ā donāt you FUCKINā touch me , ā noses were barely an inch apart , faces together , close enough for ian to catch the stale cigarette scent of strikerās breath . bait had been taken , pounced upon like a wild animal ā an unsolicited hand was a volcanic trigger , the flick of a switch from reasonable to feral . striker cannon could take a hit , that much was true from the mottling of purples , yellows and blues beneath hand-me-down clothing . muscle memory curled his fingertips into a fist ; fingers darted like the tongue of an amphibian after a fly to grasp the fabric of ianās shirt , tugging him up and close , the only escape being tearing himself free from cowboy-caught cotton .Ā ā you dare lay a fuckinā finger on me . your son is better off without a varmint like you . sling your fuckinā hook , buddy , or iāll show you first hand whoās top dogĀ āround these parts . this town aināt big enough for the two of us ,Ā ā no longer did ian resemble nicoās father ; those unfamiliar features had moulded into those of his own , the man who had bought three boys into a world systemically against them , the bottom of the pile with broken rungs swinging above . instead of a man trying to protect both his honour and his son striker saw a father with flame behind his eyes , the same flame that had torn hair from roots , that had struck the cheek of both himself and his mother with merciless force , the same flame passed down to his own whiskey gaze ; hereditary evil . knuckles bloomed bone-white , clasped at the antagonistās throat , fingers full of material that likely cost more than his , mickeyās and lanceās wardrobes combined .Ā beloved . striker would vehemently argue that him and mona were friends , that companions of ten years would inevitably cross such lines as they had ; friends sported their names , etched in permanent ink , over their hearts , right ?? the more he stood , the focus of a raging bull caught like a crosshair at the bridge of ianās nose , the more he wondered whether he was angry the man was coming for his throat or monaās .Ā ā ā you keep her name out your fuckinā mouth . she trusted me to come get nico ā not you , not one of yer pearl-wearinā friends neither ā me . iām there for that boy more than you ever were ,Ā ā low blows , strikes below the belt , flaming arrows pulled back and aimed at the heart ,Ā ā whatever youāre thinkinā is gonna happen here , you really reckon youāre gonna get your boyās respect by hittinā me ?? go on . showĀ āim what a gentleman you really are .Ā āĀ
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā forĀ aĀ moment,Ā allĀ ianĀ canĀ doĀ isĀ chuckleĀ ā Ā itāsĀ voidĀ ofĀ allĀ humor,Ā strained,Ā simplyĀ theĀ onlyĀ reactionĀ heĀ canĀ rationalizeĀ withĀ howĀ laughablyĀ surrealĀ thisĀ entireĀ situationĀ is.Ā ianāsĀ notĀ violent,Ā itāsĀ neverĀ beenĀ inĀ hisĀ nature;Ā callousĀ andĀ detached,Ā yes,Ā butĀ neverĀ toĀ theĀ pointĀ ofĀ throwingĀ blows.Ā andĀ strikerĀ makesĀ itĀ temptingĀ toĀ shatterĀ thatĀ codeĀ ofĀ honor,Ā especiallyĀ whenĀ dirtyĀ handsĀ gripĀ atĀ freshlyĀ pressedĀ linen,Ā butĀ onceĀ heĀ takesĀ severalĀ deepĀ breaths,Ā heĀ acknowledgesĀ hisĀ universalĀ truth:Ā thisĀ manĀ isĀ notĀ worthĀ it.Ā notĀ worthĀ upsettingĀ nico,Ā notĀ worthĀ theĀ damageĀ thatĀ couldĀ unravelĀ inĀ court,Ā notĀ worthĀ givingĀ monaĀ anyĀ ammunitionĀ inĀ theirĀ constantĀ warĀ withĀ oneĀ another.Ā heĀ tugsĀ himselfĀ sharplyĀ outĀ ofĀ strikerāsĀ grasp,Ā shouldersĀ squaredĀ andĀ eyesĀ narrowed.Ā āandĀ whatāsĀ theĀ alternativeĀ forĀ myĀ son?Ā becauseĀ youĀ fuckingĀ knowĀ soĀ much,Ā correct?Ā monaĀ alsoĀ trustedĀ youĀ toĀ giveĀ herĀ aĀ carĀ soĀ sheĀ couldĀ runawayĀ withĀ myĀ kid,Ā andĀ thatĀ doesnātĀ strikeĀ youĀ asĀ aĀ bit,Ā iĀ donātĀ know,Ā batshit?āĀ ofĀ courseĀ itĀ wouldnāt,Ā notĀ toĀ strikerĀ āĀ heādĀ encourageĀ theĀ worstĀ inĀ herĀ whileĀ believingĀ heĀ wasĀ liberatingĀ her,Ā willingĀ toĀ romanticizeĀ chaosĀ insteadĀ ofĀ acknowledgingĀ thatĀ sheāsĀ aĀ parentĀ withĀ responsibilities;Ā bothĀ ofĀ themĀ hadĀ longĀ lostĀ theĀ rightĀ toĀ frivolouslyĀ fuckĀ aroundĀ withĀ littleĀ thoughtĀ toĀ consequence.Ā thisĀ unyieldingĀ factĀ isĀ whatĀ centersĀ ian,Ā compellingĀ himĀ toĀ stepĀ backwardsĀ andĀ acceptĀ theĀ notionĀ thatĀ heĀ canātĀ doĀ shitĀ likeĀ this.Ā strikerĀ canĀ swingĀ andĀ spitĀ andĀ causeĀ aĀ ruckusĀ withoutĀ worryingĀ whetherĀ orĀ notĀ itāllĀ getĀ protectiveĀ servicesĀ called;Ā thatāsĀ aĀ luxuryĀ thatāsĀ outĀ ofĀ ianāsĀ reach.Ā āno,Ā youāreĀ not,āĀ ianĀ seethes,Ā thoughĀ pointedlyĀ keepsĀ hisĀ distance,Ā āyouĀ pickedĀ himĀ upĀ fromĀ oneĀ fuckināĀ game?Ā cool,Ā striker,Ā iāmĀ takingĀ himĀ toĀ theĀ dentistĀ tomorrow.Ā iāmĀ doingĀ hisĀ laundry.Ā iāmĀ checkingĀ overĀ hisĀ homework,Ā gettingĀ himĀ toĀ school,Ā beingĀ aĀ goddamnĀ fatherĀ everyĀ singleĀ nightĀ becauseĀ hisĀ motherĀ canātĀ keepĀ herĀ shitĀ together.Ā youĀ thinkĀ thisĀ isĀ fuckingĀ funĀ forĀ me?āĀ whileĀ hideousĀ circumstancesĀ rippedĀ awayĀ anyĀ romanticĀ possibility,Ā thereāsĀ somewhereĀ deepĀ inĀ ianāsĀ cavernousĀ chestĀ thatĀ compelsĀ himĀ toĀ understandĀ thatĀ heĀ doesĀ loveĀ mona,Ā enoughĀ toĀ wantĀ betterĀ forĀ herĀ andĀ herĀ futureĀ withĀ nico.Ā heādĀ neverĀ acknowledgeĀ it,Ā butĀ heāsĀ quietlyĀ surmisedĀ thatĀ strikerĀ willĀ onlyĀ everĀ hinderĀ hisĀ family.Ā heĀ swallowsĀ hard,Ā repulsedĀ byĀ theĀ sight ofĀ him,Ā āyouĀ stayĀ awayĀ fromĀ nico.Ā iĀ donātĀ careĀ whatĀ theĀ fuck Ā youĀ doĀ withĀ mona,Ā butĀ iĀ neverĀ wantĀ youĀ nearĀ myĀ sonĀ again.Ā heĀ canĀ hateĀ meĀ forĀ itĀ allĀ heĀ wants,Ā andĀ iĀ betĀ youāllĀ makeĀ herĀ hateĀ meĀ forĀ it,Ā too,Ā butĀ youĀ donātĀ giveĀ aĀ fuckĀ aboutĀ whatĀ itĀ takesĀ toĀ beĀ aĀ parentĀ āĀ hell,Ā toĀ beĀ aĀ functioningĀ adult.Ā youĀ hissĀ andĀ snarlĀ andĀ pissĀ onĀ yourĀ territory,Ā butĀ whatĀ theĀ fuckĀ doesĀ thatĀ evenĀ mean?āĀ hisĀ handsĀ feelĀ hot,Ā likeĀ theyāreĀ supposedĀ toĀ collideĀ withĀ strikerāsĀ jaw,Ā butĀ heĀ wonātĀ succumb,Ā notĀ now.Ā ādoĀ whatĀ youĀ wantĀ withĀ mona,Ā butĀ myĀ sonĀ staysĀ outĀ ofĀ it.Ā isĀ thatĀ understood,Ā cowboy?ā