not lurking anymore ig

he/they

[cadaverer]

i've been lurking in the transandrophobia tag for a few months now and i still don't get why people hate that term. so far from what i've gathered the arguments against it are all narrow-minded, ignorant or balancing on very specific double standards:

-a refusal to acknowledge the effect that being socially perceived as both a woman and a "freak" has had on transmascs

-a general blindness to the lives of trans men in the global south

-refusing to take things like fgm, honour killings or forced pregnancy seriously

-choosing to listen to cis people over trans men

-a general weirdness around intersex people - i first started paying attention to transandrophobia when i noticed that a lot of the red blogs on shinigami eyes seemed to be people who were just intersex.

-two slightly confused camps, people who claim trans men cannot experience misogyny and people who claim that trans men "just" experience misogyny (therefore the term "transandrophobia" isn't needed)

-people who for some reason think its a good idea to associate trans men with sexual assault <- as if trans men aren't already seen as sexually perverse by the general public

-posts that for some reason exclude trans men even though trans men are affected by whatever is being mentioned, eg. i saw a post about jkr that only mentioned trans women when jkr hates all trans people and the thesis of her original shit essay was the "epidemic" of "girls" seeking to transition

-similarly to above, a common argument against transandrophobia is "well [x] doesn't just affect trans men," but i constantly see things labeled as "transmisogyny" even though they affect pretty much every trans person (jkr's antics, being considered a sexual predator, various anti-trans laws).

-"joke" posts that boil down to "we should kill all transmascs" - i haven't ever seen a "joke" post from the """transandrobros""" even remotely close to this

-"transandrophobia truthers" simultaneously being called MRAs and TERFs

-constant lies about the transandrophobia tag. from what i've seen any transmisogyny gets shut down very quickly but all anti-transandrophobia posts say its rampant with transmisogyny which is just. not true unless you believe the term "transandrophobia" is inherently transmisogynistic, in which case thats just a circular argument.

-transandrophobia is "stealing" language from transfems - this is just how language works.

-"you're misgendering yourselves" and other stupid "gotchas"

-"theyfab" "tboy" "tme" and other ways of quietly dehumanising/infantilising transmascs

-ragebait

[cadaverer]

idk why people in the notes of your post don't realise intersectionality applies to children. "all children are treated badly" sure but some of them also have to deal with racism or sexism or ableism and idk why we forget that when it comes to kids.

i think maybe it loops back round into the fact that kids aren't seen as people and """real life""" starts at like. 20. when your supposed to shake off anything that happened to you as a child and grow up and be a real person etc etc.

[cadaverer]

can we keep posts in the transandrophobia tag on theme please. i don't give a shit about fandom discourse, i've just been banned from public spaces in my country.

[cadaverer]

that person is a radfem who's trying to be transphobic but is being utterly illiterate about it

ah that makes sense, thanks

[cadaverer]

a lot of "i feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?" going on in my notes and inbox since my last post so to be clear i am absolutely invalidating your personal shitty childhood. thats definitely what my post was about. if you aren't transmasc and you think your childhood sucked - no it didn't. i'm glad we're all on the same page here.

[cadaverer]

absolutely insane that you can talk about how parents will underfeed their "daughters" and give them clothes that are harder to move in and restrict their freedom in a way they don't for their "sons" and everyone will nod along until you bring up transmascs, at which point we've all got to pretend that actually the things that happen to you when youre a child don't have ramifications down the line and transmascs should just get over it. man up, even.

[cadaverer]

ik this tweet is a joke but its genuinely how some of you sound to me when you poke your head in the transandrophobia tag for 30 seconds then reduce the whole thing down to "haha the tboys think men can be oppressed for being men" and then we're stuck with yet another round of baby's first radical feminism instead of any actually useful discussions

[cadaverer]

otherwise good post ruined by a line that made me go hey. are you perhaps forgetting some people.

[cadaverer]

never went very far in football because i never saw any famous players who looked like me, i spent my whole childhood being told that i'd never be as good as the boys, that i'd never be very good full stop because everything was made for the boys (eg. the height of the goals) and there was an implicit argument of you might as well just give up. and thats not to say i was outwardly encouraged to stop football, but every single conversation about it had an undercurrent of why bother. and this goes for so many aspects of my life. never got to do rugby, never joined the IT club, never did anything that was overwhelmingly assigned as "for boys" because the moment I or any "girl" showed up we were sneered at. and this misogyny, this memory of being "the girl" and seen as the weakest, stupidest, most useless person in the room, does not go away just because i cut my hair and changed my name. the way i am now is directly informed by these experiences. then i log onto tumblr.com and someone is saying that men can't experience misogyny, idiot.

[punkrock-loser]

every week or so some rando comes into #transandrophobia and says essentially this: "TMEs you need to listen to me. you're all whiny entitled privileged manipulative cunts. you need to stop being so offended whenever a transfem speaks. it's all your fault." but it's dressed up in a bunch of nice flowery condescending words and "i'm just trying to help you!!" and it's so annoying can we stop doing that thanks

[that-grassbro]

watching westerners talk about how all transmascs will one day reach a stage* where 'misogyny will no longer affect them' really makes me understand why theres such a big 'feminism is no longer needed' sentiment within western countries. You really think the main body of oppression is just 'are there people who dislike you'. Which is a part of it yes, but thats not like IT?

Misogyny permanently alters your life path.

There are binary trans men who pass today who still suffer from after-effects of fgm which a lot of the time cannot be cured.

There are binary trans men who pass today who do not have the basic education needed to advance in the modern world.

There are binary trans men who pass today who cannot walk/are permanently disabled by misogynistic practices in their youth.

There are binary trans men who pass today who will live in poverty forever because they were forced into marriages young

There are binary trans men who pass today who will never achieve their dreams because they were not allowed to play instruments or sport or early life skills that cannot be 'caught up' later in life

There are binary trans men who pass today who cannot have children because of reproductive violence

There are binary trans men who pass today who missed out on critical promotion years because they were forced to be wives/mothers

And this is not a #sadcore #never transition post, because all this stuff does not mean that you cannot live a happy and fufilling life, it does not mean that there isn't joy in transitioning or that the world is hopeless.

This idea that in order to be a happy man you must deny the role of misogyny in your life is such an insidious lie because it forces trans activists to either shove every single one of these men (plus all the ones who dont even pass/transition/know they're trans now) under the bus, or discourage young boys from transitioning.

Hint: Pretty much everyone chooses the 'lets throw these trans men under the bus and blot their brains out to the reality of transmasculinity' option.

Literally. Some of you heard this quote 'How many Einstein’s have spent their lives washing dishes, how many Mozart’s bent over stoves instead of pianos, because they had the misfortune of being born a woman?' and said: But the moment you find out you're a man it can all go away!

Anyway this is getting long and disjointed but my point is basically summed up with: misogyny permanently alters your life path and there is not such thing as 'graduating' from the affects of systematic oppression

*the idea that half, let alone ALL transmascs have access to transition let alone transition to the point of 'passing', let alone all the complexities of stealthing is absurd in and of itself, but thats for another post.

[redhairandpronouns]

hello tumblr user. your challenge is to listen to a trans man discuss transandrophobia without bringing up cis men. if you fail a million billion mosquitos will be released into this room. good luck

[cadaverer]

at this point i'm not putting up with any jokes about mpreg like whats so funny about it. go on. what exactly is so funny about it. don't be shy let us in on the joke

[autistichalsin]

The direct links between:

Trans men being seen as "undesirable, unfuckable women" after transitioning

Trans men being one of the demographics of the LGBT community at highest risk of rape

Trans men being targets of forced detransition via corrective rape and forced pregnancy

People denying both that this increased risk of rape and forced detransition even exists, and instead attributing it to trans men being "TERFs in waiting"

People insisting that trans men being seen as unfuckable women and/or mentally ill girls protects them from systemic violence and therefore makes them less worthy of protection

would be funny if it wasn't fucking terrifying. When you deny the reality of transandrophobia- when you claim that trans men are lucky to "only" be seen as "ugly mentally ill girls"- you are enabling societal violence against trans men.

[cadaverer]

sick of people both-sidesing in this tag. the two sides are "wants a word to describe their experience" and "doesn't want those people to have a word to describe their experience" anything else ("transmisogyny vs transandrophobia" "transfems vs transmascs" "transmisogynistic people vs transandrophobic people" etc) is a wilful misinterpretation of events. "both sides are extreme-" no they are not. begone centrist.

[cadaverer]

the audacity of that person to write 50 paragraphs on a post you made and then turn around and be like "oh i wasn't talking to you" like ??????

wacking someone over the head with a frying pan and when theyre like 'hey why did you wack me over the head with a frying pan' you say uhhh actually i was just waving a frying pan and you put your head in the way. if you choose to identify with being wacked over the head with a frying pan thats on you. justify yourself to me. justify yourself to me. justify yourself to me.

[cadaverer]

[taps the sign] -> you don't need to justify yourself to people who are dedicated to misunderstanding you

(but seriously just block that person)

i probably should tbh