What are you thinking CTR? I’m pretty disappointed by how Spade is reacting by talking about not voting :( how do you feel?
I have conflicting thoughts on it all, to be honest. But the best way to sum it up is to say my spirit here has wilted.
Maybe I am naive for thinking a lavender marriage wouldn't happen. Maybe I was led astray. In any case, I genuinely thought this was a line she wouldn't cross; one she'd be able to avoid. I try my best to separate my emotions from what happens here and I think I do a good job on a normal day. I will say though that when I saw that just married sign outside of MSG my heart sank. I felt dumfounded, confused, and stupid.
I pay close attention here. I spend time documenting what's going on. Because I am fascinated by how different the public narrative is versus my (skewed and incomplete) understanding of the truth. And I have such a high respect for Taylor's artistry. I'd love if one day her mainstream fans develop as deep an appreciation as I have for the layers of her art. Also, I think her love story with Karlie is as beautiful as it is tangled.
But in order for me to be active on here I am sacrificing time in my real life. With my two kids who are with me nearly all my waking hours. And in the midst of a major renovation on a new (100 year old) home. I have no time to breathe yet I am sneaking in a few minutes here and there as my kids relax or get distracted by a toy. These quick moments have typically helped me fill my cup. I get to use a part of my brain I temporarily retired as a burnt out analyst turned stay at home parent. After last night, however, I'm not sure I see the point of spending so much time on here.
Were the bejeweled breadcrumbs bullshit? The friends pilot episode eggs? Am I off base to feel like we were feed this idea along the lines of ghosting or ditching at the altar? To keep us here. Then whoopsie that's not what happened but its okay though right? Here's Abigail walking out of her hotel with a golden clutch named after a volcano term. Here's Ash with a heart on fire emoji on her IG post. You saw the napkin leading to the lyrics "or it's gonna go down in flames" right? (Etc.) We good?
The thing is I do believe there is a grand plan. Maybe this is what it looks like to jump in with the sharks or swoop in as the albatross. And having Karlie attend the wedding was major progress in terms of squashing a fallout from Taylor's side. But I stand by what I said that there is no reason to put on an absolute CIRCUS of a wedding just to sell a lavender marriage. There's a point to it I don't yet understand. But what's the runway to real change? Steps forward that come without just as many or more steps backward? This year? 7 years from now? Can I stomach the wait? Or should I step back?