It must hurt to watch her words fall ‘pon deaf ears, to watch him avert his gaze && not understand, never comprehend where her drive came from — IT’D ALL BE OVER BEFORE SHE KNEW IT, he was furious she wanted to cast her life out, without knowing it’d all be for naught. But his rage never bubbled to the surface, it remained beneath tempered by his teeth, his nails, not until she says those words.
“Could have died..?” Prompto couldn’t say it either; caught up in a mess of blindly placed optimism with all this HOPE left, all this DRIVE. He felt … GUILTY, he thinks; this GUILT biting at his heels, sickening / SHE’S YELLING && HE WANTS TO LET HER HURT, some distant part of him wants to wrap his arms around her / let her pain BLEED into his palms where he’ll heal it, cupping his fingers to her wounds. ( BUT HE’S ROTTING. )
“I’m going to die anyway.” THEREIN RINGS A LAUGH, bone dry && echoing in the small train compartment; it starts small, but it grows, IT BOUNCES OFF THE WALLS / but it sounds like SOBBING, WRETCHED notes sung from his throat. When he gasps for breath, IT SOUNDS LIKE STRING SNAPPING.
“I — GODS, WHY?” It isn’t rage, but it’s something close; maybe it’s GRIEF, ALL THE GRIEF HE WOULDN’T LET HIMSELF FEEL channelled into the way he stands up && towers, his hands in his hair. “Why are you so fucking determined — all of this is already set in stone! YOU CAN’T CHANGE IT! MAYBE I JUST WANT TO KNOW YOU LIVED so SOMEBODY OUT THERE WHO LOVED ME WILL REMEMBER ME!”
A FOOT TAKES A HALF STEP BACK-- hesitantly, as if she’s both been stung and filled to the brim with guilt. time had indeed been poisonous, rooted their pain deep with every second of piled secrets and WHAT IFS. in her obliviousness she had taken the wounds quietly, wondering to herself what she couldn’t give -- wondering why she wasn’t ENOUGH. it was a simple truth, she had grown knowing she never was enough, how could this be any different ?
and then the walls dance with the echos of his laughter ( though she can hardly BELIEVE it to be so , ) I’M GOING TO DIE ANYWAY. rings in her ears and for the first time she can’t get her lips to move-- tongue too heavy in her mouth as everything moves TOO SLOW. the easy response: don’t talk like that, you won’t we can do this ; dies along with any other rebuttal. because somehow, the way it rings clear in her ears-- she knows she’s given a truth.
and she hates it, won’t ACCEPT that to be their reality. “ you.... YOU DON’T KNOW THAT. you haven’t even tried ! what AREN’T you telling me ? -- .....AND YOU KNOW WHAT ? WHATEVER IT IS ? it won’t change, i won’t change. a titan could SLAP ME IN THE FACE WITH CERTAIN DOOM AND I’LL STILL TRY TO CHANGE IT BECAUSE I... ” its too much, there’s not enough air and she can hear the quiet notes the soft wheeze in the back of her throat. rivers pour for tear stained eyes and onto the floor of the roaring train under their feet.
“ what do you want from me ? .... do you want me to go ? SAY IT, if that’s what you want. tell me, do you want me to leave ? ”
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