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titsay
ojovivo

shark vs the universe
Claire Keane

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we're not kids anymore.
Xuebing Du
NASA
noise dept.
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cherry valley forever
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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Monterey Bay Aquarium
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#extradirty
Jules of Nature

ē„ę„ / Permanent Vacation

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@bxar-trap-archive
@lcuistcmlinscnā mat has always been a creature of habit. one bad move always turns into at least three or four before he has the idea to change his behaviors. so it really should come as no surprise that he disappeared off of the face of the earth after getting out of rehab. he hates to bring attention to any of his problems. but this time-- it felt wrong. telling lou nothing, not answering any phone calls or texts, that felt wrong. so wrong in fact, that he hasnāt gathered the courage to call him just yet. heās stuck, sitting on the floor of his living room, pocky in arms, just staring at the phone. how does he even start this conversation? but nothing would change if he didnāt make it, and mat couldnāt stand this empty feeling anymore. he feels everything in hi body tell him to turn back as the phone rings, but he canāt bring himself to hang up. when the ringing finally ceases, all he can muster out is a tinyĀ ā hello ??ā which feels so small in his big living room that it threatens the tears heās been holding back with an overflow. he regrets making this call. he shouldnāt be re-inserting himself into louās life. for fuckās sake the man has a child. lou does not need to deal with matās shit on top of raising an actual human being. this was a MISTAKE.Ā
Text | Mat
Harry: Even I'm not exactly sure apart from my arse is apparently fantastic enough to deserve an award, and that's enough for me
Harry: Thanks for that! What about you, how've you been?
mat: i mean honestly// true
mat: stone cold fucking sober bc ur local plug actually did something productive
Text | Open
Harry: So I've just read that I was awarded quite a prestigious honor recently
Harry: You're talking to Mr. Celebrity Bum Bum 2018
mat: bro wtf does that even mean
mat: also congrats
Someone asked me if I could teach them to be English, they could just follow me around for a couple of months. It took a minute for it to register because I thought they were joking. Nope, dead serious and not sure how I feel about it. Like do they want to follow me to the bathroom and to bed too or just during the day? I kind of just walked away hoping they would forget. Whatās the weirdest thing you have been asked?
ā probably something like -- okay but how did you stumble on to drugs ?? like sis did you think the coke just fell up my nose iām a liāl lost on that.ā
lcuistcmlinscnā:
Since learning that his best friend is in rehab, Louis has tried his hardest to not leave Los Angeles for any longer than heās had to. Aside from the odd work commitment, it was actually pretty easy to focus his life in LA and spend some quality time with his son, and he had been straight around to help when Mat had asked him to get rid of the drugs, and heās prepared to do exactly the same the second that Mat was allowed out, or had visitors. āI can indeed,ā is the answer he gives immediately, fishing his keys from the pocket of a jacket hung up by his front door. āMissed you, proper good tāhear your voice. Lemme guess, youāre not gonna tell me ātil I get there?ā
heās missed lou a lot. more than he cares to admit to anyone, and heās honestly so fucking scared. when things like this happen, heās always worried that his friends will disappear, leaving him out to dry in his loneliness. with lou, things have never been like that. it always seems lou is ready to come to his rescue, and with each phone call he wonders if heās closer to their last.Ā ā of course not !! now hurry up !!ā thereās a childlike energy about him, something he hasnāt possessed in a long time. heās been gone so long, gone through so much, and for once in his life mat doesnāt feel like the pressure to be something heās not is crushing him. heās allowed to be raw, but heās also allowed to be something more than the angry boy with too much time and too much money.
š¬ + you will probably relapse again. (Im mean FORGIVE ME)
ā i hope not.ā
@lcuistcmlinscn
mat has never been this starkly sober in his life, and heās happy to finally be out of rehab. his mom picked him up and dropped him off at home, a drive filled with misty eyes and happy proclamations of love. he can pretend his skin doesnāt fucking itch with a desire to destroy himself all over for that ride, but as soon as he arrives back in his house, he pours himself a cup of tea and scoops up his excited pup in his arms to distract him. he calls lou almost instantly his phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear.Ā ā can you come over ?? i miss you and i need to tell you something.ā
Would you have hit Brendon at the party?
ā me ?? get angry and do something rash ?? NEVER.ā
Where have you been lately?
ā dead.ā
Are you optimistic about love?
ā even if it kills me.ā
txt | lou
lou: well I can't wait until I can see you
lou: you know how worried I get.
lou: definitely not too much, you know I'd do that for you.
mat: i know you would but like you don't have to
mat: i'm getting out of here today so... if you're around i'd love to see you
txt | lou
lou: do I get to visit you?
lou: alright, I've got you. I'm geading over now.
lou: I want to visit you definitely.
mat: idk i havent seen anyone.. talked to my mom though
mat: would it be too much if i asked u to check on her and my siblings
txt | lou
lou: of course
lou: do u need me to pick u up after?
lou: or at some point?
lou: where do u keep it.
mat: nah i'm in rehab so like...
mat: at some point
mat: idk i dont hide it just look around
txt | lou
mat: i need u to do me a huge favor
mat: my alarm code is ****
mat: go to my house and flush all my coke
Have you ever started to dislike a song you've released?
ā technically i just wrote it, but iām over boyfriend. i just donāt think itās worth the hype.Ā ā