. Of course I was gone. How would I even think of showing my face at court after being so publicly disgraced. I was the shame of my family now. As for telling anyone I had even been pregnant, I didn’t know how.” She admitted. “I almost did, multiple times. To Lorcan, to Mack. To your aunt once. I got so close but I had already been ostracised so much. It was all my fault. Everything. I made the first move. I knew what I was doing. I knew he was married. I was the one who was caught. I was the one who got pregnant and set forth the series of events that lead to where we are now.”

The Ryan Banshee. The Immortal Mistress.

Thief.

Whore.

Liar. 

“Ask them these days most would say they don’t blame me but they’re lying. After it happened and we were just finding our feet I saw the looks in their eyes. Even after we adapted and our families reunited, you really think there was room for me? Mack was married still. My presence would only serve as a reminder of what we had done and what I had caused. If they had known… I had already brought shame upon my family I couldn’t suffer the weight of more without you there. If I had you I would have fought them all to have you accepted, shame be damned. But I didn’t and thinking about you brought me pain. The birth had been traumatic. If I had still been human it’s possible you would have been my only child or that I’d be dead.” Briana admitted. “But do you really think it would have changed things? My family treats you with suspicion.”

-

aisling sat back in the booth, turning her face away from her mother to stare out the window. she pressed her knuckles to her mouth, hoping to hide the way it was trembling. she missed mack. she missed what little they had. she missed the way that each time they interacted, she’d find a little more of him in herself. they were so similar, it was almost scary. hard headed, stubborn, sometimes impulsive, loud––definitely loud. she had hated what he represented for so long, and now she missed it. mack never ran away. he was solid, rock solid, and faced whatever was coming at him head first. he had accepted her challenge without a moments hesitation because he had respected her. he had respected her before he even knew her. he might have been an asshole, but that hadn’t changed the fact that he was a good man. he would have made a good father.

she came back to herself and the diner, lifting her head from where it had fallen. aisling didn’t know how much silence had passed between them or how much talking she had missed. her face felt hot and wet, and when she raised a hand to her cheek, she realized she had started crying. “he was a good man. i . . . i have to go.” aisling threw down a couple of twenties on the table and collected her back before climbing out of the booth. “i’m sorry. i have to go.”

[beyonces]

[hybrid-leif]

@bvttlebcrn

[yuhbelkii]

[gracexbachmann]

@bvttlebcrn

[bvttlebcrn]

firewithxn​:

iris smiled as she took a sip of her own drink. “really? is it because of the half naked individuals?” she laughed. “i always enjoyed embracing sexuality and showing that it’s normal and natural. hence why i opened a sex shop next door too.” she laughed.

“i’ll be completely honest. this is far from the first job i’ve had with half naked individuals around,” nils admitted with a grin. “but . . . they certainly help.” he leaned forward on the bar, nodding as she mentioned the sex shop. “oh yeah, i noticed . . . but really, i don’t usually gravitate towards traditional occupations, if that much wasn’t obvious already,” he said as he nodded down to his many tattoos on each arm, “but none have been so . . . above the board as this place. it’s nice to finally earn a living wage.”

[bvttlebcrn]

a moodboard about my muse’s home aesthetics