never fuck with girls like u

swear to god i'm a sinner in a church burning up for you

[mohammed-se-deactivated20190813]

[bxar-trap-archive]

@lcuistcmlinscn​ mat has always been a creature of habit. one bad move always turns into at least three or four before he has the idea to change his behaviors. so it really should come as no surprise that he disappeared off of the face of the earth after getting out of rehab. he hates to bring attention to any of his problems. but this time-- it felt wrong. telling lou nothing, not answering any phone calls or texts, that felt wrong. so wrong in fact, that he hasn’t gathered the courage to call him just yet. he’s stuck, sitting on the floor of his living room, pocky in arms, just staring at the phone. how does he even start this conversation? but nothing would change if he didn’t make it, and mat couldn’t stand this empty feeling anymore. he feels everything in hi body tell him to turn back as the phone rings, but he can’t bring himself to hang up. when the ringing finally ceases, all he can muster out is a tiny “ hello ??” which feels so small in his big living room that it threatens the tears he’s been holding back with an overflow. he regrets making this call. he shouldn’t be re-inserting himself into lou’s life. for fuck’s sake the man has a child. lou does not need to deal with mat’s shit on top of raising an actual human being. this was a MISTAKE. 

[bxar-trap-archive]

Text | Mat

Harry: Even I'm not exactly sure apart from my arse is apparently fantastic enough to deserve an award, and that's enough for me

Harry: Thanks for that! What about you, how've you been?

mat: i mean honestly// true

mat: stone cold fucking sober bc ur local plug actually did something productive

[bxar-trap-archive]

Text | Open

Harry: So I've just read that I was awarded quite a prestigious honor recently

Harry: You're talking to Mr. Celebrity Bum Bum 2018

mat: bro wtf does that even mean

mat: also congrats

[amelia-scottx]

Someone asked me if I could teach them to be English, they could just follow me around for a couple of months. It took a minute for it to register because I thought they were joking. Nope, dead serious and not sure how I feel about it. Like do they want to follow me to the bathroom and to bed too or just during the day? I kind of just walked away hoping they would forget. What’s the weirdest thing you have been asked?

[bxar-trap-archive]

“ probably something like -- okay but how did you stumble on to drugs ?? like sis did you think the coke just fell up my nose i’m a li’l lost on that.”

[bxar-trap-archive]

lcuistcmlinscn‌:

Since learning that his best friend is in rehab, Louis has tried his hardest to not leave Los Angeles for any longer than he’s had to. Aside from the odd work commitment, it was actually pretty easy to focus his life in LA and spend some quality time with his son, and he had been straight around to help when Mat had asked him to get rid of the drugs, and he’s prepared to do exactly the same the second that Mat was allowed out, or had visitors. “I can indeed,” is the answer he gives immediately, fishing his keys from the pocket of a jacket hung up by his front door. “Missed you, proper good t’hear your voice. Lemme guess, you’re not gonna tell me ‘til I get there?”

he’s missed lou a lot. more than he cares to admit to anyone, and he’s honestly so fucking scared. when things like this happen, he’s always worried that his friends will disappear, leaving him out to dry in his loneliness. with lou, things have never been like that. it always seems lou is ready to come to his rescue, and with each phone call he wonders if he’s closer to their last. “ of course not !! now hurry up !!” there’s a childlike energy about him, something he hasn’t possessed in a long time. he’s been gone so long, gone through so much, and for once in his life mat doesn’t feel like the pressure to be something he’s not is crushing him. he’s allowed to be raw, but he’s also allowed to be something more than the angry boy with too much time and too much money.

[bxar-trap-archive]

💬 + you will probably relapse again. (Im mean FORGIVE ME)

“ i hope not.”

[bxar-trap-archive]

@lcuistcmlinscn

mat has never been this starkly sober in his life, and he’s happy to finally be out of rehab. his mom picked him up and dropped him off at home, a drive filled with misty eyes and happy proclamations of love. he can pretend his skin doesn’t fucking itch with a desire to destroy himself all over for that ride, but as soon as he arrives back in his house, he pours himself a cup of tea and scoops up his excited pup in his arms to distract him. he calls lou almost instantly his phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear. “ can you come over ?? i miss you and i need to tell you something.”

[bxar-trap-archive]

Would you have hit Brendon at the party?

“ me ?? get angry and do something rash ?? NEVER.”

[bxar-trap-archive]

Where have you been lately?

“ dead.”

[bxar-trap-archive]

Are you optimistic about love?

“ even if it kills me.”

[bxar-trap-archive]

txt | lou

lou: well I can't wait until I can see you

lou: you know how worried I get.

lou: definitely not too much, you know I'd do that for you.

mat: i know you would but like you don't have to

mat: i'm getting out of here today so... if you're around i'd love to see you

[bxar-trap-archive]

txt | lou

lou: do I get to visit you?

lou: alright, I've got you. I'm geading over now.

lou: I want to visit you definitely.

mat: idk i havent seen anyone.. talked to my mom though

mat: would it be too much if i asked u to check on her and my siblings

[per-asperaa-ad-astra]

[bxar-trap-archive]

txt | lou

lou: of course

lou: do u need me to pick u up after?

lou: or at some point?

lou: where do u keep it.

mat: nah i'm in rehab so like...

mat: at some point

mat: idk i dont hide it just look around

[bxar-trap-archive]

txt | lou

mat: i need u to do me a huge favor

mat: my alarm code is ****

mat: go to my house and flush all my coke

[bxar-trap-archive]

Have you ever started to dislike a song you've released?

“ technically i just wrote it, but i’m over boyfriend. i just don’t think it’s worth the hype. “