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[cafedid]

person with diagnosed DID in treatment (circa 2023), trying to make art and heal, utilizing this space as a comic diary & journal, 17 years old

He/Him pronouns— no they/them, please! Even if you’re referring to my system as a whole. I am one person with multiple facets/parts.

Asks about my experience as a system and recovery journey are always welcome!

I am actively working towards as much integration as possible with my therapist. Fusion is a very positive experience for my system, and I may talk about it untagged.

This blog has no listed DNI, but I block liberally (it’s up to me to curate my own internet experience!).

I would prefer that this blog (and its interactions) stay 15+

Tag System:

Textposts: —☕

Art & Comics: —☕🖼️

Specific parts will be tagged: #name —☕emoji (e.g. #coffee —☕🌲)

[cafedid]

Hey everyone! Changed up this blog a little bit (username, formerly @/coffeeshopguys, updated intro & tagging system)— hopefully I'll be able to share some more comics with you all soon!

[divinesys]

loving yourself means to love every part of yourself, yes, even that one.

[clutching-our-plurals]

I just saw something really interesting about system members who have different disabilities to the host body.

Seems... normal, to me, with a bit of thought, I suppose. I think it would be very odd for an able bodied person to have a disabled alter, but it makes sense for disabled folks to.

I admit I did find it a bit of a strange thought upon first seeing it, because we're kinda the opposite? Even though our body is cripple³ none of us, internally, are disabled. We all walk and move normally as things are, hell, some of us have wings and one of us shapeshifts. It makes sense, because our disabilities are progressive and we didn't really struggle with them in childhood and early adolescence when we would've formed, and we haven't really had anyone split in a long time to my knowledge? So I feel like that tracks given the circumstances.

I'm curious though, for my fellow disabled plurals, do your headmates share the body's disabilit(y)/(ies)? Do they have any disabilities the body doesn't have? What're your experiences with this?

[cafedid]

My disability comes directly from the trauma I experienced as a child, which then progressively got worse as I aged.

All of us who have connections to that trauma (aka all of our EPs) are disabled. Some of us are better at “blocking it out” (as per the pain therapy we went through), and some are more specialized at “toughing it out” during flare ups. Others specifically rehab the body during/after flare ups or specific dislocation.

All in all, we all experience the disability (as it impacts my body), but certain parts are more prone to being active in managing it!

[introns]

being a sweetheart to your headmates will save you. this is especially important when everyone in the system is extremely tired, or sad, or angry, et cetera

you should make sure they're fed, which makes sure you're fed. you should block out time for them to have a shot at their hobbies (or even trying new ones), and maybe they'll let you hang around while they work. you should wash your bedsheets so that the next headmate who fronts can have a clean bed to lay in.

it doesn't have to be large acts of i love yous. the i love yous can be very small and mundane. it means the world when you and your folks are slowed to a crawl and need support.

support one another

[lockeddoor]

Khan, S. (2023). Dissociative Identity Disorder: Theory vs. Facts. In Dissociative Identity Disorder Treatment and Management (pp. 15–19).

[cafedid]

I see my system as one big pot of coffee- all brewed from the same beans, but can be used to make other stuff. One cup from that pot might be made into a latte, another might be a mocha; hell, one might be an ingredient in tiramisu! But, we all come from the same beans. The goal is to get to a place of fluid mixing. We’ll never be that one consistent pot anymore, never be coffee beans prior to grounding, but we’re all still coffee.

[lockeddoor]

Khan, S. (2023). Dissociative Identity Disorder: Theory vs. Facts. In Dissociative Identity Disorder Treatment and Management (pp. 15–19).

[faceless-crowd]

Mafia boss smoking a cigar: Why’d you gotta squeal, Squealin’ Stephen? I trusted you. Now I gotta send my best goons to show you what happens when you cross the Big Boss…

Guy tied up in chair: uh…theres just one guy over there.

Mafia boss: Yeah. That’s Lil’ Tony. He’s got one of dem conditions where he’s got multiple mooks n’ his head. But when Big Tony fronts you’re gonna be in big trouble.

Lil’ Tony: We actually all agree we’re gonna kick your ass.

[cafedid]

I have a really bad habit of just ignoring parts. Be it because what they remember/represent is too much, or because they’re too weird/out there and I am not ready to face the fact (even after years of treatment and diagnosis) that yeah, I’m not a normal, fully functional guy.

But, these are all parts of ME. Ignoring a part of myself is ignoring an integral aspect of my functioning & identity as a person, fragmented or not. In all my ways of trying to “heal”, I’ve just been harming other parts of myself. This is something I’m working on, but from here on I say “no part left behind”

[cafedid]

That Chuck guy wasn't far off, was he?

[cafedid]

If there’s anything that you folks want us to talk about (healing/recovering from DID-related or just fun stuff to make a comic about) please say!

As many ideas as I have, I also wanna make stuff that connects with people! So please feel free to ask/request a comic/topic/question!

[cafedid]

I see my future and it is bright

[thrivingwhilemultiple]

We can be sad about letting go and still know it’s the right thing to do. We can miss what is gone without putting ourselves back there. We can remember without reliving. We can release connections and reminders that no longer serve where we’re headed. We can move forward, every single one of us.

[in-remish]

Just in case you need to know you can do cool things, I have DID and I’m an author with three books out. I’m currently working on a fourth and a fifth, and have baseline ideas for a sixth, seventh and eighth. This disorder isn’t sentencing you to dysfunction. You absolutely can accomplish the things you want to do.

[cafedid]

Coughing Hermit vs Nuclear Caretaker

Journalling has proven to be a challenge, especially with some of my parts history of refusal to outright destruction of journals. But, we're working on it.

[cafedid]

curious about what your new journal format looks like! we've always been interested in having a journal but we couldn't ever do it in a way that stuck

Hell yeah! So, the first step of formatting was something that I had never done before- ask my parts what they want in a journal. We wrote out a list of stuff (this sounds much more sophisticated than it actually is…I love post-its with all my heart), and then put it all together. This is my long winded way of saying that I don’t take full credit for this, it’s a (like I guess everything I do is) group effort.

The start of the journal has a one page list of “systistics” (headcount, overall therapy goals, rules & fronting chain of command, and coping skills).

The rest of the space is for entries, until we get to the back of the journal. The back page is for fronting entries in which we are consistently constructing a timeline for each day. This relies on actually remembering to track stuff, so we’ll see how it actually plays out.

Then we have a sheet tucked inside with a list of our parts & fragments, along with a bit of “systory” (how many parts we estimate we had throughout the years, because it’s changed drastically as we’ve healed. If yall are interested, I can talk about how it is to be a formerly 200-something part system to now, a 30ish part system).

Feel free to take any of these ideas (or puns) and apply them to your journal! If it works out for you, please feel free to tell me! This journal is the cumulation of a ton of work, time, & communication lmao, and if it doesn’t end up benefitting us specifically, hopefully it can benefit you!