California Facts I Just Made Up

WE'RE FRANCHISING NOW BAYBEEE

[califactsijustmadeup]

So're we goin' to In N Out after the nightly Tim Cappello concert at the beach er wuuuut?

[califactsijustmadeup]

My dad used to drive us past the Scientology building on our way to and from the LA Auto Show every year and since you couldn't see the big ol SCIENTOLOGY sign from the ground level/outside the courtyard I would just see the outer wall and thought it was some sort of periwinkle prison.

[califactsijustmadeup]

Cali Fact #525:

The only reason the Winchester mansion is so difficult to navigate is because the staff are always misplacing the armor, sword, helmet, and shield keys. Other than that it's a pretty sweet home.

[califactsijustmadeup]

One might leave California but inevitably we're all drawn back to the golden state. This is because californians are eventually harvested and refined in the Santa Paula Oil Museum.

[califactsijustmadeup]

San Francisco Fact #49:

Lombard Street is used in the late evening as a shortcut by tofu delivery drivers to see who's the fastest in town.

[psych-is-the-name]

What monster covers a painted lady house in landlord white?!

I dont even want to imagine the horrors they did to the interior

[niavirrivain]

Okay, so, I'm not sure what the complaint here is, personally - I am confident it could be improved with more varied whites, but I also quite like the look as is.

As such, I desire elaboration on the issue.

[psych-is-the-name]

this is the rest of the street

[califactsijustmadeup]

If you stand at the edge of the cliff at night and wait, you can hear voices from the ruins of the Sutro Bath Houses wailing about how soapy and clean they are

[califactsijustmadeup]

Bay Area atheists have decided to adopt the Flying Garlic Noodle Monster as their official parody of a religious deity.

The only god that pairs perfectly with some buttery crab

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Hear that?

That scratching?

The scratching inside your walls?

The chittering noises?

That's the sound of transplants stealing jobs from your raccoons.

[califactsijustmadeup]

I'M IN YOUR FUCKING BLOG

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Local supervillain The Mudpuddler has once again freed the butterflies from the science center and ordered them to eat all the carrion in town.

Why is she considered a villain again?

[nemospecific]

Because those butterflies are fuuuuucked.

There's not enough carrion to support them all, a ton of them are not native to the pnw so they'll either die or become an invasive species, and now a bunch of school field trips are canceled

Also, the Mudpuddler killed three people in the course of releasing them this time.

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

She put the fires out.

[califactsijustmadeup]

SHE MADE THEM WORSE

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

For eons the I5 Union Street exit has been used as a rite of passage. To those who are worthy, it is a gentle curve with a stoplight at the end and the good driver is granted their first spear and allowed to join the elders on the next mastodon hunt. HOWEVER, if the Union St exit deems a driver to be unworthy, it will spit their car into the nearest concrete beam. The driver is then stripped of their honor & exiled from Seattle.

[califactsijustmadeup]

Lombard Street has also been used for millions of years to test young hunters. If they make it through all eight hairpin turns they're given their first stone hatchet and an invitation to the next sabertooth hunt.

(it's really only used as such because at least a dozen young hunters always insist on taking the challenge at the same time because OoOhHh lOoK aT tHe PrEtTy FlOwErS!!!)

[femmenietzsche]

When it comes to founding early civilizations, I can’t recommend fertile river valleys highly enough

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#thats why this video is sponored by floodplain. from agriculture to rudimentary civil engineering#floodplains are the perfect all-in-one platform for building a beautiful long-term human settlement#the basic tier is completely free#or you can use my code ‘Ohio’ for 20% off the written language bundle 

@pathetic-gamer is the funniest person on the planet

[califactsijustmadeup]

C'mon man, can ya spare some moisture? Anything helps, god bless

[rna-world]

I fucking hate seattle man. the liberals have built a living superstructure that towers over the city and covers the sky in rain and fog. I'm fuckin moving to the countryside

[polarseven]

Look just because YOU can't handle the colossal superstructure that governs the weather and our lives doesn't give you the right to speak poorly of seattle. It's not the superstructure's fault you don't appreciate it's indifferent but seemingly malevolent mechanisms that cause the fog of the weather and the mind. If you want to move out so badly you would've done so by now. If I hear you say "I forgot" like everyone else who says they want to move away I'm gonna blow a gasket.

[kandrakelsier]

@seattlefactsijustmadeup

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Listen bud, why dontcha make like all the other tough guys and become a transplant to Texas and then see how you enjoy the DFW hypercube? Have fun commuting in four dimensions pal!

[inthewind505]

Everyone thinks they’ll love living in the countryside until they move to the country side. It isn’t for the weak.

Seattle for all its hustle is probably one of the most beautiful cities o have ever experienced.

[califactsijustmadeup]

Don't get me STARTED on what a hassle it is driving down the grapevine, getting tangled in a quantum tumbleweed that rolled into the road, and getting stuck in a time loop

[califactsijustmadeup]

*goes blind into a movie set in a semi rural town with a generic cube shaped industrial building downtown with CHURCH painted on it* Well jeepers I wonder if this is gonna be set in- "My name is Main Character and I live in a small town in california"

[califactsijustmadeup]

Living in California you will inevitably hear spooky stories about the numerous cryptids rumored to roam the southwestern tip of the United States. Fret not, for there's no such thing as El Chupacabra or Chivo Man or Danzig or Fresno Nightcrawlers or the Lone Pine Devil.

[califactsijustmadeup]

Toluca Lake is a part of Los Angeles and there's an underground gas fire in Fillmore.

So THAT's why I'm often found shambling through the fog and have a metal pyramid fused to my head!

[califactsijustmadeup]

The official passtime of rural SoCal children is the time honored tradition of whipping your friends with deergrass while they're not looking.