This Thing I Wrote For A Poetry Slam When I Was Mad and Had A Lot of Feelings
I think it’s funny, how the ones who weren’t even yours to hurt you
Always seem to wind up doing the most damage.
It’s funny so long as it isn’t happening to me.
I can always look someone else in the eye, if not my own mirror,
And say “You dumbass, and you were holding out on that idiot WHY…?”
And shake my own head, and wonder how on Earth they ever managed to become so blinded By stupidity.
“But I think I love him”, they say.
Followed by“I thought I could change him” and “I thought he wanted me”.
Even though we all know, deep down,
That Romeo isn’t up crying into a stuffed moose at 3 am
Wondering why he didn’t get a call asking about his day
Or yellow roses brought to his front door, as promised.
We all know that Romeo isn’t sitting barefoot on the couch
Watching ‘I Love Lucy’ re-runs with Ben&Jerry his only companions for the night,
Going over every possible scenario in his frazzled mind
As to why “The Question” hasn’t been popped yet.
We all know Romeo isn’t constantly checking his phone
Waiting with his eyes locked for the one he’s fallen so hard for
To send him a “I’ll pick you up in an hour. Wear a dress” text,
Instead of a stupid emoji, and a “What’s up, girl. You down to fuck?”
And we all know Romeo isn’t staring wide eyed at his ceiling late at night,
With Maybelline smudged under his eyes missing that special someone,
Longing for their presence just to be held when he cries,
Though he knows, deep down, his feelings are a wasted effort.
His special someone isn’t up, staring at their own ceiling wishing to be held,
Because God knows they wouldn’t think to shed a tear over you.
Maybe Romeo is just afraid of falling for a girl like you.
Maybe he’s just a clueless wonder
Who takes kissy-faced emojis and half-hearted emotion as genuine romance.
Maybe he doesn’t understand that dancing in the rain
And being taken out to dinner like an actual lady
Don’t have to be left for the Hallmark channel.
Maybe he doesn’t quite get it; he wants to be with you,
Yet he’s afraid, despite all your point blank hints.
He knows he wants you, and he thinks he might want to be with you.
Yet, something seems to be dragging him back, but he doesn’t want someone else to claim you either.
Or, maybe Romeo is just a stupid prick who wants to get in your pants.
And he knows just how to play you like a harp.
“You’re beautiful”, he’ll tell you, followed by some corny bullshit about the way you smile
And the way your eyes just sparkle in the sun.
Or, he’ll play the I-Just-Want-To-Get-To-Know-You card,
Or the I-Know-You’ve-Been-Hurt-In-The-Past, But-You-Can-Trust-Me,
And swear up and down that he “just isn’t like every other guy”.
As a girl, with fragile girl self esteem, you’ll open your heart up to this guy
Because he said all the right things.
He made you feel important, desired, and cared about.
Pretty soon, you two go for a roll in the sack,
He wakes up in the morning, tells you how amazing you are and how beautiful you look without makeup
And kisses you on the forehead before leaving because you both have stank breath.
And at that moment, you just feel so important,
And you’re so sure that, whatever ‘this’ is,
Just HAS to work out now that the two of you just shared that moment.
But Romeo got what he sought after.
He goes days without a word to you,
If he so happens to see you out and about, he pretends that nothing happened
And ignores the crushed expression on your face when you beg him
To explain to you why he’s acting so weird.
Why hasn’t he made things official yet?
Aren’t you good enough for him and why can’t he claim you in public?
He’s told his friends about you, right?
And you know, in the back of your mind,
That he’ll come swooping on back in when he decides he wants more.
Enter stage right the stupid emoji texts,
The half-assed compliments and the profound ascertation that the ONE reason why things between the two of you went astray
Is because you’re just another “crazy female” and all the lovey-dovey shit he spewed from his mouth was nothing more than figments of your own wild imagination, and really didn’t mean all that you took it to mean.
Yet, as girls, with fragile girl self esteem,
We keep going back, keep holding on to a glimmer of hope
That things aren’t always doomed to end up the same, and that you, as a person, might be worth just a little bit more than to have your feelings played with.
And someday, all those boys who recklessly toyed with your feelings are going to find
That the time has come to be a man and settle down,
And when they come to stand in front of the door you locked them out of
And the heart you scratched their name from,
While they’re slumped over at your knees,
Begging you to “Baby Please” see reason, and let them back inside, (pause)
Boy, I built my walls so high, you’ll never climb back in.
And I stopped settling a long, long time ago.
