in a minute i’m going to grind some coffee and make a cup of it and have it outside in the sun and eat a huge ripe fig with it, from the tree just outside the front door. gathering thoughts from the many past months where i haven’t been alone long enough to do exactly that
i think a lot about life and work. how to work to live and to live while at work so that i dont forget, how to make a home, and to live in it, without working too much so that i forget to live in my home, the home that i found that is the very reason that i have to work so that i am able to keep it. it is very nice where i live and i feel very good here. i have everything that i dream of, except the work that enables me to afford it and at the same time makes me feel very good.
in the past years i was very lucky to find farm work that made me feel very good. i thrive and shine and glow and vibrate and ooze happiness doing this ‘work’. its so fundamental. there is no questioning doing it, only how to. and those are the most exciting important questions. how to really care for soil and the life in it and the produce coming from it. but the farm work was a compromise on either a poor or no salary at all, or a poor living situation.
now i have salary, and a dream living situation. working several jobs and enjoying some more than others. i found that working with people is the only other reasonable and sensible kind of job for me that is properly paid and doesn’t and will not deplete my soul in the long run. it is also the most sensible and reasonable thing to do socially, or in the grand scheme of society. it is tough at times but i like it, and do enjoy the challenge, and i want to keep exploring this
i think about my man and how there is no questioning him either. he is just there, i am so sure of him. we had wonderful summer days together. we laugh and cook and eat and go for walks and shelter trips and go to work together and talk and talk and sleep very close. i havent been able to sleep so close to someone before. i’m looking forward to everything that comes
i think about my mother and how it becomes increasingly difficult to spend time with her and not tire quickly
i think about my dad and how it becomes easier with him
i think about my trip to austria, how i had missed travelling that way, eating their delicious pumpkin seed oil tossed in salads or cream cheese or even ice cream, their apricot juice and their wine. the trip back on the night train through vienna, prague, dresden, berlin. a short but sweet few hours in hamburg before going home
i think about weaving, my loom, bedspreads, kitchen towels, shirts, carpets
i think about protein. how i have eaten too little of it all of my life and how good i feel now that i eat a lot more
eggs, fava beans, all beans, peas, chickpea flour
i think about how every person is always struggling with something or someone. really everyone is. i think about remembering kindness
sometimes i think about the world but mostly i think about the blackberries ripening outside my window
i think about my body and how i enjoy being in it, even when with his body,
i think about comfort and confidence, friends, confidence, language, love, love in confidence, loving confidently, love as confidence, peace
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