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This is just ridiculous and unfair.

It Was Easier to Give in Than Keep Running

By Anonymous

In first grade, a boy named John— a notorious troublemaker—systematically chased every girl in our class during recess trying to kiss her on the lips. Most gave in eventually. It was easier to give in than keep running. When it was my turn, I turned and faced him, grabbed his glasses off his weasel face, and stomped on them on the hard blacktop. He ran to the principal’s office and cried.

In fifth grade, I was asked to be a boy’s girlfriend over email. It was the first email I ever received. He actually told me he wanted to send me an email, so I went home and made an AOL account. We went to a carnival and he won me a Garfield stuffed animal, and then he gave me a 3 Doors Down CD. A few days later, he broke up with me, and asked for Garfield and the CD back. I said no.

In sixth grade, a girl in my year gave head to an eighth grader in the back of the school bus while playing Truth or Dare.

In the summer after sixth grade, I kissed a boy for the first time at sleep away camp. He was my summer love. During the end-of-the-summer dining hall announcements, where kids usually announced lost sweatshirts and Walkmen, an older girl stepped up to the microphone, tossed her hair behind her shoulders, and proudly stated, “I lost something very precious to me last night. My virginity. If anyone finds it, please let me know.” The dining hall erupted into laughter and cheers. She was barred from ever coming back to the camp again, and wasn’t allowed to say goodbye to anyone.

In seventh grade, I told my brother I decided when I was older wanted a Hummer. What I really meant was I wanted a Jeep, but I didn’t know a lot about cars. My mother overheard and screamed at me for “wanting a Hummer.”

In the summer after freshman year of high school, I went to sleepaway field hockey camp with many of my close friends. One of them, named Megan, I had been friends with since kindergarten. One night when I was showering, she ripped open the curtain and snapped a photo of me on her disposable camera. I screamed. She laughed. We both laughed when I got out of the shower a few minutes later. After camp was over, her father took the camera to the convenience store to get it developed. When he gave the finished photos back to her, he said, “Your friend [Anonymous] has grown up.”

Sophomore year of high school, one of my best friends Hilary had a party in her basement while her mom was away. We invited some of the guys in our grade and someone’s older brother bought us a handle of vodka. One of the boys who came sat next to me in Spanish class. His name was Thomas. I remember playing a simple game, where we passed the bottle of vodka around in a circle and drank. I remember being happily tipsy and having fun, to suddenly being very drunk. Thomas and I started chanting numbers in Spanish, and he leaned towards me and kissed me. We kissed in the middle of the party, with all of our friends cheering. Then we went into Hilary’s bedroom.

Hilary’s bedroom was in the basement, on the ground floor, with a large window next to her bed. When someone went outside to smoke a cigarette, they realized it was a front row seat to what was happening in the bedroom. It was dark outside, and the light on was in the bedroom. They called everyone outside to watch. I don’t remember getting undressed, but apparently we were both completely naked in Hilary’s bed. A friend of mine told me later she tried to open the door and stop what was happening, but Thomas must have locked it. They said they pounded on the door. I don’t remember hearing them pounding. I don’t remember seeing everyone’s faces outside the window. I remember Thomas holding my head down, and shoving his penis into my mouth. I remember trying to resist, pulling back, but he held his hands firmly on my head, pushing my face up and down. That’s all that I remember.

The next day, my friends and I went out to dinner at one of our favorite local restaurants. I couldn’t eat anything, and it wasn’t because I was hung over. Every time I tried to put food in my mouth, I felt like I was choking. Anytime a flash of the night before appeared in my mind, I felt like vomiting. My friends sat with me in silence. Then they told me a girl named Lindsey, who had briefly dated Thomas freshman year, had stood outside and watched the entire time. Even after everyone else stopped watching. My friends said they didn’t watch.

On Monday, Thomas and I sat next to each other in Spanish. We didn’t speak. We didn’t make eye contact. I went to the girls bathroom and threw up. I hear Lindsey and Thomas live together, now, ten years later.

Junior year of high school, my teacher for Honors Spanish was named Señor Gonzales. Señor Gonzales had all of the girls sit in the front row. Señor Gonzales called on any girl who was wearing a skirt to write on the chalkboard. Señor Gonzales asked a friend of mine, who had broken her finger playing an after school sport, if she broke her finger because “she liked it rough.” Señor Gonzales was a tenured teacher.

Senior year of high school, I got my first real boyfriend. His name was Colin. He was on the lacrosse team with Thomas. He told me that sophomore year, Thomas told everyone on the team what happened that night at Hilary’s. Everyone cheered. Colin said that, even then, he had a crush on me. Even then, he wanted to punch Thomas.

Colin and I lost our virginities to each other. Colin said if I got pregnant, he would make me have the baby. He didn’t believe in abortion. Colin said if I got pregnant, he would make me have a C-section. Colin said that if I didn’t have a C-section, my vagina would be too loose for him to ever enjoy having sex with me again. Colin said that he wouldn’t let our child breastfeed. He said his mother gave him formula, and that he turned out just fine. I didn’t get pregnant.

Junior year of college, I lived in Denmark for the spring semester and studied at the University of Copenhagen. Copenhagen is one of the safest cities in the world. Guns are illegal there. Pepper spray is illegal there. One night, my friends and I went to a concert at a crowded club in a part of the city I didn’t know very well. I brought a tiny purse with money, my apartment key, and my international cell phone. For some reason it made sense at the time to put my purse inside my friend’s purse. Maybe I didn’t feel like carrying it. We were both drinking. My friend left the concert to go home with her boyfriend. One by one, everyone I was there with left the concert, until I was suddenly alone and I realized I didn’t have my purse, or any money for a cab ride home.

I started walking in the direction that felt right. I walked for a long time. I had no idea where I was, and didn’t recognize the area. It was almost 4 am. I was on a residential street when a cab pulled up next to me. I asked the driver if he could drive me to an intersection down the street from my apartment.

I don’t have any money, I said.

I really need your help, I said.

I will do it for free, he said.

Sit in the front, he said.

I sat in the front. We drove in silence for some time, until he pulled over on the side of a dark street.

I don’t want to do it for free anymore, he said.

He locked the car doors and reached across the center console and slipped his hand up my skirt. He grabbed my vagina. Hard. I pushed his hand away and unlocked the door. I ran down the street and realized he had taken me a block away from the intersection I wanted. I walked to my apartment and threw rocks at my roommate’s window until she let me inside. She yelled at me for waking her up. I escaped. Nothing happened. I was fine.

The summer after I graduated college I helped Hilary find an internship. She was an art major and wanted something for her resume besides waitressing. We found a posting on Craigslist to be a studio assistant for a painter in the Bronx. It was listed as an unpaid internship. The toll for the George Washington Bridge was twelve dollars, plus gas, but she got the internship anyway. She wanted the experience.

The artist was a 38-year-old Canadian painter named Bradley. Hilary was 22.There was another intern there, an art student from Manhattan named Stella. Bradley needed assistants to help him make bubble wrap paintings. Stella and Hilary would take a syringe and fill the tiny bubbles with different color paints until it formed a mosaic. Bradley always had Hilary stay after Stella left to clean the paintbrushes and syringes. He told Hilary she was beautiful. More beautiful than his wife, who he only married for citizenship. He told Hilary they had a loveless marriage. He told Hilary he wanted to have her beautiful children. They began an affair. He told Hilary has wife knew and didn’t care. He told Hilary he was going to leave his wife soon.

Everyday Hilary drove to the Bronx, cleaned Bradley’s paintbrushes, and had sex on the studio floor. Everyday she went home with no money, and everyday she paid the toll at the George Washington Bridge. She needed the internship for her resume, she said. It was too late to find a new job, she said.

I could go on. I could tell you a lot more. About the whistles on the sidewalk, the kids who sat at the bottom of the stairs in high school to look up our skirts, my friend who was a prostitute in South Carolina, the men who’ve cornered me in parking lots and bars calling me a tease, the unwanted grabbing on the subway, the many times my father has called me fat, the time I traveled to the Philippines and discovered Western men pay preteen locals to spend the week in their hotel, the messages on OKCupid asking to “fart in my mouth.” About how I wasn’t sure if I had been raped because I was drunk and kissed Thomas back. How he raped my mouth and not my vagina, so that must not be rape. How easy it was for me to escape the dark street in Copenhagen, and how that made it not matter since “it could’ve been worse.”

Men have no idea what it takes to be a woman. To grin and bear it and persevere. The constant state of war, navigating the relentless obstacle course of testosterone and misogyny, where they think we are property to be owned and plowed. But we’re not. We are people, just like them. Equals, in fact, or at least that’s the core of what feminism is still trying to achieve. The job is not over. We’ve made great progress. There are female CEOs, though not very many. There are females writing for the New York Times and winning Pulitzer prizes, though not very many. There are female politicians, though not very many. But these advances are only on paper. The job won’t be over until equality permeates the air we breathe, the streets we walk and the homes we live in.

I think back to how easy it was for me, in first grade, to feel fearless and strong in my conviction to stomp on John’s glasses. I felt right in reacting how I did, because John’s behavior was wrong. But his was an elementary learning of the wide boundaries his gender would go on to afford him. For me, it would never again be so easy.

- Anonymous, age 25

chilloutjohn-deactivated2017060

everyone who follows me read the whole-fucking thing.

lahore2toronto

perfectly-modest

Manners are the most important.

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Learn this. Live this.

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I love this

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Tumblr law: Always reblog the queen.

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If you don’t have this on your blog at least once, get out.

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[X]

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the best kind of bird are the really short and fat ones. i love them

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samwilsondsfsdfsdhfg-deactivate

!!!!! beautiful!! this is the best bird in the world!!!!!!!!

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cactous

THIS WAS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WHOLE MOVIE

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Shark Rescue

astrologettes

qualities and flaws of each sign

Aries quality - will stand up for you or themselves, does not tolerate shit, self-assured, bold, loyal, caring, protective of friends/family Aries flaw - overly aggressive, confrontational, and argumentative, provocative, unempathetic and unsympathetic, volatile, perceives sadness as weakness, will go too far to prove dominance/boldness/etc. Taurus quality - chill,honest, hard to fight with, relaxing presence, relatable, funny, fashionable, doesn’t follow the herd, good taste Taurus flaw - overly judgmental/critical, prone to superiority complex, stuck in their opinions Gemini quality - adaptable, easy to talk to and befriend, unargumentative, polite, agreeable Gemini flaw - can act fake, ignorant, can inadvertently offend people, appear shallow, doesn’t think about the consequences of actions/decisions Cancer quality - intelligent, is good at making people feel better, is honest without being offensive, tolerant, makes effort to not hurt people, empathetic Cancer flaw - can either be clingy or make others feel clingy, turns everything into a debate, puts up with too much shit from others/doesn’t stand up for themselves, too easily offended Leo quality - sympathetic, very loyal, very caring, self-assured, projects confidence, ambitious, not lazy Leo flaw - self-centered, insecure, plays with other’s emotions to boost own esteem, manipulative, talks unnecessary shit Virgo quality - attentive, ambitious, driven, honest, considers details, puts in a lot of effort, not lazy, works hard, tries their best, wants the best for friends and family Virgo flaw - repressed emotions, prone to outbursts of misplaced rage and anger, takes stress out on family, overly critical of others, obsessive, overly perfectionist Libra quality - nice, humorous, friendly, good communicators, analytical, can understand people’s emotions and psyches/why they do things, balanced, empathetic, fun, fashionable, diplomatic Libra flaw - overly defensive/sensitive, indecisive, argumentative, places self-esteem in superficial matters of popularity, unsympathetic, prone to extreme mood swings/overpowered by their emotions, can be lazy Scorpio quality - doesn’t follow herd, intriguing, humorous, intellectual, fashionable, loyal and very committed, caring, supportive, always there for you Scorpio flaw - moody, bitter, can worsen your mood, overly judgmental, superiority complex, untrustworthy, grudge-holders, does too many things just for the aesthetic Sagittarius quality - very honest, confident, bold, very witty/funny, fashionable, stands up for themselves and their friends, does not put up with shit, sees things how they are Sagittarius flaw - very abrasive, can be rude, too blunt, can be mean/offensive, sometimes annoying, unsympathetic, unempathetic Capricorn quality - very driven, very ambitious, very hard-working, pays attention to detail, motivated, often successful, rational, logical, inoffensive, levelheaded, sensible Capricorn flaw - way too serious, repressive, bottles up emotions, detached, impersonal, difficulty making friends, forming bonds, and connecting with people, unempathetic Aquarius quality - intellectual, very funny, likable, relatable, adventurous, very chill, unafraid, up for anything, individualistic, easy to hang out with Aquarius flaw - unsympathetic, unempathetic, detached, unemotional, disloyal, can’t commit, difficulty maintaining friendships/relationships for long periods, copes unhealthily, abandonment issues, can be mean/cruel/deceptive Pisces quality - very sympathetic, VERY empathetic, good listener, imaginative, creative, optimistic, gives good advice, good at cheering people up, kind, inoffensive, very intuitive Pisces flaw - doesn’t stand up for themselves/others, overly sensitive, too easily hurt, naive, unrealistic, overpowered by emotions, can be lazy, can’t see things as they are, oblivious

camilacabells

Meet & Greet - Atlanta - 7/20

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Taylor Swift and Fifth Harmony performing Worth It in Santa Clara, August 14

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Taylor’s website used to have autoplay and voice navigation….I promise this is the best thing you’ll watch all day.

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“Taylor’s my friend”

“India, no she’s not.”

“…excuse you. Yes she is!

“How?! How is she?!”

me:

camilajauregui-blog

Fifth Harmony perform with Taylor Swift @ The 1989 Tour in Santa Clara (08.14.15)

goodgirlwhoshopeful

The thing I love most about Taylor is how she unites us. The girl next to us in the Manchester pit was sobbing away just like we were to the Clean speech, but she was in the pit by herself, so while I had my best friends to hold my hand and cry with me, she didn’t. I looked over at her as Taylor was talking and she was literally balling. English wasn’t her first language, but as Taylor was talking we both shared this look, and it that moment love for Taylor was communication enough. Before I knew it I grabbed her hand really tight in mine, just like my best friend was doing to me, and we shared the moment together. That is what Taylor has always represented to me. Not only her songs, but her very attitude to us and to life is so totally inclusive.

It feels like everything Taylor does and writes says, I understand, and if I don’t understand, then I’m here for you anyway.