callme-biles

Taylor. Female. 27. Gemini. Melancholic. INFP. Slytherin.

[pastelpiggielol]

[callme-biles]

what the hell am i doing here again????

[hilarioushumorfromouterspace]

[tiktokarchive]

[yenvengerberg]

#actual sunshine

[makingfunoftwilight]

Rosalie thinking: I am going to get my revenge on all of those men who left me in the street to die. I’ll leave my husband last so he’ll know I’m coming to rip him apart. He’ll be so afraid and screaming in agony as he watches me rip his insides, this is going to be so great. Edward reading Rosalie’s mind:

[ziraseal]

Rosalie thinking: and I’ll do it in my wedding dress just for the drama of it all 

Edward: 

[harrypottersource]

The house of Godric Gryffindor has commanded the respect of the Wizard World for nearly ten centuries. I will not have you, in the course of a single evening, besmirching that name by behaving like a babbling, bumbling band of baboons.

[pleasetrysomethingelse]

It’s important you all see this. Careful. Not sure how many people were hurt here.

(Caution: violence.)

[someoneidontknow]

[pasdecoeur]

all fanfiction is funnier and sexier and vastly better-written when you read it at three in the morning, in the dark, lying on your side, tucked into bed, with screen rotate turned off. that’s just how it works. that’s just facts.

[nerdygaymormon]

[unclejarin]

[mingrose]

Night at the Museum 3 - We have dinner once a year and talk about it.

[rabbiaharon]

Oi

[dajo42]

a muggleborn student coming to hogwarts with a thermos flask and filling it with tea in the morning so it stays hot all day and their pureblood friends are like “whoa what spell did you use for that” and they’re like “?????? it’s just a thermos???” and all the pureblood students start pointing their wands at cups and saying “THERMOS”

[colorfuloddity]

THERMOS

[athenavine]

plot twist: it works, mugs suddenly start keeping tea at the perfect temperature for the caster all day. students in muggle studies start experimenting with other muggle jargon and a new generation of magic spells are born, propelling the stagnated wizard community into the technological age

[susiephone]

*points wand at book* KINDLE!!!! *book propels itself into fireplace and bursts into flames* I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP

[bisaster-energy]

I don’t believe it. I found the post.

[kyraneko]

“YEET” is like Wingardium Leviosa crossed with Locomotor crossed with Expelliarmus and it’s the best spell ever.

[snugglebearinc]

[naamahdarling]

I’m losing my fucking mind.

[kittykat8311]

oh my god

[cryptid-sighting]

my favorite part is that the guys just go along with it in spite of confusion/misgivings because they don’t want to miss out on stickers.

[signherepleased]

My favorite post

[pressxtodavid]

“It’s a bit annoying sometimes but she call us handsome when we do and I don’t hear that very often” OH MY GOD

[riahchan]

the hero we need

[penny-anna]

Geralt meets Jaskier and is like *sniff sniff* ‘yeah this guy’s part elf, I’m not going to comment on this because it’s a very personal thing to bring up in mixed company and also none of my business’ & never once questions that Jaskier knows this bcos like, that’s the kind of thing people know about themselves, right? and it’s a touchy sort of subject so it’s understandable that Jaskier doesn’t really talk about it, w/e

& then years later Yennefer comments on how improbably youthful Jaskier is and Geralt’s like ‘yeah he’s part elf’ (cause like, we’re all ambiguously-human friends here, nbd)

but Jaskier is like ‘what the fuck? are you talking about?? no I’m not???’ and Geralt is like ‘…..fuck.’

[penny-anna]

Geralt: never mind

Jaskier: no, what are you talking about? what made you think that??

Geralt: I thought you knew.

Jaskier: what do you mean, you thought I knew??

Jaskier: listen, I know the names of all my family going back to my great-great-great-great grandparents, and none of them were elves? 

Geralt: ….well. one of them’s lying.

Jaskier: I don’t like what you’re implying

Geralt: I’m not implying anything

Jaskier: yes, you are? you’re implying that one of my ancestors committed adultery with an elf? which is patently absurd?

Geralt: are you on speaking terms with your parents at the moment

Jaskier: what does that have to do with anything

Geralt: it’s just I don’t know if you should hear this from me

Jaskier: well, I AM hearing it from you, aren’t I????

Geralt: I shouldn’t have brought it up. I thought you knew.

Jaskier: where are you even getting this from? oh, what can you just, sense that somebody’s part elf with your magic witcher powers?

Geralt: …………….

Jaskier: ………………………… *entire sense of identity crumbling* fuck

[hellenhighwater]

Jasker: do you have ANY IDEA how much money I have spent on skin care products over the years???? FOR NO REASON, APPARENTLY???

[queerticulate]

I just love the idea of jaskier later finding out that his grandmother was just as much of a slut and he is and she had a string of lovers and nobody really knew who fathered her children so for convenience sake they were all just ascribed to jaskier’s grandfather and considered legitimate

[penny-anna]

Jaskier: so I found out why nobody told me I’m part elf

Yennefer: oh?

Jaskier: it turns out my grandmother fucked so many people that the paternity of all of her children is up for debate

Jaskier: so they just sort of had to guess which of them were the half elves and in my mother’s case, they were wrong.

Yennefer: that’s hilarious

Geralt: I’m starting to see where you get it from

Jaskier: quite

Jaskier: anyway my mother says please will you come and smell everyone else on her side of the family just in case

Geralt: …hm

[heroofthreefaces]

he’s a mercenary innee

how much is she offering

[dechart]

this is GOLD

[ohblessit]

toss a coin to your ancestry.com witcher

[thylaas]

[astroanthropologist]

Laughing my ass off at your tags

[embroideredcupcake]

omg cece your tags

“ #sometimes the universe puts two people together for love or for greatness or to better each other or w/e #and sometimes its just because its really really funny #and thats how you get jim and bones #star trek “

[lightfromthelostland]

This is the best thing about them though! And that dynamic never changes and it is fantastic. Bones should be the responsible one, because he’s gotta be, logically, like five years older than literally everyone else on that ship, minimum, but no! He refuses! He did the respectable job, married man, good dad (maybe, does Joanna exist in AOS?) thing and it exploded in his face. So now he’s drunk a lot of the time and he’s running around space (which he hates) with his dumbass best friend who is somehow in charge of a whole space ship?!? It’s crewed by children! His second in command literally tried to kill him the day they met! Bones emphatically does not care. This is not his problem and he refuses to let Jim make it his problem. If they are bleeding, Bones will deal with it. Otherwise, handle your own issues, children.