THE FEELING OF someone else’s hands on her wrists is almost uncomfortable , and if she had been sober , perhaps a quicker reaction would have been a punch to the mouth . but she’s inebriated , way beyond what she’s used to . head turns to see her fiance , the love of her life beside her , and expression contorts from panic about the broken bottle to panic about her wedding tomorrow . mumbling stops as eyes stare at him , open mouthed and almost ready to CRY . her vision is captivated by him , barely noticing as he strips her hands of the collected pieces of ceramic shards and places them gently away from her reach .
all she can think of is HIM , of how she’d be a terrible match for hiccup , how he could do so much better . she doesn’t let her mind wander back to days at the edge , when there almost was someone else in his life , when she almost let there be someone else . having his mother around was also a nerve racking experience , though she’d never say it aloud , not even drunk . she almost wants to tell hiccup EVERYTHING she’s felt since berk’s battle with drago , but there’s a hesitation in her mind as she rethinks how it would come out : as much as i love your mother , i miss the confidence your dad had in our relationship . how shitty is that ? so she keeps it to herself for now , besides , he hasn’t even asked her what happened yet . he’s just trying to stop the BLEEDING .
maybe that’s the best course of action right now , to listen to hiccup . he wasn’t desperately grasping at invisible straws as she was at the moment and that was definitely a plus in that column . she feels his hands pull her towards him , and astrid complies , leaning in towards him and giving him FREE REIGN of the open cuts on her hands and knees . he Isn’t wrong , she decides as the blood starts to easily fall from her knees and shins . her eyes don’t leave his face as she watches him begin to inspect . chest constricting , astrid finds it harder and harder to breath normally , taking in deep breaths as she thinks about what an IDIOT she must look like right now : eyes brimming with tears , cuts and bruises lining her body where his hands had previously touched smooth verglas-like skin , drunker than gobber had been at their ENGAGEMENT celebration . the feeling of regret hits her hard , and she hiccups quietly to herself . ❝ i’m sorry … ❞
A knife in his side crawls under his skin, twisting at almost every second that passes by. Maybe it was the blood - or even the booze, that shakes his frame with an ache that almost shakes his confidence. It wasn’t too long ago that he was revelling in the knowledge that she said yes to him; the present was a stark contrast. Becoming lost in the euphoric elation of the future he saw submerged his foresight for error. Hiccup had become ENAMORED in the future he saw over the horizon, too enamored he realizes. His hold on her becomes a little tighter, a little firmer - because he couldn’t ignore the look on her face. An unexplainable shame trickles in his mossy gaze, a shame he embraces on that spot.
As much as the apology’s lack of context confused him, a part of him could manifestly understand it. She didn’t need to say it, it felt like something he needed to have said instead. I’m sorry. A slight gristly hand comes up to gently turn her face, stemming from a uncertainty that she had been injured elsewhere. A portion of him wanted to stay preoccupied in the moment, Gods why was he such a COWARD now? Sorry. Hiccup pulls the closest thing he could think of and the legs of a chair unpleasantly scrapes the wooden floor. He tiptoes around his words as if the floor of his own mind was canopied in shards. A feeble attempt tumbles from his crooked lips, ‘ Astrid ... ‘ What should he say? Abruptly, he acts like he forgets what he was saying and retreats.
Unwritten words and soft spoken sentences dance on his slightly parted lips, mocking him for his cowardice in his vulnerabilities. Hiccup loved her, so why was it so hard to ask her what was wrong? This ill timed event instigates his fears of not being good enough, not being a suitable partner. But that couldn’t be it - could it? Of course it wasn’t, he saw the way she looked at him and knew how he looked at her. YET Life revolved around his self worth, egotistic - of course. This perpetual theme of being good enough for someone or something would always be a part of his human condition, even now.
Sheep woven cloth from the table is gently pressed against one of the gashes as his own knees press against the alcohol stained floorboards. His eyes come up to look at her appearance, wishing he could answer his own doubts without having to ask. He couldn’t - he wouldn’t. To hear it from her was more important than his selfish reassurances. Hiccup was HERE and it was where he would be for as long as she needed him to be. ‘ What for ... ? We can fix this, just try to relax and hold this cloth on your knee, okay? ‘