I'm a European, 28 years old girl, who has a love-hate relationship with writing and K-Pop. Honestly, I'm not new here, but I wanted to start on a fresh blog, while moving my old writings here, and also adding new stories to them.
I hope you enjoy reading them!
Where to find what:
#Masterlist #WIP #Ask me anything #Last 5 updates #Fic recs
At last, let me warn you: I plan to write for a lot of fandom, including K-Pop, Tv shows, books and anime. I have a lot of plans, but I'm a very slow writer.
There were a lot of gossips about your superior, Doctor Jung’s secret works, where he invited surgeon residents to his private clinic to help him out. Afterwards, no one talked a word about it. Then, your time came. He took you there too, and you did your best to do exactly what your job was in the hospital: saving people’s lives. You just didn’t know who’s life it was this time.
Previous | Next
You don’t exactly remember when you fell asleep. All you could focus on was the feather-light touches on and around your nipple. You felt something soft and wet trail a slow path up to your left one from your rib cage. Cool air licked your skin, making your nipple harden even more.
The fog cleared from your head as you woke up, memories flooding you. Ah, you fell asleep in the shower, barely remembering Eunhyuk carrying you to bed. It was almost morning, when the night finally ended for you two.
You let out a breathy moan as the man sucked your nipple into his mouth. His tongue slowly circled around it, then gave it a rather harsh bite.
“Did no one ever told you how rude it is pretending to be asleep?” His voice was raspy, but playful.
You rubbed your thighs together, feeling your own wetness making your skin slick before answering Eunhyuk’s question.
“Not pretending. Just enjoying certain pleasures.”
He hummed thoughtfully at that.
“Ah, yes. Certain pleasures… and pains.”
Upon his last word, his mouth was back on you, biting so hard this time, you knew it will leave a bruise. And you didn’t mind. A little reminder for you.
Just as you thought back the multiple orgasms and positions you enjoyed with him, Eunhyuk slipped his hand between your thighs, stopping for a moment when he felt the slickness on your skin.
“And here I was thinking that I perfectly satisfied your hunger. Yet, you are just as wet when I first tasted this sweet pussy of yours.”
His hand wandered further up, until he finally reached your core, instantly slipping a slender finger inside. You opened your eyes at the sensation. His dark ones mirrored the hunger you felt.
He shimmied closer on the cheap, white sheet of your bed, pushing his hard dick into your side. Your mouth filled with saliva as you remembered how it felt on your tongue last night; the face he made when he came into your mouth was divine.
You let your thoughts run free. You pushed Eunhyuk on his back and lowered yourself on him without hesitation. He was harder than ever. Your moans echoed back from the empty walls.
‘The only thing we haven’t tried from his little list,’ you thought, and started to slowly move on him. Up and down, sometimes rubbing yourself back and forth for your own pleasure.
He had you on almost every surface your apartment could offer, yet you never got to riding him. What was it that he said? Watching your breasts move as you ride him? Then that’s what he’s gonna get.
You kept switching your rhythm and directions. Eunhyuk’s gaze flickered between your breasts and eyes. He looked at you like he figured your little game out. How you wanted to make him loose his mind before your only night together ends.
And he seemed to remember your words, too, since he never made a move to touch you since you sat on his dick. Furrowing your eyebrows, you realized how wrong you were. You grabbed his hands, placing one on your hip, making the other grab your breast. His dark tattoos made a nice contrast with your ink-virgin skin.
“I thought you wanted full control while riding me,” he said; dark eyes glinting with mischief.
“I changed my mind.”
You lowered yourself, stealing a quick kiss. Eunhyuk had other things on his mind. His hand left your nipple and grabbed the back of your head, not letting your lips get too far from his.
“I changed it, too. Touch yourself while riding me.”
Your hand immediately followed his instruction, sensually rubbing your clit, but not before dipping your fingers into his mouth to make them wet. You were eagerly waiting where this was going.
“Good girl,” Eunhyuk breathed into your mouth. Now both his hands were on your thighs, only helping you move, but not taking your control away. “Do it as you would when alone. I want you to make yourself come on my dick. I want you to fuck yourself with it.”
Momentarily, he closed his eyes and took a sharp breath as you sank particularly fast and deep on him after a few shallow moves. Only then did he continue.
“Use me for your pleasure. I want your tight little pussy flutter around me. Want to feel it trying to strangle my dick as it pulses during your high.”
His words made things to your body. Or maybe it was the combination of your fingers on your clit and his dick constantly hitting just the right spot in you. Whatever it was, you came with a strangled scream just as his last words left his mouth. Eunhyuk seemed to follow you to your high – his hands gripped your skin, locking you in place. You felt his dick pulsate in you.
After a few seconds only your labored breathing could be heard, and you giddily chuckled to yourself. You were laying on his chest, not caring for a thing in the world, only listening to his rapid heartbeat and enjoying the afterglow of your orgasm.
“Did this night help you with your problem with me distracting you?”
Your voice was quite, not wanting to move just yet. But you had to. Your alarm went off, and Eunhyuk was faster on his feet than you could shut the damn thing off.
“I’ll tell you soon.”
He threw the words at you over his shoulder. After finding and putting his clothes back on, you could only hear the door closing behind him.
After getting ready for work, you met Shindong across the street of your apartment. He was thoughtful enough to not say anything about his boss not leaving until half an hour earlier or your tired appearance. And you never asked if he had to sleep in his car because of it.
Watching houses and shops pass by through the window, you unfocused your eyes, not really seeing the outside world. Sometimes a person here and there managed to catch your attention: like a little girl almost running into the street. His mother caught her wrist in time, luckily. Or the old man walking on the pavement with a cane and a few heavy looking shopping bags. A teenager approached him, taking over some of his load. Moment like these restored your faith in humanity. It made you think of your job, that it was worth spending all those long hours at the hospital. You could never knew how many people you saved from mourning their loved ones.
A man also caught your eyes. You only saw his back, but you were almost certain it was him. Not knowing his name, just his face. It was burned deep into your memories, haunted you in your nightmares. Not that you would ever admit it to anyone.
Taking a quick look back as you passed by, you watched the man disappear through the door of the police station.
With furrowed eyebrows, you turned to Shindong. A glance at you, and he knew something was troubling you.
“Just spit it out.”
“I think… No, I know I just saw my attacker walk into the police station.”
Shindong didn’t reply immediately. Didn’t even look at you. Focusing on the road ahead, he maneuvered the car in the traffic almost elegantly.
At a red light, he asked:
“The one who visited you at the hospital?”
“Yes. Why would he go to the police?”
“Maybe he decided to give himself up for breaking into your place and beating you.”
You snorted at that.
“I never even made a report about it.”
“And you never will. We handle these things in our own circle, not by dragging the police into it.”
Another long pause.
You only spoke up again when Shindong stopped the car at the hospital.
“Then why would he go there?”
“I have no fucking idea.”
Lately, wherever Jung was at work, you were there, too. It was unsaid, but he took you under his wings. Not one soul dared to say he became your mentor, but the fact was apparent to anyone. Even the whispers about his secret work halted.
Nurses were the first to notice Shindong’s presence around the hospital: him coincidentally appearing wherever you and Jung were. Some of them were smart, coming to a conclusion that he was guarding someone. But they couldn’t figure out who; you or Jung. And when nurses knew something, soon after the whole hospital would know of it.
Maybe that was the reason why Ryeowook rarely looked for your company as of late.
Jung was on ER duty, you tagged along. He didn’t tell you to, you seemed to follow him a lot.
He was a smart man. Smart and had the talented hands of a surgeon. You wanted to be like him one day: cold and cynical in the operating room, only focusing on the task at hand: saving the person’s life who laid on his table.
Being in the ER with Jung meant two things for you: learning from him and taking over a nurse’s tasks. You enjoyed it, because Shindong never followed you here.
The day was slow. Nothing big happening, surprisingly. A woman who cut her finger off while making dinner, a kid who fell and hit his head (their parents were fretting over him a little too much, which seemed to annoy Jung, you noted), a lady with migraine.
Jung was sipping on some coffee in the break room, while you were waiting on some lab results regarding a patient with heavy abdominal and lower back pain. Most likely kidney stones, according to Jung.
The doctor himself seemed to be really immersed in his drink, so you didn’t expect his next words:
“You were late today.”
You only cocked an eyebrow at him, not knowing where this was going. He sighed, when he finally looked at you.
“You have not once been late from work since you started here.”
Taking a sip of your coffee, you stole a glance at the closed door of the room. Your silence encouraged him to speak more freely.
“I drove by your place last night.”
You decided to play safe by being nonchalant about his words.
“And?”
“I saw Eunhyuk’s car outside your place. You can imagine my surprise, when I found Shindong sitting in your car and he informed me what you were possibly doing up there.”
You heaved a sigh. You couldn’t place the accusing tone in the doctor’s voice.
“What does it have to do with anything?”
“Eunhyuk may saved my life more than once, Y/N, but I have to warn you! Don’t mix business and pleasure. He is good to his people, but being emotionally entangled with him… It won’t end well, trust me.”
“Who said anything about emotions?” Your voice was cool despite the topic. Your face heated up when Jung placed a warm hand on yours. His eyes were almost begging.
“I have known Eunhyuk for years. Never, not even once have I seen him so obviously show interest in a woman. Even if it as you say, with no emotions involved, you are putting a target on your back. A much bigger one than you already have on you. I don’t want to see you get hurt again… or end up heartbroken.”
It looked like Jung was finished with the conversation. He drank the last of his coffee, put his mug in the sink and left you alone with your thoughts.
And oh boy, they were a swirling mess.
You wanted to ask Jung what he was doing last night at your place. Wanted to know what he meant by him never seeing Eunhyuk showing interest in women. But mostly, you wanted to know why the doctor was trying to protect you so much.
Deep down, you knew he was right. You were only going to get hurt in the end. Emotionally or physically, you didn’t know yet.
Jung kept his mouth shut about Eunhyuk for the rest of your shift. He talked about common things, politics, even asked about your mother and your plans for visiting her. You dismissed the latter topic with a roll of your eyes.
You loved your mother, but on many occasions her love and worry for you could be overwhelming. Phone calls here and there, rare visits was your way of communicating with her. Especially now. You wouldn’t want Eunhyuk’s enemies get to her. They couldn’t get you to talk, they might try to make you by hurting your loved ones.
After a quick shower and changing back into your clothes, you were informed by Jung that Eunhyuk had requested both of your presence at his place. His words, not yours. The pompous ass, you thought.
So you all got into your car, Shindong driving without really telling you where you all were going. You tried to pay attention to your surroundings, but it was late and you were tired. The less you knew about the mafia boss, the better.
The area where you finally stopped was one where even you wouldn’t dare to live. The street was empty, the houses looked abandoned, but in some windows you saw lights flickering. A place for homeless people? Or for men with illegal businesses.
It looked like Jung knew his way around here, as he lead you to a ragged door, Shindong following closely. The doctor’s three knocks were almost inaudible in the night, but someone on the other side was expecting you, because it opened immediately.
You recognized the young man you patched up a few weeks earlier. He greeted you with a smile that didn’t match with the place or the work he was doing. It was honest and warm, but again, he was young.
“Good to see you again, Doc!”
You struggled to remember his name, so you just nodded at him with a tentative smile.
The boy remained at the door, and Shindong went forward, leading you where you were supposed to be. You seemingly went down to the basement. The place was large and quite disgusting. It was mostly empty, save for the chair in the middle that Eunhyuk was currently occupying. Donghae stood close to his right.
You looked at him. Your skin warmed and something in your stomach churned when your eyes met. He spoke up, his gaze falling to a man you haven’t noticed yet. But when you did, all air left your lungs. Even heavily beaten and painted with bruises, you recognized the man who broke into your home. The one, who hit you into a concussion.
“Is it the one who beat you up?” There was something dangerous in Eunhyuk’s voice. You wouldn’t call it anger. It was much more sinister.
“Yes.” Your own voice was quite. You couldn’t rip your eyes away from the man kneeling in front of the mafia boss.
“Is it the one who you saw this morning?”
Of course Shindong informed him about who you saw on your way to work. You also noticed how Eunhyuk never mentioned where the man was going. You couldn’t decide whether it was intentional or not, so you kept your words to the minimum. It wouldn’t be that your bodyguard haven’t told him every detail.
“No.”
Eunhyuk hummed, his next words came out yonderly:
“I was never fond of moles. And by the looks of it, you have one attached to you. What a shame you won’t be there to alert your little boss.”
Then, he lazily lifted a hand, signaling something to Donghae.
It’s as if you watched it in slow motion. By the time Eunhyuk let his hand back down, his most trusted man had a gun in his hand, pointing it at the man on the ground.
The sound of the shot was loud, your ears rang as it echoed back from the walls. Your body seemed to freeze in place. Blood splattered on the dirty ground and the man tumbled forward lifelessly. Shindong moved a little closer to you, you felt his presence on your side, which weirdly made you feel safe.
Locking eyes with Eunhyuk, the world seemed to fill with life again. You heard Donghae bark into his phone for someone to get there and clean up the mess.
Jung cleared his throat as your bodyguard said:
“It was too merciful of a death for the bastard.”
The mafia boss emerged from his seat, maneuvering around the dead body, all while keeping his eyes on you. At the flick of his hand, you heard Jung and Shindong leaving from behind you.
When he was finally standing in front of you, you let out a ragged breath, you didn’t know you were holding back.
“It wasn’t enough. I am not finished with you yet.” The seductive undertone in his voice did things to you, but Eunhyuk just waved at you to leave. So you did. But anticipation made your head fuzzy for the drive home, and only in the car did you realize that Eunhyuk caressed your hand before you left.
Jung’s warning from earlier kept repeating in your head while you tried to fall asleep that night.
sm moving at light speed with a statement and swift contract split means there really ain’t no other way to spin this. incredibly shocking and disappointing news. wishing love, healing, and justice to all victims wrapped up in this situation - and former fans, be gentle with yourself. you couldn’t have known and it always hurts to have hard truths revealed like this but on the other side of the coin, let’s see this for what it is and let go. the only defending he needs is from an actual lawyer.
Slowly coming out of my year long writer's block...
Currently working on part 7 of Lead and Gold. And unfortunately for myself, I fell into the rabbit hole of Sherlock after about 10(??) years... (again...also I'm talking about the BBC TV show...) And Mycroft just picked my interest a little too much...
Not promising anything, yet. Lead and Gold will continue slowly, but surely.
my problem is i am a girl who likes the idea of doing so many things but in reality only has the energy to daydream about doing those things rather than actually doing them
Heyy are you still writing for lead and gold? (Im)patiently waiting for an update >_<
I'm currently taking a break from writing altogether. I burned out a little bit, but I try to get back to it as soon as I can. I will definitely finish writing Lead and Gold :) <3
Running away was never the kind of thing Doyoung would do. Not until his responsibilities started to eat him alive, and the only thing on his mind was a night free from anything and everything.
“But it’s the devil that’s tryna
Hold me down, hold me down
Sneaking out the back door,
Make no sound”
Driving around after sunset wasn’t unusual for you. Most of the time you found yourself hopping into your car before you could think of anything else, and drove until you felt sleepy enough to finally go to bed.
Insomnia was a nasty little thing like that. It made falling asleep hard, sometimes you couldn’t even sleep for a day or two, and you would be like a zombie at work.
It only started after your brother’s death. A car crash with him dying and two other people severely injured. You drove around for the memory of him. You drove around, because he wanted to see the world and with your limited resources you could only discover the secret places of Seoul. You looked for tourist hotspots, famous historical places, hidden restaurants and cafes, really anything that caught your eye. Sometimes you would wander around on foot, but driving was the best. It silenced your mind and you could imagine your brother sitting on the passenger seat, joking around, eager to go to places.
Some places you knew by heart, visiting them again and again.
Tonight wasn’t any different. You planned to go to the City Wall, looking around the Namdaemun market, buying something delicious to eat, then go and look at the Namdaemun Gate while eating.
Soft wind caressed your face as you rolled the windows down and stopped at a red light. You half-heartedly listened to the song playing on the radio; an old ballad about love. The lyrics went unnoticed by your mind, but the soulful melody made your heart clench in pain. It made you remember your parents’ face after the burial of your brother. It was the only time you saw your father cry.
Movement caught your eye. On the pavement, a young man around your age was running. He had a desperate look on his face, like he was running from something, but you didn’t see anything chasing him. Maybe he had this funny way for exercising. Only, he wasn’t wearing clothes made for running and it seemed like he was running straight to your car.
With a lump settling in your throat, you considered rolling the windows back up, but decided against it. Sure, he wasn’t running to a stranger’s car at night. You still activated the safety lock. Who knows, Seoul was just like any city at night: with the wrong step you could be in danger.
And oh, boy, you were wrong! The guy ran right up to you, popping his head in above the window, and said:
“Please, take me somewhere, anywhere before they find out I ran away!”
Not even in the future could you explain what made you unlock the car, and let him climb in. Maybe it was the haunted look in his eyes or how he was breathing heavily.
So you let him get in just in time for the red light changing to green. He fastened the seat belt without you having to asking him, which was a bonus point in your mind. He looked unharmed and didn’t seem like he would attack you in any moment.
You let out the air stuck in your lungs, and cleared your throat.
“So, do you have anywhere specific in your mind?” you asked after a long silence.
You were still driving in the direction of the Namdaemun Gate, the stranger’s presence not diverting you from your original plans.
“It doesn’t matter where you take me. I just need time to clear my mind.” You glanced at him for a moment, and he was scrunching his nose as if he just remembered something important. “I can pay you for the gas and the trouble, of course. Or you can drop me off…”
You interrupted him with a small smile.
“Are you wearing comfortable shoes?”
“Yes. What for?”
“Walking. ‘Cause I might just know the perfect place to turn your mind off for a few hours, if that’s what you want.”
He hummed in agreement as you made a left turn. You still had time before you would get to the gate. He didn’t ask where you were going and you didn’t tell him.
Despite a stranger sitting in your passenger seat, you were still calm and collected, as if you were alone. Not to say you were not aware of him. God, you were more than aware. Every few minutes you looked at him from the corner of your eye. He had dark hair, strands of it falling onto his forehead. Combined with dark, alluring eyes and lips that seemed to be constantly pouting.
“May I?” He asked, and pointed at the radio. You nodded.
Another red light. Looking at your surroundings, you realized you were getting closer to your destination.
The man next to you kept switching between stations, until he found a song he was satisfied with. It was a Beatles song, one your mother listened to a lot when you were younger. You hummed with the singer, never really singing along.
“My name is Doyoung, by the way. I mean… I just realized how weird this situation is.” He sounded defeated and apologetic. You heard his clothes rubbing against the seat, probably moving around a little. “I can’t believe I jumped into a stranger’s car. I’m gonna be in so much trouble.”
“And I have let a stranger get into my car. Worst case scenario: you kill me and we’ll be on the morning news.”
He softly laughed at that. You took a moment to enjoy the sound.
“What’s your name?”
“You can call me Jude,” you told him. If he recognized your obvious lie with ‘Hey Jude’ still playing on the radio, he didn’t mention it. “There, we are not strangers anymore.”
Arriving to your destination, you made a little sound effect as you waved your hand around.
“And we are here.”
“Really? Namdaemun market?” He asked skeptically, and you shrugged your shoulders.
“And the gate. I originally planned to buy some food and drink, go to the gate and have a nice meal. It’s much more relaxing than you would think.”
Getting out of the car, Doyoung followed suit. You watched him pull a mask out from his pocket, putting it on carefully. He noticed the curious look you gave him.
“People might recognize me.”
“Are you an influencer or something?” Your question made him laugh, the sound rich and low, but a little muffled by the fabrics against his mouth.
“Or something.”
Your curiosity haven’t got fulfilled with his answer, but you didn’t pry further. Despite your words, you were just two strangers sharing some time of calmness together.
You still watched his face, trying to will your mind to remember where you could have seen him, but came up with nothing. The dark hair and eyes could belong to any citizen of Seoul, only his clear skin and clothes whispered something about wealth to you. Maybe he was a son of a politician. It would explain his words of getting into trouble for jumping into a stranger’s car in the middle of the night.
Despite the time, the Namdaemun market was buzzing with life. Bright lights lead your way through the stalls of vendors. It looked more like a shopping street rather than a market, but you enjoyed spending time here. Some vendors recognized you, because you usually bought your food from them. You really liked the stalls with the old vibe, where you could know your money was going for a family business rather than a big company.
You lead Doyoung around the market carefully, letting him look around and sometimes stop for window-shopping. He never asked to go here or there, but you always noticed when he stopped in his tracks behind you. Thinking about how he wanted to protect his identity even here, your eyes automatically scanned the crowd for people with recognition on their faces, but you didn’t find anything suspicious. No one here cared about who you were.
At last, you reached your favorite place. It was a little hole in the wall shop with the most delicious tteokbokki. And it was a plus that the old couple running the restaurant were kind people, who liked to give you free drinks, very insistent about not letting you pay for them. You usually left a big enough tip to make up for the drinks anyway.
“Ah, my sweet girl! Good to see you again! Do you want the usual?” Upon your nod, the owner turned to Doyoung. “And what about your partner? A simple, mild tteokbokki will do for you, too?”
“I would like it spicy. Thank you, mister!”
“I’ll make it immediately. My old Yoona will be with you in a moment. She just made a fresh batch of coffee, too.” He gave you a wink, then went to the back and called for his wife.
“It’s cozy.” Looking around, Doyoung hummed in satisfaction, then his attention was on the menu, written on a little black board above the counter. “But I don’t see any coffee mentioned. Only water, juices and soju.”
“I come here often,” you said it like it would explain the under-the-counter coffee. In reality, you couldn’t explain it well without sounding too cheesy.
The old couple, Yoona and Minsu became fond of you along your many visits here. Some nights, you wouldn’t even go to the City Wall, just sitting here and eating tteokbokki was enough to make your soul calm down. They were the first people you talked to about your true feelings regarding the loss of your brother. They listened with open hearts, while their handmade food filled you with warmth. They gave you coffee or chocolate milk and you brought them small gifts on occasions.
They liked to show you pictures of their grandchildren, keeping you up to date about their lives as well. You also enjoyed listening to their stories and little arguments that ended up in Minsu calling his wife “my fierce, old Yoona”.
Looking at them, you sometimes believed that true, lasting love existed.
“Oh, my! Our girl brought a boy with her!” And here she was. The starter of the couple’s arguments, Yoona. She liked to tease the customers, especially you, but her heart was made of gold, you were sure of it.
“Miss Yoona!” Her name left your lips in a whine, a pout already forming on your lips. Regardless, you took a seat at the counter, instead of at the tables. She had two mugs in her hands. His husband must have told her you didn’t come alone for once.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. You are young. When’s better time to live your life as you wish?”
You shyly glanced at Doyoung as he sat down on another stool next to you. The mask helped to cover his expression, but you saw a light red tint painting the top of his ears.
“Are you going to the wall again? Or planning to stay here?” Your lack of response from earlier didn’t scare her, she was more than aware how she made you embarrassed for a moment. Maybe even enjoyed it a little, too. She sat the two mugs down in front of you, slipping milk and sugar along with it.
“We aren’t staying this time. Just grabbing your husband’s famous tteokbokki, then go for the wall.”
“Don’t tell him that. He will brag about it for days if he hears you calling it famous,” Yoona said in a hushed tone, leaning closer to you over the counter. Doyoung chuckled at that a little, putting two sugars and a little milk in his coffee. Watching him pull his mask down to drink made you wonder about his identity again, but your mind came up with nothing. Again. Maybe you should look him up on the internet later.
You drowned your coffee in milk with little to no sugar, and sighed contentedly after the first sip. It smelled earthy and tasted divine.
Yoona went to the back and returned with your orders. They were a more than generous amount and carefully packaged. You payed and thanked them for everything, leaving a tip like usual. Doyoung watched you with curious eyes, but haven’t said a word until you left.
“Are you relatives?”
“No. I told you, I come here often. They are always treating me nicely. Just some really kind people.”
It wasn’t a complete lie. But how could you tell someone you just met that an old couple from the market knew about the deepest parts of your heart? How could you tell him that you lost your brother and was struggling with grief, that Yoona and Minsu seemed to be the only people to understand your pain? You couldn’t, so you just kept it to yourself, not even talking about it with your parents. Sometimes, you visited them more than your own parents.
“So, we are really going to climb up the wall?” He pulled you out of your thoughts.
A half smile played on Doyoung’s lips before he hid it behind his mask. He was holding your tteokbokkis, insistent on carrying them after you payed for it.
“That’s the plan, kinda. Except it’s not open at night, so we can’t really climb it. If you’re not up for it, we can go back. I take you back whenever you want.”
“No. I like the idea.”
“Good.”
Walking in silence, you wandered around the thickening crowd. Nearing midnight, more vendors came out, also locals and tourists started to flood the streets. Fearing of getting lost in the sea of people, you quietly grabbed the seam of his jacket’s sleeve with two fingers. Doyoung halted for a moment, dark eyes meeting yours. You could see in them that he was smiling, then continued to navigate around.
Time after time you muttered a few words to take a turn here or there, and about an hour later you were out of the market.
The Namdaemun Gate could be seen from afar, but it almost got lost around the modern buildings, all of them larger than this piece of history. It was lit up with lights, towering beautifully and anciently.
Doyoung’s eyes widened a little, and you smiled to yourself. He could definitely understand now why you liked to come here.
“I’ve never been here at night. It looks…”
“Old?”
“Wonderful.”
You found a little place to sit down across the street from the gate. Once everything was in place, Doyoung handed you one of the tteokbokkis and chopsticks.
“What are you running from, Doyoung?” You broke the silence with your out of place question, fidgeting with your chopstick before taking the first bite. The rice cakes were soggy and the sauce was a little spicy, just how you liked it.
From the corner of your eyes, you saw him following your movements, chewing sounds filling the night. It was like a little bubble of comfort formed around you, only filled with small noises and the contentment from eating a delicious meal. You were almost too scared to pop it, but your curiosity took the best of you. You pried further, wanting to understand why a men like him would run away from his life even for a night without looking back. Maybe he had a heavy weight on his soul, just like you.
“You know, sometimes it’s easier to pour our heart out to a stranger than a friend. Talking about our problems… It might not solve it, but it helps. And we probably won’t meet again after tonight.”
“You said it yourself: we are not strangers anymore.”
“Then a one-night-companionship.”
“I don’t think there is a word like that.”
“There is now.”
The food disappeared fast. You didn’t even knew you were that hungry, until you started to eat. You let Doyoung think about your offer. You might have seemed a little pushy, but you had nothing to lose or gain from listening to his story and struggles.
Setting aside the leftovers from your meal, Doyoung sighed, and said:
“You might be right. But beforehand, you have to promise to never tell anyone about what I will tell you. I don’t want to see it back on news tabloids.”
“And I don’t want to break down your confidence, but I honestly have no idea who you are. I only know your first name and that you ran away from home.”
He smiled sadly at that. You noticed how he didn’t pull his mask back up.
“I’m an idol in a boy group. We are quite popular domestically and inernationally.”
An idol. Thinking that he was an influencer or the son of a politician seemed ridiculous now.
Doyoung was dissecting your expression, and when he didn’t find anything he disliked in it, he went on.
“We have a lot of members… and a really tight schedule. I have an older brother, but I was always taking care of him, so I like to do the same with my dongsaengs. They can be a handful, but they are good kids, really. Lately, it’s just getting too much. I have to show a perfect image to our fans, a good example for my dongsaengs, while barely sleeping. My life became monotonous, and it just peaked tonight. One of my members broke something precious to me, and I suddenly had this unnerving feeling that if I don’t get away from the dorm right away, I might… I don’t really know what I might have done. It was too overwhelming.”
“I understand it,” you said quietly, grief gripping your throat.
And you did. You knew that feeling so well, like the back of your hand. The urge that made you jump into your car, making you drive for hours on end because you were too scared to find out what would happen if you let that feeling get a steady hold of you. A panic attack would be the most plausible, but who knew what it would make you do.
Self-harm was never something you though about. Fortunately, you never slipped that far into the rabbit hole. But you were scared you might hurt others. You might lash out at your parents for never being there for you when your brother died, drowning in their own grief and never thinking about yours for a moment. So you coped. You coped with visiting places he might have gone to, you coped with imagining your brother next to you while you drove around Seoul.
“It’s too much.” Doyoung’s voice was low and defeated. When your eyes met, it was like you were looking in the mirror. The haunted and lost sparkle in them resonated with your soul, pulling at strings in your heart that no one could ever touched.
You wanted to hug him, but placing your hand over his was enough for now. Even that little gesture seemed far too intimate in the moment. You both let the other look into your own souls, see the pain gathering in there.
You took a deep breath, deciding to dive into your pain, trusting him and sharing your story with him.
“I had an older brother once, too. He was my world growing up. Then he died in a car accident and I was left alone with my feelings. My parents… they were so lost in grieving their dead son, that they forgot about their other kid. They never talk about it with me, and the pain gets unbearable sometimes. Making me want to run away… But I’m too much of a coward for that, so I just keep driving around, visiting places I find in the city, so I don’t have to be at home, alone or with my parents.”
Doyoung squeezed your hand with his own, then laced your fingers together. A silent sign of support.
“So trust me when I say: it gets better. You learn to cope with things with time. You learn to forgive and that overwhelming feeling will get lighter. I don’t know if it will ever disappear, but it will get better.”
You kept sitting there in silence, looking at the City Gate. You felt you two were like that piece of history over there. It stood stable and unmovable in the middle of this modern jungle. Time kept chipping away at its edges, but it couldn’t be broken just like that.
You were like that, too. Feelings tormented your soul, but you steeled yourself and kept going, not letting it make you any less of what you truly were.
The car ride back was peaceful. A weight have been lifted from both of your souls. And for once, you weren’t imagining your brother sitting in the passenger seat. Doyoung sat there, and he kept singing with the radio in the most ridiculous voices, making you laugh and happy. His dark eyes lost that haunted look from them. They sparkled with lightness in the city lights.
You felt like you could get used to it – driving around with him next to you.
You didn’t even notice when started to sing along. With windows rolled down, your voices flew with the wind in the soft summer night. At a red light, you watched Doyoung. His eyes crinkled at the edges, constantly smiling as he was heaving for air between two songs. You felt happy.
Parking near the place where he jumped into your car, you looked at him again. The uplift mood calmed down, but the air still held onto the lightness of it.
“Do you feel better?” You asked, wanting to make the night last a little longer.
“Yes. Thank you. For everything.”
Another silent moment passed. Doyoung haven’t moved to get out of the car. His eyebrows furrowed as he got lost in his thoughts before he finally voiced them.
“You know, you never told me your name. You told me to call you Jude, but I bet it was a lie.”
“For tonight, it was the truth.”
“It’s still not fair. You know my name, and you never really told me yours.”
“I’ll tell you, if we ever meet again, Doyoung,” you smiled softly at him, a hint of sadness washing over you. You knew that you probably will never meet him again.
Doyoung grabbed your hand, squeezed it once, twice before getting out of your car. The horizon started to turn orange with the sun coming up as you watched Doyoung walk away, his mask back on his face.
And so the night ended.
You wandered around Namdaemun market. It was earlier than usual, the sun only started to set.
You spent your day off walking around in the city, even visited your parents for lunch and suggested to them that you should go to your brother’s grave together for the anniversary of his death. Things were getting better, you dared to say. You still had bad days, where only driving around would help you, but escaping your depressing thoughts weren’t that easy.
For the last three years you always took this day off. It wasn’t a special day or anything, but you felt like you should. For three years you spent this day going anywhere but the Namdaemun market or the City Gate. You didn’t need a harsh reminder of that one particular night you spent in the company of Doyoung. That night you felt you were with someone who you understood on the deepest level and you missed that feeling. And you missed him. Which was weird because you only knew him for a night and never met him again. Day by day it seemed more likely to never see him again.
But this year, you gathered your strength and decided to go to the night market.
As more people started to crowd the streets, you went to Yoona and Minsu’s place for your usual fill of tteokbokki. You also found a nice teacup set at an antic shop on the other side of the city, which you wanted to gift to Yoona. It was packaged well and securely, so she couldn’t find out from one look what it was.
“My sweet girl! How good to see you again!” You smiled at the familiar words which you were greeted with upon your every visit. Yoona looked more tired than usually, but her eyes shined with warmth and strength.
You took a seat at the counter; it slowly became your spot at the restaurant. You already had a cup of warm tea placed in front of you, as if she was anticipating your visit already.
“I knew you would come. I told that boy to come back later, you might just be running late,” Yoona’s words made you frown. Your heart leaped into your throat at the possibilities of who she was thinking about. You swallowed back all your feelings, and tried to look nonchalant.
“What boy?”
“The one you came here with once,” she rewarded you with a look which said you should know about it better than her. “He keeps coming back every year, but you keep missing each other. Tragic, if you ask me. Not to stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, but you shouldn’t treat him like this. Leaving people hanging is not a nice thing to do!”
Time has stopped for a moment. You didn’t even notice the mug burning your fingers as you held it, you could only think about Yoona’s words.
The boy you came here with once… Doyoung. It only could be Doyoung. He was here. He came here every year, looking for you at the only place where he knew he might find you.
“I… I never knew he came back. I only met him that one time.” You tried to defend yourself, and Yoona’s expression softened, then a mischievous smile took over her features.
“It must be fate, then.”
“You never told me he kept coming back here.”
“Well, I thought you were trying to avoid him for some reasons. Young love can be unpredictable even for an old soul like me.”
Dismissing that anticipating feeling in your chest, you willed yourself to change the subject. Yoona almost cried while opening your gift, even called Minsu out for a moment, so he could admire it too. The little restaurant was busier than it used to be, so you could only exchange a few words with the old man before he had to return to the kitchen. Talking with them filled your soul to the fullest, yet you were missing something.
Knowing that Doyoung was at the Namdaemun market looking for you made you do silly things. Like gazing at the door every time it opened, hoping it was Doyoung arriving. You barely had any luck, but you still kept doing it. You told yourself you would only stay an hour, but you kept staying until you finally confessed to yourself: you wouldn’t leave until he would finally came back here.
After eating a plate of tteokbokki, you switched your tea with coffee. You were sipping the second cup already. There were fewer people, most of them went out to discover the market and Yoona went to the kitchen to help Minsu clean up a bit.
Someone came in again, and you looked at them for a second, then turned back to your coffee. Then back to the newcomer.
It was Doyoung. He had a mask on, but the same dark hair and eyes from three years ago greeted you like a wave of fresh air. You unknowingly held your breath, only exhaled when the corner of his eyes crinkled, indicating a smile. You returned it without thinking, slipping out of your seat.
Standing there awkwardly, Doyoung was the first one to move. He walked to you, pulling out a bouquet of pink camellias from behind his back. You felt your face heating up as he held out the flowers for you. The tip of his ears were red, too, you noticed.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” he said in a soothing tone, and you chuckled at his words. Yes, for three years, he was looking and waiting for you.
“I know,” you answered. You could see it in his eyes that he understood exactly what you were feeling. He was feeling it, too.
Your fingers brushed his when you took the bouquet, smelling the flowers. They were sweet, just as the gesture of giving them to you.
“I wanted to tell you; you were right. It got better. And also, you owe me your name.”
He pulled his mask down as you sat back to the counter and didn’t answer him immediately, Yoona brought out another cup of coffee for him, and smiled knowingly as she disappeared again.
You couldn’t stop smiling, and it seemed Doyoung felt the same.
“I told you to call me Jude once.” Hearing your answer a pout formed on his lips.
“And you also said that you will tell me your name if we meet again. And we did.” He drummed with his fingers on the wooden counter, eyes avoiding yours for a moment. “It would be weird to ask you on a date without knowing your name, wouldn’t it?”
You blushed at his words. Your heart fluttered dangerously in your chest. Gulping down a sip of coffee, your gaze left his eyes. He was still not looking at you as he waited for your reaction. You played with the shanks of the camellias as you muttered your name and looked back at him again.
His dark eyes finally locked on yours, shining with a warm light in them. He smiled as he placed his hand on yours.
“Hello, Y/N! I’m Doyoung, and I think I’m three years late with asking you to a second date.”
“Second?” You questioned him with furrowed eyebrows.
“Yes. Don’t tell me you don’t remember the first one. It would make things a little awkward.”
“Then remind me, please.”
“Well, I jumped into your car and you took me here. We ate tteokbokki and talked until dawn. I believe you stole my heart that night, but you refused to even tell me your name.”
He took away your breath with his easy confession. He said it so freely as if it was common knowledge. Maybe to him it was, since you both had three years to mull over your feelings.
“You will hold a grudge over it forever, huh?” You teased him.
“Maybe. But a smart woman once told me that time can solve a lot of things, so who knows?”
You laughed at his words, basking in the light atmosphere of a slowly budding love.
You felt happy as you ordered a second plate of tteokbokki, and officially started your second date with Doyoung.
