100% True Facts About Seattle

Facts posted here are not meant to be taken seriously. Any resemblance to real facts, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Seattle Fact #2:

The Seattle Freeze is rules 1-37 onboard the light rail

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Who's got two fins and is finally making it out to Pride for the first time since last decade? THIS FISH!

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SHOUT OUT TO THE PERSON AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PARADE ROUTE WITH THE CASEOH FLAG CAPE

FUCKING MAJESTIC

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Bigfoot is real and he can never go back to Miami-Dade county..........

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Who's got two fins and is finally making it out to Pride for the first time since last decade? THIS FISH!

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Bigfoot is real and he was a roadie for Willie Dunn back in '85.

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CLOWN BAND! CLOWN BAND! CLOWN BAND!

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A good litmus test for when summer's begun in Seattle is to wait and see when the californians start barrel riding on waves of soupy air while Pipeline plays from somewhere in the distance (the Agent Orange version obviously)

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Forgot the visual reference of myself surfing on some swamp-air (0.35 seconds before being devoured by a suburban air orca)

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

A good litmus test for when summer's begun in Seattle is to wait and see when the californians start barrel riding on waves of soupy air while Pipeline plays from somewhere in the distance (the Agent Orange version obviously)

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Seattle Fact #9,151,967:

Within King County limits you may challenge your landlord to Pon Farr to get your security deposit back.

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While driving along Route 522 this June do not forget to welcome the warboys home from UW. Just a few more credits left until they get their bachelors' in pillaging

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Seattle Fact #250

Seattle's latest goofyhyukhyuk despot Aurelian Quisquiliarum has ordered the drainage of Lake Union so the bottom can be painted sapphire blue, that way Lake Union will be "way prettier than stupid old Cabin Lake". Experts say this will definitely not end with Lake Union becoming emerald green like our city's lovely nickname.

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If you're ever out and about in Seattle and see what can only be described as Frank Sidebottom combined with a deep one...leave me alone bc I'm doing a journalism.

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TAD are prominently featured in the soundtrack to 1994's Brainscan.

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I dun' WANNA come up with funnyhahas today

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Plans to convert the I5 Union St exit into a lazy river ride have gone poorly as an unfortunate number of pool goers simply refuse to follow the rules RE: speed limits and keep on lightly bumping into the wall at a reckless 1.2 miles per hour. SLOW DOWN YA MANIACS!

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Seattle Fact #17:

Every day Seattle is burned by the woke mob all the way to the foundations of Old Seattle and every morning it is inexplicably repaired as if the daily siege were just a rural myth. At the time of writing this post we're burnt down to somewhere between Topside Seattle and Old Seattle. I better go check the convenience store for Fudge Rounds before the street collapses beneath me again.

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

#mama fox news behind you

well who the hell invited her?

[fearecia]

So, wait. You're telling me that Seattle has been in a time loop for goodness knows how long? And I'm literally just across the sound and still having to go to work every day? What nonsense is this?!? LET ME IN!

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Well...I mean...YEAH. Why else do you think people act surprised every time it starts to rain...in SEATTLE. Or whenever the sun is over...SEATTLE. It's the first time every time

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I've never seen the Belltown Hellcat and BowieKnife99 in a room together at the same time.

Just saying.

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

Seattle Fact #17:

Every day Seattle is burned by the woke mob all the way to the foundations of Old Seattle and every morning it is inexplicably repaired as if the daily siege were just a rural myth. At the time of writing this post we're burnt down to somewhere between Topside Seattle and Old Seattle. I better go check the convenience store for Fudge Rounds before the street collapses beneath me again.

[seattlefactsijustmadeup]

#mama fox news behind you

well who the hell invited her?